It's hard to tell who has your back, from who has it long enough just to stab you in it― Nicole Richie

September 10, 2014

Seth had to admit that he was finally starting to feel encouraged. Not out loud of course because that admission would potentially be opening up a whole of can worms that he wasn't ready to deal with. But to himself, he could quietly admit it. In the days since Dean's appointment with the neurologist, the dirty blonde had been slightly calmer and more relaxed than he'd been since he had awoken in the hospital. Plus, just as the doctor said would happen, the headaches and sensitivity to light and sound had eased up considerably.

It had started to feel a lot more like the normal he was used to. The normal that he'd been stupid enough to cast aside. Dean was almost completely back to being the funny, quirky, off the wall, pain in the ass that he'd always been. That was a huge relief even though the excess energy the man had after weeks of idleness could be annoying at times. Their time together since the appointment had been spent regaling each other with tales of their Indy days, chuckling at sacred memories of their shared road experiences and having inane but unheated debates about the existence of Big Foot.

Still no sign of Dean's repressed memories returning though.

In all honesty, he really didn't know how to feel about that.

On one hand, the last few weeks had given him back something that he didn't think he needed. It was extremely lonely at the top. He missed real friendship and brotherhood, companionship that wasn't fake and contrived like what the authority provided him. Gave him back a piece of himself that he buried deep down when he tossed aside his loyalty for the chance to achieve his professional dreams. So there was a part of him, even though acknowledging it made him feel horrible, that wondered if maybe it wouldn't be so bad if those memories stayed locked up in whatever vault that the eccentric man's mind had hidden them in.

But on the other hand, the realist in him knew that Dean needed to remember it all no matter how painful and destructive that would turn out to be. That even though he would inevitably lose everything that had been rebuilt over this time period, it had to happen because Dean wouldn't be whole again until it did. Not to mention that this whole situation could implode at any time. It was just a temporary illusion that would shatter into a bunch of jagged shards when the events of the last few months were exposed. There was no real chance for forgiveness or closure until the older man was a hundred percent mentally and physically well again.

Not that he thought that when things were back to normal of the last two months that he'd be forgiven for his actions. Because he didn't. The things he'd done and said were pretty much unforgivable. Not only had he taken great pleasure in ripping apart the shield and mentally tearing Dean down but his stupidity could have killed him. While he called taking care of the wounded man an act of atonement, the reality was that there was no way he could ever make up for the things he'd snarled and the reprehensible act that he committed.

Too bad there was a tiny, irrational part of him that longed for it.

He shook those thoughts from his head and looked up as the bedroom door opened, a tousled dirty blonde emerging from inside. Ambrose was bleary eyed and his hair stuck up all over the place as he flopped down on the recliner. "Hey man, glad you finally got your lazy ass up."

"I want coffee." The statement was sullen, matching that premature pout that it drawled from.

A smirk curved Seth's lips because this had become almost a ritual for the last week. Dean complaining about his coffee and Seth having to remind him why things were the way they were. "You should know by now that I'm a considerate guy. There's already a nice, freshly brewed pot of decaf just waiting for you."

Blue eyes rolled, face flushing angrily. "Fuck you and your decaf, that ain't coffee."

"Really? Cause it says coffee right on the can and they can't lie about stuff like that since false advertising could get them sued…"

"I don't give a shit what the damn can says." There was a disgusted huff, a hand angrily slashed through the air in dismissal. "It's a poor fucking imitation of the real thing! I can't even pretend not to notice since you won't let me have any damn sugar in it either!"

He shrugged at the murderous gaze trained on him. "Sorry man but you know what the protocol says. Caffeine and sugar are strictly forbidden until you're cleared."

"I hate the protocol." The raspy hiss was to be expected but the tantrum like stomp of the foot was a new twist. "Every-fucking-thing is forbidden. It's nothing more than a damn conspiracy!"

Teeth sunk into the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing at the petulance being displayed by a twenty-eight year old man. "Not everything you don't agree with is a conspiracy."

