Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for not updating in like forever! Ah, would you like to know how my three months went? (These dates are approximate)
1. 4/12: Halfway through finishing this story, my computer broke down, holding all of my documents captive.
2. 4/20: I began to rewrite the story on my phone.
3. 5/1: I got back to where I started, halfway through the story.
4. 5/7: Finally, my dad got off his lazy ass and retrieved my documents from my broken computer.
5. 5/7: TT_TT
6: 5/10: I got admitted to the hospital for an anaphylactic shock from eating something I was severely allergic to.
7. 5/11: I took a break from eveything after nearly dying. *sigh*
8. I'm sorry...
*Ten Minutes before Filming*
Kitsune sauntered in, smiling jubilantly at Ciel, who, as usual, arrived early. She walked to the overly proud earl, crossing her arms.
"Morning, shota boy!" she said happily. Taking out a purple hair tie from her wrist, the host gathered her loose jet-black wisps away from her face, tying them into a messy bun. "So, how'd your date with Alois go?"
Ciel blushed furiously, looking down to the ground. "It was not a date," came his stifled voice.
"Oh, I beg to differ," Kitsune retorted, pulling out a camera from her pocket. She flicked it on, scanning through the pictured and videos until she found the desired record. Stuffing the piece of technology in the adolescent boy's face, she smirked.
Ciel's eyes widened as he saw a rerun of the events that took place yesterday in his trailer. He stood there, unhappily corrected, actually thinking of murdering Kitsune for a moment. Realizing he was much too young to go to jail, he put the thought aside for later.
Ciel clenched his fists, growling through his teeth, "When the hell did you tape this?" By now his eyes were filled with hate, anger, and a lot of other things that should not be mentioned.
"Who's to say that there's no spy cams in you trailer?" she replied nonchalantly, staring at her nails as if to file them with her mind.
"What-"
"I'm here!" exclaimed Pig-chan, walking into the room clenching a wad of cash. She ran to Kitsune, waving the bundle of money around. "Look at how much money we got from selling those photos of-"
"O-of my paintings!" Kitsune quickly cut in. Ciel raised his eyebrow, crossing his arms.
"You capture photos of paintings you create and sell them?" Ciel questioned dubiously.
Pig-chan tensed up at Ciel's clever inquiry, laughing fretfully and telling him, "W-well, you know those originals! They don't last as long…?"
"Y-yeah and this is much more efficient, you know, just painting one picture in one hour, instead of painting multiple pictures in a day," Kitsune added to Pig-chan's comment. "And besides, it's way more legit."
"Oh, really?" Ciel replied. He tilted his head to the side, saying, "Then show me one of these supposed 'top seller' photos."
"I-I left my special camera at home?" stuttered Kitsune. With a rickety hand she rubbed the back of her head and forced out a smile.
"Then-"
"Oh, here, look at the time! Ciel, you're not a patient of honor today, so you and Pig-chan go in the crowd," Kitsune suddenly exclaimed, looking at the invisible watch on her wrist. She flicked her hands back and fourth in a shooing motion. "Shoo!"
Ciel grumbled something to himself, with Pig-chan following behind him. Plopping down in a seat right next to Ciel's, Pig-chan pulled out something that suspiciously looked like a bullhorn, quickly putting it back under her bench when Ciel raised his eyebrow at the mysterious object.
"Ten seconds until showtime!" exclaimed Kitsune. "Ten! Nine! Eight!" Kitsune continued counting down while down the stage to her magic desk of randomness. "Five! Four!" Slipping on her star-shaped glasses, she straightened herself out to look professional. "One!"
The camera flashed on, and the sound of an audience clapping resonated throughout the room. Kitsune waved and smiled, clearing her throat.
"Hey! Welcome back to-"Kitsune shut her mouth when she saw Ciel glaring daggers at her. She could have sworn that she spotted him sharpening an actual dagger. "I-I mean, welcome back! Since you're still here, I trust you've memorized the whole point of this show, and since I have the feeling that if I do carry on with the introductions I would get stabbed by a dagger, I'm going to skip them," she said. Kitsune crossed her legs, entwined her fingers together, and rested her elbows against her desk so her arms formed a triangle.
