Sorry for the late update, homework kills. Enjoy!
"Hey! Welcome back to Dr. Shitsuji w-" Kitsune started. She frowned as Ciel interrupted her, taking off her plastic leopard-spotted glasses and adjusting them on her head.
"Where we help solve all the Kuro cast's problems. WE GET IT ALREADY," Ciel interrupted.
"Alright, seesh shota boy. You know, your yelling and other fetishes are what got you here― in the blue chair," Kitsune replied. She yawned, stretching her arms out in her seat. "And only I am permitted to use caps locks for emphasis. Not you."
"Just continue with this show so I can get it over with," Ciel grumbled.
"Ah. So you finally admit that this is a show and it's legit?" Kitsune asked, smirking.
"..."
"I'll take that as a yes."
"Sure..."
Kitsune smiled, turning away from Ciel. "Skipping the introductions, welcome back! Today, I have a certain blue- haired shota boy who prefers pancakes instead of waffles and has the rudest-" Kitsune continued ranting on about Ciel and waffles.
"..."
"I mean, who doesn't like waffles? That's like saying you hate Sebastian-"
"Oh for the love of all things that didn't die from your raving, CONTINUE WITH THE FREAKIN SHOW!" Ciel suddenly exclaimed.
"Alright, alright. You're quite a temperamental little boy, aren't you? And what did I say about the whole caps locks thing?"
Ciel had a major eye spasm (AKA twitching his eye like there was no tomorrow) and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I- hate- you- wish- you- fell- down-"
"Uhhh, you ok, buddy?"
"Cliff- stab- stew-"
"Oi! You don't need to be so descriptive and rash," Kitsune said as Ciel continued mumbling. After a few minutes, Ciel was still venting out his anger in the most descriptive words. "Ahem. Anyways, like I was saying, we've invited Ciel and Sebastian back to stage to help Ciel with his addiction for sweets!"
"Drown- feed- whale-"
"It's an honor to be here yet again, milady," Sebastian who was sitting right next to Ciel, said. Kitsune smiled and nodded.
"Under normal circumstances we'd let this whole sweets addiction slide, but it's become too much of a problem. And so, this is what brings us here today. Ciel's fancy for sweets: an unhealthy habit or just idolatry?" Kitsune questioned. Ciel stopped babbling in his chair and quickly looked up.
"How the hell would my love for sweets be idolatry?" he snapped.
"We have enough proof," replied Kitsune holding up a CD. Ciel got up and tried to grab it, failing miserably. "Tsk, tsk. Too short shota boy," she said, shaking her head. Kitsune opened up a drawer in her magical desk of randomness, pulling out a blue popsicle. Hastily unwrapping it, she popped in her mouth and mumbled, "Fwo twagic." (So tragic)
"Give me that!" Ciel yelled. Out of nowhere, Ciel pulled out his cane and attempted to bonk Kitsune right on the head. Luckily, Sebastian caught the cane right before it was about to come in contact with the poor "psychiatrist's" head and replaced it with an empty teacup.
"It's time for your afternoon tea, my lord," the jet black- haired butler cooed. Ciel puffed his cheeks, nodding and setting the porcelain cup down. Sebastian smiled, taking a teapot filled with Earl Grey tea and pouring out the contents into the gold and silver teacup. (A/N: Wow we're just pulling so many things out of nowhere, aren't we?)
"Anyways, before we play this amazing film, I have a special announcement," said Kitsune. Opening a drawer and pulling out a piece of poster paper and a blue crayon, Kitsune jot down a series of random letters. "Everyone, please give a warm welcome to our new crowd member, Li-"
"Lizzie?" Ciel piped up.
"Zard. I meant to say that there's a lizard on the window."
"Then why did you hold out the 'I'for so long?"
"I enjoy tormenting you."
"…"
"Anyways, please welcome our newest crowd member, i'mthenewCAKEPIG!"
The red curtains hanging in the east wing of the room (A/N: Yes, they've been there since the beginning) were pulled back, revealing a smiling girl standing who was standing in the back. She briskly walked to Kitsune, waving. "Hi! It's such an honor to be here!"
"Oh, it's not a big deal," Kitsune replied, smiling. "Since you're our special guest today and forever more, you can sit in this special V.I.P. seat today," she said, pointing to a golden chair right next to Kitsune's chair. "It was specially spray-painted by yours truly." i'mthenewCAKEPIG nodded and sat down. "Hey, can I call you Pig-chan?"
