T: I have been writing a lot lately, guess that's what happens when you don't write for weeks. The ideas are just flowing out of my brain, but enough of my mad rambling, here is the next chapter.
ALL HAIL THE DARK CHICKEN GODS!!
"No Choco! Don't do this, it's not like you!"
"Please spare us!"
"The Dark Chicken gods will resurrect me and I shall become more powerful than you can imagine."
"Please! Not the hair!"
"SILENCETH!!" Choco had finally succeeded in trapping his 'masters' and had tied them up to a crane that was above a pool of ravenous tuna fish. These fish hadn't been fed since they were born.
Choco looked at the site that was once Destiny Islands, the entire city was covered in flames. He smiled as he saw his army hunting down the survivors and disposing of them, Kairi had helped co-ordinate the attack on the pathetic city. She returned and stood by her masters side.
"Kairi, don't listen to him!" Elena begged Kairi to come to her senses.
"Nice try Elena, butth she is nowth under my controleth. Nothing can bringeth her back!"
"You demon!" Rude yelled as best he could.
"Ha! Well anyway, enough of this who-ha. Farewell everyone, thanks for raising me!" Choco then pulled the lever for the crane to drop the Turks into the pit of the ravenous fish.
"AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Were their last words as the tuna fish happily ate them quickly. The sounds were unpleasant to hear, bones being crushed, flesh being torn off.
Choco looked down at the pool of man eating fish as he smiled evilly, the water turned red as clothing and flesh floated in the pool. He then started to laugh evilly, cocking his head backwards, the universe would fall.
Choco's laughing could be heard throughout the whole house, he was having a dream of world domination, again. Tseng was trying to ignore the mad laughter, but it was too early in the morning to be putting up with Choco's hysterical laughter. He then went downstairs as quiet as he could, he reached Choco's pen and happily slapped him around the beak.
"Ow! Who ruinseth my beautiful sleepeth!?" Choco saw Tseng standing looking groggy.
"Do you mind? We're trying to get to sleep." Tseng then left hitting several objects on the way out.
Choco couldn't stand living with these people for another day, he had to escape, but it wouldn't be easy. He would need to wait for the opportune moment, it would all depend on whether or not the Turks got a job today. If he could convince them all to go, there would only be Kairi left to guard the house, then he could convince her to join him and help rule the world. Choco could envision it just like in his dreams, he and his brethren uprising and claiming their revenge on everyone who played Final Fantasy.
They would seek out all who made them undergo the evil mini-games which involved them doing various stupid things, FF7: Racing to get a gold Chocobo, FF8: Being used as slaves, FF9: Reduced to finding treasures and then there was FF10: Training a Chocobo to become the worst sort of slave imaginable.
Sooneth, world, soon!
Morning had come, the Turks would have gotten a better nights sleep if it wasn't for a certain Chocobo laughing like the maniac he was. They did the usual things in the morning, prepare breakfast, eat breakfast, Reno would sacrifice a chicken to the dark chicken gods, Rude brushing his 'invisible' hair which left a lot of scratches on his bald head, Kairi was watching some more cartoon shows and Tseng was reading the newspaper, Elena was applying her make-up and other such girl things.
Choco phased through the floor with a giant grin plastered on his face, he was trying to hide the fact that he was going to stage a cunning plan.
"Good morningth everyone!" He spoke in a really happy tone which wasn't like him at all.
Everyone par Kairi who was too busy watching the teletubies being hunted down by a random Velociraptor, another glorious victory over the idiotic pointless shows, had turned around to look at their happy peaceful friend who was more likely to pull out a mini-gun to shoot up everything in site.
"Why are you so happy?" Reno who had just finished sacrificing a chicken asked his arch-nemesis.
"I've decided to give up my world domination plans and have decided to look after the house with you's." Choco hadn't broken his stupid grin.
"That's nice of you, but how do we know you aren't hiding a mini-gun under those wings of yours?" Tseng was looking at both of Choco's wings.
"Liketh I said, I have given up my evil ways." Oh godeth I can't believe I am reducing myself to this...
"Well if you want to make yourself useful then-"
Suddenly the chimes rang, telling everyone that a customer had walked into the house, he wore blue robes which had at the bottom a strange pattern to them. He had a green waist cloth, by the looks of it, around his waist, his robe was open a bit revealing his chest which had two tattoos on. He had long blue nails, and a tattoo on his forehead which covered the forehead with two lines going down past his eyes, the most striking feature however was his hair. It was blue and split off into two spikes, with a bit coming forward, this must have required a lot of hair gel.
