Holy forks.
It's been...how long? Over five years? That's half a decade! Goodness, is anyone even still in this fandom? Back in the day, my preteen little heart was so into this fandom. For the story, of course. Not because the characters were hot or anything. I barely even remember what happened in this anime in the first place, now that I think about it. I simply fondly remember reading so many fanfictions in my free time; one of my favorite things to do when I'd get home from middle school was to spend an hour or two relaxing with a good Black Butler fanfic. Good times. I was snooping around on my old profile and stories, and dear god, was I cringy. No amount of words can apologize for the utter disaster that is puberty.
Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well. My heart especially goes out to the first few readers of this fanfiction, whom I would message with and put into my stories. I hope you all are doing well, wherever you are. For someone going through the awkwardness of puberty, I really felt like I belonged somewhere. Though I still can't believe I wrote some pretty inappropriate content as a young snapper, this fanfic is very dear to my heart.
As a psychology major and huge mental health advocate, I'd also like to take a moment to put any resources out to anyone in situations regarding mental health.
- if you are in a crisis and need immediate support, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255
-it is a 24/7 confidential, toll free number that provides crisis counseling and mental health referrals
-if the situation is life threatening, call 911 or go to the hospital emergency room
You are loved beyond belief and deserve the absolute best. Please seek help for yourself, or anyone around you if need be.
For the sake of old times, I guess I'll write a small short concerning this fanfiction. If anyone is still reading it, this is for you! (Be warned, I have not seen this anime in six or seven years)
Click. Clack. Click. Clack.
The sound of high heels clicking against pavement set a brisk tempo in the air. It slowed as a young woman made her way to a seemingly rundown building that hadn't been given a second look in years.
The young woman placed her hands against the glass doors of the building, smiling fondly as she peered inside and saw the familiar double doors adorned with a piece of paper that had the words Dr. Shitsuji written crudely in red crayon. "I did that..." she murmured. Suddenly, a look of determination gleamed in her eyes. She reached into her pocket a pulled out a key, fiddling with the glass doors until they finally opened.
She did nothing short of sprinting to the door labeled Dr. Shitsuji, yanking it open and tumbling inside as she had failed to remember that she had been wearing heels. For a moment, she simply sat there, gazing up at the large auditorium that surrounded her.
Everything was the same. It was all covered in an endless amount of dust and cobwebs, but the broken dinosaur TV, the desk and chairs, all the props that they had simply kicked to the side after each show still lay in the same exact place that they had been left all those years ago. The young woman looked to her right and saw a pair of black spray-painted cardboard glasses rumpled on the floor. She picked them up delicately, dusted them off, and put them on.
"I'm back," she whispered.
And suddenly, something within her ignited. She rose to her feet and walked towards the desk, pulling out a large book. After ruffling through the worn out pages, she found the one she needed and tore it out, quickly folding it. She sent the paper airplane sailing through the air into the audience, waiting excitedly.
Nothing happened.
With a defeated sigh, she began to rise up from the chair in order to make her way from the exit. In the process, a familiar gleam caught her eye: a golden nameplate with the name Kitsune engraved into it.
"Kitsune, huh?" Kitsune laughed. "God, I was such an awkward prick. I regret everything."
And with that, she made her way to the exit.
"Yeah, I agree. You were a prick," said a voice from behind her.
She stopped in her tracks.
"Awhh, don't be so mean! I liked her," another voice whined.
Kitsune wanted to turn around so badly, but she was afraid that everything would vanish the minute she turned around.
"Aren't you going to come greet us? It's the least you could do. And you said I didn't have manners," the first voice grumbled.
She whirled around and her legs nearly gave out. "Ciel! Alois!" Kitsune exclaimed joyfully. She sprinted to them, once again neglecting the fact that she was wearing heels and nearly falling on her face. They both caught her, thank goodness.
If there were tears streaming down her face, it was justified.
"I just...I can't," she blubbered, embracing them both tightly, "I haven't seen you guys in so long. And, I was so cringy, and, and..." By now she was most definitely sobbing. "I missed you guys!"
"God, you were insufferable five years ago, and you're insufferable now," Ciel complained, his voice muffled as he was currently being strangled.
"I missed you too, Ciel."
"Hey, what about me?" Alois exclaimed indignantly. Kitsune responded by embracing him even tighter.
After what seemed like an eternity, Kitsune finally released them both, getting a good look at them for the first time in ages.
"You guys haven't aged at all!"
"And you look like an old prune," Ciel replied.
"Excuse you, it's only been five years. Good to see I can still measure your height with a single ruler."
Kitsune turned her attention to Alois. "And Alois! You still look as cute as ever. I really did miss you guys, and I'm sorry for disappearing without a word."
They both shrugged. "Happens all the time," Ciel stated offhandedly.
"So, are you going to turn on the camera?" Alois asked excitedly.
"Turn on the camera?" Kitsune smiled sadly. "Alois, it's been five years, I'm sure no one even tunes in to this channel anymore."
"No harm in trying," Ciel muttered.
"So you did care about the show!"
"Shut it. Let's just get this over with. Sebastian!" With a click of his fingers, Sebastian appeared, a myriad of cleaning supplies in his arms.