"Today we're here for a certain adolescent girl who appears to be obsessed with cute things, especially pink objects," said Kitsune. "Elizabeth's adoration for cute objects: a hobby (which I highly doubt) or a mental issue? To assist us here today, please give a warm welcome to Elizabeth Middleford and Alois Trancy!"
Elizabeth smiled, waving and fluttering her emerald eyes. Alois winked at Ciel, who turned pale.
"What? That's absurd! Alois barely even knows Elizabeth !" Ciel shouted from the crowd.
Kitsune "hmphed" then crossed her arms. "I have my reasons," she replied to Ciel casually. Taking a wad of cash out of her pocket, she filed through the money, grinning. "Yes, they're very good reasons." Alois smirked, putting on an innocent smile.
"But-"
Pig-chan quickly cut him off by pulling out a megaphone and switching it on. "WOULD YOU LIKE SOME FRIES WITH THAT?" she yelled, right into Ciel's poor ear.
Ciel's eyes widened, turning a shade of ghostly white as he covered his ears with his hands.
"What… the hell? Why is she even here?"
"She's here because she requested to be in the crowd. I'm not a monster, you know. Everyone is invited to be in the crowd; they just have to ask politely," Kitsune replied nonchalantly. "And, 'tis forevermore, my friend."
Ciel widened. With his fists clenched, he muttered through his inhumanly white teeth, "You…ughh."
Smirking once more, Kitsune stuffed the cash back in her pocket. "Back to the subject, today we are here for Elizabeth 's obsession with cute things," she interrupted. Kitsune pulled out a yellow notepad, adjusting her wacky glasses. "So, Elizabeth, why do you like cute things so much?" she questioned the hyper girl.
Elizabeth blinked for a second, and then smiled. "Because I like all things that are cute!" she exclaimed. She looked at Kitsune and frowned at her "commoner's" outfit. "And you are not wearing very cute things," she said, pouting. Almost instantly, she snapped her delicate little fingers. "Oh, I know! I'll make you cute too!"
The currently "not cute" girl's face flushed. Kitsune laughed nervously, waving her hands. "U-um, you don't have to do that," she said as Elizabeth began approaching her. She glanced at Alois and mouthed the words "help me."
Alois only laughed, shrugging and replying, "Maybe next year. Have fun getting crushed from all of those ruffles."
Kitsune sighed, shrugging. "Then, I guess you don't want the spotlight. I'm speculating that you don't want everyone to think of you as a hero who saved me from this crazed little girl," she said. "Well, that's too bad."
Alois slammed his hands on the desk, shouting,"Wait!" His expression darkened as his face transitioned into a sadistic smile.
He turned to Elizabeth, who was frolicking (literally) back to Kitsune with a pink dress overflowing with frills and sparkles. Kitsune winced at the sight, trying to hide under her desk.
Kitsune took one glance at Alois's "I'm going to gouge her eye out" look and started panicking. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," she said, bringing her hands in front of her, "I didn't mean it that way. Just get her under control so I can continue with this show."
Elizabeth finally reached the two, grinning and holding up the gown. "See," she literally squealed, "this is way cuter than that outfit!" She held up the frilly thing, showing the cheap, shiny flecks on the torso part in all of their damned glory. Kitsune sweat dropped, backing away.
"Um, that's really, really nice of you, Elizabeth, but uh, I just can't accept it because I am no match for its shittyne- I mean beautifulness." Kitsune picked up one layer of the millions of frills, watching the cheap sparkles fall off from it. "See, it's just way too…ugl- gorgeous," she stated, turning around and stuffing fake teardrops in her eyes. "I mean, look at this intricate design," Kitsune fake sobbed, pointing to the sewn-on roses, "and how these sparkles brilliantly emphasize the diamonds on the torso area."
Elizabeth beamed and nodded, pointing to the pink puffy sleeves. "Mm hm! And look how this silk sash adorns the waist area!"
