So Close

I fell onto the bed. Everyone's thoughts were spilling into my head and they wouldn't shut up either. I couldn't hear Edward though because he was upset. He wasn't moving around up stairs though. Rolling over, I had my head pointed toward the bottom left corner on my pillow. I really wished I could sleep. The bed was so soft, so nice and comfortable. The bed moved from more weight being put on it.

"Hello Carlisle," I mumbled into the pillow. He was, or had been, contemplating on talking to me about the Voulturi. I couldn't care less though.

"I know you know why I'm up here," he began, "the reason why Edwa-"

"Look Carlisle," I cut him off before he got into his little speech. "I don't want to know what horrible fate awaits us in Italy. It would only make going there much worse and unbearable."

"Worse?" he questioned because we'd never talked about the Voulturi, and if the family talked about them, I sure wasn't paying attention.

"Edward obviously doesn't want to go. I can't hear him either. I can never hear him when he's upset." I whined into the pillow.

Carlisle's hand gently moved up and down my shoulder in a comforting way. He kept saying, "it's good that you care for him." He still wished me and Edward would magically want each other. Like that would happen.

I didn't feel like talking. I didn't feel like listening. I didn't feel like anything, except sleeping. Sleeping would be wonderful right now.

Carlisle left after awhile and not to long after that I got up and went to the window wall. My reflection stared because at me with an empty expression. I was a dead corpse.

Two big, black eyes looked at me. My hand slowly touched the glass. Those black eyes had no meaning. They were blue, they were always supposed to be blue. A rain drop fell on the glass under my eye and for a moment, I actually believed I was crying.

It always rains in Forks. Yesterday had tricked me into thinking this place was bright and sunny. I was fooled by a few rays of sunlight. We didn't even get to go to the meadow. Maybe I'd never be able to go again.

So, I went out of the window and started to run to the meadow. I knew I had to hunt anyways. The rain began to pick up. Each drop sounded like a bullet piercing the skin, but it didn't hurt. Nothing hurt anymore. None of us felt pain anymore.

The meadow looked different then when the sun was out. It didn't seem like the happy place we had made it, Edward and I. I sat in the middle of the clearing, dripping, and starring into the green forest around me.

The rain began slowing down and after thirty minutes, like a miracle, the sun broke through the clouds and trees. The rain that now rested on the leaves and petals simmered in the light like crystals. I laid down and the grass sloshed underneath me. I could feel the sun slowly warming my body as the time went on.

Closing my eyes, the pictures that I'd seen my whole life began to take meaning. Carlisle's old friends. The three, they were part of the Voulturi. The cloaked people clouding everyone's minds, they were the Voulturi. Underneath the cloaks, all I could picture were my parents faces. I hadn't thought of my parents for year, but now, out of nowhere, there they were clear as day. They were looking at me, their eyes in a cold hard stare. The stare they gave when they were extremely mad, when I was to expect the worst.

I shot up in fright when the vision got too vivid. My head spun around to clear every corner, and even though I knew there was nothing, all I felt was fear. For the first time in year, I was shaking. No one was there, but my subconscious continued to wander. I jolted forward and a deer rushed into the meadow, trying to flee. It fell limp under my hand and my teeth slowly sunk in. It's warm blood filled ever crevice, leaking down my throat like a water through a pipe and finishing in my empty stomach. It was so nice but it didn't fill me enough.

The sun disappeared again. I'd terrified it with my actions. I continued to feed until I felt over my holding capacity then it started to rain again. In one minute I was soaking wet again. I ran home and jumped through my opened window then almost fell back out again. Edward laid on his side long ways across the bed, decapitating a flower.

"Edward?" I questioned grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my small body and sat on my piano bench.

"Julia… I don't… I just… I-I…" he tried to think of the right word, but even I couldn't find them in his mind. Everything was to jumbled up. He was so confused.

"Edward, slow down. Just think about it some. Then, I want you to think of our choices. I know the Voulturi is bad. Sometimes you just have to live with it." I sighed. This really wasn't going to be a good trip.

"It's going to change your views on life." came out hatefully. He kept playing with the flower. His hand gently helot its stem between two fingers and rotated it round. The other hand plucked the petals the released, with the petals flowing downward to the comforter in a continuous motion. The room looked so open at this moment, Edward was to far away. Like if I didn't run to him, he would disappear forever.

"I wont leave you." I took a small step forward, to try to clear the distance.

Edward's hand snatched my wrist and pulled me closer. "You don't know that!" he yelled at me. "You have no idea what will happen and I do."

"DO NOT!" I closed my eyes and shook my head like a child.

"I do…" he released me and took a few steps back. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. Everyone means so much." I stated looking at my hands. "And I've told you over and over again that I know what I am. We do have souls, we aren't evil beings. Alice isn't a monster, Emmett isn't a monster, you aren't a monster, and neither am I. I believe that and always will." I lied to him and myself. I had no idea what was coming. Not even Alice knew.

"You're lying to yourself."

"I can do that if I want to." I folded my arm over my chest.

He huffed.

"You know! You aren't making it any easier either! At least I'm trying to look at this good!" I yelled at him.

"I'm trying to! I really am!"

"LIAR!" I pointed my index finger at him.

"HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?!" he threw his arms up in the air.

"BECAUSE! I can't hear you!"

"What?" he stopped yelling.

"When ever you are upset I can't hear you. It's irritating. Like I'm missing an important piece of me." My hair was still dripping and we were standing in the middle of the room. The room that was so large, now seemed so small and we were so close. I was looking up into Edward's eyes, trying to figure out what he was thinking, but I simply couldn't.

Edward wrapped his arms around me and closed me in a hug.

"I just don't want to lose you." he whispered.

"You wont." I quietly replied back.

He let go and left and all I could do was watch him leave. There was nothing I could say to help him, there was nothing I could do to help me. Nothing was fixable. Everything set in a specific pattern tangling us both in a horrible case.

I finished packing and set the two bags on my bed and took one last look around.

"Julia." Carlisle called and I was instantly downstairs. We went into the car and were on our way to the airport. The last thing I saw and wanted to see was the white Cullen house, dripping in rain in the cloudy weather of Forks, Washington.