Day 1
Unsurprisingly, Tsunade woke up with a hangover.
"Shizune." she groaned, stuffing her face in the pillow.
She sat up when she felt someone tap her shoulder. Shizune handed her a glass of water and placed her hands at Tsunade's temples. Soon her headache was receding as the cool green healing chakra worked its way through her system. Once she felt that light would be slightly tolerable, she cracked her eyes open. The hotel room was a mess. Shizune was wearing her usual 'disappointed but not surprised' expression. A normal Monday morning then.
Oh no wait, there should be a child somewhere in room.
"Where's the brat?" she rasped, her throat still sore from last night.
"I wanted to talk to you about that." Shizune spoke quietly, but Tsunade could tell she was nervous. "When I woke up this morning I went to check on her. Tonton was fast asleep but Sakura was just lying there fully awake, staring at the ceiling. When I got closer I realised she had a kunai in her hand. For a second I was terrified that she was going to kill Tonton but when she noticed me she just got up and started brushing her hair. I'm fairly sure she had that kunai near her all night too. She went outside to do her 'morning training' and it seems quite intense. Tsunade-sama… I think there's something very wrong with that girl."
"She said that she came all the way from Ame, didn't she?" Tsunade sighed when Shizune nodded. "If she's an orphan from a small village like Ame then it's really not surprising that she sleeps with a knife under her pillow. From what I've seen, children in those countries don't have the same luxuries as those living in countries protected by the five great shinobi villages."
"Is it really that bad?" Shizune sounded appalled.
If Tsunade was younger and had seen less of the horrors shinobi created, she would also be shocked. But as it was she merely shrugged and shuffled out of the bed.
"Not sure. Some small countries are doing better than most. Ame is a secretive village, but I doubt they recovered that well since the last war. All I'm saying is that by the time Konoha genin are given their first kunai, kids like Sakura have become far more familiar with the cost of surviving this cruel world."
She ignored the sad look on Shizune's face and made her way towards the bathroom
"Just be aware that a kunai under her pillow is probably not the most disturbing habit Sakura has, so if she surprises you, try not to show it. She doesn't need to think that she's doing the wrong thing by protecting herself, even if it is a little extreme."
She left Shizune contemplating her words and went to wash up. When she returned Sakura had also come back, looking as blank faced as she had ever since she'd beat Tsunade last night. The lack of emotions didn't surprise Tsunade, but the kid's acting ability was something else. She'd fooled them completely yesterday, and even now Tsunade wasn't sure how much of the girl's persona was real.
Still, that wasn't her problem. The kid had asked for training, not a therapist.
"Oi Sakura." The girl's eyes snapped up to stare at her. "We'll be on the road for most of the day, so you're training won't start until tonight, or possibly tomorrow morning, depending on how high my desire to find the nearest bar is when we reach our destination."
Sakura nodded calmly, and began packing up her things. She paused after a few seconds and turned to Tsunade again.
"Any instructions for the rest of the day?"
"Uh…" Tsunade grabbed a book that Shizune was attempting to pack. "You want to learn how to be like me, right? Study this."
Sakura took the book and quirked an eyebrow.
"You want me to read a fictional novel about 'A girl who walked on a dangerous road all her life. But one day she meets Amachi. Can she be saved by the boy who shines as bright as the sun?'"
"Give me that." Tsunade growled, snatching the book back and glaring at Shizune.
"So sue me my hobby is reading fiction." Shizune muttered as she stuffed the book back in her bag. "This is why you should ask before you grab my things."
Tonton gave an agreeing snort, and Tsunade rolled her eyes and grabbed another book. This time she read the cover before giving it to Sakura.
"Here you go. 'The Role of Chakra in Advanced Medical Life Support.' Have fun, brat."
Sakura actually looked interested in the book. She flicked it open and her eyes began studying the pages. Shizune seemed surprised, but Tsunade was just glad the kid could read.
"Are we all ready? Good. Let's get out of here before the debt collectors catch up."
!
Day 2
So it turned out that Tsunade couldn't resist the call of alcohol when they reached the town. One long sleep and a hangover later, and she was ready to start training Sakura.