Kitsune nodded, further commenting on the dress. Pretty soon Elizabeth was in tears as well, and the two, well actually just Elizabeth, continued marveling at it. For a moment, while Elizabeth kept staring at the thing, Kitsune looked away, looking like she needed to puke.
Alois and Ciel were speechless. Sebastian just continued pouring tea into his young master's cup, intrigued by Kitsune's performance. So, Alois wasn't needed after all, right?
Wrong. As usual, Alois needed to be the center of attention, so he snuck out of view, coming back a fire extinguisher. The two girls immediately looked at Alois as if he were a maniac. Kisune stepped in front of Alois before he reached his target.
"Hey, Alois. So, what are you planning to do with that fire extinguisher?" Kitsune questioned skeptically.
Alois only smiled, suddenly pointing the spout to Kitsune. The host instinctively shielded her face, but blasting Kitsune in the face was not the boy's motive.
In one swift move, Alois blasted the camera, covering the lens in white foam. All view was gone, and only shouting could be heard.
"What the hell, Alois?" snapped Kitsune. "Wipe that foam off right now so we can get back to the show!"
"Uwaah! This dress is so pretty!" Elizabeth cooed.
"Sebastian, more tea!" commanded Ciel.
"Ciel, How much more tea are you going to drink until you explode?" teased Kitsune.
"Shut up! I am Ciel Phantomhive, and-"
"We get it," Kitsune interrupted.
"And these diamonds are so kawaii!"
"Alois, wipe it off right now! We only have 45 minutes left!" commanded Kitsune.
"That's what she said!" Alois exclaimed, giggling.
"Um, no, it's not," Kitsune replied awkwardly.
"Screw you."
"Screw yourself. ...Wait a minute, don't come up with a conniving comeback for that, because I fear that if it's about yourself, it's true."
"What the hell, Trancy? Put your bloody coat back on!" Ciel shouted.
"Bocchan, langu-"
"We get it already, Sebastian," Kitsune interrupted.
"Get off of me, Trancy!" Ciel yelled.
"I have to film this!" Pig-chan yelled. "Whoa, this is gold! We're going to make such a profit!"
"Yeah… Um, Alois, yes you, there's no other Alois around, can you get off of Ciel and put your coat back on so we can get back to the show?"
All of a sudden, a crashing noise was heard, followed by Elizabeth screaming, and Ciel yelling, " Elizabeth, are you okay?"
Kitsune yelled, "What, you don't care about this host who is the one paying you?"
Ciel snapped, "Are you kidding me? I haven't gotten one single pound since I've gotten on this show!"
"Oh, yeah; I don't pay you. Fine; I'll rephrase my sentence. What, you don't care about this host who's trying to help you with your problems?" Kitsune asked. "Hey, is that a dagger?"
"…"
"So, what are you planning to do with that blade, exactly?" Kitsune asked. "Vi-violence isn't the best answer; you know…Okay, you're still walking slowly towards me with that thing in your hand."
"You just signed your own death wish, again," Ciel growled.
"Crap. Okay, time for plan B.I didn't want to have to do this, Ciel, but here's goes nothing," said Kitsune. "HEY ALOIS, CIEL HAS A DAGGER, AND HE'S GOING TO CUT YOUR LUCIOUS HAIR WITH IT!" Kitsune yelled at the top of her lungs.
Alois yelled, "What did you just say?"
"You heard it," replied Kitsune. "He's going to cut that beautiful hair of yours that you've been working oh so hard on."
Pretty soon, footsteps, which turned into frenetic stomps, was heard, along with Alois yelling, "You touch my hair, and I'll gouge your eye out!"
"Yeah, that's right, Alois, chase after that lie-spewing shota boy!" Kitsune yelled. "Hey! 'Chase after that lie-spewing shota boy' does not mean to break my stereos! Wait- it doesn't mean to turn them on either!"
Music blasted throughout the entire room, along with the sound of crashing, yelling, and some unidentified voice yelling, "If you don't shut up, I'm going to call the cops!"