"Riiiight and Area 51 is just a normal Air-Force base." It was sneered disdainfully, arms crossed stubbornly over his chest.

Seth groaned, not about to engage any further. He knew all too well how a discussion on Area 51 would go and he really didn't want to spend the next few days hashing it all out and trying to explain away the other man's claims of aliens being housed there. "How about some orange juice or a nice, healthy protein shake then?"

"I'd rather jam a fork into my eye socket repeatedly."

"Uh," That response really threw him off and he tried to blink away the sudden onslaught of confusion that settled on him. His stomach twisted violently as a mental image of that happening sprang to mind. "I'd really rather that you didn't do that."

"Then let me have some real coffee." A scheming smirk twisted his mouth. "I mean, it's not like you haven't broken the protocol already."

Seth was back to being confused, "What? How? I didn't let you have soda when we went through the drive-thru…"

"But you got me one when I was in the hospital." That grin turned victorious. "So really there's no reason not to let me have one little cup of real coffee. Won't even put any sugar in it."

"That doesn't count!" He protested vehemently. "We weren't informed about your concussion or the protocol at that point so I didn't know that you couldn't have it."

"Don't matter, you gave me it to me brother." Dean was the definition of smug. It shifted into a calculating look. Shrewd gaze squinting in determination. "But I'll be willing to let this go if you're willing to compromise."

Brown eyes narrowed as they assessed his brother, "Oh?"

"I'll force myself to drink that fake ass coffee if you'll agree to us getting the hell outta here for a while."

Seth groaned, kicking himself for not seeing where this was going sooner. He could understand the dirty blonde's desire to leave the house. Hell, he felt the same. The problem was that if they went out, people would see them together and chaos would erupt. Not to mention that excessive stimulation was on the list of things that the other man wasn't currently permitted to do.

"You realize that both of these options are against the rules." He tried to reason. "And that you're putting me in a very uncomfortable spot since I promised that I'd make sure that you did what you were supposed to do to get better."

"Screw the rules."

Even though he'd been expecting that, it still irked him to receive that response. It was always so easy for his brother to just disregard doing what was best for him. Constantly. No matter what the consequences were. If he'd just learn to stop pushing and do what he knew was best for him then life would be a hell of a lot easier for him.

"Well, what's it gonna be? Coffee or getting the hell out for a while?"

A heavy sigh tumbled from him but he held eye contact, standing his ground. "You might not care about gambling with your recovery but I do so I won't agree to either."

"Come on Seth!" His tone was smooth and persuasive. "You know there's no way that your cross fit obsessed ass ain't chomping at the bit to get out of here and do something active."

Direct hit.

But he kept his face devoid of any emotion.

"It ain't like I'm suggesting we run a fucking marathon or sign up for one of those crazy ass cross fit tournaments you love so much." Dean made a face. "All I want to do is just get some air, stretch my muscles and clear my head."

"We can't do that for a number of reasons-"

"If you're worried about fans, you don't have to." Blue eyes peered earnestly into his. "I know a lot of places to go where there's nothing to worry about but you and the land."

He ran a hand over his face, "Physically, you're not up to it."

"I won't try to do any of the harder trails." There was a promise in his voice. "I'll stick to the easy route and won't push myself too hard. If it's too much then I'll admit it and we can come back here."

"I don't know…"

"I need to do this." Dean leaned forward, imploring him. "I can't spend another day just sitting here and doing nothing but staring at the walls. I feel like I'm starting to lose what's left of my damn mind."

This was such a horrible idea. Nothing good would come of it. He knew that but yet here he was, considering giving in. "If I was to agree to this then you would have to let me know the second anything started to feel off. I don't care how small of an issue it seemed like,"

"I will," Dean held up his hand, giving a well known hand gesture. "Scouts honor."

"You know that doesn't reassure me at all since I know that you were never a boy scout."

His hand curled into a fist and he stuck it out in another well known gesture. "Believe that brother."

Seeing the shield's old symbol of unity, of excellence was like getting punched by the Big Show in the stomach. He wanted to yell at the other man to take it back, not to do this. Or open his mouth and spill the bitter, disgusting truth. But he didn't do any of that. His shaky fist jutted out before he could stop himself, taking it's place beside Dean's. "Don't make me regret this."