"Sure. Thanks for taking the time to spray-paint this chair it's-"
"You mean Alois spray-painted that chair," Ciel piped in. "How did you get him to spray-paint it any ways? He refuses any type of work."
Kitsune moved around uncomfortably in her chair, averting her gaze to the windows where the supposed lizard was. "Oh, nothing. I just told him that he'd get to sit next to you in the crowd…every episode," she mumbled. "S-see? Not a b-big deal…"
"You. Did. What?"
"Anyways, we're running out of time. Let's play the video now!" Kitsune exclaimed, changing the subject. She got up, then sat back down. "Ughh, I don't feel like getting up."
"I'll do it!" said i'mthenewCAKEPIG. Kitsune nodded, handing her the silver CD. i'mthenewCAKEPIG got up from her specially designed VIP chair, scurrying to the giant TV. "It's the silver box, right?" she called out.
"Yeah, and then press the blue button, then the red. Wait, turn on the TV first!" Kitsune exclaimed.
At this exclamation, Ciel face palmed, mumbling to himself, "These idiots." He took another sip from his tea sighing. "How the hell did I even end up here…?"
"Bocchan, please watch your language," Sebastian reminded Ciel. He poured another cup into Ciel teacup, then sat down. "It is not proper for a noble of high status to use such vocabulary." He straightened out his attire, sitting up. "And please do not slouch, bocchan. It is a very unhealthy habit."
"Oh shut up. I have an eternity to fix up my act," Ciel retorted. Sebastian sighed.
"Don't worry, Sebastian," said Kitsune. "Once a brat, always a brat. It's kind of like me, but I'm more of a spammer. Well, at least to my friend. To annoy her, I send her spam texts that say 'This is spam' like a million times."
Meanwhile…
i'mthenewCAKEPIG did not question why there were a hundred, flashing, shiny buttons on the TV box, (This TV box is like the size of one of those big stereos. Why? I said so.) much like the inside of a spaceship in cartoons. She stood in front the giant box, concentrating on which buttons to press. Kitsune had told her the blue button, but to her inconvenience, there were about 20 of those suckers staring at her, as if saying, "Push me! No, me! Wait, me!" Pig-chan sighed. 'Wait!' she thought. 'Kitsune didn't give me any specific directions, so maybe I can press the red button first!'
She looked around, her eyes growing wide. There was a whole panel of red buttons!
…Yup…
(A/N: Okay, okay! I know what you're thinking. We haven't gotten to Ciel's sweet problems yet. Well, we're getting there…)
"And so after I sent her all of those text messages, she found me in the morning before school and attempted to beat me up!"
"You idiot."
I Think You Knew Who Those Two People Talking Were…
"Okay," said Pig-chan. I think I have it." She inhaled, inserting the CD into the slot. Closing her eyes, she began singing, "Ini mini mino mo catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go, ini mini mino mo." Pushing the randomly selected blue button, then pushing a red button that was already selected beforehand, she smiled triumphantly.
On the blue screen of the TV, a small, virtual disk appeared in the top left corner, spinning around. Finally, the disk loaded, and on the options on the main menu was shown in large, bold letters. "Finally!" exclaimed i'mthenewCAKEPIG . Turning to where Kitsune and Ciel were bickering, Pig-chan yelled, "Kitsune! I got it to start!"
Kitsune stopped lecturing Ciel on the history of spamming and yelled back, "That's great! Now can you press the play button and come back?" Pig-chan nodded, pushing the giant play button and walked back to her seat.
"And that, Ciel, is why spamming is so important."
I Think I'm Doing Too Many of These View Changes, but Who Cares…
In the crowd, Alois tapped his foot impatiently. Soon it turned to violent stomping. "Ugh! It's so boring here without Ciel!" he exclaimed.
"You tell me. Sebas-chan isn't paying any attention to me!" Grell said, crossing his arms. "This is no way to treat a lady!" he yelled.
"Wait, I think I have an idea…"
Okay, I Promise, This will be My Third-to-Last View Change…XD
Finally, the video started, and the whole room grew silent. (It wasn't hard. There were only like six people in there…) Ciel rolled his eyes, looking away. This proved to be hard when a certain line came up.
*Video*
"Sebastian, go get me some sweets," Ciel ordered. He folded his hands in his chair, setting them oh his ebony desk.
"I cannot, my lord. You must not spoil your appetite."
"Go get me some sweets."
"I cannot."
