Author's note: Thanks so much for reading. It's now Christmas in this little slice of Panem. There's some stuff in this chapter I'm really interested to get your thoughts on.
Many thanks to my beta JavisTG!
Happy reading!
Chapter Nineteen
Katniss pressed her nose into Becca's hair and whispered, "Make sure you get to sleep early so that Santa can come."
"But, Mama, what about for you?" Becca pulled back. Her eyes were full of concern. "Will Santa come see you? Does he know where you are?"
"He knows." Katniss assured her. "And he also knows you'll be here with me tomorrow night, so there will be a few presents from him here." Katniss kissed Becca's cheek and then sat her down on the floor.
Sam wiped at her eyes and shuffled her feet.
"You don't have to hug me if you don't want." Katniss assured Sam.
"What if I hug you and I don't want to let go?" Sam's voice was thick. She looked up at her mother. "It's Christmas, Mama."
Katniss smoothed a hand over Sam's hair. "I know, baby. And we'll get used to it. This'll be how it is from now on."
"But can't we just have one more Christmas all together?"
Katniss gently grabbed her face and kissed her forehead. "We're going to do a lot of things apart. And this has to be one."
Sam swallowed and wrapped her arms around Katniss's waist, pressing her eyes hard into her mother's chest.
"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Katniss kissed the top of Sam's head and then let go. "Get in your dad's truck. I want to talk to him a minute."
The girls slowly made their way across the yard. Katniss and Gale watched them until they were out of earshot.
Gale turned, "So around ten?"
"If that's okay? I can wait a bit more if I need to. I know the morning sometimes drags on."
He shook his head. "I'm getting Christmas Eve, you should have as much of Christmas Day as you can." He smiled. "I can even text you when they open the last gift. You can show up five minutes later and sweep them away."
She shook her head. "I appreciate that, but I think ten is definitely a safe bet."
"I know it's probably going to be hard without the girls tonight, but I'm glad you'll be with Peeta's family for a little while to distract you." He squeezed her arm. "Merry Christmas, Catnip."
"Merry Christmas, Gale." She waved toward the truck. "Bye, girls. I love you."
She watched them leave and then went back into the house. She looked at the clock and calculated that she only had sixteen hours until they were back with her.
Prim kissed Katniss's cheek as she passed. "Make sure to call if you need anything tonight. We can come right back." She put a few things in her purse and then zipped it closed. She leaned close and whispered, "Or if you stay with Peeta, let me know."
"I'm not planning on doing that." Katniss whispered quickly, looking over her shoulder trying to figure out where Rory was.
"Not saying that you're gonna do the do, but if it's late or starts snowing or something." Prim kissed Katniss's cheek again. "Just be safe. I love you."
"Love you, too." Katniss followed Prim and Rory to the door.
"Oh," Prim turned, "I left you presents on your bed. Merry Christmas, sis." She winked and closed the door behind her.
Katniss walked to her room and saw two packages sitting on her bed. The bigger of the two had a note that said, "Open me first."
It was heavy. She unwrapped it eagerly and then let out a loud boisterous laugh as the picture of a vibrator took shape.
A card was taped to the top that read, "In case you get lonely here tonight. ;)"
The smaller package said, "Open me second."
She took a little more care opening this one, not ready for what she was about to find.
It was condoms.
The note attached to this one said, "For when things with Peeta move along. ;)"
Katniss shook her head and sent her sister a text. Thanks for reminding me that I'm in serious need of an orgasm.
Prim sent back several laughing faces with tears. You just need to be distracted.
Katniss: Sure. Whatever you say.
Prim: Just don't dwell, Sister. I know how you get when you do. I love you. And I mostly wanted you to have a good laugh.
Katniss looked at the two boxes lying on her bed. She was glad her sister hadn't given her anything too serious. She wouldn't have been able to stand that. Thanks, Prim. I did laugh. But purple really isn't my color.
Prim: Well, for some reason, vibrators are hard to find in forest green. Lol
Katniss put both into the bottom of her drawer underneath enough things that, hopefully, neither of her girls would be able to find them.
After that, she gathered the gifts for Peeta's family. She'd asked Peeta what she should bring for them and he assured her that she didn't need to buy anything. But she felt bad at the thought of arriving empty-handed. She'd settled on gift cards all around, except for Callie and Peeta. She'd give them their gifts in as private a way as possible.