They found a field on the outskirts of town. Shizune and Tonton sat off to the side, nibbling on some dango they'd bought with the remains of Tsunade's money. Tsunade envied them. The girl in front of her was staring up expectantly at her and she had no idea where to begin. It had been years since she mentored anyone other than Shizune, let alone a child.
"Alright, so how did you get on with that book yesterday?"
"There was a lot of it that I already knew, but some parts of it were unfamiliar so I learnt a good bit."
"You understood it then?" She squinted at the stoic girl. "Are you skilled in medical ninjutsu or are you just intelligent enough to understand the process?"
Sakura perked up, and then before Tsunade could stop her she took out a kunai and cut her fucking arm open.
Tsunade could feel Sakura's worried look and could hear Shizune racing across the field, but everything became background noise to the pounding in her head as she saw the blood dripping from Sakura's arm.
Nawaki, Dan, the war, so much blood, too much blood, can't heal can't heal can't heal. Dead dead they're all dead nothing but death why am I not dead yet. Why can't I breathe why am I crying why is there blood everywhere.
The world went black.
When she came to Shizune was hovering worriedly above her.
"I'm ok." she groaned, sitting up off the grass. "Where's the brat?"
"She healed her arm incredibly quickly, but I explained about your aversion to blood and told her to give you some space so she's gone to buy some food." Shizune bit her lip. "I asked her why she'd cut herself and she said she wanted to show you her proficiency. Tsunade-sama… she didn't even flinch when she dug the knife into her arm and her expression remained the same. I couldn't even tell if she was in pain or not. I know what you said yesterday but-"
"Forget what I said yesterday." Tsunade muttered. "What she did just there wasn't a survival instinct, it was something much darker. I know Sakura said she was an orphan but I have a feeling she's lived with some very bad people. To be able to cut yourself like that as if it was nothing…"
"I can see her walking back. What should we do?" Shizune whispered.
"What can we do?" Tsunade sighed and got to her feet. "I told her I'd train her and I'm going to train her. So the kid's a little more messed up than I'd anticipated; we just need to lay down some ground rules."
Sakura was within hearing range now, so Tsunade moved to meet her. The girl looked nervous, and Tsunade's cold expression gave nothing away.
"I'm sorry for triggering you like that." Sakura said. "Shizune-san explained about your aversion to blood. I won't do it again."
"It's fine child. You didn't know." Tsunade said calmly. "But from now on, Shizune will handle all aspects of your medical ninjutsu training, got it?"
Shizune didn't look too pleased with this, but Sakura nodded happily.
"Now then, let's move on to the training I can actually give you."
She reached into her pocket and grabbed the first thing she found, which was a tattered flyer for a gambling bar. It was no bell test, but it would do.
"Your objective is to get this flyer from me through any means necessary. Don't be afraid to go all out, I need to see what you're capable of."
She noticed Sakura's eyes shift to Shizune and tensed. Using loved ones as bargaining chips was smart and effective, but it was a dirty strategy. Tsunade couldn't believe she'd ever thought this girl was harmless.
"No using other people as leverage. This is a one on one fight."
Sakura nodded again, only looking slightly disappointed.
"One last thing. I won't be holding back, so if you treat this as a light spar you could end up seriously injured. Don't hesitate to use your best moves, regardless of the danger involved."
"I won't hold back." Sakura said, and there was a coldness in her eyes that made Tsunade stand a little straighter.
In their first match Tsunade had been drunk, sloppy and arrogant. This time she wouldn't get caught off guard.
Sakura started making hand-seals, and the spar began.
Day 4
"Sakura I have to ask, where did you learn your fighting style? I understand more now why you chose to come to me, because your skills are creepily similar to mine."
Sakura knew before she left Ame that this question would get asked. Even so, she was careful in her answer.
"I'm not sure. I've had them for as long as I can remember."
Tsunade didn't seem impressed with that answer. Sakura had expected that.
"So you just woke up one day with all these abilities?"
"I wouldn't say it's quite that simple, but sort of."
"Alright kid, I didn't want to pry, but I think I'm going to need a bit more of an explanation."