Raising his voice Ciel exclaimed, "It's an order!"
Sebastian sighed, bowing. "Yes, my lord."
*End of Video*
"What the he-" Ciel started.
"Bocchan," Sebastian interrupted.
Ciel furrowed his eyebrows, crossing his arms. "I'm sorry, what the bloody hell?" Sebastian sighed. "This happened yesterday, how the he-"
"Bocchan."
"I'm sorry. This happened yesterday, how the fucking hell did you get this?"
"Sebastian, you're making it worse," Kitsune said in a singsong voice. "Who knows," said Kitsune, shrugging. "Maybe a certain fangirl snuck into your house. With a camera." She took the blue-stained popsicle stick out of her mouth, throwing it into a random direction. "You'll never know."
"You didn't," Ciel growled. He gritted his teeth, clenching his fists as well. "You bloody didn't."
"Maybe. I. Did."
"You just signed your own death wish."
"Oh shit."
Kitsune got up, pushing her chair away. She began walking towards the exit, abruptly turning around. "I'll, uh, be right back?" She began jogging, which turned into running, which turned into a full out sprint. Ciel ran after her, cursing.
Inside the studio, yelling, taunting, and certain curse words that should not be mentioned were heard. Sebastian quickly got up after hearing Ciel yell "Sebastian!" Pig-chan sweat dropped, quickly getting up and looking towards the camera.
"U-um," she stuttered, "We'll be right back after these commercial breaks!"
*During Commercial Break*
While Kitsune, Sebastian, and Ciel are "working things out", how about a little recap of how Kitsune got the video? Shall we begin?
Inside the Phantomhive mansion owned by a certain spoiled little boy who had a hair color that was virtually impossible, a knock erupted at the front door. Sebastian, who happened to be lecturing the three idiot servants on who knows whatever, quickly cut the session short and answered the door. A certain host of a show that started with a "d" walked in, greeting Sebastian with a wave and a warm, "Hey there former butler!"
Sebastian stared at her blankly for a second, quickly regaining his calm composure and replied to Kitsune, saying, "Ah, hello lady Kitsune. Are you here to see bocchan?"
"Actually, I'm here to make a deal with you," she said, taking out a camera from her pocket. Sebastian raised his eyebrow out of curiosity. "I need you to film Ciel ordering you to get him some sweets. It's for evidence on the next episode of Dr. Shitsuji." She waved the camera around.
"Though that would prove to be entertaining, I cannot go against my master's orders," Sebastian replied.
Kitsune chuckled, folding her arms. She smiled deviously, tapping her foot. "And what exactly were his orders, Sebastian?" she questioned cleverly.
The raven-haired butler smirked, intrigued by her clever inquiry. He put the broom he was holding down, straightening out his attire. "Hm. That is true. However, I cannot. If my master were to find out, it would not be pleasant."
Kitsune let out a fake sigh, shaking her head. She put on her best sad-faced expression, putting her hand to her heart. "Oh, that's too tragic," she said. Kitsune turned around, picking up a box full of kittens. "I found these on the street, and nobody would take them. I won't be able to keep them since I have a kitten-hating dog. I guess I'll have to leave them out on the streets, where they can get eating by a pack of wolves, run over by cars, smashed by falling pianos, cat-napped by dogs and put into some weird project to turn cats into dogs, turned into zombies by weird scientists, starved to death and be forced into becoming cannibals, wander around and end up in Sea World where they would attempt to ride an orca whale, suddenly remembering that they can't breathe underwater, you know, that kind of stuff," she responded nonchalantly.
Sebastian stared at the kittens, then the camera, then the kittens. The purring little fur balls meowed at him, stretching and doing whatever kittens do that make Sebastian enchanted. Kitsune turned around to leave, bringing the box of kittens with her.
"Wait," Sebastian finally said, stopping Kitsune in her tracks.
"Yes?"
"Okay, fine. I'll do it."
"Good butler," Kitsune replied, handing the camera to him. "Now I have to get going. Take care of the kittens well, Sebastian!" She stormed out of the mansion, smiling. Sebastian held the box of kittens in his hands, marveling at their soft little paws.
Outside of the mansion, a sinister laughter was heard, followed by omeone exclaiming the words "Jackpot!"
*After Commercial Break*
Finally the camera flashed back on, revealing Kitsune and Pig-chan, who seemed to be tying up Ciel with a rope. Ciel kept resisting and kicking his legs around, making it all the more harder.
