Author's note: This chapter's kind of a tear-jerker. Prepare yourself with some tissues.
Many thanks to my awesome beta JavisTG!
Happy reading.
Chapter Fifteen
Peeta walked to the house in a bit of a daze. His lips still stung. He hung up his coat and keys and leaned against the closed door. An image popped in his mind of a girl in a flapper dress. It was like a memory, but there was nothing in his life that ever warranted anyone wearing a dress like that.
"Daddy, can I sleep in your bed tonight?" Callie asked, tugging on Peeta's hand and breaking him out of his thoughts.
"Cal, you need to start sleeping in your own bed." At his daughter's pout, Peeta sighed and smiled. "I tell you what, you start out in your bed and if you don't fall asleep right away, you can sleep in my room."
She smiled. "That sounds like a great plan!" She ran off toward the stairs. "I'm not tired at all, so I'll win."
Peeta laughed and followed at a slower pace. He couldn't shake the thought of the girl in the flapper dress. And a part of him knew the girl was him. It had to be.
"I'm taking a bubble bath tonight." Callie announced, pouring a hefty amount of the solution into the tub as it filled.
It took a bit to process the upturned bottle. "Callie, that's way too much!"
"Oops." She didn't sound a bit contrite as she pushed the cap back down.
He laughed and shook his head. "I guess you get to have bubbles up over your head tonight." He turned off the water. "It's getting late, so wash up quick and then play for a bit. I'll just be in my room if you need me." He walked out of the bathroom.
Peeta picked up his sketchbook and went to work on the image that had popped into his head. The girl's dark hair was in a bob at her chin and completely straight. He smiled to himself knowing that it was a sharp contrast to his current self.
Callie called, "Daddy, will you come wash my hair?"
Peeta sat the sketch aside and went back to the bathroom. "Grandma and Grandpa are trying to sleep, so no more yelling." He saw the water splashed all the way to the doorway and heaved a sigh. "Is there any water left in the tub?" He pushed aside the bubbles and started the hair washing process.
Callie giggled. "You're funny, Daddy."
"Yeah, well, my jeans are now soaked from all this mess. We need to work on the splashing." He rubbed shampoo into her hair. "Would you like to live somewhere else, Cal?"
"Where?" She wiped some soap out of her eye.
"Like where it's just you and me?" Peeta asked.
Callie shook her head. "I want to be with Grandma and Grandpa."
"But what if we lived somewhere else, you and I could have our friends over more. And Daddy would really like to move." He finished rinsing the soap out of her hair.
She gave him a hard look. "Don't you like Grandma and Grandpa?"
"I love them a lot." He said. "But this is their house. Don't you want to have our own house?"
She shrugged. "I like my room here."
Peeta nodded. "I like my room here too." He finished rinsing her hair and grabbed up a towel. "Pull the plug."
He helped her out and finished getting ready for bed. She was asleep before he finished the first page of her bedtime story.
Peeta returned to his own room and picked up the sketchbook again. He started drawing again and before he knew it, his alarm was beeping. Good thing he was no stranger to working on no sleep.
Katniss lay awake all night. She'd let the girls tell Gale about the evening and kept quiet. She was still reeling from the kiss and all the lifetimes that had flashed through her mind just before.
As she finally gave up on sleep, she rolled out of bed and a realization hit her. If she'd experienced all those lifetimes with Peeta, then Gale must have had that with Madge.
And the thought suddenly made Katniss very angry.
She walked down the stairs and stood in the doorway to Gale's room. A smile played on his lips as he dreamed.
The alarm started buzzing and Gale rolled over to shut it off. Katniss walked away so he wouldn't know she'd been watching him like a creeper. She started the coffee pot and headed up to take a shower.
Katniss fumed the whole time, trying to think of what to say to confront him about it all.
She was still trying to think of something as she walked downstairs. She stopped short when she saw Gale leaning against the counter with a steaming cup in his hands. His hair was still damp from the shower.
He gave her a smile. "Good morning."
Katniss ignored him and picked up the coffee pot, pouring herself a cup silently. And then she turned. "How many lives have you dreamed about with Madge?"