They were on the road again, travelling quickly to a different town since Shizune had recognized one of the casino owners as a moneylender they had yet to repay. It didn't look like there was going to be a good distraction anytime soon, so Sakura would need to give a little to get Tsunade to drop the subject.
"I can't remember much of my life until around four or five, so I don't remember where I was born or who raised me. All I know is that by the time I was that age I could fight like a shinobi and heal myself with chakra. As I grew I trained with various people, but the initial source of my abilities is a mystery to everyone."
"Hm… I see. What's the earliest memory you have?"
"My first mentor was a really horrible man called Baiu. He was the first one to show me the limit of my strength and how I could improve. Sometimes I remember snippets of our training in my dreams, the people he made me kill, the beatings he gave me, stuff like that. The only clear memory of him I have is from the day I killed him though, so I'd count that as my earliest memory."
An uneasy silence hung in the air once Sakura finished talking.
"Shouldn't have asked." Tsunade muttered. "Look, you've gone and upset Tonton."
Sakura glanced over her shoulder. The pig in Shizune's arms did seem a little distressed. Oh well, at least none of them would ask about her past for a good while.
There was a subdued atmosphere for the rest of the walk, and Sakura felt slightly annoyed at herself for killing the mood. Shizune wouldn't stop giving her pitying looks when she thought Sakura wasn't watching, and it grew tiresome. Eventually, Sakura decided that she'd had enough.
"It wasn't all bad though." she spoke out of the blue. "There wasn't a child around who could beat me in a fight, most adults failed too. Plus once Baiu died I was able to take care of myself, which was nice. I decided when I got up and went to bed, what I ate and when, how much training I would do every day. I got by, so it didn't suck half as much as you probably think."
That last part was a lie, but Sakura didn't think either of them caught it.
"Tell me this." Tsunade said, and there was a serious edge to her voice that worried Sakura. "Was there ever anyone around who patched you up after a rough fight, who treated you to ramen just because? Anyone who bought you new clothes or cared for you in a non-abusive way?"
Sakura thought of Konan. She never patched her up but she occasionally gave Sakura medical supplies and new clothes. However the treating you to ramen and caring in a non-abusive way criteria had never been met. Kisame bought her ramen one time when they'd finished sparring, but she hadn't been hungry and had only eaten it because she didn't want to annoy him, so she wasn't sure if that counted. Two out of four wasn't that bad, all things considering.
"Yes." she answered.
"Good." Tsunade said firmly, looking a little less tense.
Everyone looked slightly more at ease. Sakura didn't feel bad at all for not making her answer less vague. She'd only been with them a few days and she could already tell that the less they knew about her the better. It would stop them from pitying her and stop her from getting too attached.
She could pretend to be more human if it meant the training went smoother. As long as she remembered that she was just a weapon, everything would be fine.
Day 7
"I'm starting to get tired and we have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow. Let's call it a night."
Sakura nodded and relaxed her stance. So far, Tsunade had merely sparred with her, thrown things at her, and given her pointers on how to improve. It was useful, but not as taxing as Sakura was used to. Today they had their longest training session yet, and the exhaustion Sakura felt was a welcome sensation.
"Your last move was nice by the way." Tsunade said as they walked towards the gate of the field. "I would have never expected you to dodge my kick like that."
"Thank you Shishou." Sakura mumbled.
Her eyes widened a second later when she realised what she said, but Tsunade merely laughed.
"Shishou eh? I like it."
Sakura nodded, trying not to show how flustered she was. Why had she said that? The word had slipped out so naturally, but it wasn't right. Pein was her master, her wielder, the one who gave her purpose. She was only here on his orders, so why did she call Tsunade her master? Wouldn't sensei have done the trick?
She couldn't do anything about it now. Tsunade seemed to like it so Sakura assumed she had to keep calling her that. It would be fine. For a year, Tsunade could be her Shishou. Sakura just needed to remember who she truly served, and all would be well.
Tsunade could be her master, but Pein would always be her god.
