A/N: Holy cow this chap is long. And just chock full of D-R-A-M-A. But it was inevitable, but there's s'more lighthearted chaps ahead as well. Enjoy! -pj

Disclaimer: See any of the preceding chapters.

Day One-Oh-Two

Ronon sat alone at his table in the Mess, staring at his food and eating it slowly. Deliberately. His other three teammates talking and laughing amongst themselves so they didn't notice, the way the rest of the Mess Hall did, the giant 'I'm Pissed, Leave Me Alone' stamp on his forehead made their way over to his table.

Sheppard dropped his tray across from Ronon and Teyla sat down beside him, leaving Rodney to the chair next to Ronon. As soon as McKay sat down Ronon turned his head slowly to look at him. Even through his dreds Rodney could feel the heat of Ronon's hateful glare. He glanced over out of the corner of his eye, replaced the Roast Beef sandwich that had been halfway to his mouth, and moved to the end of the table so he had a chair between himself and Ronon.

Satisfied, Ronon returned to his food, although the little intimidation stunt had earned him an angry look from Teyla and a frown from John.

"Has something been bothering you, Buddy?" John asked lightly, opening a bag of potato chips and eyeing the alien thoughtfully.

"No." Ronon answered gruffly. John and Teyla exchanged a look.

"Really? Because you seem, uh, more…homicidal than usual," McKay pointed out, nervously and began shoveling food into his mouth without pause.

Ronon turned a dark look on him, which only made Rodney eat faster.

"Perhaps you should just tell us what is bothering you," Teyla drew Ronon's attention.

The Satedan grunted and went back to his plate, "drop it."

"Well I would, but that tactic hasn't worked too well for me over the past three days, in the span of which, you've sent three of my marines to the infirmary for stitches or concussions, and off-world you almost blew a hole in one of our allies," Sheppard told him hotly, "so, perhaps you should tell us what is bothering you."

Ronon glared at Sheppard for several moments, clenching and unclenching his jaw as he worked his anger down to a more manageable level. Unfortunately for him, John was one of the few people in the universe who wasn't afraid of Ronon, and he met his glare head on, refusing to back down.

Ronon's eyes flickered to the doorway when he saw a familiar brown ponytail in the corner of his eye. Remy caught sight of him and quickly made her way toward a table on the other side of the room where her team plus a few others were eating, and sat with her back to him.

Avoiding him.

Just like she'd been doing for the past three days.

John noticed his divided attention, and looked down when he saw Ronon's hands tighten into fists in their spots resting on the table. He turned sideways in his chair, catching Teyla's look of confusion as he followed Ronon's gaze across the room.

Remy.

"So that's it," John said, twisting back around in his chair, "girl trouble."

"She hasn't said more than two words to me since I checked out of the infirmary," the suddenly talkative Ronon began, "every time I come by she's busy or off-world. Every time she sees me coming she goes the other way. I know something's wrong but she won't stand still long enough to tell me what it is." He was still staring a hole in the back of Remy's head but if she noticed she was doing a great job of pretending not to.

John looked pleadingly at Teyla. Relationship advice was definitely outside his comfort zone, he'd been reminded of that after hearing of how Remy reacted when she heard where Ronon was getting his advice on 'Earth girls' from.

Teyla thought for a moment and then looked at her friend, "are you asking for advice?"

Ronon shrugged and nodded.

"Then it would be this: if she will not talk, you ought to make her listen."

Sheppard raised his eyebrows and punctuated her point with his fork, "exactly."

Ronon sat back in his chair and looked between John and Teyla a few times and then over John's shoulder at Remy, who'd just gotten up from her table and was leaving the Mess.

Alone.

Ronon grabbed his tray and stood. He hesitated before going after her, wishing to thank his teammates and unsure of how to go about doing so.

Sheppard grinned at his discomfort, "we understand."

Teyla nodded her agreement and urged him, "go after her, Ronon."

---

"Remy, wait up."