"Hello good people, may you be the Turks?" He spoke in a rather weird voice which would have resulted in Reno yelling 'queer' but due to his sacrifice, was able to control himself.
"Yes, and you are?"
"I am Seymour Guado." At this a thousand FF10 fans screamed at the top of their lungs in pure terror and annoyance.
"Well Mr Guado, what can we do for you today?" Tseng replied hoping to get some business today.
"Yes you see I need to get to the Zanarkand ruins and become one with SIN! Then all shall perish, you will be free from life!!" Seymour's voice had dropped to a more decent to listen too evil villain voice.
Everyone was staring at Seymour, he was now holding his hand in a crushing motion, he looked scary and ready to kill. Well, at least he would have, but thanks to Choco who pulled out a random missile launcher, blew Seymour to tiny bits.
"I WILL RETURN! I ALWAYS BLOODY DO!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Seymour was dead (again...) but as usual, he will return due to his annoyingness.
"Well thanks to Choco, we stopped a villain and lost a job, now what?" Tseng replied while looking at the remains of Seymour.
Then another customer had walked into the house, it was more like three young woman, at this Reno and Rude's jaws dropped and starred at their beauty. One was wearing a revealing white top with a strange looking 'J' and had the worlds longest pony tail, the other one looked half way to dead, she wore black top, gloves, boots and shorts, the last was wearing near to nothing, only a bikini and shorts with strange looking gloves that went up her arms, she also possessed a lot of hair.
"Are you the Turks?" The one with the long pony tail spoke.
"Yes...?"
"We need a job done." The bikini wearer spoke.
"If it's making love to you, HELL YES!!" Reno exclaimed staring at the blonde haired biking wearer.
"..." Was her reply.
"Ignore the fool, yes we are." Tseng said trying not to lose any more customers to either Choco's evilness or Reno being a moronic moogle.
"Well, we need you to help us find a sphere." The black wearing woman said.
"Um, okay why?"
"Our airship got shot down by a squirrel."
"...Right, er what are your names?" Rude asked.
"I'm Yuna, this is Rikku and Paine."
Choco stared at the females, he scanned their vital signs and determined that these pests could prove to be his salvation. If they needed the Turks help, he could guard the house and force Kairi to fight in his army. It was perfect, although no one knows how one can determine this by scanning one's vital signs.
"So you need us to take you there?" Tseng asked hoping today would prove to be profitable.
"Yes but we need all of you." Choco had used his mind control powers on Yuna to say what he wanted. He placed his wings on his head and gave a funny stare at her, mimicking psychic powers.
"Is it that bad to find a sphere?" Elena found it hard to believe that it would require all of the Turks to handle this.
"No it's really hazardous, you never know where that squirrel could be..." Choco was having the time of his life, he loved to mess with human minds.
Reno heard slight giggling from him Choco and turned to face him, Choco was rocking back and forth on his feet and humming the Final Fantasy theme. Reno quirked an eyebrow at him before turning back to look at Rikku's highly revealing body. When Choco sensed there was no one looking, he assumed the mind control position and look and continued to tamper with their minds.
"...Okay. So how much are you willing to pay us?" Tseng wanted a nice sum of money for this.
"We'll pay you with our bodies." Rikku and Paine looked at Yuna with a worried look. Choco on the other was having a hard time controlling his laughter.
"Let me say it Yunie. Like she was saying we'll pay in hot mad sex!" Choco was snorting at this, this was absolutely fantastic.
"SWEET!!" Reno and Rude high fived each other, at last they would get laid. Tseng was getting worried about the behaviour of these three women, he decided after much thought that they would help, but they must be paid in munny.
"All right Choco, we are, for some reason, leaving you in charge. Keep Kairi safe, and don't try to free the slaves!" Tseng was pointing at Choco, he knew what he was like when he was alone.
"Do not worryeth at all. The girl and the houseth are safeth with me." Choco stood in a soldier stance.
Tseng patted Choco on the beak before climbing on board their gummi ship, the Turkmobile, Tseng regretted letting Reno call dibs on the naming of their ship. It then after several attempts to start, kicked in and flew off into space, Choco was dancing on the spot saying 'yes yes YES!' a lot. After years of effort, he finally was rid of the cursed Turks, he then pulled out a small device labelled 'The explosive fairy bomb'.
