Chapter Thirteen: Starved
"Wish me luck." Bellamy speaks into the receiver to an unresponsive Clarke and the static jumps, taking on a life of its own. He waits for the inevitable doubt to trickle in and then the stagnant disappointment. It's a daily cycle and part of his routine. A routine of saturated emotions. Smile for the others, pretend that his mind isn't a chasm and feign a sense of purpose.
A clock is ticking far off into the beyond and he blinks against it.
"You ready?" Raven inquires from the doorway. The sound is banished by her presence and he sets the receiver down softly.
"Not exactly." He says and forces a small laugh. He stands from the chair and turns to face the doorway. Raven meets him with an annoyed glare. "I thought you were supposed to be the one that is convincing me." She reminds.
"We'll take turns." Bellamy says and she shakes her head at him as they head out of the room.
There's a steady unease that coils itself over his throat as he approaches the airlock doors. The others are crowding around it, watching the shuttle connect a small bridge for travel between vessels. It's an impressive feat, one that takes a skill that Bellamy doesn't possess. How precise the aiming has to be for the bridge and how much pressure one has to apply to line it up properly with the Ark are beyond his capabilities.
"Where do you think they're from?" Raven asks, absently, while they stare out of the airlock window.
"The other side…" Bellamy replies and Raven turns to him then with the raise of her brow.
He smiles a little not taking his eyes off the final clamp as the Ark vibrates from the small insignificant impact. It snaps loudly into place.
"It was nice knowing you." Murphy replies from behind them and Raven opens the airlock door to where the suits are.
"I'm touched." Bellamy mocks before stepping inside the small claustrophobic room. Murphy shuts the airlock door behind them and they begin to change into the bulky suits that Bellamy has come to despise.
"You lost weight. Still not eating enough." Raven quietly claims and Bellamy turns his attention towards her to see that she's facing away from him and pulling the suit up on her waist.
"Is that so?" He challenges.
"I know I said I'd stop reminding you, Bellamy but maybe think about what Clarke would say?" She questions and pulls the suit onto her arms. Bellamy replicates her actions with his own and asks with soft insistency, "What would she say?"
She turns to him, caught off guard by his tone and blinks at him. He holds out her helmet to her and she takes it before opening her mouth to answer but the sound of the depressurization interrupts her. Bellamy snaps his helmet on, breathing in the stale air left over inside it. The words never come and they stand there in silence as they wait for the airlock door to open to the bridge.
"You guys okay?" Monty's voice resounds over comms.
"We are good to go, Monty." Raven replies and Bellamy swallows against the tight material crowding his throat. He's already sweating from the humidity created by his breath inside the suit. The airlock door opens and all sound is sucked out with it. They walk slowly over the connector platform and onto the bridge. It creaks from their presence and the door to the shuttle looms ahead like a question. They anxiously walk the bridge and the silence does nothing to stop the growing apprehension shared between them. The silence is utterly deafening and he blinks away the sweat that begins to collect in his eyelashes. "I hate these suits." Bellamy speaks.
"I think you mentioned that." Raven adds.
"I really hate these suits." Bellamy repeats.
The airlock door to the shuttle opens and they hesitantly make their way inside. The small room is just like any other airlock and Bellamy didn't know why he expected it to look different. As if such a small space can appear sinister if the occupants aren't to be trusted. The door shuts behind them and an automated announcement resounds but is cut off.
"Pressurizat—" Then it crackles and glitches before beeping. Oxygen floods the room and Raven and Bellamy eye each other once their helmets are removed. No one is waiting for them at the airlock door.
"Hello?" Bellamy tries and Raven peeks out of the window.
"No one's there." She judges.
There's loud piercing static that causes them to cringe and then a male voice. "Remove your suits and put the jumpsuits in the room on." The speaker cuts out.
"They don't sound too friendly." Raven comments.
"I guess I wouldn't trust us either." Bellamy admits. They begin removing the suits and step barefoot on the frigid floor.
Raven grunts, "Shit, it's freezing."
The air is stale and uncomfortably cold to any exposed skin. They're already shivering as they slip the jumpsuits on and zip them up. The material is chilled and doesn't grant them any reprieve.
