Thank you all (as always) for your continued reviews and support. Your readership means so much to me. This is a loooong chapter, so thank you for sticking with me.

She was warm but the fabric of the car seat was cool against her skin. The window was open and the snowflakes fell onto her cheek. She shifted and felt the warmth fall away. She heard a faint rustling sound and someone's hand touched her arm as the warm weight returned, covering her body. She sunk back into the darkness of sleep.

She was six. They'd played outside all day and her pink cheeks were numb from the cold. It was night and the snow fort grew bigger and bigger with each block their father shaped. "Look, Lizzie Lizard!" Will cried, "It's an igloo!"
She was nine. Shrieking with delight as their sled glided across the white powdery evening. Their father's head thrown back in laughter. Their mother beaming as she watched on.
She was thirteen. The calendar on the wall marked fourteen days until Christmas. Nat King Cole crooned quietly from the radio. The light reflecting off the snow cast sparkles on the ceiling of her darkened bedroom. She kept her tired eyes open, focusing on the swirling pattern of the snowflakes, as she waited for the sound of the front door to open, for her parents to return from their trip.
Thirteen, when the shrill ring of the phone woke her from a sound sleep. Thirteen, when she ran down the stairs to answer, the cold floor biting at her toes. Thirteen, when the scream she hadn't realized escaped from her mouth brought her brother, racing down the stairs. Thirteen, when they had buried their parents. When their childhood had ended.

Silent Night,

She was seventeen. It was her last year at boarding school before she moved on to college. UVA. Early decision. Her decision and her's alone. Christmas break had descended.
She'd said goodbye to all her friends four days ago, or was it five? She hadn't seen anyone in so long, she'd lost count.
The quiet was complete around her and the snow was loathe to cease it's falling.
Will was away, spending the holiday with his girlfriend. He promised her he'd call tomorrow morning. She spent Christmas Eve in the small chapel on the grounds. Even though she wasn't religious at all, and hadn't been to religious services since her parents funeral, she felt like this night should be spent inside a church.

Holy night,

The soft glow of hundreds of candles lit the space, flickering in the invisible breeze that danced around her with every step she took. The night was still, clear, cold.
All is calm. All is bright.

She was by herself. "I love you, Lizzie. You'll be fine," her mother had whispered, waving that one last time.
Round yon virgin Mother and Child.
She promised herself then that someday, when she had children, she would make sure they never felt so alone.
Holy infant, so tender and mild.

Henry, his warm hand enveloped hers, pressing a kiss to her temple as she drifted off against him in the pew before Midnight mass - exactly two Christmases later.
Sleep in heavenly peace.

Small Stevie cuddling baby Jason, rocking him in front of their brightly lit Christmas tree. Jason's little feet moving in excitement at the multicolored display.
Sleep in heavenly peace.

Henry, holding tiny Allison on his shoulders as they stood outside in the frozen blackness, looking up at the iridescent stars.
Silent night, holy night. Shepherds quake at the sight.
Glories stream from Heaven a far...

Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia, Stevie's golden hair strewn across her cheeks and tangling in her halo, as she sang in the Christmas Pageant.

Christ the Savior is born. Christ the Savior is born.

The hushed sound of a familiar voice met her ear.
"They're okay? Seven and a half pounds? Good for him! I'm so glad you got through. I've been so worried..."

Elizabeth opened her eyes and sat up slowly, the warm weight of her coat sliding off her body once more. She peered to her right and found Jay speaking softly into this cell phone.
Jay looked at her, and realizing that she was awake, said quickly, "I'll be there soon. Thanks for letting me know..."
"Your sister-in-law?" she asked quietly, taking in Jay's expression, "The baby?" A rush of one million emotions welled inside of her. Jay met her eyes, his face was gentle but concerned. She was sure that she looked a mess.

"Ma'am," he whispered, softly, "are you okay?"
She patted his hand, "Thanks to you."

One of her agents interrupted, "Ma'am, when we reach the hospital we need to have you checked out. I'll take your pulse again, now." Elizabeth swallowed hard and complied, offering her wrist. She was surprised by how starkly white her skin was against the upholstery of the car seats.
Elizabeth forced herself to draw a breath. She wasn't ready to ask questions. If they had news about her family, they would have shared it with her. She didn't want to talk about what had happened, about her...attack. She didn't want to hear about what Jay had done to keep her from falling away. She couldn't handle all of that just yet...