Remy closed her eyes at the sound of his voice and reluctantly slowed to a stop.

"Ronon, hey." She turned to face him as he pulled up beside her. She smiled politely while nervously twisting and untwisting the cap to her water bottle.

"Can we talk?" He stood with his arms crossed, giving her that look that made her want to straighten her posture.

"Um, well I have a meeting right now, so I'm kind of…" she pointed over her shoulder at the transporter.

"After your meeting then?"

She bit her lip, "I, uh, I have a thing." She knew it sounded lame and dropped her eyes to one side so she wouldn't have to see the range of negative emotions crossing his face before he smoothed it into a mask. She tightened her grip on her half-empty water bottle.

"Then how about now," he didn't wait for her to interrupt with another excuse, "why have you been avoiding me?"

Remy pressed a hand to her forehead and then rested it at the base of her pony-tail, "I'm not avoiding you Ronon-"

"You're not?"

"No. I'm not."

"Then what do you call what you're doing right now?" He cut her off sharply, annoyed at her evading the issue.

Remy stiffened, "Right now? I call this talking. And what I'm doing later I call being busy," she said defensively, raising her eyebrows as if daring him to challenge her.

For a half second Ronon's neutral mask faltered and softened, "You know you can tell me anything, Remy," he said quietly.

Not expecting the sudden gentle tone, she sucked in a quick breath, closing her eyes briefly.

"I know."

This seemed to be the wrong thing to say as it made Ronon's body tense more than before.

"Then when you're ready to tell me the truth," he emphasized the word and Remy looked at him sharply, "you know where to find me."

He turned, leaving Remy alone and unsure of how to answer.

---

Remy stood outside Ronon's door for a long while before chiming.

She had had a meeting, she wasn't lying about that. But the 'thing' she had to do afterward turned out to be two full hours of wandering the inskirts and outskirts of the city, trying to make sense of her jumbled brain. So many things she meant to say, thought she should say and knew she never would say.

But in the end, when it came right down to it, it turned out that it was something Ronon didn't say that made up her mind. She just couldn't get rid of the image of his face, his eyes, how hurt and guarded they'd looked when he realized she was lying to him.

It wasn't something she could live with.

Ronon looked over his shoulder when he heard the chime the first time and, taking one more deep breath of ocean air, left the balcony and crossed his room to open the door.

Unsurprisingly, it was Remy. She was hunched down into her blue hoody with the words 'without ME it's just AWESO' making it look almost two sizes too big. Her hands were stuffed into the pockets of her favorite jeans and, although she'd been kicking her boots at the floor, when he opened the door the movement stilled completely.

She looked up at him and he could tell by her red eyes that she'd been fighting, and probably mostly losing, a battle against tears for quite some time now.

"Can I come in?" Her voice came out quiet but even.

He stepped aside and she accepted the silent invitation into his quarters. She stood a bit awkwardly in the middle of the room and he leaned against the wall by the balcony doors and waited.

Remy avoided his gaze at all costs.

"Remember when you said I could tell you anything?"

He nodded, his face impassive.

"Okay, well…first off, you're right. I was avoiding you. I needed some time on my own to think. I needed some space."

"You could have just asked."

Remy shook her head, "no. I couldn't have."

"Why not?"

"Because you would have wanted to know why I needed space. And I would have ended up trying to talk to you before I had a chance to really think on my own and, believe me, that never ends well."

Ronon was quiet for a while, "so you're ready now?"

She shrugged and shook her head. "I have no idea…I just couldn't…stay away anymore."

"I don't understand why you were staying away in the first place," he said it mostly to himself, but Remy heard.

"You almost died," her voice suddenly up a few octaves and Ronon looked at her, surprised at the outburst. "You think that's easy for me to bounce back from? I'll probably have nightmares for the rest of my life!" Her tone was accusatory. Desperate,

What little self-control she'd managed to regain before coming to his quarters was squashed in an instant and she wiped furiously at her eyes. She turned away but turned back to him just as quickly, "I didn't ask for this, okay? I didn't ask to love you, but I do," she spat, her red rimmed eyes flashing, "I didn't ask to care so much about you're well being every time you walk through the gate. I just wanted the hell off Earth. I wanted to do stuff nobody else had ever done before. That's all. I didn't ask for this!"

