Biting my nails has always been a nasty habit of mine. The problem is that I only bite them when I'm stressed. That could be the reason that I'm hiding in the closet. Shit. I don't want to do this.

I blame the alcohol consumption. I'm seventeen and I shouldn't even be drinking, but there was no way that I was going chicken out in front of the collection of people that I call friends. They're a good bunch, but Genma's something different altogether. He's crazy, and I love it, but throwing a party this large in such a small place was asking for trouble. A shatter from the other side indicated that yet another bottle had smashed under trampling feet of dancing and gyrating bodies. Why the hell did he think it was a good idea to throw me a huge birthday party? I don't know even know most of these people. I'm not a ladies man like Iz and Genma. I'm not unattractive. Let's just say that I'm insecure, and playing Seven Minutes in Heaven is not helping.

'There you are.' A cool voice called out into musty closet I was just beginning to find sanctuary in. I knew that voice all too well. Unsurprising, since I'd had an...infatuation with Hana Inuzuka for a long time. She was usually the reason I scampered away to the men's room for a "piss", yet that was nowhere near what I was doing. That was also one of my nasty habits.

'Happy birthday, Kotetsu.' She said, her voice making my heart pump faster. I'd read enough silly little stories to know where this was going. Was she going to want me to live up to expectations? Yep. Pretty certain.

'Heh, thanks.' I stammered lightly, wanting to melt into the collection of cloaks and jackets behind me. I'd been dreaming of a chance with her like this for a long time but it didn't stop my nerves from crashing around in my stomach. She was wearing a skimpy little top and skirt ensemble and smelt distinctively of strawberries. It was so different to what she normally wore that it caught me off-guard a little. She looked very...girly for once.

'So...' She said, inching closer and closer, her hands sliding over my torso and around my neck as she pressed her hips into mine. There was sake on her breath and it made my nose wrinkle lightly.

'Did you want your present?' She whispered into my ear, sending a run of shivers coursing through my body.

My throat seized up and I made a little squeak. It was not classy at all, but I guess she took that as a 'yes' because she started to trail her hands around my back lightly and she push her frame against mine. I could feel a light, warm breath by my jaw and I found myself kissing her pair of cherry-flavoured lips. My back was against a padded pile of coat arms and she had her eyes closed. Mine were not. I won't lie that my head span lightly. After all, I'd been longing for a moment like this for kami knows, but I wasn't enjoying it as much as I thought I should. Maybe if I took it a step further. But I'm inexperienced. I was frigid, shamefully. As far as I was concerned, I was waiting for some kind of "zing" or feeling to run through me, from what I'd read, but the buzzing sensation I had before was subsiding.

Playfully I nipped at her bottom lip and I could feel her smile underneath as she complied. In the blink of an eye, I was exploring her mouth with mine and it was messy. Messy would be giving it a compliment. I have no idea if she was just a naturally bad kisser, or she had consumed much more alcohol than I thought. Either way, this was bad, but she didn't care. Through the chorus of smacking and sharp intakes of breath from the both of us, she picked up my hands with hers fingers; pressing my palms into her chest. I was not enjoying this, but I didn't want to disappoint her, so I played along and groped a little. Well, it got a reaction out of her. She let out a little gasp and started kissing me faster and heavier, and dropped her hand to my crotch, taking her own feel.

She pulled away, and I could swear that she was disappointed. It tingled a little, her hand on me but nothing more. I wasn't up, not even in the slightest.

'Is something wrong?' She asked, the seductive tone in her voice gone and her bite coming back. She was disappointed, for certain, and I couldn't help feeling guilty because I was the reason.

'I'm...I'm...My head scrambled to find words. I kept drawing a blank.

'...I'm sorry.'

Even I knew that was terrible.

'Oh...it's okay...happy birthday.' And just like that she peeled herself off of me and disappeared out of the closet. If I had my way, I'd sink into the floor for a few years and return when everything had blown over. But I didn't. I just slumped against the wall and cursed myself.

Iz poked his head in a minute later, sake in hand and grinning.

'Well well well.' He harped, bringing himself in entirely.

'Someone's had a good time.'

'Sure why not.' I said, still leaning against the wall with my head in hand.

'Hey, what's wrong dude?'

'Nothing...I'll tell you later.'

Iz shrugged and took my arm, dragging me out of the darkness into the dimmed light; studded with colourful red and blue party lights of the den. A series of wolf whistles and playful whoops erupted when we came out together and I couldn't help but blush the smallest bit.

'What have we got here then?' Someone called out, and a string of jeers we thrown out at us.

'What can I say fellas?' Izumo joked to the crowd and pulled me into an embrace.

'The birthday boy's just a little firecracker!' He quipped, before placing a little peck on my lips. All of this was going to be blamed on drunken antics as the crowd roared with laughter.

What I couldn't blame on the alcohol was a sense of lightning running into me and how right it felt to have his lips on mine.

~-~-x

I don't remember waking up face down in my sheets. I don't remember how I got there at all, and I certainly don't remember the name of the girl draped over me haphazardly. I flinched at the blur of ivory as my eyes cleared, and my head gave a shooting pain that made me slap my palm to my forehead.