"Wouldn't think of it."

Seth pulled the car into the lot and sighed, casting an annoyed glance over at Dean who was grinning victoriously. Just as the eccentric man had said, there'd been no run in with fans and no issues tackling the simple trail. It had felt good to get even that little of a workout in. His body had been craving it and savored every minute of their hike. "I don't want to hear it."

"Why little bro?" The dirty blonde's smile stretched wider, almost joker-like in it's visage especially when he tilted his head. "Cause I was right? I said that we needed to get out and do something to get the blood pumping. Felt good didn't it? Huh? Huh?"

"Anyone ever told you that you're so humble because if so, they lied to you." It was said good naturedly though. "But seriously man, how do you feel? Everything all right?"

"I'm fine." A lazy wave of dismissal following that proclamation. "So you can settle your kettle mother hen."

Brown eyes appraised him cautiously, "You sure? No headache or nausea from being out in the sun for a while? You're not light headed or dizzy?"

"Nah, my muscles are a little stiff but since I've been sitting on my ass for the last three weeks that's to be expected." As if to prove his point, he opened the door and climbed out then stretched, grousing as they obviously popped and creaked in response. He straightened up and smirked, throwing punches at the air. "I feel like I could get into the ring right now and kick some ass."

He followed suit then headed toward the apartment, stifling laughter at how his brother was still bouncing around like an overly excited puppy. Those chuckles died in his throat when the hyper man slipped and almost face planted on the stairs. His arm shot out on instinct, wrapping around the dirty blonde's bicep and he braced himself to keep the both of them upright.

When he calmed down, he shot worried glance at his brother. "Take it easy there champ, I didn't catch you and we would've been right back at the beginning."

"Damn stairs have always had it out for me." He muttered bitterly as he righted himself, scowling down at the stone beneath his boots. His hand fished in the pocket of his shorts for his house keys. It took a few moments but he finally produced them and got them into the lock.

"Since I compromised on this, I'm going to make you eat really healthy…" The words lodged in his throat and his body froze in the open doorway, staring at the unexpected person that was occupying the stool by the breakfast bar.

Seth's heart hammered in his chest. A cold, clammy sweat broke out on his skin, He was not ready for this yet. Thought he'd manage to make it through the thirty days before he would encounter this. But obviously karma decided that it was time for him to face the consequences of his actions.

"Ro!" Dean exclaimed as the elder member of the trio rose to his feet. He pulled him into a hug but the big man's eyes were locked on the doorway over his shoulder. "Didn't know you were planning to come! Should've told me man and we could've grabbed you at the airport."

"Wanted to surprise you." Roman pulled back, his burning gaze still locked onto Seth who had yet to move away from the doorway. "But looks like I'm the one who's gotten surprised. Wasn't expecting him to be here."

"Oh shit, that's right." Dean's eyes flitted between them. "You two are on the outs right now."

"That what he said?"

"It's the truth." The words escaped Seth in little more than a whisper as he fought the urge to turn around and bolt back to his car. But he held his ground and waited, knowing that this was his final stand. He was about to receive his long awaited punishment for what he'd done to Dean. "Wasn't going to lie to him about that."

"So you'll just lie to him bout everything else." Roman shot back, eyebrow raised as he took several steps forward, toward the youngest member of the three. "It really shouldn't surprise me that you're taking advantage of this situation since he doesn't remember. Always determined to find a new level of rock bottom huh?"

Inside the apartment, the tension was palpable.

Air crackled with electricity.

Dean, who'd always been extra perceptive to that charged atmosphere, moved so he was standing between them, his hands up to halt the bigger man's approach. "I ain't trying to owe my landlord a new carpet cause the blood won't come out. You two wanna get heated then take that shit out to my backyard and get it settled."

The Samoan's eyes narrowed, "I have no problem with that."

Seth took a deep breath and swallowed thickly. It was time to man up and get what he had coming to him. "Me either."

