Cross My Heart
Author's Note: Hello! Long time, no see! I'm a terrible author. First, I leave you with a mean cliff-hanger, then I don't update for more than a month. My sincerest apologies!
To Reanie Campal, yeah, that's pretty much what I said about it too. I'll get around to fixing everything if I can ever finish it..._
To Lathya, I just wanted you to know that you've reviewed every chapter. Thank you for your continued support! :)
And to laguna-moomba, I made this chapter UBER long because of the lack of updates! Hope you like it!
Well, that's pretty much it. Read on and enjoy.
Chapter 15: Debriefing
When morning came, a decision had to be made. Shiva could keep his necklace and become an exorcist, or he could give it to Bellerose and remain a normal human boy. Kanda waited outside with the two 'third exorcists' as Chloe explained everything to Shiva's family. After what felt like an eternity, Chloe emerged from the house with a sigh.
"His mother wants to talk to him alone," she stated.
Judging by the dark expression on the red-haired girl's face, the boy was interested in becoming an exorcist, and no matter how many stories of death and danger she told him, the teenager wasn't backing down. Chloe wanted to help the Order without having to turn naive children into soldiers.
"Miss Exorcist?"
Chloe turned to Shiva as he walked outside. The boy carefully touched her left arm, and Kanda could tell it was taking all of Chloe's self-control to keep from flinching at the contact. Shiva's hands glowed faintly as he held onto the red-haired girl's arm. He frowned as the glow began to fade, and he looked up at Chloe for an explanation.
"Your Innocence can't heal every wound," Chloe said while gently prying the boy's hands from her arm.
"If that's true, then you need to show it to someone. It's not going to get any better without help," Shiva stated.
The two 'third exorcists' looked to Kanda, but the Japanese exorcist maintained his blank expression. He knew the half-akumas would report back to Leverrier in a heartbeat if they knew anything had happened to Chloe. Those two must've assumed Kanda knew something since he had shared a room with the red-haired girl the night before, but Kanda wasn't like the people at Central. He didn't rat on his friends.
"Thanks for your concern Shiva, but I'm fine," Chloe said with a grin. "Have you made your choice?"
The boy nodded.
"Mother needs me to help work in order to pay for food and the house, and if I leave, then I can't help. So here," Shiva replied as he slipped off his necklace.
Chloe took the necklace and slipped it into her jacket pocket. She ruffled the Indian boy's hair with a smile.
"May God be with you, Shiva," she said softly.
"Shiva, where are you?" a voice called from the house.
The boy smiled before running back inside, and Chloe turned to Kanda and the two third exorcists once he was gone.
"Let's go back to the gate. I need to give the Innocence to Hevlaska," she said while walking away from the house.
Kanda and the 'third exorcists' followed after the red-haired girl, and the group was only a few hundred feet from the house when they heard a loud shout. The four exorcists stopped and watched as Shiva came sprinting towards them. The boy skidded to a halt next to Chloe, and after catching his breath, he held out a thick parcel wrapped tightly with twine and thin paper. Chloe carefully untied the twine and had to juggle the numerous pieces of paper that that threatened to fall to the ground.
"These are copies of all the letters Mother got. I made them last night," the boy said with a grin. "I hope they help."
"Thank you, Shiva," Chloe said as she tied the letters back together.
"Please find my father, Miss Exorcist."
With that being said, Shiva turned his back on the group and headed back the way he had come.
"Well, it seems that my need to head back has just gotten even more pressing. There is no time to head back to the gate," Chloe said while bringing her right arm up.
"General Bellerose, Inspector Leverrier's orders—,"
The 'third exorcist' was immediately silenced with a glare so intense that it took every ounce of discipline Kanda possessed not to shiver. He had seen Chloe get angry before, but never like that.
"Inspector Leverrier is not my superior, and, therefore, his orders do not apply to me. I will complete my missions as I see fit, and you two will keep your damn mouths shut! I am a General. I don't need weak babysitters like you. If either of you have any problems with the way I do things, feel free to tell your precious Inspector. He doesn't have the authority to do anything but make someone come with me on missions for 'observational' purposes. Any questions?"
Chloe's words were sharp and scathing, and the 'third exorcists' looked almost…hurt. The clear contempt and animosity that Chloe obviously felt towards the Order's higher ups had been taken out on the two half-akumas. And if the red-haired girl had any regrets, she was quite good at hiding them.
Chloe concentrated on her foreign ramblings as she held her arm up, and after a moment, she fell silent and spread her fingers out. The air in front of the red-haired girl shimmered as if it was alive, and Chloe slowly turned her hand ninety-degrees to the right. A small hole appeared in the space before the girl a moment later. The hole quickly grew until it was about her height, and Chloe stepped through it without a word or glance at her comrades.