"This is preposterous!" he shouted. "Sebastian!"
"Yes, bocchan?" the butler replied.
"Are you kidding me? Get me out of here!"
Sebastian began to move his hands in the direction of the rope, but was stopped when Kitsune slapped his hands away. "Ah, ah, ah," she said waving her finger around. "Remember those dear kittens?"
Sebastian smirked, pulling his hands away Ciel looked at him like he was crazy. "What the hell are you doing, Sebastian! Get me out of here!" he yelled.
"Now bocchan, if you don't squirm so much, it won't be as painful. This is for your well-being."
"Okay, enough with the chitchat. We're going to go overtime if you keep babbling, Ciel," Kitsune cut in before Ciel could further protest. "Now, onto the talk time!"
Everyone who was standing sat down. Kitsune adjusted the fake glasses on her head, clearing her throat. "Ahem. Now Ciel, is there a reason as to why you hold sweets to your heart so dearly?"
Ciel fidgeted around in his chair, trying to gnaw the ropes off. "No," he said, giving the death glare to Kitsune.
"Then why don't you ever eat something like vegetables once in a while?"
"Yeah, haven't you ever stopped to think that you'd get fat from all of those calories?" Pig-chan added.
"Well, shota boy, have you?" Kitsune questioned.
Ciel clenched his fists, glaring at both Kitsune and Pig-chan. "Did you just call me fat?" he hissed. "Did you, fucking call me fat?"
Kitsune and Pig-chan stared at each other nervously. Ciel looked like he was about to get a bazooka and bombard a whole city.
"I s-see… H-how do you feel about that?" Kitsune said, holding up a pencil and notepad with a shaking hand.
"How do I feel about that? I fu-"
*Bleeeeeeeep*
"Mm. Hm. I see…" Kitsune said. She opened up her desk for another notepad since Ciel had already filled it up with the last comment. "Well-"
"Ciel, how could you?" exclaimed no other than Alois. He had somehow stepped onto the stage without anybody noticing, and the spotlight was on him. Literally. There was actually a huge yellow spotlight on the blonde-haired boy.
"What the heck?" Ciel remarked. "Where did the spotlight come from?"
Alois pointed to Grell, who was maneuvering the giant piece of technology. Grell waved at Sebastian, winking at the butler.
"Alois, we don't have time for this. And what happened to the lovesick puppy from two episodes ago?" Kitsune said. She threw her notepad at Alois, missing him by a foot.
"Why is the spotlight always on him?" Alois yelled.
"Oh there he goes again, just like in the last episode of Kuroshitsuji Kangaroo Court. Jesus Alois, not everything's about you," Ciel remarked, annoyed.
"But everything's about you!" Alois yelled back. "You even had a show named after you!"
"We don't have time for this. Sebastian, would you mind taking Grell and Alois away?" Kitsune interrupted. She was currently doodling a picture of Ciel making a fool of himself.
"See, even Grell's name went before mine!"
Sebastian bowed then walked towards Alois and Grell, smiling. "No need, Sebastian," said Alois, sniffling. "I'll be in my trailer if you EVER need me!" he said, running off. Sebastian picked up Grell and threw him out of the room as well. He quickly sat back down.
"Okay, anyways, from the evidence in the video, I see that Ciel can order you to do anything he wants, right Sebastian?" asked Kitsune. Sebastian nodded.
"Everyone knows that…" grumbled Ciel.
"So, even if it's not good for him, he can still request sweets and it's a must to give it to him," Kitsune clarified.
"That's what you just sa-"
"Quiet, Ciel. I think I came up with a solution." She sat there, holding her chin with her index finger and thumb. "We have to take away Sebastian." Pig-chan started laughing her ass off, almost falling out of her seat.
"What?" Ciel exclaimed, stomping his foot.
"What's the matter, Ceil?"
"You spelled my name wrong."
"Do you, perhaps, harbor feelings for Sebastian?" Kitsune whispered into his ear. Sebastian smirked, looking at his bocchan. Ciel's face turned 137 shades of red (yes, that's possible) and he quickly yelled back, "No! That's preposterous! He's just my butler…"
"So then you like Alois."
"…"
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a confession!"
Pig-chan started clapping, and a bunch of fangirls started 'awwwing.' "Hope you two will be happy!" Pig-chan joked.