All of a sudden, a huge boom was heard, and everything went dead silent.
Finally, a yellow blur enveloped the foam stained lens, clearing the white suds. Sight was regained. But, it wasn't very pretty.
What looked like Ciel wedged in a now shattered television and Alois trying to mask his hair with his hands nearby was the most peculiar spectacle of all. Other things in plain sight were Kitsune, who appeared to be mocking Sebastian by holding up a ruler and measuring the height of how high up the tea pot was when he poured the dark liquid, and Elizabeth, who was chasing the mailman around, attempting to put the dress on the poor man.
Abruptly, the camera was pivoted by Pig-chan. She laughed nervously, saying, "We'll be right back after these messages!"
*During Commercial Break*
"Jeez, Alois, calm down. I was kidding when I said that Ciel was going to slice through your hair," Kitsune told the boy, patting his hand-covered head. "So, you can uncover your head now."
Tragically slowly, Alois took his hand off of his hand, turning to Ciel, who was still jammed in the TV. "Cut my hair and I swear you'll never see daylight," he muttered sadistically while Ciel felt a shiver run down his spine.
"Sometimes daylight cannot be seen through the eye of the beholder, Alois," preached Kitsune. "Cutting your extraordinarily thick hair does not equal the end of the world. In fact, the worst that could happen would be that you would commit suicide, and Ciel would end up needing another eyepatch." Ciel and Alois stared at Kitsune questioningly while she scarfed down a donut. Kitsune picked up a glazed donut from the box and turned it sideways, placing it on Ciel's head. "I dub thee the king of-"
"Thirty seconds 'til showtime!" Pig-chan yelled, sprinting to the three from the audience. Looking at Ciel, she laughed, saying,"Hey, nice crown. What are you, the king of-"
"Okay, let's go, Alois, Eliza- Hey, where's Elizabeth?"
"Her mother came and picked her up after her, quote:'foolish act' as soon as commercial break came," Sebastian replied nonchalantly while holding an empty silver platter that once held the most scrumptious, succulent, the sweetest, most-well, okay, I think you get it- donuts in the world.
"What? Shit, now what do we do with the 20 minutes I was planning to fill up with intense moments left?" said a worried host. "If- if I don't have something that the viewers can chew on, who knows what will happen..." She shivered.
"Don't you still need to read the intern applications?" questioned Pig-chan.
"Eh, I was planning to do that next time when I hopefully have more papers..." Suddenly, a grin crept up on Kitsune's worried face. "Wait... I think I have an idea..."
Ciel sighed, hoping it did not involve him. Sadly, his dreams were not answered.
*End of Commercial Break*
"Welcome back to Dr. Shitsuji! I know we were going to get back to Elizabeth's fetish with cute things," Kitsune gulped,"but, sadly, you know it will NEVER vanish," Kitsune said, smiling. "So, instead, I've decided to start this new segment early."She gestured towards the two empty, glow-in-the-dark chairs before her. Wait, weren't they blue before? Anyways, she continued,"Did you happen to take notice in these two empty chairs? No, it was not because Elizabeth went to the hospital because her eyes were gouged out, if, you guys were, ahem, wondering. Anyways, Elizabeth had to go, and Alois, well, he was an important part of this. Pig-chan, take it away!" she exclaimed, gesturing to Pig-chan who was standing next to the TV.
Pig-chan smiled, clearing her throat. "Ladies and Gentlemen, glad to have you in for this special segment, called: Prank That Shota!" The TV flashed on, and showed Alois sieated on a dining table chair, swinging his legs. "Now, today we are going to prank a certain blue-haired shota. Alois, here, has infiltrated the Phantomhive Mansion, and set up cameras in Ciel's room, the kitchen, and the hallway. He is also wearing a spy cam on his family heirloom ring, along with a communicator to, well, communicate with us." Pig-chan looked to Kitsune.
"Let's tap in to his his communicator right now!"Kitsune continued, opening up a drawer in her magic desk of randomness. She presented a pearly-white remote to the camera, pressing the button to turn on the intercom in the middle of the stage. In one swift move, she quickly paced to the mic, pushing the only giant, neon orange button on the remote. "Alois, did you set up the cameras?"
