The song in this chapter is Broken Hearted Soul by Ra. I suggest when it comes up during (And He Finally Knew) you listen to it on Youtube to get the whole effect. This is where the major drama starts. Oh and I'm posting so soon because I'm celebrating that the story was finished yesterday at 43 chapters. ENJOY!
Chapter 24
Things I'd Rather Not See
Jude turned the corner, seeing a door open and a man step out. It was the same man she had been looking for to apologize, because no matter what she still loved him. He did not notice her as his fingers were busy buttoning his shirt and she saw the crimson lipstick smeared along his jaw line. As he walked away in the other direction she took her cell phone out and dialed a number.
"Hey Darius, it's Jude. I'm good thanks."
"Yeah I thought about it. I am so grateful you gave me the opportunity to do this tour. It's been amazing."
"I have some things going on back home and I can't do it right now." She lied.
"I know I'm missing out."
"Yeah maybe Europe. Thanks again. Bye D." She hung up and walked back to her room.
Soul Searching
Tommy walked out of the hotel needing the brisk evening air to clear his head. He had to get away from all the thoughts running around in his brain. He had never been good at confronting his own problems and he didn't know if he could start now. Portia had planted a seed of doubt into his heart. Why hadn't Jude agreed to Darius's offer right away? She wanted him just as much as he wanted her didn't she? He walked for what seemed like hours, but was really only two, before heading back to the hotel. There was only one person on his mind and he needed answers from her.
He unlocked her room's door and stepped inside, surprised by the towel clad guy coming out of the bathroom. Spied looked up at him and jumped.
"Man you scared me!" He held the towel more tightly around him.
"Where's Jude?!" She would never...would she?
"She told me she wanted to switch rooms. Something about not liking the sun in the windows." Tommy frowned and was about to ask what room Spied had when he stopped him. "Just give her a little time okay? She wouldn't talk to me, but she looked like she was in a bad place." Tommy nodded and wondered where he would go now.
"Hey you mind if I bunk on the couch?"
"Mi casa, y su casa." Spied was definitely one unique kid, but he had Jude's back and that was all that mattered to Tommy.
"Thanks."
"I'm gonna go get dressed now..." Spied said a little awkwardly before turning away.
Parting Words
Tommy finally cornered her in the arena hospitality room, the next afternoon. Jude had ignored all his calls and had left Spied's room early that morning obviously to avoid him. She stared at him, not knowing what else to say, so he was the one who spoke first, surprising her with his question.
"Why didn't you tell me about Japan?" He asked bluntly. He thought she loved him, and this was their chance to stay together. How had he found out? She wondered.
"Because I told Darius no." He looked at her in shock. Was this it? " I can't be with you, like this... anymore Tommy." She wondered if he could see the devastation she felt, reflected in her eyes and then she wondered if he even bothered to look.
"You're breaking up with me?" No girl had ever rejected him before. "I love you Jude."
"Then pick me Tommy." His eyes showed pain, but he did not speak. "I thought so..." She shook her head in defeat. "You know exactly why I'm not going to Japan."
"I can't believe you would throw us away like this." He said angrily waving at the room with his arm. "How can you ask me to give this up? You love it just as much as I do."
"I loved being with you..." She said quietly.
"Would you give up your music for me?" He asked trying to make her see his point.
"Is that what I'm asking you to do Tommy?" He turned his head away at her penetrating gaze. She wasn't asking him to give up a single thing he really loved and he knew it. She wanted to give him herself, completely, but that could not happen while he was married to another. "Choose me. Come with me." She begged. He didn't have an answer in the face of her obvious pain. When it came down to it, his promises to her had been empty. He found in that moment he couldn't give up everything he had worked for, not even for her. Because what would he have left, without the fame and fortune? There were no guarantees that he was good enough to have a solo career, and ever more doubts started to creep in. And Jude, deep inside he had a barely acknowledged fear that eventually, she would see all of him and turn away in disgust.
"I..."
"You're a coward." She said scornfully, although inside her heart was breaking.
"You don't know anything!" He shouted at her as she started to walk away.
"You keep shaking your ass and singing music you despise Lil' Tommy Q." She turned and said before continuing her exit.
No Goodbye
After they sang Broken for the last time on the tour, they took their bows and Tommy started to walk off the stage when he realized she hadn't followed. He turned at the edge of the stage to see the microphone still in her hand.
"Hi everyone. You guys have been so awesome. Since this is my final concert I want you to be the first to hear my new song." Jude's eyes caught Tommy's as the piano chords started. She turned back to the crowd and began to sing. His hands clenched into fists as he listened to this song she had kept from him. His eyes grew wet and he turned unable to listen anymore. They had both made their choices. He walked away as her haunting voice carried throughout the arena, piercing daggers into his heart. Maybe later they could talk again.
Where's my will
Can I find the way
The earth is wild
And I can't sit still
A familiar sound
A familiar voice
Makes it so hard to make a choice
I don't know if I should stay
A thousand stars
You will have my word
I'm bright enough
To fill these cracks
A familiar place
A familiar voice
Makes it so hard to make a choice
I don't know if I should stay
I ran to you like water
I threw my body in
And I'll stand up on the ocean
Just to show you that I am strong, strong...
But what if I am wrong
A familiar look
A familiar smile
Makes it so hard
To make a choice
And I don't know if I should stay
away...
Jude packed up her guitar and grabbed her duffel bag from her dressing room. There were crew members that she needed to say goodbye to, and she made her rounds with the ones that weren't too busy to talk. She went to find SME next. The boys would be taking the tour bus home, but Jude had decided to fly. There was an after tour party, but none of them had opted to stay for it. She had not told Tommy and made the boys swear they wouldn't either. She and Tommy had said all there was to say that afternoon.