"Hehehe! EAT THIS CHICKEN WORSHIPPERS!" Choco pressed the big shiny red button which resulted in the ship exploding in a huge ball of pixie dust.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAA!" Choco started to run around the field laughing like a psycho. He eventually ran into a randomly placed lamppost.
After several minutes he went back in the house stealthily, he tip toed on his wings and feet in a rather stupid manner. Kairi was happily watching as Tinky-Winky was running around the cursed house that once held the vile demon spawn known as the teletubbies. He ran in every direction, finding the remains of his stupid friends, he backed into a dark corner where he kept repeating.
"I can't die! What about our fans!?"
"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FANS!" Kairi wanted so much for the monster to be torn to shreds.
Then out of the shadow emerged the Jurassic Park Velociraptor, it walked slowly up to its prey before speaking in a British accent.
"Well old bean, I say that this is going to be the end of your cursed show. Mmm-yes."
The Velociraptor pounced for the teletubby as Tinky-Winky screamed at the top of his voice.
"Kill him! KILL HIM!!" Kairi was on the edge of the seat, waiting for the killing blow when all of a sudden the channel changed to an ugly news presenter. '
We interrupt the following program to bring you this latest announcement.' The TV presenter then switched to a studio labelled 'the idiotic pointless news'. The news presenter then after looking at the TV screen for 5 minutes before bursting into mad laughter.
"HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" This repeated for several hours before he spoke again.
"Oh and today a chicken was found stealing from the bank." It showed a small chicken in a black and white top with a face mask on it, it was holding a gun at the shop owner.
"Oh come on! Who cares about the news?" Kairi hated the news with a burning passion. It prevented her from seeing the demise of the last of the teletubbies.
Choco on the other hand was staring at Reno's giant chicken statue; he loathed the thing so much that he wanted to destroy it with glee. This was one of the few relics of the dark chicken gods left in the world, destroying it would reduce their power greatly. This was the perfect opportunity, he left the kitchen, walked through the back door, picked up a wheelbarrow, went back into the kitchen and placed the giant chicken statue in it. The TV had gone back to the moment where the Velociraptor was an inch from the teletubby, it resumed with a lot of screaming and blood, Kairi was grinning happily at the vile mutations demise.
Choco on the other hand was wheeling the statue to the islands tallest mountain known as Mt Tall (how original). After 3 hours of hiking, he reached the top of the mountain, which turned out to be a volcano. He then picked up the statue with ease and threw it into the burning abyss. The statue slowly melted away, Choco had succeeded today.
When Choco returned home, all of the Turks were discussing something and more importantly, they were alive! Choco couldn't be believed his eyes, they were fine, well except for Yuna, Rikku and Paine who had become fairies from the pixie dust. They all turned to face Choco, they looked quite calm.
"Hello Choco, where've you been?" Tseng asked in a casual tone.
"Um, I wenteth for a hiketh up Mt Tall, thoughteth I could use the exercise."
"Well, we found the sphere, and this strange device." Elena held up a small silver box that had blast marks on.
"What's thatth?"
"It says, pixie bomb, any ideas how it got on board?" Reno was grinning at Choco's scared expression.
"D-Don't looketh at me..." Choco had feared he had been found out.
"Well, we found a card in the machine that reads:"
'Dear Turks, by the time you read this messageth, the machineth to your left willeth let off a strange smell which will paralyse you in place. Then it will explodeth quite suddenly taking all of you witheth it. Farewell losers!
Yours sincerely
Overlord Choco
Choco had a sweat drop running down his head, he prayed to any random god that was listening to cause something random to happen, and as fortune would have it, Kairi appeared with a puzzled look on her small face.
"Uh, what's 'pornography'? And why is there tons of it in Reno's bedroom?" Choco could kiss Kairi for such an excellent distraction.
"Reno...Is this true?" Tseng was staring at Reno with a dark look on his face.
"Okay, but I didn't mean for her to find it."
"Well done Reno, if Kairi becomes a stripper now, it will be your fault." Elena was furious at Reno's stupidity.
Choco was now enjoying seeing Reno being punished for nearly warping Kairi's young innocent mind, until he saw something in the kitchen. His heart stopped beating for a second at what he saw, there in its usual spot, was the statue of the giant chicken. It was staring at him with an evil look, it had red eyes and was smiling evilly at him. Choco shivered at the statue, cursed dark chicken gods, they were mocking him.
Keep smiling you freaky chicken, just you wait.
T: There you go, another funny chapter (I hope).