The camera turned to the TV, which showed Alois looking around suspiciously before lifting his his hand with the ring, bringing it in front of his chin, and replying, "Yeah."
"Is the pepper on the silverware?"
"Mhmm," he replied lazily."
Kitsune snickered, replying,"Good," then, "I'll communicate you after Ciel enters the building at 0:00. Conniving_Fox, out."
"'Kay! Hey, you do know that 0:00 means midnight, right?"
"Oh, you shut up."
"Roger."
Kitsune shut off her communicator. All was silent for a moment, before she broke out into a fit of loud, air-gasping, guffaws. "Ahaha, he is so oblivious to the fact that Ciel is in this too! Pig-chan, why don't you explain this mosh pit to the viewers?"
"Of course!" exclaimed Pig-chan. "Okay, viewers, so, earlier, I explained to you that Alois was equipped with the latest technology to prank Ciel. But, what he doesn't know is that Ciel is pranking him as well. So, all in all, the two are both practically oblivious to the fact that both are pranking EACHOTHER! Oh, how I love this show!"
Just as she finished her little explanation, Ciel entered the room, turning to Alois with a deadpanned expression on his face.
"Sebastian," he spat with venom, "what is he doing here?" Ciel folded his arms as Alois beamed at him, smiling cleverly.
"Huh? I thought you loved having your future fiancé here!" Alois exclaimed. Ciel's eye twitched as Alois said "future fiancé." Alois then continued with a long speech on how much he was appalled that Ciel did not enjoy his presence, how much how loved him and whatnot.
"Alois, never in a million years will you be my wedlock. Never," Ciel stated flatly.
"―furthermore, how could you not enjoy my presence? I mean you, being the boring shriveled up tree, with branches just about to fall off and bonk someone on the head, and me, being the monkey who throws bananas at everyone and dancing my ass off in front of them, well not literally―"
"I am not a boring deceased tree just waiting to collapse and crush you!"
"― but you get what I mean. Without moi here, you'd just be, literally, dead in your weird throne chair thingy, oblivious to the fact that Sebastian is eyeing you like you're an assortment of pastries! By the way, Criminally Insane Angel sent in a cart of those in and I can't believe you went against her wishes and ate ALL of the chocolate éclairs! Now. Come one, let's eat the crème brulee Sebastian prepared for us!" shouted Alois in a joyful tone whilst dragging Ciel to his chair.
Ciel protested by flailing about as Alois forced him in a chair, taking some duck tape from his pocket and strapping Ciel to his chair. Suddenly, Alois leaned in, staring at Ciel's eyes with an angelic smile. "Your eyes are like sapphires…" he whispered in a husky voice.
Ciel's cheeks grew red, his face flustered. "Sh-shut up…" he replied, looking away.
Alois leaned in closer as Ciel tried is best to lean back as much as he could. Finally Ciel gave up and closed his eyes, waiting for what was about to come. Alois leaned in even closer until their noses were touching, closed his eyes, and―
The freaking T.V. went BLANK…!
0_0
"Wha-WHAT?" exclaimed both Kitsune and Pig-chan.
Kitsune held her face in horror, sniffling for a split second, then going completely berserk.
"*CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* What the *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*?...! Just when they were about to freakin' kiss? Really, you sad excuse for a dinosaur T.V.? Really? You couldn't let me have just ONE freakin' moment of unforced fanservice? *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED*"
*Please excuse us for ten minutes*
"Hi…again! Sorry for the interruption when we were about to get to the great fanservice. After I kill whoever created this T.V., I swear, we'll be right back. Sorry, we're out of time for now, but, fear not, for in the next episode, we'll be right back. Stay tuned!"
You thought that I would let them kiss, didn't you? Well, ha! Sorry! In the next chapter, though, I am going to continue with this before anything else. Once again, I am TERRIBLY sorry for the EXTREMELY late update! Bye!
Until Next Time,
LuNa6780