As soon as the two 'third exorcists' were through the portal Chloe had created, they immediately turned to leave, but a familiar voice made them freeze in their tracks.
"Madarao, Tevak, I'm sorry I snapped at you," Chloe said as she rubbed a hand over her tired face. "I've been under a lot of stress lately, and I took it out on you two. I'm sorry."
The 'third exorcists' were shocked by the red-haired girl's sudden apology, and they didn't say anything until Chloe turned to walk away.
"General Bellerose, thank you for the apology," the shorter of the two half-akumas said with a slight bow.
The other 'third exorcist' copied his smaller female counterpart's gesture, and Chloe smiled while walking over to them.
"Friends just call me Chloe," she said while holding out a hand.
Madarao and Tevak, as Bellerose had called them, hesitated in taking her half-covered hand, but after a moment, the two 'third exorcists' each shook Chloe's hand with confused expressions on their faces. The red-haired girl merely grinned as she turned back around and walked down the hallway towards Komui's office. Kanda followed after her.
"What was that?" the Japanese exorcist asked as they neared their supervisor's office.
"What was what?" she asked.
"Don't play dumb, Bellerose. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
Chloe shrugged.
"I might not like the inspector, but that doesn't mean I have to hate the 'third exorcists'. They've yet to do anything that pisses me off, and Lavi told me that I sometimes seem unapproachable. So, I tried to be approachable instead."
"Where do you and Lavi find all this time to talk?" Kanda asked as he pulled open the door to Komui's office.
"When I spend late nights in the library. Lavi takes it upon himself to come 'check on' me and make sure I'm not getting information overload," Chloe replied. "Kind of annoying, yet strangely endearing at the same time. It's nice to know someone is looking out for you, you know?"
Komui cleared his throat to get the two exorcists' attention. Chloe flushed lightly and glared at her supervisor.
"How was the mission?" Komui asked after a moment of silence.
"Agni Kasabian's son Shiva was an Accommodator, but he chose to relinquish his Innocence in order to help support his family," Chloe replied while reaching into her uniform jacket.
She produced Shiva's jade necklace from an inner pocket of her uniform and placed it on Komui's desk.
"Shiva also told us that his father stopped communicating with the family at the beginning of the month and gave me copies of all the letters his mother received," Chloe added as she held up the lumpy parcel of papers.
"Do you think the letters will reveal Agni's location?"
"I'm not sure. Shiva said that they weren't written in English or Hindi, but it was a language that his mother could read and understand."
Komui took in the information with a nod.
"Can I see the letters?"
Chloe handed the Chinese scientist the parcel and watched curiously as he read through a few of the papers.
"I think they're in French," Komui said as he glanced from paper to paper. "Johnny and Reever could have these translated by tomorrow afternoon."
"Komui, did you forget that I'm fluent in French? I could—,"
"Chloe, you just got back from a mission. I'm not going to let you do anything of the sort until you've had a proper meal and some rest," Komui stated while putting the papers aside.
"But—,"
"My decision is final, Chloe-chan. Lenalee will be here in a moment to escort you to the cafeteria while I talk to Kanda-kun."
As if on cue, Lenalee appeared at the door and waltzed over to Chloe.
"Take care of her, Lenalee-chan!" Komui called as his sister pulled the red-haired exorcist along.
"I will, Nii-san!" Lenalee replied before the door shut behind her.
Komui glanced over at Kanda and motioned for him to sit down on the couch in front of the desk. Kanda did as asked, and he waited anxiously for the inevitable round of questions to start.
"So, Kanda-kun, how was the mission?" Komui asked as he shuffled through his stacks of paperwork.
"Fine."
"Good, good. No problems with your Innocence?"
"Didn't have to use it."
"I see. That'll make your report easy to read then."
"Spit it out, Komui," Kanda stated with a frown.
The Chinese scientist let out a sigh and grabbed a thick folder sitting on the corner of his desk.
"I managed to acquire some old records pertaining to the experiments that preceded the 'second exorcist' project after our talk last week," Komui stated as he held the folder out to the Japanese exorcist.
Kanda took the folder and slowly opened it. There were multiple yellowed pages of typed notes, and Kanda glanced briefly at the pictures that accompanied the papers. One photo featured a small group of rag-tag kids surrounded by several unknown scientists. Another showed only three of the children and only four of the many researchers from the earlier photograph. Kanda frowned and closed the folder after pocketing one of the pictures.