Katniss was barely inside the door when Callie attacked her around the waist.
"You're here!" Callie exclaimed.
Katniss laughed and shifted everything to one hand so she could pat the girl on the back. "I am. Merry Christmas, Callie."
"Merry Christmas!" Callie exclaimed as she stepped back.
Peeta walked over with a sympathetic look and held out his hand. "Want me to take those?"
"Sure." Katniss handed over the bag of gifts and carried a bowl of cauliflower salad to the table. It was already full of other dishes.
"Ooh, what's that?" Delly asked as she came in the room with a stack of plates.
"Cauliflower salad." Katniss lifted the lid.
"Looks so good!" Delly gushed. "I love to try new things."
Peeta stepped over and placed a hand on Katniss's arm. Electricity flowed and she felt relief. "Want to come over to the bakery with me to get the pies?"
Katniss smiled up at Peeta. "Sure."
She followed him outside. As soon as the door closed, he slipped his hand into hers. "How are you holding up?" His voice was soft.
"Well, it's only been a half hour." She squeezed his fingers. "So far, so good." She could hear the tremble.
He stopped walking and turned to face her. Placing a soft hand against her cheek, he gave her a comforting smile. "I'll do whatever you need me to do to help you make it through this. I know it's the first time, so this will be the hardest. But I'm here. Whatever you need."
"I need you to stop touching my face like that." She said softly. "I can't think when you touch me like that."
Peeta dropped his hand.
Katniss clasped both of his in hers. "Listen, I appreciate all you're doing. I'm just glad there's room for me here with your family so I don't have to be alone. Prim tells me all the time that I don't take the help offered to me enough, so I'm trying something new here."
"We're glad to have you." He kissed her knuckles and then turned to the bakery. "Callie picked out a present for you. She's really proud of it."
"I'm sure I'll love it." Katniss said with a little chuckle. "I got her some doll clothes. She does have dolls, right?"
"Oh, yeah. Lots. Too many." Peeta opened the back door to the bakery and swept his hand to ask her to enter in front of him. "I got you something, too, but I'd rather not give it to you in front of my family. So I brought it over here when I started the pies." He steered her toward the break room's open door. From a locker, Peeta pulled out a wrapped package about the size of his hand. "I hope you like it."
She took the gift and unwrapped it slowly, memories of her sisters presents coming to mind. It was a painting. A pair of flapper girls dancing the Charleston. A quick, familiar jazz tune filled her mind.
"Is this us?" She asked softly.
"Yes." He moved closer and pointed to the taller of the pair. She had curly red hair. "That one's you."
She looked up. "Are you sure?" She asked with a smile. The music in her mind receded.
He gestured to the dark hair. "Extremely straight, jet black hair. It's something I seem to remember my mother never liked." He sighed. "I wonder if that mother had the same soul as my mother in this life."
"Wouldn't that be interesting?" She looked back down at the picture. "She didn't like me much, did she?"
"Didn't like her only daughter taking on a female lover." Peeta said softly.
Katniss sighed. "I feel like I missed you."
"I feel it too." He stepped closer and tentatively touched her hands. She didn't move away and he slid his fingers up over her wrists. "Katniss?"
She nodded and met him the rest of the way for a soft brush of lips. The music crashed in her ears again and she wasn't Katniss anymore. For a moment she was Ruth Aaron. She was sixteen and sneaking out to speakeasies with her friends.
The lips pressed against hers were soft and familiar. She'd kissed these lips in secret for over a year. They'd spoken of running away with Ruth and living somewhere that they could love each other and not have to hide everything.
Katniss pulled away, whispering, "Helen."
Peeta smiled. "Not for about ninety years." His phone made a noise in his pocket. "We should get the pies over there before they think something's up." He walked around her and reached for the light switch.
"I got you something, too." She followed him into the kitchen. She slipped the painting into her pocket just before Peeta handed her a pie to carry. "I don't want your family to be jealous that I got you and Callie actual gifts. I just got everyone else gift cards. And candy for the kids."
"They won't be jealous." He nodded toward the back door. "I told my brothers and sisters-in-law what was going on. I asked them to keep it to themselves for a while. I hope that's okay?"
