Chapter 5: Confessions

We start to loosen up again and start talking about what's happened with each other over the last few years. It's like we've forgotten that we ever had a troubled past. Before long we're laughing and joking around like best friends. He tells me about the falling out and I tell him about my siblings leaving and how my group of friends hasn't changed much since he left. I tell him that soon I be on my own since Andy and Ollie are going away for college with Rudy. He asks what I plan to do and I tell him nothing. I tell him about my dad wanting me to stay with him at the restaurant and that it's not a bad thing to think about for a living.

"Working at the restaurant isn't where you really see your life is it?" He asks with a concerned look on his face.

"Do you see yourself living in this shit hole for your life?" I respond with a sting of anger. "I don't want to do the whole college thing. I love the restaurant but it isn't where I see myself either."

"I don't want this life myself." He says getting up from the sofa. "You know what I see for my life?"

"A house?" I laugh out.

"Well, yes." He laughs back. "I see myself, working from home. I don't know yet what I want to do but office and customer serves is so not for me." I'm watching him fixated on his every move. "I see a nice house or at least a better place to call home. I see colors, bright and crazy colors. Mix matched furniture and dishes, and I see kids and a beautiful wife by my side." He seems lost in his own thoughts.

"Earth to Logan." I say waving my hands in the air. "Cute fantasy really but how do you even expect to do all that?"

"I see you in my future too." He smirks still lost. My heart sinks to my toes. What does that mean?! "Nevermind," he's back. "I don't know but I can dream."

"Where do I fit in?" My hands are shaking.

"Forget it! It's late and dark, shouldn't you head home?"

Reluctantly I agree and I have him drive me home. The ride is quite and calm. When he pulls up to the door I get out and walk around to the driver's side window to say goodbye and thank you to him. I leaned down to eye level and said my bit, he did the no problem I had a great time routine but before I turn to leave I reach into the car grabbing his face and kissing him quickly before running off without a word. When I close the house door I peer out the peep hole and watch him pull away with a smile. I run to my room and strip down to my bra and underwear before flopping down on my bed. I look over at the little bunny sitting on my table, L.B., Louise Belcher, Logan Bush, Louise Bush. Have you lost your goddamn mind?! He's eight years older than you Louise! "Age gap isn't even that big." You are newly 18 he is 26, how is that not something you see?! My mind being at war with me isn't new but what if my subconscious is right. I doze off looking at the bunny thinking about what I'm going to do next.

The next morning I woke to find the house empty and the restaurant closed. Thinking not much of it I go and make something for breakfast. After eating I clean up my mess and decide to watch some T.V. but it's too early for anything good so I go back to my room and start to clean up. When I finish cleaning my room sit on my floor and try to figure out what to do next. I look at the time and it's not even noon, I lay down arms and legs stretched out like a star fish on my floor. "There is nothing to do!" I exclaim to myself I take a deep breath in and get a nose burning B.O. smell. "GROSS!" I yell out rolling onto my stomach. "Looks like I need a shower, Kushi Kopi." I laugh picking up the nightlight off the floor and grabbing a towel.

In the shower I begin to feel a peaceful calming feeling come over me. The hot water running down my body is like a relief of sorts. After I wash my hair and my body, I shave and then I crouch down holding my knees to my chest letting the water run down my back. My thoughts begin to wander back and forth from childhood to yesterday. I've never had feelings like this before. Hating Logan was the strongest feeling I ever had but now that hate was gone and I can't remember what it felt like to feel that way. The only crush I'd ever had was BooBoo from Boyz4Now and the only kiss I'd ever had was with Rudy.

What does it all mean to you? What do you mean to him? He's older than you Louise, he got you a bunny for your birthday. A fucking crystal bunny and said it reminded him of you! How?! Are you a little kid, a bunny is a baby rabbit, so does he see you as a baby because of your age gap? Is it a way of saying your fragile? Let's be honest everyone knows you're fragile emotionally. Why did you even kiss him anyways what was the point of it? What if you drove him away by kissing him! What if you made thing super awkward!