"What kinds of experiments did they do?" he asked after placing the folder back on Komui's desk.
"From what I read, the scientists used the children as guinea pigs for just about anything. They would break the children's bones multiple times, infect them with various amounts of the akuma virus, and inflict near fatal wounds on them just to see what would happen. They also experimented with implanting Innocence in the test subjects' bodies and forcing them to synchronize. That's when most of the children died," Komui replied.
"What were the results?" Kanda asked.
"Two of the surviving children were all able to synchronize with their Innocence well above the critical point, and their bodies had adapted to the experiments so well that they could destroy akuma with their bare hands without using their Innocence," Komui stated. "There isn't much documentation about the third child except that she was deemed 'special' by the scientists and wasn't put through the same experiments as the other two."
"What happened to the kids?"
"During a training session at Central command, one of the kids suddenly lost control and began to attack members of the Order instead of the targets. There were nearly sixty casualties before the child was put down by a CROW unit. The other two kids were immediately locked away, and Central decided that the experiments hadn't produced any 'useable' results.
"They ordered the last two children to be disposed of, but the CROW member that was supposed to execute the children helped them escape instead. The scientists working on the final leg of the project were immediately let go, with the exception of one man that went missing shortly after the experiments concluded."
"How long before…?" Kanda finally asked after processing the new information he had been provided with.
Komui appeared to do a few mental calculations before replying.
"The 'second exorcist' project began about a year after these initial experiments," he replied. "Now that you know, why are you so curious about this stuff all of a sudden, Kanda?"
"No reason," the Japanese exorcist replied while getting to his feet.
He could feel Komui's eyes on his back and prayed the man would stay silent.
"It's Chloe, isn't it?" the Chinese scientist asked with a smirk.
Kanda paused with his hand on the doorknob and shook his head.
"It's got nothing to do with—,"
"Kanda, it's okay to care about someone. You know that, right?"
"Shut up, Komui."
Kanda slipped into the hallway before Komui could continue, and the Japanese exorcist knew his supervisor was grinning stupidly in his wake.
"Komui no baka."
He didn't care about Bellerose. At least, not like that. He tolerated her because she was strong and didn't annoy him. That was it. And, he only wanted to know about the experiments because of what the Noah said. It pertained to him, so it obviously interested him. He wasn't concerned about Bellerose. Nope. Not at all.
You're lying.
Kanda ignored his mind and continued walking.
You're interested in this girl, but you just don't want to admit it.
"Che."
As if. Bellerose was just Bellerose to him. He had no interest in her. None.
If you didn't like her, you would just avoid her like all the others.
Fine. Bellerose was a friend. That he wouldn't deny.
She's more than that to you.
"Bullshit."
You've done everything but f—
He didn't want to listen to himself anymore. He headed for the cafeteria and hoped that Chloe wouldn't be there. After obtaining his customary soba and green tea from the Indian chef, Kanda sat down at an empty table and began to eat. He wasn't hungry, but going through the motions kept his thoughts focused on something other than Bellerose.
"Yo, Yuu-chan!"
Kanda continued to eat his soba as Lavi sat down across from him. Lavi, not one to be discouraged by harsh glares or oppressive silence, grinned at his fellow exorcist and leaned across the table so his face was practically in Kanda's. In response, Kanda shifted over on the bench in order to get away from Lavi and picked up his cup of tea.
"What do you want?" the Japanese exorcist growled out after taking a few sips of the warm beverage.
"Nothin' much. I just wanna know how things are goin' with Rouge-chan is all," Lavi replied.
Kanda glared at the Bookman apprentice.
"Aw, come on Yuu-chan! You and I both know you've got a thing for her."
"I do not—,"
"How cute, Yuu's in denial!"
Kanda got to his feet. He'd had enough.
"Aw, Yuu-chan, don't go!" Lavi called after the Japanese exorcist.
Kanda ignored the red-haired idiot and made his way through the Order at a brisk pace. Too many idiots were meddling in his life for his liking. He needed to do something, anything that would keep his mind occupied. He tried meditating, but his brain proved to be more rebellious than he originally thought and forced him to try doing something else. Kanda tried training next. He forgot all about his dilemma as he pounded innocent finders into the training area floor. However, the moment the Japanese exorcist stopped fighting, the little voice in the back of his head made its presence known once again.
You know you can't ignore this.
"Shut up," Kanda growled as he stomped down the hallway.
Are you scared?
Why would he be scared?
You don't want to be rejected.
That wasn't it.
You don't want to open up to someone and be betrayed.
Not true.
You don't want it to turn out like nine years ago.