Katniss stepped out the door and waited for Peeta to lock the door. "I don't mind. Gale told the rest of his family. I just have Prim."
"One day I'd like to know more about your family."
"One day I'll tell you." She stepped into the house and brought the pies to the table Cara pointed to.
After supper, they settled in for presents. Katniss passed hers out quickly so that they could all enjoy the other gifts. Callie was very excited about her doll clothes and tried to run up to get one of her babies to start dressing it, but Peeta convinced her to wait. For Peeta, she'd bought him a sketchbook and some colored pencils.
"Thank you." Peeta said softly as he looked them over. "You didn't have to."
"I wanted to." Katniss gave him a smile.
The jazz was back as she looked into his eyes. The urge to kiss him returned. She forced her eyes away.
Callie put a box on her lap. "I picked this out all by myself." She said proudly.
Katniss tore into the paper with exaggerated excitement. Inside was a box of paper targets.
"Becca says you like to shoot your bow. Daddy helpeded me find them. But I picked those ones."
Callie was so very proud of herself. And Katniss was happy to have them. They weren't exactly what she used, but she could make them work. "Thank you, Callie."
"You're welcome!" Callie gave Katniss a quick hug before taking the gift her grandfather was holding out for her.
"Are those the right kind?" Peeta asked softly. "We didn't know, so I just told her to pick some."
"I can use them." Katniss assured him. Their hands brushed and Katniss felt her cheeks growing warm.
Katniss started feeling a little left out. She missed the Hawthorne madness that she was used to. And the traditions and family jokes were lost on her.
Something must have shown on her face because Peeta slipped his hand into hers and squeezed gently. He leaned in and asked softly in her ear, "You need some time alone?"
Katniss shook her head. "I'm fine."
He squeezed her hand again and then let go.
Overall, it was actually an enjoyable evening. Katniss was glad that Graham's branch of the family was the only one unfamiliar to her. But they were still so very accommodating.
The rest of the family left as they younger kids began to yawn and fight sleep. Callie curled up on Peeta's lap as her cousins were ushered out the front door. Katniss looked at the image beside her and was reluctant to leave. They would all be going home to full houses with the prospect of kids waking them early to see if Santa had arrived.
But she knew that it wasn't a forever situation for her. It was just this one night. Next Christmas would be hers, they had decided. She could make it if she just reminded herself of that.
Peeta stood with Callie and Katniss followed. She pointed her thumb toward the door. "I should head out."
"Don't run yet, Ruthie." He requested with a tired smile. "I'll put her down and then walk you out to your car."
She watched him walk up the stairs.
Cara stepped out of the kitchen drying her hands. "I'm so glad you were able to join us, Katniss."
Turning, Katniss gave the older woman a smile. "Thanks for having me."
"I know you must be missing your girls, but Callie was definitely excited to have you here."
Katniss nodded. "She's something, isn't she?"
Cara laughed and nodded. "Something. Definitely."
Conrad and Peeta both came down the stairs holding big boxes. Conrad sat his down first and started pulling out the parts for a small dollhouse. "This should be a fun night."
"I'll be in to help you in a bit, Dad." Peeta said as he sat the box down.
"Take your time." Conrad said. He looked up. "But not too much. You're the one who bought this thing."
"Sorry." Peeta gave his father a contrite look. He helped Katniss gather her things and followed her out to her SUV. "I feel so bad watching you go." He handed over the things he carried for her to place in the back floorboard.
"I'll be fine." She assured him.
"It's not that." He brushed a piece of hair off her shoulder and ran his hand down her arm. "I thought about asking you to stay. It wouldn't be right, though. But selfishly…" He heaved a sigh. "I want to see your face in the morning."
She tangled her fingers in his. "Maybe one of these days." She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Better get a wiggle on."
Peeta laughed. "Text me when you get to your sister's? Like inside with the door locked and stuff?"
"Sure." Katniss moved to the driver's door and took hold of the handle. "My least favorite part is when I leave you and the line snaps."
He rubbed a spot in the center of his chest. "Mine too."
She turned and climbed into the SUV, trying not to look at him. If she did, she knew she would fall into his arms and never leave them.