He was caught off-guard by the sudden question and sputtered for several seconds before he let out a sigh and set down his coffee cup. "Three." He rubbed his eyes tiredly.
"While you slept by me every night?" Her voice was steady, but her whole body shook with rage. "For five years you knew you had lived all these lifetimes with someone else and you decided to keep it to yourself?"
He sighed. "It never seemed the right time." He reached for her hands.
She jerked hers away. "That's bullshit, Gale, and you know it."
"I'm horrible, Katniss. Is that what you want to hear?" He was fighting hard to keep his voice steady, she could tell. "I fucked up." He clenched his fists at his side. "I don't know how you've kept from exploding on me before this."
"I'm just hurt." Her voice finally started to give.
"I know." There was a thickness in his words.
"No, I don't think you do." Katniss sat her cup down without taking a drink. "For five years you kept the fact that you had a soulmate from me. And now I found out that not only is she your soulmate, but you've dreamed of three lives you've experienced together."
"Why does this suddenly matter, Katniss?" Gale challenged. "Huh?"
She picked up her cup so fast the hot liquid sloshed out on her hand. She let out a soft curse.
"You okay?" His voice was full of concern.
"I'm fine." She spat as she wiped her hand on her pants. "You want to know why I'm upset?" She held her cup closer, willing the warmth inside to give her courage. "I saw more of my lifetimes with Peeta. I didn't know there were others. It was overwhelming. You're supposed to be my best friend. A best friend wouldn't keep something like that to themselves." She took a sip of her coffee to calm her nerves. "And then I… I kissed Peeta."
"You what?" Gale visibly bristled.
Katniss shook her head. "Don't you dare get mad about that. I didn't keep it from you for five years."
"Well, I've never kissed Madge." He argued.
"In this life." She shot back, her voice rising a little.
"No, not in this life. I'm a little better than that." There was a slight edge of condescension in his voice.
"So you're saying I'm the bad one?" She demanded. "Because I lost sight of myself for a moment? Because I was overwhelmed by a flood of lifetimes I didn't know existed?"
"No, I'm not saying that." He backpedaled.
She glared. "You knew when all this came out that there were more lifetimes. You could have said something." Katniss gripped her cup. "God, Gale, this is the most difficult thing I've ever faced in my life. And you've done next to nothing to try to soften the blow of it all."
Gale waved his hand grasping for something. "What do you want me to say, Katniss?"
"I want an apology, at the very least." Her voice was soft. "Don't I deserve that?"
"I've apologized a thousand times, Catnip, I can't—"
She held up her hand. "Not for this, Gale." She swallowed past the lump in her throat. "I hate you right now." She looked toward the stairs. "I don't think we should live together. It's confusing for everyone."
"I'll get my things packed and move out as soon as possible." He promised.
"No." She swallowed. "I know you said you wanted me to have the house, but it feels wrong."
He nodded. "What if we sell it? Would that work?"
"I guess." She sighed. "I need to walk away from this for a while." She headed for the door.
"I'm sorry, Katniss." Gale said softly, stopping her in her tracks. "For all of it. For keeping the truth about Madge from you. For not coming clean sooner. For dreaming about someone else so much without telling you. I've dropped the ball. And I really am so sorry."
Katniss let out a long breath. "Thank you. But I haven't decided to forgive you yet." She walked out of the room to get the girls up for school.
Katniss sat on her bed. She should have been doing so many things, but all she did that morning was sit and stare at the walls she'd lived in for a decade. Walls that felt like they were closing in. What was she supposed to do?
She picked up her phone and sent a text to Prim. Lunch?
Prim: Sure. Chinese? I got hella cravings for some chicken fried rice.
Katniss smiled to herself. Meet you there in ten.
She gathered her things and headed out the door thinking about her own pregnancy cravings. Chocolate had been her main hankering with Sam. With Becca, it had been meatloaf, her mom's old recipe. She never could get it quite right and it caused a lot of tears. She blamed it mostly on the hormones, which was a very good excuse at the time. She'd never been able to replicate it since then either and it always upset her.
Prim was already out of her car and heading into the restaurant when Katniss put her SUV in park. Katniss hurried up and caught her before she got to the hostess podium, sharing a quick hug before Prim held up two fingers.
