Disclaimer I don't own Dragonball Dragonball Z or Dragonball Super each are respectfully owned by Toriyama

The worst pain ... isn't the pain you feel at the time, it's the pain you feel later on when there's nothing you can do about it. They say that time heals all wounds, but we never live long enough to test that theory.

JOSÉ SARAMAGO,The Cave

From the day he was born Gohan knew expectations was set upon him. The very moment he blew a hole through that damn tree he knew. Sometimes as a child he would go to that very tree just to take out his frustrations.

6 year old Gohan teared up as he glared at the tree "Your just as much to blame for this life as me you...you stupid tree! why couldn't you have just ended me then and there!? why am I so special!" falling to his knees he cradled himself distraught rocking back in forth sobbing "Why...is it always..me"

Crying the first son of Goku beat his fist into the dirt "AM I JUST NOT MEANT TO BE HAPPY" shaking softly he turned to glare furiously at the tree for what seemed like hours...days...years. 18 year old Gohan walked up to the tree and softly placed his palm on it gaze hazy from tears "It's not your fault...it never was..."

Gohan clenched his fist unknowingly drawing on his Ki his life force what kept him tied to this world. What HE was expected to uphold and keep in league with the others or be shamed and left to fend for himself in this unforgiving world.

Gohan screamed in agony as his power was sucked from him in the most unforgiving way ever. 'Why aren't they helping...I can sense Piccolo's Ki going off the charts but the other's are...so calm...do they enjoy seeing me in pain"Vegeta observed the scene and scoffed "His power level was much higher as a child" his father had a nonchalant smile on his face "Awww come on Vegeta Gohan has to study it's not bad to enjoy peace" looking at his foolish rival "Example 1 right there now say that dumb shit again Kakarot I dare you"

He growled remembering the event all to clearly. Thanks to his Saiyan blood he caught most of their conversation and it sickened him that he stood by people who would abandon there own on a whim of a stranger.

He tried...and tried...and tried to be the bigger person someone better then those around him. To offer help when it was needed. train...train...train...WHY SHOULD HE!? WHAT GOOD HAS IT EVER DONE WHEN EVERY VILLIAN THEY FIGHT IS A MILLION TIMES STONGER!

...He remembered that day on the battlefield all to well...it was the second time he cracked. Truly lost almost all sense of self.

(While holding Gohan in a bear hug and crushing him)"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! How ironic that your father's death was the key to our escape. I so wanted to thank him personally, but now, you will have to do it for me" Gohan was tired he and in great pain he could barely register what was going on any more much less comprehend it.

Something...had knocked the giant beast of a man away from him...wait what was holding him?...Slowly opening his eyes more he almost gasped as he saw his father in all his glory cradling him safely in his arms "Gohan...I don't know why you keep beleiving your not strong enough but that just isn't true!...everyone on this planet is counting on you me your mother our friends. So don't let us down" he vaguely remembered the speech but the madness...he remembered the blinding insanity that found him in that battle.

"I know your kind, you think you can just walk in and take our planet" Gohan spat as he stared coldly at the space Pirate and his minions "But there's one thing you forgot..." chuckling the demi Saiyan finally allowed the dam to break as his eyes snapped open and that power flodded him "I'M MY FATHER'S SOOOOON!" And soon he put an end to them all...violently.

Gohan shook his head rubbing his forehead in pain. Just remembering the damn thing brought that feeling...that terrible sense of not being you anymore...the threshhold of pure insanity that sat in his soul ready to be unleashed in a moments notice...Training...TRAINING ONLY SEEMED TO MAKE IT STRONGER...that's why he couldn't...

He gently rocked in his chair glancing over at the peaceful face of his sleeping child...that's why he hated training...because one day he knew...he'd never stop.

THE POWER...It's so addicting the feeling is like nothing else. Everytime he used it he wondered. Is this what it's like to be free? people always chalked it up as his Saiyan side...WRONG! it was him! and always would be!

His inhibitions thrown to the wind nothing more but a forgotten ideal he stomped on and put to rest!...because at the end of the day he was always more human then Saiyan...and like any human we all have our breaking points.

Not a day goes by where he doesn't want to walk out that door and just walk...and keep walking. Until he was tired and then walk some more. HE WANTED FREEDOM...to have some grain of self respect and make his needs known. The need to be who HE wanted to be not his mother not his father and certainly not his wife.

A Piercing cry rang through the air as he gently picked up his daughter "Shhh Pan daddy's here and he won't let anything hurt you"

Not like me...

Not like me...

Not like me...

Never like me.

"Gohan i'm back" Called the familiar voice of Videl as he sighed resigned and stood up looking at her ignoring her concerned look "What's wrong Gohan were you studying to hard again" she chided as he gave her a tired smile "Yeah plus little panny kept her daddy busy today before her nap" The infant giggled as Videl smiled and planted a kiss on his lips "Well then rest,and that's an order mister"

Gohan watched blankly as she sauntered out of the room. Innocent to his silent plight.

I sometimes wonder if I truly can...

A/N Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Sometimes I forget how complex Gohan's character is. I mean this dude is like 2 seconds away from losing his mind when you really think about it Gohan is fucked up. With all the influences in his life it's a wonder why the guy hasn't snapped and killed them all.

Until Next Time Bossbrat out.