Chapter 18

Muddled Truths and Mixed Motivations

"Hey you..." Chaz said smoothly as he slid in beside Jude on the leather seats.

"Hey." She said softly, her voice holding a surprising clarity. He looked into her eyes then, noticing the entirely too sober gaze she gave him, even in the dark recesses of the car. As they drove away, she continued to stare at him. "Why are you doing this Chaz?"

"Maybe I just want a chance to spend some time with you." She gave him a skeptical look showing him she didn't believe him for a minute.

"Why?"

"Sometimes...You can't help who you fall for." He said more seriously than she had ever heard him, repeating word for word what she had said to him when he first found out about her and Tommy and had confronted her on it. She searched his brown eyes with her own trying to find the truth of his words. She still wasn't sure when he gave a small self deprecating laugh, breaking the silence. "Okay pissing off Tommy doesn't hurt either." She believed that much about Chaz's motivation. "Hey you hungry? I know you didn't eat much at dinner." Jude frowned and thought about it. Now that her nerves had settled out of the presence of Portia, she found she was. She nodded and Chaz signaled the driver to pull over ahead.

Chaz helped Jude out of the car and they were standing at a hot dog stand, with picnic tables on the grass surrounding the parking area. White lights were strung along the trees.

"You sure know how to treat a girl." She teased.

"Hey I paid for a four star meal that you didn't even eat...And that champagne you swilled down was 250 a bottle." Jude's eyes widened.

"250?!" He chuckled at her reaction.

"You know Tommy might act like he hates being part of Boyz Attack, but he enjoys the benefits as much as the rest of us." He nodded towards her. "Like giving girls pretty things." Her hand went to the pendant, tucked underneath her dress and she frowned at him. A man pulled into the parking lot, stopping in the shadows. He had known in his gut there would be a better story if he followed them, than just getting pictures of the 2 couples double dating at a swanky restaurant.

Jude sat back on the picnic table, bare feet on the bench as Chaz ordered for her. She let the gentle breeze caress her skin and tried to enjoy the night instead of thinking about the love of her life in the arms of his wife. Chaz came up to her and handed her, her hot dog. He sat down beside her and watched her in surprise as she inhaled her food.

"Hey I've been on a bus with SME for months. I had to learn to fight for food." He laughed. "You know you're not so bad when you stop with that sleazy player act." He looked at her, not quite believing she actually had the stones to say that to him.

"You know Jude, Tommy and I really aren't that different." He could see she wanted to protest. "All I'm saying is, his past record is just as bad as mine. Ask him about Brianna some time. You're not even the first singer he's gotten involved with on this tour." He took his jacket off and put it around her shoulders as she stared into the darkness. He let Jude contemplate his words for a while before speaking again. "Jude I really like you." Jude frowned at him.

"Chaz I never thought I'd be saying this...But... I don't want to hurt you. Forget about me...I'm a lost cause."

"Hey looking after my heart is my job, not yours. Go on a date with me. You might actually like it." She shook her head and he knew she wouldn't change her mind right away. "Fine, but you still have to hang out with me." She whipped her head up ready to protest. "Portia will get suspicious if she never sees us together." There was a determined set to her jaw as she stared into his eyes sizing him up.

"I don't let anyone force me to do anything I don't want to Chaz." With that she stood up, and walked back towards the hired car, shrugging his jacket off onto the ground. He watched with admiration, as her small, finely defined frame got into the vehicle. He soon joined her and they rode in silence back to the hotel.

That's New

Tommy changed out of his suit in the bathroom and came back out in a pair of jeans and a black tank top. Portia lay against the pillows, the long trip starting to take its toll on her. That was when Portia saw it for the first time, gracing his right bicep. There was a black swirl design, that made him look slightly dangerous. She was surprised he had not bothered to mention it to her.

"When did you get that?" She asked as she sat up a little. He walked over and sat down beside her.

"A few weeks ago. I liked the design." She put her fingers to his arm tracing the curves, but couldn't make anything out of it there were so many lines. It was different from anything she had ever seen before.

"I like it. It looks sexy..." She said huskily as she looked into his eyes. His eyes darted away from hers.

"Why don't you get some sleep. You look tired." She frowned slightly. They had been apart for months and he didn't even want to touch her.

"What about you?"

"I'm kind of wound up. I think I'll take a walk. Maybe see what the guys are up to..." Tommy leaned down and kissed her briefly as her eyes drifted shut. He reached over and shut off the nightstand light before getting up to leave the room.