"Ma'am, they're still trying to patch you through to Stevie," Jay began cautiously, but she cut him off.

"Tell me about the baby?" she requested, leaning back against the head rest.

Jay sighed, "That was Danielle's sister. She lives in Tennessee. She's been trying to speak to Danielle all night and finally was able to get a text message sent through to her. The reception was awful and I could barely hear her but," Jay stopped to breathe, "I'm sure they'll be able to get you through soon, Ma'am." Jay's eyes were filled with tears and Elizabeth read his guilt immediately. She reached for his hand.

"The baby, Jay," she reminded him mildly, the distraction was necessary as she felt the familiar prickle of emotion in her nose.
Jay rubbed his hand over his face and nodded. "He's perfect, Ma'am. He's a beautiful, healthy seven and a half pound baby boy."

"And Danielle?" she pressed.

"She's doing great. The delivery went smoothly and as of twenty minutes ago, she and the baby were asleep."
"Did they pick a name for him?" Elizabeth asked, blinking sleepily.
Jay swallowed hard and was quiet for seconds before he nodded, "Yes, Ma'am." He lowered his voice so that only she could hear before he began again, "But I can't - I'll tell you later on."

Elizabeth gazed at him in weary bewilderment for a moment, before she read the answer in Jay's face.
"His name is Henry, isn't it?" she whispered, in a lilting voice.
Jay held her hand tighter, applying pressure against her skin. "It's Danielle's father's name." Jay's dark eyes bored into her blue and when she held herself together, he gave a soft laugh. "You must have been a damn good spy, Ma'am."

Elizabeth sighed and gave a small smile, "You're an easy read, Jay. Your good heart gives you away."

Jay nodded and gave her hand another reassuring squeeze, before retreating back onto his side of the car.

They sat in reticence for as long as Elizabeth could hold off. She half-turned to look toward Jay. He was resting his head against the window but she could feel him watching her. She wanted to elucidate for him, to clarify, to calm. This man had gone above and beyond for her before, but tonight he'd done something he should never have been called upon to do.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," she whispered into the silence around them.
"See what, Ma'am?" Jay asked, his brown eyes were shy.
She nodded, brushing away the tears that threatened to fall. "You're much too kind, Jay."

"Ma'am, please don't worry-"
"My parents died when I was thirteen," she interrupted, before Jay jumped in again.
"Ma'am, I - you don't have to explain anything to-"
"I know that," she said, "but I want to." Elizabeth sat up straighter against the seat and turned toward him.
"My brother and I. We were so...young. We were passed between different family members during the summers and away in school during the year. We were always surrounded by cousins and friends but inside, we really knew we were on our own. I know my parents didn't mean to - they didn't mean to leave us by ourselves. It's not like they had a choice." Elizabeth explained, her voice catching on a sob. "Before they died, I was the responsible kid, the one you could count on. Will was the reckless one, the trouble-maker, the "cool" kid. I envied him but I worried about him, all the time. Little did I know, it wasn't Will who I should have been afraid of losing," she gave a sharp exhale and continued. "Sometimes, I think if I'd worried more about my parents than about Will, that they'd still be here."
Jay interrupted her, "Ma'am, there is no way you could have know what would happen-" but she pressed on. Jay's words were meant to be comforting she knew, but she had heard them repeated so many times that they drummed inside of her like her heartbeat.

"For years, I felt like Will was the only link I had left to my parents, to our childhood. I think it became such a part of the way I am," she brushed her tears away impatiently. "This dichotomy – acceptance and but also complete...anxiety. We were so young and we were alone. We had to make our own choices and decisions and we were alone. I was alone. Will - we grieved in opposite ways. I worried about everything and he - just didn't. Will doesn't worry. As we got older, it just solidified those roles further for us. I threw myself into everything at school, I worked for every A I earned. My brother? He quit college and left for a service year in Uganda, without even telling me that he was going." Elizabeth shook her head. "We grew up and he sort of ran away from responsibilities, breaking from connections. I survived by doing the opposite, making connections with people.
But I realized that for all the connections I made with friends and teachers, I didn't let anyone in. Will and I - we're identical in that regard. I didn't let anyone know or see or understand how much I was still struggling. How afraid I was. On the outside, everything was fine. It was perfect. I was - perfect. Top of my classes, honor roll, Dean's List. But inside, I was always terrified. Always worried that something would happen, that something else would happen. To him, to me...
I had lots of friends at school, but I didn't let them get close. I didn't tell them anything about my private life. About why I stayed at school during Christmas break and why I couldn't wait to start summer term classes. I was so afraid to let anyone in for fear that I'd lose them too. But then, one day - that changed." Inexplicably, Elizabeth felt her smile tug at the edge of her mouth.