The door opens on its own and they peer out into the quiet darkened hall. There's a flashing light towards the end, that basks everything in a red glow. "What the hell happened here?" Raven whispers.
"Looks like emergency lighting but the alarm has been turned off." Bellamy comments. He wonders idly how long it's been like this and what exactly caused the shuttle to fall into disrepair.
A door opens down the hallway and Bellamy grabs Raven's arm to stop her from walking any further. "I don't like this at all." Raven looks up towards one of the comms speakers along the wall and says, "Hey! Tell us what the hell is going on here, we aren't moving."
They stand there in silence waiting in the eerie flashing red. It paints Raven's skin and makes her eyes appear black against it. A skinny figure steps out of the doorway and says weakly, "Come inside…please. We don't mean you any harm."
He disappears back inside the doorway. They cautiously make their way down the crimson corridor and follow him into the room. The room they enter in is a small kitchen area where the crew would gather to eat. Plates, cups, and rags are strewn about unorganized across the table and shelves. The place is a depressing mess evident from struggle and grief.
The man before them is unhealthily skinny, his eyes gaunt, his face sunken in. He stares at them with weak resolve, fearful. He's afraid of them. Bellamy eyes him with silent sympathy as the man sits down in a metal chair.
"Forgive me for the mess…it's been a difficult journey." He says, softly.
"Where are your crew?" Bellamy asks, reluctantly.
"There are three more of us. One is locked in his quarters and the other two are resting. We've been scarce on supplies for some time. My name is James, by the way." He says and the dark circles under his eyes stand out against the bright fluorescents.
"I'm Raven and this is Bellamy. Why is one of your crew locked in his quarters?" Raven inquires and the hollowed look of despair paints itself across James' expression.
"He lost his resolve, tried to hurt us. Is there any possible way you could help us?" James asks and he looks up at them with a desperate hope. Bellamy feels like his chest is slowly caving in from it.
"We have food we can spare." Bellamy relieves and James nods with a small tight smile.
"May we travel to your station?" He asks politely and Bellamy blanches. He exchanges a slow look of worry with Raven.
Raven answers, "We can bring you the food. Do you happen to have any O2 tanks we can take off your hands?"
"If it's about trust, what can we do to abate that?" He asks and his sincerity appears genuine but that wasn't really the issue at hand.
"One second." Bellamy says and walks out into the hall as Raven quickly follows after him.
She grabs his arm as he faces the incessant blinking light, "Bellamy…"
He sighs, "I know…"
"We can't. We already have to go back a year earlier because of the oxygen depletion with the number of people we have on board now."
"It isn't possible, I know. We should get the food." Bellamy answers glumly. There isn't any need to argue. Bellamy agreed with Raven, there would be no possible way to add anyone to their crew and survive. They return to James who looks frail and expectant and Bellamy watches Raven deflate a little.
"We can't spare the O2 to allow another occupant on board. I'm sorry, but we do have the food to give to you." Bellamy replies and he watches James' face fall inexorably.
"We have a year of oxygen left…" James whispers and slowly stands from his chair, "We have nothing to give you or trade. I really am sorry."
"I'm…" Bellamy starts and then presses his lips together before Raven interrupts.
"We'll get you that food we have to spare."
James nods once and moves towards the hallway, "I'll be waiting. Thank you both so much."
The silence he leaves them in is suffocating.
Raven and Bellamy are quiet on the walk back to the Ark, even with Monty's stream of questions as they enter the airlock. Bellamy flings the helmet a little harder than he intended and rips off the bulky suit.
"At least we have the food to spare…" Raven comments.
"They're dying and we can only help prolong the inevitable." He snaps and he isn't angry at Raven. There's a resounding defeat in his tone that's been there since he left Clarke to die on Earth.
Raven is calm and cold in her wording, "What are you saying? That we don't give them the food?"
Bellamy turns to her, his eyes wild and hair a sweaty mess from the helmet. "No. That's not what I'm saying."
"You do know Murphy will probably present that argument, that it will be a waste." Raven concludes and crosses her arms. The suit is still resting on her hips and she looks utterly exhausted.
Bellamy clenches his jaw and asks, "Is that what you think?"