"Shut. Up."
You are scared. You don't want to have to hurt Chloe like you did with—
Kanda punched the wall with enough fury to cause several deep fissures to appear in the stonework. He ignored the searing pain shooting up his arm as he pulled his fist back for another blow, and he only stopped hitting the wall when he felt the bones in his hand shatter. Kanda let out a curse in his native tongue while examining his bloody hand. He could feel a slight pull on his heart as his hand began to heal, and after a few seconds, Kanda could make a fist once again.
Why won't you just admit that you have feelings for her?
Because he wasn't supposed to have feelings for anyone, let alone for some girl he'd only known for half a year.
You really believe that?
Emotions were for humans, and he wasn't human.
Emotions aren't just for humans, idiot. You're allowed to feel too, you know.
Why? Feelings just made everything complicated. He wanted to remain in the straightforward world of black and white, not fall into the shades of gray that were produced when logic and emotion mixed. His purpose was to fight, not to be human.
Chloe obviously cares about you.
"Che."
Bellerose was just delusional or something. Those "feelings" would pass with time.
You know that's not true. She wouldn't worry about you if she didn't care.
Bellerose probably cared about every living creature. What made him so special?
Maybe she sees past your 'I'm a total bastard' exterior?
Kanda scowled and continued walking down the corridor away from the destruction he had caused. He remembered what Bellerose had said back in India.
"I want you to promise me that you won't die anymore…"
See, she does care about you.
Yeah right.
"I don't want you to die…"
Would she say that if she didn't care about you in some way?
He didn't want to admit that he agreed with his inner voice. However, he'd heard the same line from Komui and Lenalee and Tiedoll and Marie and every other idiot in the stupid Order. So why did it seem different when Bellerose said it?
Kanda shook his head. His chest felt tight, as it had been the first time he'd met Bellerose inside Komui's office. It was a foreign sensation to the Japanese exorcist and all Chloe Bellerose's fault.
You should just tell her how you feel. You might be surprised.
His inner voice of reason must've been hanging out with Lavi too. There was no way he was going to tell Bellerose about his "feelings." She'd just laugh at him.
She could feel the same way about you.
But what if she didn't?
You'll never know unless you talk to her.
And he was fine with not knowing. It was strange enough that he thought of Bellerose as a friend. To associate her with a much more complex and unfamiliar emotion like that…he didn't want to cross the line into uncharted waters.
So you're afraid after all.
Fine. He was slightly afraid, but not of rejection or betrayal.
You don't want to give someone your heart and have them disappear.
They were in a war, after all. No mission was ever completely safe. They could die at any time, at any place, for any reason.
Then you have to protect her so she will always come back to you.
That was easier said then done. It was only a matter of time before they got assigned to separate missions, and Kanda would be powerless to help Bellerose if she was no where near him.
You know how strong Chloe is. Even if you're not there, she can take care of herself.
He knew that. It was her selflessness that worried him.
Have a little faith, Kanda.
Have faith in what? Bellerose would do as she pleased whether it killed her or not. That was just how she was.
You wouldn't like her if she was any other way, would you?
No. If Bellerose wasn't Bellerose, he wouldn't like her at all. She wasn't like any girl Kanda had ever met. She laughed in the face of danger, sacrificed herself for strangers, and healed even the most lost causes. She could get inside his head without even trying, and she had enough secrets to last a lifetime. She was someone Kanda couldn't figure out with one glance. That was why they were friends. Friends, not…
Kanda mumbled another curse and stopped walking. He didn't want to think anymore. Not about his emotions, and definitely not about Bellerose. But fate, as Kanda was quickly finding out, could be very wicked.
"Well, I've never seen you around here. What brings the great Kanda-sama to this part of the Order at this hour?"
Kanda slowly turned around to face Chloe. Her long hair was free from its customary ponytail, and the mass of red locks was draped over her left shoulder. A fluffy white towel protected the sleeveless navy shirt Bellerose had on from the water dripping from her hair. She had traded her exorcist uniform for black pants and a light blue button down shirt that fit her almost too perfectly. The Japanese exorcist didn't realize he was staring until Bellerose sent him a funny look.
"I can go where I want to," Kanda replied after tearing his eyes away from the girl.
"Even to the female section of rooms?" Chloe asked.
"Che," was Kanda's brilliant response.
Chloe rolled her eyes and rubbed her hair with the towel she carried. Silence fell over the two exorcists, and Chloe was about to walk away when she seemed to notice something. Kanda followed the girl's gaze and immediately tried to shove his bloody hand into his pants pocket. Chloe caught the Japanese exorcist's wrist before he could conceal his wound and frowned at the blood covering his skin.