"I was sitting in the library on campus with 45 minutes to spare before my final exams. I was speed reading my copy of "History of the Ancient World," when all of a sudden there was this loud crash and it scared me so much I dropped my book. You know those heavy footstools they used to use in libraries? To reach the top shelves?" She met Jay's eyes and when he nodded, she kept going. She wasn't sure why she kept talking or where her memory was taking her down this particular path, but she pursued it. She just wanted to keep speaking. The distraction was helping soothe her ache, her fear. When the kids were home sick, she sat on their beds or on the couch for hours and told them stories like these...

"Well, I turned around and standing in the aisle behind me, rubbing his clearly bruised shin, was this guy. With this hair and these eyes and - " Elizabeth gave a sad laugh through her tears. "All of a sudden, I wanted everything to be different. For the first time since I was little, I wanted to get to know someone and I wanted him to know me. It was irrational and hilarious and it wasn't something I believed in - love at first sight. But anyway, I looked at him and he's limping towards me, apologizing profusely for "disturbing the peace," he picked up my book and handed it to me and said "I'm so sorry" and I said "I'm Elizabeth Adams." And he stared at me for a second with this quizzical look, but when he started to laugh, I knew. I just knew. I was a goner. I was sure about him. Pretty soon, I figured out he was sure about me, too." Elizabeth smiled. "I was right, he did change everything. Together, we did. When we started to think about having a family, I got scared again. I just thought - if anything happens to us - but he kept reassuring me that we were going to be okay. I had spent so much of my life afraid and alone and I just- I promised myself...when Henry and I had children that I would never let my kids to feel that way." she finished in an tortured hush.

"They're not alone, Ma'am. They have each other. They know you're on your way," Jay soothed her.

"But if something happens to them-?" she stopped to take a breath, "And I wasn't there. What kind of mother does that make me?" she whispered in anguish, the gravity of the moment causing her anxieties to tumble out.

"I'd say it makes you the kind of mother who loves her family, Ma'am. The kind of mother who would do anything to change the cards dealt to her tonight. It also makes you the kind of mother who tries. It makes you human." Elizabeth took a breath and looked over at him. She'd heard those words before.

"Listen, Ma'am. I can't pretend to know what you went through with losing your parents. I'm fortunate enough to have both my mom and dad with me. I can't pretend to know what you're going through tonight. I can only be here. I can only hope and I can only compare it to what I know. Chloe- she's our everything. She's got me so tightly wrapped around her little finger, I'm in trouble, Ma'am. I look at her and - and I see all that's good in this world." Jay stopped, becoming choked up.
"As a parent, we make it our mission in life to keep our kids safe. From the moment they're handed to us, we want them to know they can count on us. But we want them to grow, Ma'am. You and Dr. McCord have raised three smart, confident, compassionate kids, Ma'am. That's more difficult than it sounds and it's more than some people could ever dream of. I've never met your parents but I can say for certain they would be proud of you and of your family."

"Jay, what will it matter?" she whispered desperately, "If Henry? Or Allie?..."

"Ma'am, let me tell you something. I can't let you think like that. I have a feeling. Your parents might not be able to be here beside you, but I am. My nephew was born tonight and so it's a night of life, of living. A night for miracles. I have a feeling this isn't going to become a repeat of what happened when you were thirteen. They're still here, Ma'am. They're all still here."

Jay spoke with such conviction and care for her that she had to believe him. He was right. She had to think positively. Henry would tell her she had to try to pray, she had to try. She stifled her sob behind her hand before-

"Ma'am, we have Stephanie on the line for you."