"Are you sorry you did this tour?" Spied asked wrapping an arm around Jude both of them knowing what he really meant.
"Of course not. We made some great music." He gave a small laugh.
"I'll call as soon as we get back." She nodded and he kissed her forehead. He had promised to bring the rest of her stuff back to her.
Kwest spotted her with Spied and made his way over having heard the news. He opened his arms and she went into them for a hug. They said their goodbyes and exchanged phone numbers. Jude had liked his laid back personality and hoped to see him again someday.
"Don't be a stranger awright?" She nodded.
"Watch out for him Kwest." She was the only other person who knew Tommy wasn't as self confident as his persona seemed.
"I will Jude. You take care." She nodded.
Jude barely made the last flight headed for Toronto. She sat alone in her row and finally let the tears fall. The flight attendant saw the sniffling girl and brought a box of tissues over handing them to a grateful Jude.
"Man problems?" The kind woman asked. Jude nodded, but did not speak, staring instead at her tear stained reflection in the glass of the window. The woman walked away, shaking her head in sympathy.
I Can't Believe
Tommy went to his dressing room at intermission, drinking from a water bottle, wiping the sweat from his brow with a towel someone had handed him. He had been off tonight, messing up a couple of the steps and his band had noticed, not that he cared. As he walked towards the vanity table he saw the jewelry box that sat there holding a piece of paper down. He opened the box knowing what he would find. It was the necklace he had given Jude. He picked it up, the chain sliding between his fingers and he reached for the accompanying note. The first two lines were in his own handwriting. She had written another verse below his in her messy scrawl.
Because days come and go
But my feelings for you are forever
One last kiss, before I go
Dry your tears
It is time to let you go
No! His mind screamed. The words she had written brought the finality of their relationship straight into his soul. He grabbed his car keys from the table and pulled the door open. He looked for the nearest stage person asking if they had seen Jude. The man gave him a strange look before telling him that she had already left for the airport. No one had a chance to stop him as he tore past them, towards the back exit of the stage. His new car was parked away from everyone else's at the far end of the private lot.
And He Finally Knew
He got into the Alfa hurriedly and shut the door, starting the car without conscious thought, his mind was so full of her. How could she not say goodbye? How could she not let him convince her to stay? The smell of sex still lingered in the air, not masked by the strong scent of new car and it hit him in the gut. He clenched the steering wheel harder trying not to relive the passion that had coursed through him, not 20 hours before. As he started down the road, he barely noticed the music on the radio playing through the custom made sound system. He glanced over to see the screen with a CD icon on it and realized Jude had left the song she had played for him yesterday, behind. It had been the most perfect day he had ever had, before reality had intruded again. He hit the play button and the mariachi style guitar solo came on. For some reason it spoke to him as he continued to speed, towards his destination. The frantic beat fit his mood perfectly as he listened to the lyrics that he had not paid much attention to the first time.
I can't believe I'm fallin down to my knees
they got me begging you please and I still need another way
my broken chest it hurts, it won't let me breathe
I'm staring down at my wrists
you know I have to insist
that you talk to me
why won't you talk to me
Did she know somehow that this song was the one he would identify with? Did she know him that well? Why else would she have kept the Asia tour from him, guessing he would not keep his promises. He reached for his cell phone on the passenger's seat and hit redial again. Still it just rang until voice mail kicked in. He threw it back onto the leather in frustration. Jude don't leave like this.
when did I want to be lonely
when did I want to be cold
I can't believe that it's over
the beating of my
broken hearted soul
He would never believe it was over, not even if it came from her own lips. There was too much between them; too much to throw away. She knew it too!
I can't believe that I am down in this hole
always paying the toll
for having found my way to you
it doesn't matter that I pushed you away
when you wanted to stay
I have to find a way to make you
talk to me
why won't you talk to me
He tried to call her again, but again she didn't pick up. He prayed like he hadn't in years that he would make it in time as his foot pressed down even harder on the accelerator. He didn't know what he would say when he got to her. He only knew he had to see her face again.
when did I want to be lonely
when did I want to be cold
I can't believe that it's over
the beating of my broken hearted soul
when did I want to be lonely
when did I want to be cold
I can't believe that it's over
this feeling in my broken hearted soul
He wanted to say those words to her, to tell her he did love her. Why couldn't she see they belonged together? She couldn't leave like this. His heartbeat was frantic as he refused to accept that it was over. His stomach felt hollow like he had lost something vital to his existence. She couldn't really mean it. She loved him too and he couldn't believe he had ever doubted that for the barest minute.
don't you dare walk away
this cannot be the end
you're my savior, you're my lover, my muse, my best friend
I won't smile again
I won't ever be loved
you can' t do this to me
if you can hear what I'm saying
please talk to me
you never talk to me
His thoughts were muddled, only images of her coming through. The red head who had blown him off the first time they had met. The girl who had sang Broken with him, pouring emotion into every note. Her sleeping figure curled against him. One again he reached for his cell and dialed, pressing the phone to his ear. Dammit Jude answer! When he looked up the winding of the road was only 20 feet away. He slipped off the accelerator, but the car barely slowed as his foot hit the brake hard.
when did I want to be lonely
When did I want to be cold
I can't believe that it's over
The beating of my
broken hearted soul
There was no squeal of tires as the sleek car met the sharp curve of the road too fast. Then there was only darkness as oblivion came to greet him head on.
I can't believe that it's over
this feeling in my
broken hearted soul
Dry your tears
It is time to let you go
A/N: Everyone seems to forget that Portia never meant to kill Angie. Angie just happened to be the one to take Tommy's car.