They were shown to a table. Thankfully they were just a little before the lunch rush. Prim ordered without looking at the menu and Katniss just seconded it. She didn't mind chicken fried rice.
"Talk to me." Prim said as soon as the waiter walked away.
Katniss took in a long breath and then let it out slowly. "Okay, I need you to just listen to me and not comment on anything until I'm done."
Prim made a zipping gesture across her lips.
"The girls and I spent the evening with Peeta and his family yesterday." Katniss was so nervous her voice shook. "Peeta showed us around the bakery after dinner. And he and I were alone." She swallowed and dropped her voice. "I looked at him and saw us in other lifetimes. It was beautiful and frightening and just… everything. It was intense. And I kissed him." She put her face in her hands. "I didn't know there was more than one life. And Gale…"
"Do you want me to take him out?" Prim said in a low voice.
Katniss laughed. "No, but thanks." She leaned her head on her hand. "I need to move out."
"We have a room." Prim reached across the table and patted Katniss's other hand. "If you can stand being around another Hawthorne."
"Yours didn't lie to me for five years." Katniss turned her hand over and wrapped her fingers around Prim's. "Why are there so many of them, Prim? Why did I let myself get so tangled up in this family? I don't have any friends outside of it. Not really."
"You've never been one for many friends." Prim rested her hand on her heart. "I like being surrounded by people, that's my thing." She gestured across the table. "You just need two or three good friends. Gale and me were that for you. And there's nothing bad about that." She squeezed Katniss's hand. "But now you're getting to know Peeta. Maybe you can start to hang out with his friends some more and branch out from all of us."
Katniss nodded.
The waiter came with their plates piled high with rice. Prim poured a large amount of soy sauce on hers while Katniss just added a little.
"I don't know if that's healthy." Katniss remarked under her breath.
Prim shrugged. "Everything in moderation." She took a bite.
Katniss shook her head. "That moderation doesn't need to be all in one meal."
Prim waited until Katniss had a forkful of food near her mouth to ask, "So what was the kiss like?"
Katniss shrugged as she chewed. "It was just a peck." She swallowed. "Nothing special. I'm still married."
"Yeah, but you kissed your soulmate. Is it any different?" The curious tone in Prim's voice was the one she always had when she was learning a new medical fact.
Katniss chewed her food a moment and then said, "My lips stung, like static electricity. And it sparked a fire that's been slowly burning up my body ever since."
Prim blinked. "Must have sparked something else. You a writer now?"
Katniss laughed. "Maybe it's rubbing off. Peeta's pretty good with words."
"Wonder if he's good with anything else." Prim said thoughtfully.
"I'm not in a position to find out anytime soon." Katniss pushed her rice around on her plate. "Enough about me for a bit. How are you feeling?"
"I'm hungry. And I'm tired." Prim sighed. "I have this foggy thing going on and I forget simple things."
"Pregnancy brain is the worst." Katniss said with a smile.
Prim leaned forward and shoveled the rice into her mouth like she was starving. She sat back after a few mouthfuls and sighed. "I'm going to gain a hundred pounds."
Katniss chuckled. "You might if you give up being active." She pushed food around on her plate for several moments before she took another bite. "I could join you in your runs."
Prim snorted and then threw her head back to laugh. "You? Running? On purpose?" She laughed some more. "Sure, we can get right on that."
Katniss shrugged. "I'm about to be back on the marriage market again. I need to be fit."
"If this Peeta guy is worth anything, he'll like you just as you are." Prim grinned. "Which is hot, by the way. No one would believe you had two kids."
Katniss rolled her eyes. "Whatever."
Prim ate several more bites and then paused for a sip of water. "So what's this guy like? Your soulmate? We haven't had a chance to talk about it."
After taking her time to swallow her latest mouthful, Katniss said, "He's kind. Very soft-spoken, but speaks his mind. Gives some pretty decent advice, as far as I can tell. He bakes. He's a single dad. Lives with his parents." She looked down at her plate. "You want to know what he looks like, though, don't you?"
Prim laughed. "Yeah, that's what I was getting at, but I'm glad you see the other stuff is a little more important. So?"
