A/N: here's chapter 9, hope you enjoy it, angst at the end but no huge cliff hanger so you don't have to beat me as hard if I don't update in a while ^^()

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Howard kicked himself as he put his keys in the door. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot! He slammed it shut behind him and threw his coat on the sofa. Idiot, fucking idiot! Walking into the kitchen Howard angrily set about making himself a cup of tea. "Idiot." He sighed as he added an extra sugar to his mug. "What's wrong with you Howard, Man of Action my arse." He picked up the kettle and began emptying the boiling water into his mug, but in his haste he knocked the full mug of water over, causing the burning liquid to splash all over his arm and hand. Quickly dropping the kettle on the side and cursing loudly Howard half ran to the sink the other side of the kitchen and turned on the cold tap, running his hand underneath it. After a few minutes he turned the tap off and gently cradled his head in his unburned hand. Sighing he gave up with his tea and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him, darkness enveloping him. He hadn't noticed the time, but it didn't really bother him. Stumbling through the darkness he made his way to his bed and lay down on the soft mattress.

Minutes turned into hours as Howard tossed and turned on his bed in the darkness, eyes wide open, thousands of thoughts running through his head, all the while hating himself for what he'd said to Vince. He knew he'd upset him as soon as the words had left his mouth, and now he was paying for it. He could hear the hurt in Vince's voice, but he still left, he just left without even getting his number. What if he didn't call? Of course he won't call. I've ruined it, I've ruined everything. Howard pulled the duvet closer to his chest and squeezed his eyes shut. He was destined to spend the rest of his life alone and he knew it, he'd just proven that to himself. Eventually Howard slipped into an uneasy sleep, only to be awoken at 4 a.m. by Jeff in time for work.

As the sun began to peak over the roof tops, Howard, Jeff and the team were out on the streets collecting black bags and throwing them in the back of the truck. Howard had a frown plastered on his face, a look that was spreading to Jeff as he began to worry about his friend. Howard had barely said three words since he'd woken up, he just sat at the wheel slowly driving along the curb, lost in his own world. Jeff was walking along the pavement looking at Howard through the passengers window. Shaking his head he reached up to the handle and opened the door, climbing inside and looking at Howard. Slowly Howard turned to face him, an 'are you going to tell me or just mope all day' look on Jeff's face.

"What?" Howard's voice rose half an octave as the word escaped his mouth. He coiled back in his seat slightly as Jeff raised his bushy eyebrow.

"You've been sat there for an hour with a look on your face that makes you look 60 that's how many wrinkles are forming." Howard casually brought a hand to his forehead and rubbed it defensively. Jeff sighed and shook his head. There was a brief pause in conversation as Howard looked sternly on at the road before him still rubbing at his forehead absently. "I take it yesterday didn't go too well then." Howard's hand dropped to the steering wheel, his expression changing as he recapped the events of the day before. Jeff smiled reassuringly and clapped a large hand on Howard's shoulder. "Want to talk about it?" Howard sighed and slowly shook his head from side to side.

"Not much to tell really. I spent about ten minutes in his flat before making myself out to be as emotion as a sea cucumber and then left him crying by the door." Howard's words hung in the air like ice, Jeff not knowing what to say and Howard not wanting the conversation to go any further. And so they sat in silence, finishing their rounds. When the last road was clear of black bags they stopped at the café at the end of the street of a drink and a bite to eat. As the approached the door Howard's heart heaved, it was the café he'd been in the day before pondering whether or not to grow a back bone. Shaking his head he swung the door open and made his way to a table by the window, the same waitress that had been there the day before flashing him a smile before grabbing a pad and pen and making her way over to them.

"Back again?" She leant casually against the post beside the table and smiled at Howard warmly. Howard merely nodded at her, smiling briefly before taking the menu in his hand and burying his head in it, occasionally glancing at the flats that stood the other side of the road and cursing quietly to himself.

Jeff shook his head and rolled his eyes before smiling at the waitress. "Don't mind him, he's socially inept." The waitress chuckled along with Jeff, Howard peering over the menu to glare at Jeff before quickly hiding back behind it. Jeff laughed once again before turning to his menu. "We'll have two bottle of brown ale for now love, thanks." Smiling the waitress scribbled down the drinks and walked back to the counter to get their order.