The airlock door opens before she can give him her opinion. It releases them back into the equally stale air of the Ark. The others are gathered at the door and exchanging looks of perplex uncertainty with one another.
"Everyone should go to the command center. We'll brief you there." Bellamy adds, shakily. He watches their retreating backs down the long corridor. He slowly makes his way down the bright white hall after they've scattered and leans in the doorway to his room, calming his breathing.
There's a loud scream of static and then "C-n -ou hear me?"
His breath gets caught in his throat as he rushes over to the receiver. "Clarke? Is that you?"
Then clear, crystal clear. "I'm hoping the new frequency helps boost my failed attempts."
It's her.
Bellamy feels his eyes begin to burn and the shaking in his hands only heightens, "Clarke…can you hear me?"
There's a piercing static again and he squints against the offending noise that follows.
"Where'd you go?" She asks, almost wistfully.
"Can you hear me?!" Bellamy tries and his heart is threatening to burst open.
Then nothing. The link is silent.
"Clarke?" He calls again and fiddles with the receiver.
Silence.
"GODDAMMIT!" Bellamy yells and the receiver slips from his palm, cracking against the ground below his feet. His eyes widen in desperation. "No. No, no no no."
He falls to his knees studies the cracked pieces of the broken receiver feeling a light-headed dread. This is fixable, it has to be. He's done this before, how many times has the receiver actually been fixed?
"It's not that bad." He says to the receiver, examining the crack.
"What is?" Comes Ravens voice from behind him. He turns blinking away the sweat and her expression falls. "Jesus, Bellamy, what's happened?" She asks.
She moves towards him slowly and kneels as if he can spook away from her easily.
"I could hear Clarke, but the comms cut out. This is fixable, right?" He asks breathlessly and she watches him with that open pitiable expression that grates on him. She takes it slowly from his hand, keeping her eyes trained on him out of concern and then examines the receiver. He leans back on the floor, pressing his back to the legs of the chair.
"Yes. I can fix it, no big deal. You heard Clarke?" Raven questions and he forces himself to stand, he didn't want to see the uncertainty in her eyes. The conversation with Emori comes to mind but he knew bringing that up now wouldn't be wise.
"Yes, I did." He replies quietly and looks to the comms station. The silence that follows mocks him.
"That's a good thing." Raven says and he can hear the suspicion in her voice.
"I dropped the receiver." Bellamy states and keeps his eyes focused on the blinking light on the dash.
"As I said, no big deal, it's happened before. What did Clarke say?" Raven asks and he hears her stand from her kneeling position behind him.
"She's trying a new frequency."
He can hear the small smile in her voice, "That's really good, Bellamy. I hope that means you'll be able to communicate with her soon."
He turns around to face her again and the pity remains in her eyes. He rests his hand on the back of the chair to provide balance. She continues, "…the situation with the shuttle needs to be addressed."
Bellamy nods once, understanding and she appears as though she wants to say something else but at the last minute decides against it. She slowly makes her way out of the room and he shuts his eyes against the bright.
"You look like shit." Murphy comments as Bellamy moves to stand in front of the group in the command center. There's a small wailing high pitch scratching sound that's muffled from the nav system. The sound of it crawls inside his skull.
Bellamy ignores the distractions, "There are four people that crew the shuttle. Raven and I met with a man named James who told us that they are starving and only have a year of oxygen left. It's an impossibility that they are able to join us but we will provide them food for the time being."
Murphy scoffs and Bellamy waits with gritted teeth for his harsh opinion.
Raven interrupts before he can, "I understand the argument can be made that it would be wasting food but we can spare it. I've calculated the projections of food store usage and they far exceed our time we will be on the Ark."
"And what's that? How many years of food do we have?" Murphy asks and crosses his arms, ready for a fight.
"Seven years, it's more than enough." Raven replies with confidence and Murphy wobbles his head as if he's trying to think of another way to get under her skin.
"We will give them some of our food." Bellamy demands, coolly and no one else says a word against it.
He doesn't let the thoughts of future dilemmas this could cause swim to the forefront of his mind. All and all though, he'd be lying if said this whole thing didn't set him on edge. Tensions are high and it'd only get worse as time moved ever onward.