Day 42
Everything was progressing better than Tsunade could have hoped for. Other than that one slip-up with the blood, the training had been going smoothly. Sakura was quiet, attentive and a quick learner. Shizune reported that she knew some aspects of medical ninjutsu that neither of them were completely familiar with. There was the occasional unsettling moment when Sakura said or did something quite dark, like when she'd started talking to Shizune about her experience with poisons or when she'd attempted to castrate a man who tried to grope Tsunade, but overall she was no trouble to have around.
So obviously, there was an incident.
It was a normal small town with a normal shabby bar filled with normal shady people. The only difference was that one of them was mouthier than usual.
"So you're really the legendary Tsunade?" One guy who had clearly had far too much to drink sneered. "The rumours about you going off the rails are true then?"
"Go away." Tsunade muttered, downing her third shot of the night.
"Aw don't be like that." the man crooned. "I don't care if you're a little damaged; with tits like those you're still welcome to spend the night. What do you say princess?"
"We're leaving." Tsunade sighed, getting up and pulling Shizune behind her.
Her assistant was predictably angry, but this wasn't the first time they'd encountered a sleazy drunk. Tonton merely grunted disgustedly from Shizune's arms and Shizune nodded in agreement.
Sakura, who had been quiet for the entire incident, suddenly stopped as they were nearing their hotel.
"I left my book at the bar." she said sheepishly.
Tsunade sighed and gestured at her to go. Sakura took off, and Tsunade turned to walk into the hotel.
"Oh, I forgot to restock my supply of senbon!" Shizune exclaimed, shoving Tonton into Tsunade's arms. "Go on inside without me. I think the weapons shop nearby stays open for another hour or so."
"Bunch of scatterbrains." Tsunade grumbled, securing her grip on Tonton before the pig wiggled out of her arms.
Half an hour later, there was a knock on the door. Tsunade opened it, and Shizune rushed inside. One glance and Tsunade knew that something had shaken her badly.
"It's Sakura." Shizune whispered. "I was walking back from the shop and I heard a scream coming from the alley near the bar. When I ran to help I saw Sakura stick a kunai into the man who had insulted you earlier. When she noticed me… for a second I thought she was going to kill me too, but she just stood there and stared."
Tsunade helped Shizune sit down on the bed and handed her some water, before letting her continue.
"I asked her why she had done it, and she said it was because he had disrespected you. 'Scum like him don't get to talk about my shishou that way. It was my duty to make him pay.' The look in her eyes… Tsunade-sama, she was so cold about it. I haven't been that scared in a long time."
"Where is she now?" Tsunade asked, her mind filled with thoughts of an unstable child on a killing spree.
"She's on her way back here. I think she knows she's in trouble, because I couldn't really hide how appalled I was, but she's not going to run away. I feel like she genuinely believed she was doing the right thing, which is worrying in its own way."
"Alright then." Tsunade felt the beginnings of a headache emerging. "I'll talk to her about it, let her know we don't tolerate killing people over rude words."
"But she was so flippant about it-"
"What do you want me to do?" Tsunade said tiredly. "I agree something has to be done about this, but I don't know what kind of abuse that girl has suffered in the past. I have to be careful about punishing her, because even laps or push-ups could have horrible memories associated with them."
"Judging by her general attitude towards pain I doubt something like push-ups would be effective anyway." Shizune seemed to be thinking hard. "However, I might know something that could work…"
Ten minutes later the door creaked open hesitantly and a small pink head peeped around it.
"You can come in brat, we won't bite." Tsunade said, trying not to sound as worn out as she felt.
She could tell the girl was nervous. She stood in the centre of the room, her gaze flicking from Shizune to Tsunade and back to Shizune.
"I don't want you to do that again." Tsunade said, breaking the silence. "I can fight my own battles, and that one wasn't necessary. He was a drunk idiot, but if I went around murdering all the drunk and disrespectful idiots in the world the population of all these villages would be very small. I don't care what you were taught before; there will be no more killing on my behalf, understood?"
"Yes shishou." Sakura whispered.
"Good." Tsunade said, gesturing for Sakura to sit down.
Sakura flopped down on her bed, much less nervous now that she knew Tsunade wasn't sending her away.