Howard lowered his menu and sighed, taking his head in his hands and rubbing at his tired eyes. He wanted to disappear, to curl into a ball under the table and just stop existing. But he knew life wasn't that easy, he'd tried before and it hadn't worked. So instead he turned his gaze back out the window and onto the flat. His eyes scanned the rows of windows until they rested on Vince's living room window. The windows were shut and the curtains were drawn causing a frown to cross Howard's face, his stomach making uncomfortable knots. I've got a bad feeling about this. The familiar words sprung to the front of Howard's mind and his frown deepened.

The doors to the flat opened and out walked a man that made Howard's stomach both backflip and lurch at the same time, causing him to feel physically nauseous and make his body tremble. Taking deep breaths he managed to calm himself, his eyes never leaving the figure that paced back and forth across the other side of the road. He leant back on his chair and sighed, his expression changing from fear to pain. Vince looked terrible. Even from where Howard sat he could see that Vince's hair hadn't been washed or brushed since Howard had seen him last. He looked pale and had dark circles round his eyes, apparently having as bad a night as Howard had. His arms were folded tightly across his chest, the t-shirt and jeans he wore the only clothing protecting him from the chilling November winds.

"You alright?" Howard jumped at the sound of Jeff's voice and turned to him. Jeff's eyes turned to where Howard had been looking and his eyes widened slightly. "Oh." was all he managed and Howard looked out the window after him.

"Oh." he repeated quietly watching as Vince stood, now still, at the edge of the pavement watching as each car drove past him.

"So are you going to go out to him?" Jeff asked turning to face Howard again. "Looks to me like he needs you as much as you need him." Howard turned to Jeff slightly horrified that he had been so blunt about it, but quickly his expression changed to confusion and contemplation. He took one last look out the window at Vince's pale form stood over the road from him and rose from his chair, a new found courage filling him as he reached for the door and walk out to the street before him.

As he closed the gap between him and Vince he saw the tears that spilled down the younger mans cheeks and his heart fell, his courage wavering. He reached the curb the other side of Vince, the pale mans eyes not wandering from the speeding cars before him. Howard looked up and down the road searching for a gap in the cars, each one speeding past followed by another and another, offering no signs of stopping.

Then Howard's insides felt like the were ripping through his stomach. As his gaze fell once upon on the man before him he saw, almost in slow motion, Vince's left foot leave the pavement and move forwards towards the oncoming traffic. Without a seconds thought Howard had left the pavement and was running toward Vince as an SUV hurtled towards the younger man, horn sounding, hand brake pulled, wheels still skidding across the icy roads. Then before he knew it he was laying on top of Vince on the pavement having hit him full force with his entire body, sending them both plummeting to the ground, the driver of the SUV swearing at them out the window as he drove off.

Vince gasped for air as the force from the collision had winded him. Howard lifted himself up with his hands and knees, still leaning over the smaller man, his eyes filling with tears. Putting his legs either side of Vince's he helped him sit up, kneeling over the younger mans lap and stroking his back as the air rushed through his body. As Vince regained his breath, tears once again began to well in his eyes, and he buried his head in his blood stained fists, cut from the fall. Howard pulled Vince's hands away from his face causing the man to whimper slightly.

"Why?" Was the only word Howard could chock before the rest caught in his throat as tears spilled onto Vince's hands. He lifted himself and Vince up from the floor and they hobbled silently to the doors of the flats. The small crowd that had gathered after the near miss were whispering quietly amongst themselves, looking in the men's direction and shaking their heads or giggling. But the crowd disappeared just as quickly as it had gathered, and Howard led the way to Vince's flat, his arm wrapped tightly round Vince's shoulders defensively, Vince grasping at his dangling hand with both of his, tears still cascading down both men's cheeks.

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It may end up with the next chapter being the last chapter, I dunno yet though, I just sort of make it up as I go along because any plans I make end up flying out the window as I go off on a tangent half way through the chapter lol. Anyway, hope you liked it, reviews spur me on and I appreciate them loads. Hopefully you'll be reading from me soon.