The next day was a clinic day for John. Sherlock decided to make a list of things they would need to get the downstairs flat converted into a lab. It was actually an idea he and John had tossed around a bit before they had found out about the baby project, since it would make so much more sense to have all his experiments together where they wouldn't be disturbed and where they didn't interfere with their kitchen/bathtub – well, the general consensus was – the lab should be moved elsewhere than in 221B. Mycroft had offered to assume the added costs, so it only remained to order a real lab table and stools, an incubator, fridge, and centrifuge. Sherlock's mind was full of the equipment and glassware he needed to make it a really functional lab. Maybe he could ask Molly to bring him a catalogue from one of the manufacturers the hospital used - he liked that idea, and texted her to bring it to dinner that evening. She replied that she would, and added that if he came to the lab the following Tuesday, she would probably have some eyes for him. The eye bank at Moorfield's Hospital had some "expired" donations, and Molly had secured some for him. He spent a few minutes in his mind palace, planning experiments - but soon surfaced to focus on the list, and decided anything further could wait until he had the catalogue in hand.
He went down the stairs and asked Mrs. Hudson to lunch and to go shopping with him that afternoon. He wanted to look at the basics they would need, and Mrs. Hudson had many friends with children, although she had never given birth - he and John were her only two 'children.'
Martha Hudson was only too happy to go with Sherlock to begin scouting out things they would soon need for the child they were planning to have. She knew he was not buying things now, but Sherlock was like a dog with a bone when he focused on something, and she realised he'd not be satisfied until he at least had a good idea of what they would need. There was the added treat that Sherlock always chose the best places to eat. Many of the owners owed him a favour or three, and they always received excellent service and often, extras with the meal, like free pudding.
Sherlock chose a quiet little Vietnamese place, with many excellent dishes. Martha had only had this cuisine twice before, and she relished the thought of trying something new. When they both had settled on their choices, they had tea while they waited. They had selected Pho, Com Tam, or broken rice, with pork and egg, and Nom Hua Choi, a banana-flower salad with lime and chilli sauce; and of course, green tea. Sherlock told her that he and John had very briefly stopped into a baby shop the day before, but had honestly been so overwhelmed at the sheer volume of things, they made no decisions, much less a list of what they needed. Mrs. Hudson tutted at him, patting his hand where it rested on the table.
"That's all right, dear - it's all a bit daunting to think about, isn't it? You've plenty of time, don't pressure yourself too much. We'll just browse through today, and make some notes as we go along.
"I see you have a list of things there - we can use that, and look at those things while we're there. I know you'll want to have John along when you finally choose the main theme, but going to a few shops this way will give you an idea of what you do and don't like, as well as seeing the types of items you'll need to have ready. It's a godsend that babies take nine months to get here."
Sherlock knew he didn't have to rush, but he just had to know more about this baby - stuff. Maybe Molly could help him with a more comprehensive listing of the essential items, so he could be sure they had the important things, as well as some that had proven to be especially useful to her and Greg. He wanted so much to be a good parent, and was soon obsessing in his oh – so – not – a – sociopath's - brain. This sort of thing was just not his usual area, so naturally he couldn't stop thinking about it. Sherlock soon felt an unpleasant knot in his stomach, and told himself to calm down. He just wanted John to know he could be trusted to help with all this - he felt dizzy suddenly and took a gulp of tea, and tried unsuccessfully to take a deep breath. Mrs. Hudson was watching him with concern.
"Sherlock, dear – are you all right? Come on now, try and take a deep breath and hold it in for few seconds. Now, let it out very slowly – that's it. And again – is it helping at all? Where is John today, love - is he at the clinic? Do you want me to phone him – Sherlock?" she flagged their waiter down, and asked if the owner could come out. Binh Cà appeared and took one look at Sherlock, calling for his wife as he called 999.