Not Letting Go

Tommy quickly glanced around the hallway to make sure no one was around before slipping the extra key card Jude had given him into her hotel room lock. He slid in quietly and turned to see her sitting on the bed waiting for him. She had sobered quickly, having not been nearly as tipsy as she had pretended.

"How could you let him put his hands all over you?" Jude stood up and glared at him.

"1.His hands were not all over me. 2. Like you're one to talk. You were with your WIFE!" He was an ass he realized. He had no right to be jealous. She had only gone along to ease Portia's suspicions after all. He pulled her towards him, but she didn't want to move. He tipped her face up to his to see the tears in her eyes.

"Hey...I'm sorry." He kissed her softly, but she did not respond. He looked at her again and did not like what he saw. She looked pained, but also resolved. Resolved for what? He didn't think he'd like the answer.

"Maybe it's time to let this go Tommy."

"Don't say it Jude." He shook his head. Was there a specific moment that she had become so important to him, he wondered. He could feel his heart aching at even the thought, of losing her.

"I went into this knowing you were married. I couldn't stay away from you." She said so sadly, a hint of desperation reflected in her voice. "But these last few months aren't real. You don't belong to me...We should just end..."

"No!" He interrupted, unable to let her say those last words.

"Why not?" Tears slid freely down her face now as he held her.

"I love you Jude." Her hands clung to him desperately as their lips met. When they pulled apart Jude still looked unsure.

"What about Brianna Tommy? Did you love her too?" His fists tightened by her sides.

"Chaz told you about her didn't he?" She shrugged. "She was just another willing fan Jude. It didn't mean anything..." She turned her head away.

"Do I...mean anything to you Tommy?" She whispered so softly, he had to strain to hear. Her words were like a blow to him. No one but her had ever meant anything to him. He took her chin in his hand and forced her to look up at him.

"Tell me you actually think you mean nothing to me."

"I don't..." She started, but could not continue.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you really believe I don't love you, that these last few months didn't matter." She twisted her head out of his grasp and shook it, unable to look at him. "Say it Jude and I'll leave you alone." Her tear filled eyes looked into his desperate ones.

"Say it Jude." He said forcefully. She shook her head, knowing she couldn't say the words, knowing they would be a lie. His lips pressed against hers and her brain simply stopped fighting her heart. Her heart knew the truth, knew him on the deepest level as his had always recognized hers.

Her mouth opened to his tongue stroking softly, seducing slowly. His fingers were so gentle against her skin as he slid his hands under her t-shirt to cup her bare breasts. She lifted her arms for him as he pulled her shirt off. She watched him as he took his own tank top off quickly. Tommy reached for her and their chests pressed together, skin to skin as his lips found hers again. She went pliantly as he pushed her against the sheets, his weight heavy on hers. She cradled his hips between her own, and could feel the rough denim against her thin shorts. Her hands went to his ass pulling him closer as he thrust against her, the friction making her gasp. He got off her suddenly and stood up to get rid of his jeans and boxers, before sliding down next to her. He inched her shorts and panties off, kissing the exposed flesh as he went.

He spread her thighs with his hands, opening her lips to his tongue, flicking against her sensitive nub. He heard her breath catch as he sucked on the small cluster of nerve endings. When he looked up she was staring at him. He slide up her body and kissed her again angling his head to meld his mouth to hers perfectly. Her hips raised, as she brushed her lower body against his arousal, trying to align him to her. He pulled back and reached for a condom in the nightstand, sheathing himself quickly. The tip of him grazed her opening and she pushed her hips up, needing him deep inside her.

Tommy slid in slowly as he caught Jude's gaze, heard her gasp as his hardness stretched her inner muscles impossibly wide. He went slow, pushing deep and withdrawing almost all the way before pushing his way back in. Her legs wrapped around his waist, as continued to stroke into her tight, swollen flesh. Their eyes met and he drowned in her blue orbs as his body pushed in and out of her. He saw her eyes darken as she began to feel the building pleasure and he thrust harder and faster, wanting to go at the same time. As her muscles clamped down on him, he felt the edges of sanity blurring as his own body exploded in unparalleled sensation. His body pinned hers down against the mattress as his head rested against the curve of her shoulder. Her arms wrapped around him, as he shifted so not all his weight was pressing her down. She slung one leg over his possessively and he stroked the bare thigh with his hand as his lips rested against her soft skin.

He got up finally to get rid of the condom in the bathroom and came back to see her curled against a pillow in the fetal position. He slid in beside her and his fingertips lightly touched the tattoo at her hip. His, it said clearly to him. Just like he was hers. He wrapped his body around hers, holding her tight as he listened to her breathing slow.