"You need to realise that that man may have been scum, but now he'll never get the chance to better himself. He might have had a wife or a child who didn't deserve to lose their family. Life is a valuable thing, and if I'm going to continue training you this is something you must learn."
She could tell Sakura wasn't too impressed with her speech, so she cut to the point.
"From now on, you'll be in charge of looking after Tonton. Feed her, clothe her, keep her safe and warm and loved. She's your responsibility now, and if that pig comes whining to me that you're not looking after her properly then I'll postpone your training, got it?"
Both Sakura and Tonton looked absolutely disgusted at the idea, but Tsunade agreed with Shizune that this was a good plan. Sakura clearly had no idea how to care about anyone, not even herself. Getting her to value a pig's wellbeing was the first step to helping the girl heal.
"I know what you're probably thinking." Shizune spoke up. "What good is a pig? Caring for it is a waste of money. It has no use in the slightest beyond maybe serving as a decoy. I'm sure there are more useful, stronger animals out there."
"You said it not me." Sakura muttered, ignoring Tonton's indignant squeal.
"That's where you're wrong." Tsunade said calmly. "I would rather have Tonton by my side than all the jonin in Konoha. If you can't see why then this should be a learning experience for you."
Sakura still didn't seem fond of her new job, but she knew better than to argue. Sighing, she gestured for the pig to get into bed with her, and Tonton reluctantly trotted over to her.
After the stunt Sakura had just pulled, Tsunade didn't feel like smiling. But she had to admit, the two of them snuggling together made for a pretty cute sight.
Day 70
"You don't have to do this." Shizune said softly, holding back Tsunade's hair as she threw up the majority of the alcohol she had recently consumed.
"It's not a problem." Sakura said, scrubbing vomit off the hotel floor. "You give me food and a place to sleep, this is the least I can do."
She worked in silence for a minute, the only sounds being her scrubbing and Tsunade's retching.
"She wasn't always like this." Shizune said quietly. "I mean, she always liked gambling, but the drinking…"
"I understand." Sakura replied. "It's really not an issue for me. I've been around much worse people than an alcoholic. I know some incredibly talented people with evil habits, and I've been a victim of their abuse too. Shishou's bad habits pale in comparison to them. Her drinking doesn't… it doesn't diminish my respect for her."
"I'm glad." She could tell that she'd surprised Shizune, but she didn't think it was in a bad way.
Tonton toddled over to demand food, and Sakura rolled her eyes but complied. She didn't miss the gentle smile on Shizune's face as she fed Tonton scraps from yesterday's dinner.
It was nice to have people be at ease around you. It was even nicer when Sakura could also relax around them.
Day 104
Another town, another street filled with bars and casinos, another night spent with her head in a medical book. Congenital Diseases and Syndromes. Fairly basic reading, but a good way to pass the time.
Shizune spent the night trying to stop Tsunade from losing all their money, and Tonton spent the night curled up in Sakura's lap. Once it became clear that Sakura wasn't going to butcher her for fun, Tonton had taken fairly well to Sakura. She was quite high-maintenance for a pig, but at this point looking after her was no longer a chore, and was simply part of Sakura's daily routine.
At some point past midnight Sakura felt the urge to get some fresh air. Placing the still snoozing Tonton onto her shoulder she left her book beside Shizune and walked outside.
The street wasn't as crowded as it had been a few hours ago. Women in loose robes and heavy make-up leant against the walls of dark nameless buildings. Sakura knew what they were selling, and had no interest in it. Nor did she have interest in the beady eyed men waiting to shuffle bored passer-bys into their casinos. She'd seen enough of streets like this to last her a lifetime, so she made her way to the busier part of town.
Navigating the stalls with a pig on her shoulder was difficult, so after a few minutes she cut into a small alleyway to move Tonton to a more secure position. Halfway through her attempt to put Tonton in her bag, the pig woke up and began wriggling in her arms. Cursing, Sakura struggled not to drop her and tried to calm her down.
"Shh Tonton it's me. I just went out for a little walk. Come on, get in the bag. Doesn't it look warm? Yes it does come on, get in."
She was so distracted that she didn't notice the huge frame creeping up behind her until something white flew past her shoulder and whacked Tonton out of her hands.