"Kanda, what did you do to your hand?" she asked.
"It's noth—,"
"Nothing my ass. You wouldn't be bleeding if it was nothing."
Chloe grabbed Kanda's bloody hand and pulled him down the hallway. It took Kanda a moment to realize where she was leading him, and he tried to free his hand without any success. Chloe poked her head into the female communal bathroom, and after determining the area to be empty, the red-haired girl pulled the Japanese boy inside and over to the long line of sinks anchored into the far wall.
"What did you do anyway?" she asked while turning on the water.
"I already told you it's—,"
Chloe shoved Kanda's injured hand underneath the stream of water and smirked when the Japanese exorcist yelped at the frigid temperature.
"Tell me," she ordered.
"I punched the wall, all right!"
The freezing cold water suddenly grew warmer, and Chloe smiled as she gently cleaned the blood from Kanda's skin. Once the blood was gone, Chloe turned off the water and dried Kanda's hand with the towel she had been using to dry her hair with minutes before. Kanda felt his cheeks growing warm at Chloe's gentle touch, and his chest tightened when the red-haired girl unconsciously drew closer to him while she examined his hand.
"You certainly bled a lot for one lousy punch," Chloe murmured while tracing the rapidly fading cuts on his skin. "What pissed you off so much you felt the need to bully the wall?"
Kanda almost blurted out that she was the reason he'd punched the wall. He caught himself at the last second and shrugged while pulling his hand from her grasp. Her skin had been exceptionally warm, and his chest tightened at the memory of her touch. Kanda stubbornly turned his gaze to the floor to keep his earlier thoughts at bay.
"I was just…thinking," he finally replied once he had regained his composure.
"About what?" Chloe asked.
"Nothing," Kanda stated while heading for the door.
The Japanese exorcist stepped out into the hallway a few seconds later, and he continued walking until a familiar voice brought him to a complete stop.
"You can talk to me, Kanda…I hope you know that," Chloe said from the bathroom doorway.
Kanda scoffed and glanced at the red head over his shoulder. There she was, leaning against the wall in a manner that drove the Japanese exorcist's hormones insane. He was larger than she was, both in height and weight. If he had really wanted to…She obviously didn't realize what she was doing to him…or…did she?
"Che. Why would I want to do that?" Kanda asked.
"Because you've helped to me, so it's my turn to do the same for you," she replied with a small smile. "I don't enjoy being in debt, especially not to you."
The Japanese exorcist smirked and turned to fully face the red-haired girl. He walked towards her, and he stopped with barely half a foot to spare between them. Kanda stood a good inch taller than Chloe, and he used his slight height advantage to glare down at the red-haired girl.
"And just how do you expect to repay me for all my 'help'?" the Japanese exorcist asked.
They were close…so close that Kanda could feel her warm breath tickling his cheek. It was like a repeat of that morning. The Japanese exorcist swallowed dryly.
"Do you have something particular in mind, Kanda-sama?"
God, she was tempting him…Kanda took a deep breath and kept his hands firmly at his sides.
"Depends on what you're willing to do, Bellerose," he managed to utter without trouble.
Talking was the easy part. Keeping himself from doing anything stupid was another. The light flush dusting her cheeks, the playful gleam in her eyes, and the warmth from her skin were not helping Kanda's self-control in the least. There wasn't enough space between them anymore…and strangely, he didn't seem to mind. He just wanted to—
"I don't think I follow," Chloe murmured. "You make it sound like I'm supposed to just let you take advantage of my kindness."
"Debtors can't be choosers," Kanda retorted.
Sure, that wasn't how the saying went, but it sounded right at that moment. Chloe obviously agreed when she smiled a second later.
"You're hilarious, Kanda. So hilarious I could just…" Chloe trailed off in mid-thought.
Kanda's brain flat-lined a few seconds later, and all sense of reason and discipline were banished to the farthest corners of his mind by a new set of instincts the Japanese exorcist had never had the pleasure of trying to control before. All coherent thought quickly followed after his ability to reason and his self-control, leaving behind a multitude of emotions too pure and raw to be explained with anything but action.
So, not only am I a terribly evil author in leaving you hanging, I'm also a sucky romance writer (okay, if not sucky, just inexperienced). If you didn't vomit or off yourself from the atrocious writing and attempts at romance, please let me know what you think I did wrong, what you think I did right, how I can fix it, the whole shabang. Reviews or private messages are greatly appreciated and really build up the author's self-esteem! Night, and happy (semi-late) Valentine's Day! :)