Chapter Five: Never Enough

Bellamy dreams of tall overgrown fields, stretching out towards the muted horizon. The wisps of grass are a gentle caress as he passes through. He's had this dream before and Clarke is usually there watching over the trees like a sentinel. She wasn't this time. He's alone. The sky is gray and dark clouds loom in the periphery.

"Clarke!" He calls. There's a rustling sound beyond but no answers. He runs through the field of growing sinister shadows and as he's about to reach the tree line, he wakes up.

"Hey…" The word is spoken softly and he blinks against the bright light above him. Raven comes into view.

"You were having a nightmare." She says and he sits up with a cringe. His head is a dead weight. The world is too bright around him. He can't focus properly.

"Whoa, take it easy." She warns and sets her hand on his shoulder. He pushes up from the metal bed and walks towards the doorway. "Bellamy!" She calls after him.

He had a horrible feeling in his gut and it felt like it could pull him apart from the inside. He passes Emori in the hallway and steps inside the comms room. Monty is in one of the uncomfortable chairs and he sits up when he notices Bellamy.

"You…don't look so good, Bellamy." Monty says, studying him.

"I'm fine. How long has it been since she's contacted us?"

Monty squints, "I assume you were the last one to hear her."

"She should have contacted us by now. She does it at least once a day." Bellamy replies and he hears Raven's footfalls behind him. He turns to face her before she could lecture him. "I need to get that antenna working."

"Clarke knows how to take care of herself, I can't say the same about you though." Raven comments and Bellamy shakes his head.

She continues, "We are running low on O2 tanks as it is. Right now, it's best we assess the damage in the sectors I haven't blocked off. I want to make sure we don't blow up, is that okay with you?"

"I don't need to use a new tank. I had some O2 left in mine." His words ring hollow.

"Not nearly enough and you know it."

Bellamy presses his lips together and breaks eye contact. He concentrates on the scuff marks on the floor. He won't let Clarke down. Not again. Not this time.

"What do you need from me?" He asks.

"I need you to come with me and make sure there aren't any surprises from that damaged antenna."

Bellamy looks to Monty who nods at him, "I'll be here."

"Thank you, Monty."

Bellamy felt disconnected, as if someone had pulled the plug and he's slowly draining. None of it felt real and for a moment he wondered if he's still dreaming. Raven snaps her fingers in front of him and he blinks at her.

"You with me?" She asks and they are standing in a quiet lab that hasn't been used since they left the Ark.

"Yeah, think anything important is damaged?" Bellamy dismisses the concern.

"We can't afford there to be." Raven moves ahead of him. She stands in front of a pressurized door that slides open halfway and jams. She's sighs and shimmies through the opening. Bellamy follows slowly after her into a flickering hallway.

"I think I have enough O2 left in my tank for another try." Bellamy harps.

"Not gonna happen. You would barely get your foot out of the door." She replies.

"All you would have to do is talk me through it."

She turns then, irritated. "Bellamy? I doubt Clarke would want you to suffocate and I sure as hell wouldn't want you to either."

"You said this antenna could also provide a way to communicate with the bunker. Isn't that important?" Bellamy tries and Raven shakes her head at him.

"It's important that—" Bellamy begins but Raven interrupts, "Clarke is fine and Octavia is fine. I'm sorry but that in itself is a luxury to know. These five years are going to be hell if you continue to obsess over it. We can't risk it or you. I'm sorry I asked you and Murphy to go out there in the first place."

Bellamy stands there, clenching his jaw in frustration. She wouldn't be convinced. He had to find another way. If it meant learning to repair the goddamn antenna himself, he would find a way.

"I know what you're thinking, Bellamy. Think about us, here and now. Do what you have to do to accept it." She continues as if she could read his mind. It unnerves him but he shouldn't be surprised.

There's a crackling sound in the next storage room that draws their attention. A live wire is shredded and snapping at them from the wall but it wasn't anything that couldn't be taken care of. The damage in this sector wasn't extensive. It's survivable, they'd survive. The sector that had taken the brunt of the damage had been sealed off and it's only accessible by spacesuit.

On their quiet walk back Bellamy offers to check over a small storage space they had yet to search. Raven remains in the flickering hallway. He's quick about it, until he opens up one of the bottom dusty cabinets. There, stored neatly inside, are three more full O2 tanks. He stands there as still as a statue, staring at them. His hope, their hope. He knew Raven would want to store them with the rest in case they were needed. It's the logical thing to do.

"Everything okay?" Raven calls.

"It's fine." Bellamy begins and swallows. He shuts the cabinet door, "Nothing here."

Once they're back in the main sector, Bellamy walks to the comms room. Monty greets him with a small wave but his expression falters when he notices Bellamy approaching him.

Bellamy glances to the doorway to make sure they're alone and then gives Monty his full attention. "Can you help me with something?"

"Uh…what is it?" Monty asks with growing suspicion.

Bellamy whispers, "Can you help me repair an antenna?"

"What?!"

"The auxiliary communications antenna."

Monty's expression hardens. "Raven said.." He starts. Bellamy continues, "I know what Raven said, Monty. I'm asking you."

"We don't have many O2 tanks to spare." Monty replies and Bellamy steps back crossing his arms silently and Monty doesn't take long to pick up on it.

"You've found more? And let me guess..you haven't told Raven." Monty says on a sigh and looks back, absently to the comms radio. Which is silent from static.

"Can you help me?" Bellamy asks.

"I think you should talk to Raven." Monty supplies and Bellamy shakes his head in irritation.

"Since when is Raven the authority around here?"

"Since she's the only one thinking rationally." Monty jabs and Bellamy steps back as if he's been hit. A few moments of silence passes them by and Bellamy slumps onto his make-shift bed. Which is the most uncomfortable bed he's ever slept on.

"Please, Monty. I'm asking you to help me here. To help our friends stuck on Earth that we had to leave behind." Bellamy pleads, sincerely.

Monty shakes his head, sighing loudly. "Look….I know—"

Bellamy holds up his hand and interrupts, "I don't need a lecture. I just need your help."

The radio crackles almost on cue and Clarke's panicked voice comes over the comms. "…caught….trap…trying….free." They can barely hear her but they understand the gist of it. "...leg...caught." The static crescendos.

"She's trapped." Bellamy breathes and stands.

"Shit….but it's not like you can fly down to Earth to help her." Monty says.

"I need to talk to her. If you won't help me then I'll figure out a way to do it myself." Anger is boiling up from his chest, he didn't have time.

Monty sighs, "Dammit…."

"Is that a yes?"

"I can't believe I'm going to do this." Monty grits.

Bellamy would like to pretend he's thinking of the future, that he's thinking about coordinating locations of where they could all meet up safely in five years. He could pretend he's doing it for good of the many, instead of the good of the few. Deep down, he needed Clarke to know she wasn't alone. He needed to give her a reason to keep fighting. He needed to tell his sister it's worth it, he needed to tell her about the stars just one more time.

Like all things though, there's never enough time. They always think they are going to have forever until forever runs out.