"Boo!"
Sakura watched in horror as the pig flew into the wall of the alley and then fell limply to the ground. The booming laugh that followed was one she recognised. The sword wrapped in cloth that had hit Tonton was also one she recognized.
"Oh my, it's only been a few months and you've gotten this slow?"
"Kisame!" she whirled around to face the grinning man. "What are you doing?"
"I'm on a mission. What are you doing?"
"I'm on a mission too! And that pig was an important part of it!"
"Really?" Kisame laughed again. "Sorry, Leader didn't tell us anything about you. Part of me was wondering if you'd ran away, finally got tired of being the loyal guard dog. It would explain why you didn't call me 'Kisame-sama' just now."
Meeting Kisame, Sakura could have dealt with. An injured Tonton, Sakura could have dealt with. Both at the same time? She was struggling.
"He sent me away for extra training." Sakura said, trying not to look at Tonton in case she started panicking. "Sorry for not addressing you properly. I'm undercover right now, and if that pig is dead everything might be ruined, so I wasn't thinking straight."
"Not very good training if I was able to catch you off guard." Kisame said indifferently. "But it's good that you didn't defect. As fun as it would be to see you out from under Leader's thumb I do hate traitors."
"And I hate dying, which is why I'm not stupid enough to defy my master and his organization of incredibly strong shinobi."
Kisame laughed, and Sakura faked a grin. She had missed bantering with Kisame, but the possibly dead pig stopped her from really enjoying it.
"Well it's a shame I can't stay for longer, but I have people to kill and you have a pig to heal." Kisame shook his head, staring at Tonton's limp form. "I'm really questioning Leader's judgement if this is what he considers 'special training'"
"Tell you what, we can spar when I get back and you can see for yourself how much I've improved."
"Excellent." Kisame's grin was sharp and deadly, but at that minute Sakura was far more concerned with Tsunade's wrath. "In that case I'll let you get back to… wherever it is you're going. It was good seeing you again, especially away from your uptight handlers."
"Good to see you to." she lied, whirling around and grabbing Tonton. "Good luck with your mission."
She didn't bother waiting for his reply, running as fast as she could towards the casino she'd left Tsunade and Shizune in. As she flickered from one street to another her fingers frantically felt for a pulse. She found a weak one, but it wasn't enough to reassure her.
She burst through the casino doors ignoring the angry cries from the men around her. Shizune took one look at her panicked face and Tonton's unconscious form and immediately grabbed Tsunade.
Five minutes later they were back in their hotel. Shizune was carefully working on healing Tonton while Sakura's panicking was getting worse and worse.
"I'm so, so sorry I should have never brought her outside. Some awful person deliberately knocked her off my shoulder and into a wall but I didn't kill them! I promise! Oh no is she going to be ok? I understand if you want me to leave or to stay away from her I'm really sorry that I messed everything up I swear I really was trying to look after her I should have done better I know I-"
"Sakura." Tsunade interrupted. "Calm down. You're crying."
Sakura reached up and found that her cheeks were damp. That was a surprise. She hadn't even noticed her own tears.
"Tonton will be fine." Tsunade continued. "And you're going to be fine too. Accidents happen, and the fact that you're so upset about it proves that you didn't mean any harm. In fact, I'd say it means you're improving."
"But I failed!" Sakura said in bewilderment. "I was supposed to look after the pig and I didn't so how is that ok?"
Tsunade actually laughed, which only made Sakura more confused.
"Oh kid, even though you're improving you still have a long way to go. Just trust me on this. Tonton will recover and forgive you, Shizune and I have already forgiven you, so don't beat yourself up about this. Mistakes happen, but you had good intentions and in this situation that's what's important. Now get some sleep."
Sakura crawled into her bed utterly baffled. Both Tsunade and Shizune had taught her a lot, but some things just didn't add up. She failed a direct order, and yet everyone was fine with it. Tsunade had said that looking after Tonton was meant to be a 'learning experience' but Sakura just felt lost. What exactly was she learning?
As her eyes began to droop, she almost thought she saw Tsunade watching her with a fond smile.