"Blonde hair, blue eyes. Dimple in his cheek." Katniss said the next softly, "And a cute chin."
"Did you just say he has a cute chin?" Prim asked around a suppressed giggle.
"Maybe." Katniss shoved a bunch of rice in her mouth and then picked up her phone. "Gee, look at the time. Someone has to get back to the clinic."
Prim shook her head and caught the waiter's attention. "I didn't know you had a chin thing. I have a nose thing. It's not weird."
The waiter brought them each a box and sat down the check. Katniss swiped up the ticket before her sister had the chance to grab it.
"A nose thing?" Katniss asked as they walked out.
Prim grinned and pointed to her nose. "Rory's kind of goes up at the end. It kind of makes me think of a fairy or something. It's adorable and I really hope all our babies get that nose."
Katniss chuckled. "Gale has it too. So do our girls. Maybe it's a dominant gene."
"God, I hope so." Prim leaned against her car. "My nose is kind of boring."
Katniss kissed Prim's cheek. "It's not boring on a baby. Even one you didn't want taking away all your attention." She opened her door and paused. She turned back to Prim. "So I can stay with you guys tonight?"
Prim nodded. "Sure. As long as you need. I'll talk to Rory. Just you? Or you and the girls?"
Katniss swallowed. "I don't know. I don't want to be that mom, you know? I don't want them to think I left them, but I don't know if I want to put them in the middle of it. To choose."
"What if they stay with Hazelle and Bobby? You stay with us? Gale stays alone? You guys can talk about everything without kids in earshot?"
Katniss thought about it a moment. "That would probably be good."
Prim pulled Katniss into a tight hug. "You're a good mom, Katniss. You were to me anyway. You let me have my say in everything, even if you chose differently in the end because you thought your choice was better than mine. And it was half the time." Prim stepped back. "Sam is definitely old enough to have an opinion. So let her."
Katniss nodded and pulled Prim in for another tight embrace. "I love you so much, Little Duck."
"I love you, Mother Goose." Prim kissed her cheek and then stepped away. "I'll have a bed ready for you. Just let me know if I should prepare for one or three." She slid into her driver's seat and took off a moment later.
With a sigh, Katniss got into her own car and headed back home. She wasn't sure what to do. She just knew sleeping in that house wasn't an option anymore.
She packed a bag and paced the house until Gale brought Sam and Becca home.
Sam saw the suitcase waiting by the door and burst into tears. "Don't go, Mom."
Katniss pulled her into a tight embrace. "Listen, I want to stay with you, I really do. But this is something Daddy and I need." She pushed Sam away slightly and smoothed her hair out of her face. "It's kind of like when you and Becca are fighting and we make you two go have your own space and cool down." Katniss glanced toward Becca. "I need some space from Daddy, so I'm going to stay with Aunt Prim and Uncle Rory for a while."
"Why can't you two just stay apart here in the house?" Sam asked tearfully.
Gale wiped a tear from Sam's cheek. "Mom and I still want to be friends. So this is good for us. For all of us."
Katniss nodded. "You two can choose where you stay. You don't have to come with me, but it's fine if you do. It's totally okay if you want to stay here. And if you want to be away from both of us, Grandma and Grandpa said you could stay there."
Becca pressed her face into Gale's neck.
"What are you thinking, Becs?" Gale asked as he rubbed her back. "Hm?"
"I don't want you mad." Becca wailed.
"We won't be mad." Gale assured her softly.
"I want to stay with you, Daddy." Becca mumbled into his neck.
Katniss nodded and rubbed Becca's back. "That's fine."
Becca raised her head. "You're not mad, Mama?"
"I'm not." Katniss pressed a kiss to her cheek. She whispered, "I love you so much, Rebecca."
Becca reached for Katniss. Wrapped in her mother's arms, she cried her heart out into Katniss's shoulder.
Sam sniffed. "I want to stay with Grandma and Grandpa."
Gale nodded and handed over his phone. "Call them and go pack a bag."
"I'll drop you there on my way to Aunt Prim's." Katniss said with a thick voice. She kissed Becca's temple and sat her on the floor. "Go help your sister."
"I don't need help." Sam protested.
