iiiii'm back! I just got a whole load of prompts from the magnificent AlishaVane45, as well as a few new ideas of my own. Please enjoy (idea courtesy of AlishaVane45): The Function of a Rubber Duck!

Harry Potter takes a deep breath.

It's time. It's really, truly time. He's about to do something that he should have done a long, long time ago.

He enters the kitchen quickly, something clutched in his hand behind him. Finally, after years of waiting, he's truly going to do it. Going to change their lives. The Boy Who Lived, the Chosen One, will now shake the world once again.

He clutches the thing behind his back harder. Arthur Weasley is in the kitchen, hunched over the morning paper. He doesn't see it coming. He never will.

Harry pulls the thing out from behind his back, raising it high, because this is it-

He drops it down. It slams onto the table. Mr. Weasley jumps.

The thing lets out a slow wheezing sound as Harry picks it up again, a smile on his face.

"Hello, Harry, how are you today?" Mr. Weasley asks.

"Morning, Mr. Weasley, I'm quite well," Harry says.

"Now, what have we here?" Mr. Weasley asks, examining the thing Harry set on the table. "Aha! The elusive rubber duck!"

Harry's smile widens. "That's right, Mr. Weasley. I distinctly remembering you questioning the function of a rubber duck?"

"That's right, m'boy, I did," Mr. Weasley says, chuckling. "And I'm disappointed to say I still have no idea."

"Well," Harry says. "I think I can help you with that."

Mr. Weasley smiles, waiting for Harry to continue.

"This particular model is a rare Chewbacca duck," Harry says. Recently, he and Ginny had taken great pleasure in finding a DVD player and finally watching the Star Wars movies. It had sparked a great debate between the couple over whether wands or lightsabers would be more effective in a fight, even growing to the point on whether Darth Vader or Lord Voldemort would win a fight.

"A… chew bacca duck?" Mr. Weasley asks.

"Yes," Harry says. "Carved into it is a blaster, see here? This is the Chewbacca duck's weapon of choice."

"Rubber ducks need weapons?" Mr. Weasley asks, looking aghast.

"Of course!" Harry says. "For the true function of a rubber duck is for battle."

"Battle," Mr. Weasley says.

"Yes," Harry says, nodding solemnly and trying to keep a straight face. "Battle. Rubber ducks are the ultimate weapon in a muggle fight. Muggles put some powder into them, see the hole in the bottom here?" Harry turns the duck, which does indeed replicate Chewbacca, upside down.

"Ah, yes," Mr. Weasley says, nodding along. "And do you squeeze them to use them?"

"That's the thing," Harry says. "You must put the powder in the hole in the bottom of the rubber duck. Once you squeeze the duck, as you release the duck grows larger and more life-like, and you can then ride it to fight your opponent of choice."

"I see," Mr. Weasley says. He takes the duck from Harry and begins examining it closely. "And do you have any of this special powder?"

Harry hastily tries to come up with something. At that moment, Hermione comes in from the back door, carrying an armload of books.

"Harry, have you seen Ginny, we were going to go and do something- hello, Mr. Weasley, what's that you have?" Hermione sets the books on the counter.

"Harry was just telling me all about the true function of a rubber duck!" Mr. Weasley says excitedly. Harry sniggers.

"Was he now?" Hermione asks, narrowing her eyes.

"Yes!" Mr. Weasley then begins explaining to Hermione exactly what Harry told him.

Hermione sighs. "Mr. Weasley, a rubber duck is a toy that muggle babies and children use when they take baths or go swimming."

Mr. Weasley's face falls slightly. "R-really?" he asks.

Hermione and Harry's eyes both widen at the downcast look on his face. Then Mr. Weasley breaks into a wide grin. "That's wonderful!" he says. "I must replicate this immediately- no grandchild of mine will ever go bored in the bath because they don't have a rubber duck, powder and battles or no!"
Harry and Hermione both open their mouths to say that no, the rubber ducks aren't used in battle, but then they both close them again. What's the point in not letting him have a bit of fun?