"Alright, that's it for our talk time!" Kitsune called. "And now for our last ten minutes, I have a few announcements." She took out a poster paper and blue neon marker, scribbling something down on it. Holding up the paper, Kitsune smiled. "So, first of all, the current results for our Waffle vs. Pancakes Controversy! And the results are…"
Pancakes: Waffle
| : ||
:
:
"Ha! Waffles are winning by ONE!" Kitsune yelled in Ciel's face. "Keep those waffle votes coming!"
"And pancake votes…" Ciel grumbled.
"Shut up. We have no more time. And now for the intern application replies!" Kitsune took out three pieces of paper, opening them up and scanning them. "Okay, so this first one is from Kunochi-wolfDemon!" Clearing her throat, Kitsune began,
"Hi, I'm Kunochi, I specalize in staring creepily at the Kuroshitsuji characters (mainly Undertaker) biting things, getting coffees, and being an epic Ninja~ Meaning yes, I can sneak into the bathroom and Take pictures of The kuroshitsuji cast. I Hope to get to be you -insane- Helpful intern."
"Oh Jesus, not another stalker," Ciel grumbled.
"Yeah, you just keep believing you have stalkers… Anyways, that's fabulous! Creepiness is a great virtue! Not to mention that being an epic ninja is so win, especially when I'm constantly needing people to sneak out and gather evidence for my future episodes!"
"What?"
"The next one is from Pandabunny-chan. Hiiii! i'm Bella(but i prefer Bunny ^^;)! I have light brown hair in a Mello-bob-cut! i have green eyes with a black ring around the iris, but you can't see them that well because of my glasses(horrible eyesight) i'm super pale, i think i was originally made to be born a ginger... now that that's over... I prefer waffles over pancakes; and I specialise in embarrassing those who aren't nice to others(especially blue-haired shotas, those things are tiny and VICIOUS!) and doing everything others tell me to do! i like to make cakes. LOTS. of cakes... i would like to be your intern because you are super-awesome-epic-sauce-ness and i'd do anything you say! plus, the shota-thing spews lies. LIIIIIEEEEEEEEESSSSS!and he's fun to pick on :D he's a tsundere, and i know QUITE a few of them! just don't kill me i'm not really a tomato box fairy and don't kill me i'll do anything (within reason i mean) SO PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I DON'T WANNA DIIIIIEEEEEEEE!"
"…"
"Why does everyone keep thinking that I want to kill them? Moving on, marvelous! Cakes are wonderful, especially chocolate ice cream cakes! It wouldn't hurt to embarrass a certain blue-haired shota boy every once in a while. And yes, Ci- I mean that shota boy must be punished for all of his lie-spewing," Kitsune said, smirking at Ciel.
"Oh joy."
"And last but certainly not least, this intern application is from xxNeonLawlietxx! My name is Audri and I specialize in being a caterer. (totally not going to sneak around and take pictures of the kuro cast or anything, haha...) I would like to be your intern because It'll be fun to see what problems the kuroshitsuji cast needs help recovering from! ^^
"Well thank you for respecting other people's privacy."
"I hope being a caterer means free food!" Kitsune exclaimed. "Okay, so that's all the time we have! But first the pun of the day: Seven days without a pun makes one weak."
"You're retarded."
"Thanks! Bye!"
*Behind the Scenes*
"Hey Alois, here, have some cake!" Kitsune shouted outside of Alois's trailer, holding a plate of chocolate cake. "Sebastian made it."
"Go away," Alois replied through fake, dramatic sobs.
"But it's double-chocolate," Pig-chan added, eating a forkful of the thing.
Alois peeked out of the door of his trailer, looking down at the plate Kitsune was holding. Kitsune handed it to him and he quickly grabbed it, shutting the door.
"Uggh, how are we going to get him out of here?" Pig-chan asked.
"Wait, I know! Hey Alois, Ciel's in his trailer and he's going to go ask you on a date!"
Alois charged out of his room, sprinting to Ciel's trailer. "I'm coming, Ciel! He yelled from afar.
A few minutes later, Ciel was heard yelling, "Trancy, what the hell? Get off of me!"
"I'm going to have lots of fun being in the crowd next to those two shotas," Pig-chan said.
"You got that right," replied Kitsune.
Yup. Anyways, keep those votes for waffles (and pancakes XD) coming! The deadline is in, like two months or something. Oh and after a few episodes, I'll choose Kitsune's first intern! But fear not, because evryone shall have a chance to be an intern, so keep the applications coming! Thanks for reading, and I hope you review!
Until Next Time,
LuNa6780