With that, he turned and headed out the door and down the stairs. Heavy footfalls shadowed his path and he unlatched the gate that led to apartments small, overgrown backyard. Steeling himself, he turned and faced his accuser. "Listen, I know what this must look like-"

"Really?" Roman got right into his face, glaring down menacingly at him. "Going to spout off about how this isn't some ploy by the authority to either destroy Dean once and for all or try to turn him to your side."

"They don't even know that I'm here."

"You're a liar."

"I'm not lying." Hands twisted in the collar of Seth's t-shirt, eliciting a gasp and he was pulled up to his tip-toes so that they were eye to eye. "Triple H and Stephanie didn't send me here and as far as they know, I'm back home in Davenport."

"Why are you here then?"

"Because once I realized what I actually did, I just needed to know that he was going to be alright!" He twisted, trying to break free of the iron clad grip. "So I visited him in the hospital and he woke up. Things just kind of snowballed from there!"

Roman laughed but it held no humor. "It's really convenient. Dean being without his memory gave you the chance to act like his best friend and to worm your way into his home. But what's the endgame architect? Break him down completely? Get him to trust you again then stab him in the back with another curb stomp through cinderblocks?"

"It's not like that man!" He protested vehemently. "I never should have gone to those extremes and there's no way to make up for it but I needed the chance to try! I couldn't just sit back and let him go through this recovery on his own when I know that he'd blow it off and jeopardize his life by not adhering to doctor's orders. I care too much…"

"Bullshit!" The bigger man shoved him hard, sending him flying onto his ass into the overgrown grass. "You don't care about him at all, obviously you never did. And you sure as hell don't feel bad about anything you've done since you turned your back on us. This was nothing more than you being an opportunist and seeing a way to capitalize on what you had already done to him when you drove his head through those damn blocks!"

Seth used the chair that was at the small table to pull himself back to his feet. His hands tightly gripped the back, knuckles turning white. Frustration was boiling in his blood. He had to keep his head though because he would not win a physical battle with Roman. "Of course I care! We're brothers! I know that there's no coming back from what I did but I couldn't not help him. It's the only thing I could do."

Roman glared at him and shook his head in disgust. "You know, if I didn't know how much of a scumbag you really are, I'd think you actually believe the bullshit coming out of your mouth."

"It's the truth."

"Ah, I get it now." Fingers snapped close to his nose. "Got a guilty conscience and you're doing this to ease it. Plus, it sets you up in a cushy spot. Dean recovers with your help, he feels grateful and you can use that to your advantage."

"No, it has nothing to so with any of that! Why the hell won't you believe what I'm telling you?" His hand angrily tugged at his hair. "Why are you looking for some deep seeded dark motivations where there are none?"

"Because you've proven over and over that we can't trust you! That there is no low you won't stoop to in your quest to destroy Dean!" Roman countered without remorse. "So how could you think for one second that I'd believe you when you've done nothing but shown us that you're a spineless, sniveling coward who's always looking to take the easy way out. No matter who you have to hurt in the process."

"You can think whatever the hell you want about me but the truth is, it really doesn't matter to me anymore." A tired shrug followed that declaration. "All that does matter to me is making sure that Dean makes a full recovery."

Roman nodded, "I agree with that but your days of being involved are over."

"That's not up to you. That's up to Dean and he doesn't have a problem with me helping him." His fingers tightened around the back of the chair. "Ask him and he'll tell you that himself."

"Only because he doesn't remember how much of a sneaky, lying, conniving, traitorous weasel you really are."

"SHUT UP!" His irritation at being belittled constantly and his annoyance of his motives being questioned boiled over and he yanked the chair into the air before sending it crashing violently back down to the ground. "JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!"

An audible gasp cut through the anger and his head snapped toward the sound. Brown eyes looked with wide, haunted blue eyes and he felt his stomach drop to his feet. "I-I-I didn't know you were there."

Dean's gaze flickered between the chair and Seth numerous times. His expression morphed several times before it settled into something stoic. With a disgusted shake of his head, he turned and stormed off.