"So what, you want out?" Ronon shot back, having had his full of being run over by Remy's temper

"No!" Remy nearly shouted, "I don't. That's what's so frustrating about this whole thing. I should want this to be over," she shook her head, this part was still a bit fuzzy even to her, "it was fun at first. It was a rush to be sneaking around with one of Atlantis' finest. But it's not fun anymore. It's real now and usually when the fun runs out I get scarce," she pressed her hands to her face. It felt like she was drowning, her head wouldn't think straight and her chest wouldn't take deep breaths.

Ronon was frowning, trying to put together what he knew about Remy, what he knew about women in general, and what he'd just heard her say. He hesitated and then did his best to reassure her.

"Remy, I'm still here. I'm fine."

"I know that," she mumbled, her voice muffled against her hands.

"And I can take care of myself," his attempt to comfort her seemed to have the opposite effect.

"You scared me, okay?" her hands flew from her eyes and she took a step forward.

Ronon just looked at her.

"Seeing you there…with the bandages and the monitors…" she sighed and shrugged again, wiping her palms on her jeans, "you scared the hell out of me. When Scooter came and told me," her voice cracked and she paused, and took several composure preserving breaths before continuing, "told me that you were in the infirmary…my stomach dropped clear to my feet. I freaked out, took off running and all I could think the entire time was 'what if'. What if this morning was the last time I talked to him? What if it was the last time I'll kiss him? What if I never see him again? What if I lose him?" She shook her head, at herself or the terrified musings he wasn't sure.

"I haven't been that scared in a long time. Not since my dad and my brothers...I just…I thought that…" she shifted on her feet and dropped her chin to her chest, "I thought that if I just kept my distance from you for a while, maybe what I felt – feel – for you would go away. Or maybe just lessen some. And then I wouldn't have to be that scared again."

Ronon uncrossed his arms and tilted his head, watching as a few silent tears make their way down her cheek and soak into the blue fabric of her sweatshirt.

"What's changed?" He asked quietly and waited for several minutes while she gathered her thoughts.

"Nothing. Except now I guess I realize that the thought of pushing you away terrifies me more than the thought of losing you ever could," she looked up at him, a brave determination in her eyes he'd come to recognize and expect, "And I'm sorry for the way I acted. And for lying to you about it."

She bit her lip and waited. After a few moments, he pushed away from the wall and approached her in that slow swagger of his. When he reached out to take her shoulders she forced herself to keep her eyes focused on his and not to flinch. Then he pulled her in to his chest and she wrapped her arms around him gratefully.

"I'm sorry I scared you," was all he said.

Remy smiled and rested in his embrace for a few moments, memorizing the steady thump of his heartbeat.

"Just answer me one thing," she said after a while, lifting her chin to rest on his chest so she could look up at him. He laced his fingers behind her back and nodded.

"How did a wraith hybrid get the drop on you, anyway?"

He looked almost pained by the question and she raised her eyebrows in an attempt to coax the answer out of him.

"He grabbed my hair," he said finally and somewhat reluctantly.

She frowned and stepped back slightly, her gaze bouncing between his long dreds and his face, "really?"

Ronon nodded, half expecting her to laugh.

She didn't, instead she looked thoughtful for a moment before asking tentatively, "are you very, um, attached to them? Your dreds?"

He shrugged one shoulder, "not really. Just never saw a reason to change."

Remy nodded, glanced one more time at his hair, which she'd grown rather fond of in the past few months, and made a regretful face before nodding, as if she'd just made a decision.

"Then I guess," leaning down, she pulled a switchblade from her boot and held it up to him, "live and learn."

TBC