"Take her with you, please?" Gale asked.
Sam sighed and grabbed Becca's hand.
Katniss wiped at the tears that finally escaped her eyes. "I don't want to do this, but I have to."
"I know." Gale said. "I've been thinking about it all day. I think we do need to sell the house. That'll help us all make a clean start."
"Where will you live?" Katniss asked softly.
"With my parents." Gale rubbed the back of his neck. "I had a long talk with them. Told them everything. They think it's a good idea, too. And they said Madge can hang out as much as she wants so we're never really alone."
Katniss squeezed his bicep. "I'll call Becca at bedtime."
Gale placed his hand over hers. "Once we get settled, we'll figure out a schedule." He looked up the stairs. "It's good to let them have a choice, but we are their parents and I want to make sure we get quality time and keep up a good relationship."
Katniss nodded. "You should take the girls and Madge to a movie or something. They were with me and Peeta, so…"
Gale kissed her forehead. "We'll be okay, Catnip."
"I know." She stepped back and glanced up the stairs. "I'm taking the rest of the week off. I'm ahead with all my orders. I'll look for a more permanent place and set up a meeting with a realtor."
"Okay." Gale said softly.
Sam came down the stairs with her overnight bag slung over her shoulder. "I want to get out of here." She continued toward the door.
"Give your dad a hug." Katniss called to her back.
Sam paused, turned, and gave Gale a tight hug.
Gale kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Sami."
"I love you, Daddy." Sam sniffed and ran out the door.
Katniss looked up the stairs at Becca and held out her arms. "Hug me goodbye?"
Becca walked slowly down the stairs and into her mother's arms. "Will you sing me the song, Mommy?"
Katniss pressed her mouth close to Becca's ear and sang softly, "Deep in the meadow, under the willow. A bed of grass, a soft green pillow. Lay down your head and close your eyes. And when they open, the sun will rise." She swayed back and forth as she sang the song. Becca sniffled against her shoulder. Katniss finished the song and kissed her cheek. "I love you, Becca. Keep Daddy company and I'll see you tomorrow." She gently passed Becca to Gale's waiting arms. "I'll call later."
Katniss left the house, wiping her eyes as she rolled her suitcase to her SUV.
"Did you give your dad his phone back?" Katniss asked as she and Sam settled into the seat.
"I gave it to Becca." Sam leaned her head against the window. "Does Jensen still cry a lot at night?"
"Probably not too much." Katniss backed slowly out of the driveway.
Sam sniffed. "Okay."
"You can change your mind at any time, Sam-Sam." Katniss assured her. "Daddy and I need a break from each other, not from you and your sister."
"I know." Sam's voice was soft and strangled. "I saw you kiss Peeta."
Katniss gripped the steering wheel tight and pulled into a parking lot. "That was…"
"Mom, don't make excuses." Sam turned her angry gaze on Katniss. "Is that why you're moving out?"
Katniss swallowed hard and wiped at her eyes. "Part of it."
"Is Peeta your boyfriend now?" Sam asked softly. "And Madge is Dad's girlfriend?"
"No. Just soulmates getting to know each other." Katniss reached over and smoothed her hand over Sam's hair. "Dad and I are going to get our divorce and then it might become something different."
"So are you going to kiss Peeta again?"
"I don't plan on it." Katniss swallowed. "Look, let me tell you something about soulmates. Something I didn't know until just before I kissed Peeta." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "We've lived several lifetimes together. Our souls were in other bodies and then we died and our souls were in different ones. And it happened a lot."
"And your souls love each other?" Sam asked, swiping her sleeve over her nose.
Katniss nodded. "Yeah, they do."
"So it wasn't you kissing Peeta, it was your soul kissing his?"
Katniss laughed. "Yeah, it kind of was."
Sam looked out the window again. "I want to stay with you. I changed my mind." She turned toward Katniss. "Is that okay?"
Katniss nodded. "That's perfectly okay." She kissed Sam's temple and pulled out of the parking lot.
Sam asked several questions about soulmates on their short trip across town. It felt good to Katniss that Sam was starting to open up and relax about the situation. She was sure there was still quite a way to go, but it was a good start.