'Ahh shit!' I griped, trying to make the room stop spinning. Man, I did not like the aftermath of alcohol.

I slowly plucked the slinky arm off of me and wriggled out of her naked grasp. I couldn't see the face, but I wasn't going to wake her. Surely after everything that's happened, I wouldn't turn around and have sex with another girl.

...would I?

I couldn't see her face. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to see it. I could gauge tresses of purple hair and that was enough for me. A girl with purple hair was already out of preferences; that indicated a wild child. I'm all about having fun, not abstract craziness. That's Genma's type.

I successfully managed to creep away from the body, which was now snoring a little. Guilt flooded over me until I looked down and found I was still wearing pants. Hang on. If I'm still wearing them, then I wouldn't have had sex, right?

Right?

Precariously I stepped over mounds of bodies that had collapsed or fainted throughout the night. At least someone had the decency to turn the music off so people could sleep. Or at least collapse. I sniffed and thanked Kami for giving me my eyesight back. It was hard work, avoiding the obstacles of drooling, snoring nin sprawled out in what seemed like layers and layers. Finally I managed to make it to the balcony, welcoming the breeze over my flushing skin.

I started to think about when Iz kissed me. I know it was a joke, and just to get a reaction from the others...but my reaction was something that I don't understand. Why did it feel so...good? Why did I feel like someone set off fireworks in the pit of my stomach and like I was being pulled out of my skin? Why was it Iz that made me feel this way? More importantly...why did I find myself wanting it again?

I think I know why.

'Hey, you're awake.'

Of course. It just had to be him.

Wait, what am I saying? It's my best friend!

'Morning Iz.' I said, faking a yawn and turning to him. All I could focus on at first was his bare chest winking at me in the light. I felt a sense of tingles in the pit of my stomach, trailing down my abdomen.

He clapped me on the back and noogied me roughly. Our typical greetings.

'Sleep well?' He grinned impishly at me.

'It wasn't sleep, more like a pit of black.' I joked, breathing in the crisp air and exhaling.

'Hey Iz, who's the chick in my bed?'

'It's Anko.'

'...did we...?'

Iz laughed at me. I, however, was stony faced.

'No, you didn't.'

I breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed onto him.

'Oh thank fu-'

'Gai did.'

I gagged. Literally. I spluttered and coughed and tried not to choke on the lava-like bile creeping up my throat. I heaved past Iz, and his arms supported me to the edge of the balcony.

'In my bed?!'

'Well...you were passed out at that point-'

'Holy shit!'

'Yeah, but don't tell Anko.'

'Why not?!'

'Because she thinks it was you.'

I slumped over the banister with my head in my hands and I groaned. I no longer had a hangover. That news sobered me up enough, but I still felt like vomiting.

'Oh man that's so gross...'

'Well, it's not like you were gonna get with Hana though. Speaking of which, what happened in there? I was certain you liked her.'

'Yeah, so did I but...'

'But.' Iz pressed, leaning his head on my shoulder. That tingling feeling increased, and a part of me wished that I wasn't feeling like I was going to collapse.

'But I think that she's not my...type.'

'So who is your type then?'

'To be honest...I don't know anymore.'

'Eh?'

'Don't worry about it.'

'Well, no no, tell me.'

'What's to tell? I just don't know...who I like.'

I wanted to tell him more, but right now I was fighting back the urge to pull him closer and kiss me again. I wanted to find out. I wanted to convince myself that what happened last night was just a fluke and that everything would turn back to the way it was...but a part of me also realised that it would just confirm my suspicions. I think I am...y'know...

'Well, when you find out, don't keep it from me.' He smiled at me and clapped my hand in his. Again, just a traditional way that we acted around each other, but this time I didn't want his hand to let go of mine.

'Another time, okay?' I said and tightened my grip on his hand before relinquishing it. I was compelled to snatch it back.

But I didn't.

'Hey Iz wait.' I blurted out, before he strolled back inside.

'What's up?'

'Let me look at your eyes.'

'Do you have to?' He blushed, yet at the same time coming back to me.

'Yeah. I'm trying to find something out.'

He looked at me quizzically before pulling the fringe out of the way of his eye.

'Better?' He asked, a violent crimson now adorning his cheeks.

I lost myself in those eyes. I loved the way that they didn't quite make the same colour, but it's these imperfections that make us perfect. To me, Izumo was perfect, and I tried so hard to mould myself to be just a little like him. But what I loved the most was the way that it was reserved for me, just me. My heart literally skipped a beat when I started to ponder just how much I meant to him.

'Okay, that's enough.' Iz grinned and flopped his fringe back over. Dammit. I wasn't nearly ready to part with it. He just shook his head at me lightly and waltzed back inside as chipper as anything.

Suddenly, I felt the compulsive need to be perfect around him; my life must be choreographed to the utmost degree, my clothes had to be pristine and everything about me must be flawless. My bubble of content that I had conned myself into believing my entire life was frivolous. The world was changing. I was changing. And without need of any other proof I knew exactly what this meant about me.

I was addicted to my best friend. But I wanted more.