The ambulance arrived just as Sherlock passed out at the table. Mrs. Hudson climbed into the ambulance with him, calling John and Mycroft in that order and telling them that Sherlock seemed to be having a panic attack, and had passed out. The EMTs did quick vitals, and then had Sherlock, who had regained consciousness, breathe into a paper bag. He still looked awfully pale, even for Sherlock. They got to the A&E and moved the stretcher to an open cubicle inside. By the time the staff came out to seek family or friends, Mycroft and John were striding through the double doors. Mrs. Hudson was directed to a waiting room.
"Really, brother - you haven't done this in a long while. What was it today?" asked Mycroft, with his usual concerned look.
"Sherlock - are you feeling all right now, love? What was it, hmm?" asked John at almost the same instant, his trained eyes searching for any deviations from normal.
Sherlock looked at them both, and said, softly, "I – I – erm - I was trying to think of all the things we'd need to do for the lab, and the nursery, and – I - just - couldn't breathe, all of a sudden. I'm sorry that I caused a fuss, I didn't mean to..." he trailed off, looking embarrassed.
" Swoon away in public like a Regency heroine? Don't worry about all that now, Sherlock. No one is angry, just concerned," answered his brother, trying for a lighter note.
"Whatever made you think you had to do this all on your own, eh, lovely? We have plenty of time. I am sure once we settle on a theme and the kind of furniture we want, that your brother can help - isn't that right, Mycroft? It'll all come together just fine," John said, trying to soothe his husband, who was currently looking as if he wanted to sink through the floor.
"Just because I am working part-time at the surgery doesn't mean I won't be around to help with all these decisions and getting the flat ready, and all the rest. Now, love, have you eaten today, or was the interrupted lunch with Mrs. H the only time you were going to eat so far? Yes, I thought so...You may be a bit dehydrated as well," John ended, leaving the cubicle and looking for Sherlock's chart.
"Sherlock, I will be there to help you both with whatever I can - truly. Don't start obsessing over every little thing, it does not have to be decided or finished today. I know it is difficult for you not to overthink things, but I have no doubt that you will make a fine parent. Just give yourself some time to adjust to all this. It is very fortunate you have some months to get acclimated. I'll make certain you both receive regular, weekly updates on the baby once things get started properly. Will that help, do you think? And you know that Mummy and Dad would just love to help with getting the flat ready, all you have to do is ask. Mummy will love the thought of getting to spend more time with you, and to feed you both up a bit," said Mycroft. He hated to see Sherlock looking so defeated and, frankly, scared. He had been so excited all along so far. He really needed to stop doubting himself so much sometimes. For all that he often came off as arrogant to people who didn't know him, his baby brother could be very unsure of himself at heart.
"Erm – I – I guess so. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for any of this to happen. We were just sitting at lunch and then I got to thinking about all the things we needed to do, and suddenly it just seemed there was no air in the room. John, I'm so sorry," Sherlock started, but was silenced by his husband, who was standing there in front of him with some orange juice.
John set it down for a moment, taking both his sweetheart's hands and holding them firmly. He was actually more worried that Sherlock was apologising so much for his behaviour, which was perfectly understandable given the circumstances.
"It'll all get sorted in plenty of time, we do have some months left to prepare. Now, love, see if you can drink most of this - for me, okay, Sherlock?" he instructed.
He helped Sherlock to drink about half the juice, and then set it down. He brushed Sherlock's hair back from his forehead and kissed him, saying, "Love, just remember, we are in this together. I also think that Mycroft's suggestion that your parents help us a bit would be lovely - they're so very excited we are having this baby, and that they will have a grandchild. We can talk more if you want, or if you think we should wait a while longer – I don't want you to feel pressured into this. All right?"
Sherlock nodded, for once not saying a word, still feeling a little overwhelmed. He finished his juice, was seen by the doctor, and was discharged within the next hour. Mycroft's car was waiting to take them and Mrs. Hudson back to Baker Street.
A/N no copyright infringement intended, no profit was made. This work was not beta-read, all mistakes are mine alone.
~joan