Kitsune blinked. "Wow, you're not as hot as I remember."
"Good to see you too, Lady Kitsune," he replied curtly, a small smile on his face. With that, he began cleaning at a rapid speed. Before long, the place was just as it had been years before. Kitsune assumed her old spot behind the desk.
3...2...1
"Hello! Welcome back to Dr. Shitsuji! After half a decade, we're back!" Kitsune inhaled deeply. "And after years, we're finally here to say our final goodbyes. Let's welcome our two favorite guests, Ciel and Alois."
The two walked in from opposite sides of the stage and into their seats. Alois waved excitedly the whole time, exclaiming, "It's good to be back! I know you all missed my booty shorts!"
Ciel merely sighed.
"Now, we had a lot of laughs in this show. I created this show mainly as a means to help the caste of Kuroshitsuji with their problems. But looking back on it, it turns out that this show helped me."
"Awwwhhh, Kitsune!" Alois cooed. Ciel huffed, looking away.
"Back then, I was just a preteen on the cusp of adolescence. I was awkward, and found a means of escape through fanfiction. I could write myself into a situation where I could finally fit in, along with my favorite characters. And you guys, my dear viewers, accepted me for who I was." Kitsune smiled brightly into the camera. "And for that, I can't thank you enough. Sure, looking back on my actions, I want to die of embarrassment. But this will always be near and dear to my heart."
She turned to her two guests.
"Ciel, you were always a bitch to me. I thought you were really hot back in the day. Thank you for always coming back, even though we forced you into such uncomfortable situations with Alois for the sake of fanservice. You're a champ."
Ciel looked away. If there was a smile on his face, so be it. "Yeah, well, I no longer say tch as much, so I guess I have you to thank for that."
"And Alois, I thought you were hot too. You were always so unafraid to be yourself, something I truly longed for. You kept this show going with your exuberance. I know a lot of people think you're an annoying bitch, but you keep being you, because lots of people like me love you for it."
Alois nearly melted into a sobbing pile of goo. "Kitsune! Thank you for always pairing me with Ciel. And believing in us. And loving us."
Kitsune sighed contentedly. "So, I guess that's it. But I have one more thing to say to the viewers." She turned fully to the camera.
"Like I said, fanfiction was my escape from reality. What I read and loved may have been weird to other people, but this wonderful community accepted me for what I was and gave me hope despite it all. I am now in college, studying psychology to perhaps one day, even become a true psychologist. I urge you guys always to look after your mental and physical health, to make sure you're happy like you deserve to be. I thank each and every one of you, from the past, present, and future. I'll always look back fondly on these memories we've made together." By now, tears were streaming down her face. "Now, I hate goodbyes. So I will send this show off with a final thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. May you all live a fulfilling life, where your hopes and dreams are realized to the fullest. And most of all, may your imagination never die."
Kitsune and Alois waved goodbye with all their might, Ciel even giving a small wave to the camera. And with that, the camera turned off.
Dr. Shitsuji was over.
Kitsune turned to Ciel and Alois. "So...Guess you two have to go now, huh?"
They nodded. "There's a lot of fanfictions we have to make appearances in," Alois stated sadly, rising from his chair. "Thanks again. I really had a lot of fun! It was nice not being written as a complete psycho for once." He enveloped Kitsune in one last tight hug. "From now on, promise you won't be afraid to be yourself, okay?"
Kitsune nodded. "Thank you, Alois. I promise."
Satisfied with her answer, Alois grinned and began making his way towards the exit.
Kitsune turned to Ciel. "Hey, I know I was really annoying, but I really have to thank you. You were my first favorite anime character, after all."
"We'll always beinyourheart," Ciel muttered under his breath.
"What was that? Sorry, I couldn't you," Kitsune apologized sheepishly.
"I said, we'll always be in your heart," Ciel quickly responded. He looked away. "Don't you ever dare listen to what other people say you should and shouldn't like. And likewise, don't ever forget that childish wonder and love you had for this fandom. It's good to always have one thing in life that you feel so strongly for. You don't always have to grow up, okay?"
Kitsune nodded, speechless.
"And, I have to thank you as well. As much as I hate to admit it, I had fun."
With that, Ciel got out of his chair and began to walk to the exit.
"Wait, shota boy!" Kitsune called out, running towards him. She embraced him one last time, grabbing his face and planting a light kiss on his cheek. "That was because I always wanted to do that as a thirteen year old. Though it is weird now that I'm 19. Thank you so much, I promise I will never forget any of this. Now go off and be shipped with Sebastian and Alois and everyone in between!"
Ciel was a sputtering mess. Alois wasn't any better. Kitsune laughed, pushing them both out the door. She saw both of them begin to disappear as the doors began to close.
"By the way," she called out to them, "my actual name isn't Kitsune. It's Gail!"
They both disappeared before she could hear their reply.
"Goodbye," she whispered, smiling. And with that, she herself walked through the double doors, taking one last look at the stage to see a glimpse of the pair of cardboard glasses laying on the desk.
The double doors shut closed not a moment after.
"Goodbye?
Oh no, please.
Can't we just go back to page one and start all over again?"
- Winnie the Pooh
Thank you, Kuroshitsuji. You are forever in my heart.