I run my fingers through my hair brushing away the thoughts eating away at my mind. The jumbled thoughts begin to vanish as I stand back up and allow the warm water wash away everything from my mind. I finish up and turn the water off. I stay in the shower letting the water run off my body before I get out an dry off and head to my room with my towel on. I get in and toss on a bra and underwear, I pull a tank top and shorts out of my dresser and put them on too. Once dressed I shut off the lights and head to the Wharf to see Mickey, he usually has something cool going on.

When I get to the Wharf I lock up my bike and ask the ticket guy where Mickey is only to find that he's not there today. I still head in and play a few games and go on a few rides too. I run into Mr. Fischoeder and we talk about the restaurant and his newest investment. Hard to believe the man is in his 60s with how much he does still. I part ways with him and he says the same "Always nice talking with you my favorite Belcher." I head over to the edge of the pier and stare out at the water trying to imagine myself living somewhere else. The countryside would be nice but to little to do you'd get bored. Big city has a lot to do but too many people. Small town would be fun, stuff to do, not too many people kind of like here. Doesn't matter what place I pick my little tourist attraction town is where I belong.

"Louise?" His voice calls out my name. "Hey, wow I don't think I have ever seen you out of baggy clothes."

"Yeah, baggy is where I'm most comfortable but I thought what the hell it's too hot for a sweater." I lie I have plenty of sleeveless sweaters that hide my figure I was just to lazy to find one. "What are you doing here?"

"How can I come back to town and not explore the Wharf?" he jokes "It is still a hell hole!"

"Yeah it is!" I laugh. "Sorry about yesterday. I over stepped."

He takes my hand and brushes the hair from my face with his free hand. "You didn't over step nor should you be sorry for anything." He really has matured from the jerky teenager I used to know. "If anyone should be sorry it's me. I'm not leading you on or trying to get to you because you're legal, which I'm sure it's run through your mind." He cups my cheek in his hand. "Louise, I get that I haven't always been the best person to be around. I know I did some really shitty things to you and I do not blame you if you hate me."

"I don't hate you!" I exclam cutting him off "Not anymore. I'll admit I hated you once upon a time but we were kids. Logan, I was 9 when we met and you were 17. We were too young to know any better or rather I was to young and you were going through hell at home."

"I shouldn't have taken my anger with my parents out on you." He stops me "You were a pesky little kid who followed me around for a day because I took your ears away!" He laughs dropping his hand. "I realize the day our moms took us to that seminar for mothers and daughters and we were locked in that closet that I didn't hate you at all and that picking on you was just a way I could keep you coming back to me. I didn't know it then but I know it now and even if it isn't romantic, if age is a problem for you or your family, I don't want to leave you again." He lifts my chin forcing me to meet his gaze. "I want to be apart of your life in anyway you seem fit."

I smile and hug him tight wrapping my arms around his neck. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him. "Age is a number isn't it? Besides you just said it yourself I am legal now so it's not like a romantic relationship is out of the question." I say pulling away to look at him. "I want you in my life Logan. I don't have anyone to annoy now that my siblings and friends are gone."

Without warning he kisses me and I kiss him back. I feel a sort of warmth and calm come over me as he kisses me. I pull away with a laugh and let him go but taking his hand and leading him away. We go under the pier and sit in the sand, watching the waves crash on the shore just seemed right. I lay my head on his shoulder and he puts his arm around me holding on to my waist. We sit there for a while and talk about random things. As we watched the sunset he kissed the top of my head and told me we should get going before it gets too late. I agree and we head back to the restaurant, only to once again find the place empty. I shrug it all off and lock my bike up in the ally. I unlock the apartment and invite him up for something to eat but he declines and gives me a sweet kiss goodbye. When I get up to the apartment I check around to find it how I left it. I decide to pop in a movie and relax on the couch but next thing I know I'm out cold. I never even heard my parents come home or feel the blanket they put on me.