Kotetsu twitched in his sleep, feeling soft warmth wrapping him in a secure comfort. The bitter cold that he remembered closing his eyes to was no longer present, and the blades of grass that itched at his face had gone; instead they were replaced by a soft cushion that hugged the curves of his cheekbones like a gentle hand. His eyelids resisted the urge to open and his muscles refused to move, opting to remain nestled in a bubble of comfort; something that he hadn't felt for what seemed like an eternity. He struggled as he tried to coax his body into action, and started by wiggling his toes into submission before working his way up his body. Finally, his eyes agreed to open, stubbornly holding on to the last bit of closure before coming into focus.

He didn't recognise this room.

It was a modest sized room; a nice wooden floor, a modest cream colour on the walls. There wasn't much in the way of material goods to clutter the room. A humble collection of books lined a shelf to the west wall, and Kotetsu could just barely make out the image of a series of adult erotica that he had seen dotted about in different book stores in the village. Olive curtains had been drawn to filter light softly into the room without disturbing a sleeper. The bed that he had been sleeping in was a modest size, but it wasn't familiar to him in the slightest. The thing that stumped him the most was a collection of dog beds of various sizes gathered into the corner.

Kotetsu sat up and surveyed the room one more time, wracking his brain to gauge where he was and how he got there. The last thing he remembered was seeing his breath mist up in front of him and the cold burning his lungs as bugs chirped from their hidden shires. He remembered being so angry at everything in the world, at Genma...at himself. His stomach hurt so much from the knot twisted up in his stomach and his heart began to race at the thought of it all. It clicked to him that his emotions were fluctuating at an alarming rate.

'...Ruru?' Kotetsu squeaked weakly.

'You finally woke up, huh?'

This voice seemed to appear from nothing and gave Kotetsu a jolt of fright. He wasn't sure when Kakashi had entered the room, but Kotetsu was face to face with the starry-haired joūnin.

'Kakashi?' Kotetsu blinked owlishly. 'When did...how...'

He took a deep breath, his face still twisted up in confusion.

'Where am I?' he asked weakly.

Kakashi chuckled softly before leaning up against the windowsill.

'Easy now, no need to panic.' He said, looking the raven-haired chūnin in the eye. 'This is my place. You're in the guest room. I figured it would be a better place to stay instead of the middle of the woods.'

Kotetsu swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. Kakashi's gaze was boring into him, and he couldn't bring himself to keep eye-contact. That childish feeling bubbled up in his stomach and he felt uncomfortable being the subject of Kakashi's steely irises.

'How did you find me?'

'Well, the ninja hounds found you pretty easily.' Kakashi said dismissively. 'I wasn't entirely sure where you had gone, and Iruka asked me to look after you for a bit-'

'Where's Iruka gone?'

'He had to leave on a mission. I'm not sure when he'll be back.'

Kotetsu shook his head and starting wringing his hands.

'No, wait. I need him around. I can't... I can't cope-'

'Calm down-'

'You don't understand.' Kotetsu said, gripping his hair in his hands. He could feel cold sweat in his fingers and his heart was racing in his chest. It was beating so fast he felt like he'd been kicked by a horse and his breathing became jagged. All of the pent up emotions were beginning to take their toll on his body and he couldn't think straight. Iruka had to be here, somewhere. He had develope a twisted dependence on him and his genjutsu to make it through every day. Now he was gone too and Kotetsu was left in a panic attack with a man that made him feel so childish.

A warm hand pressed onto Kotetsu's head and Kakashi bent down in front of the quaking ninja.

'Everything is going to be alright.' He said coolly, forcing eye contact again. Something about this whole poignant action made the whirlwind in Kotetsu's head dissipate and he took a deep, rattly breath involuntarily, but he needed it.

'Take another.' Kakashi said. It wasn't an order, but it wasn't a request either. Kotetsu followed and felt his body relax and his heart slow.

'There, see? Just keep breathing.'

'...thanks.'

'Y'know, Iruka said that you weren't good in shape, but I didn't think it was going to be like this.' Kakashi admitted, sitting on the foot of the bed. Kotetsu blushed a little and averted his eyes from shame.

'I'm sorry.'

'Don't be. Everyone is different. But I think you need to get outside a bit more. Locking yourself up is only going to make things worse.'

'I suppose.'

'I won't make you get up now, but why don't you come out with me later today. I need to buy a few items, and I could use your opinion on some things.'

'Oh...okay.'

'Oh, and one more thing,' Kakashi flicked the bottom of one of his pockets open and a small scroll popped out. 'You left this behind. I suppose you might want to finish it.'

He placed the scroll into Kotetsu's hand and left the room. Kotetsu unfurled the paper and felt his heart drop as he read.

"Tell me you saw that Iz. Tell me that I'm not just overreacting."

Kotetsu remembered writing these words down in his furor yesterday. A rough hand gripped the bottle of sake with an excessive force and almost threw the alcohol down the back of Kotetsu's throat, while the other furiously scrawled across a piece of parchment with an over-inked brush; the black fluid flowing into as many strokes as it could clutch within its running fingers. His handwriting was impossible to read now, but he kept on writing; just to alleviate the burning current flowing through his system. It was a terrible mix: the sake only fuelled the rage of fire inside of him, while writing calmed himself down. Trying to balance the two seemed like an impossible feat.

"Who was Genma trying to fool? Who the hell does he think he is anyway?! I just know that he was trying to rile me up, I know it. I feel it in my gut. He was just trying to get me to overreact, just so he could go and brag about it later, and boast about how terrible a person I am.

...and for fucks sake, it worked.

I can't take much more of this Iz. Im falling apart at the seams here, and no one can put me back together. I'm sick of this village. I'm sick of the people here looking at me, looking down on me...looking at me with contempt, with hatred... I know that they just want me to go. Some of them look at me like they want for kill me...

...Maybe they should. Maybe everything would be better if I was gone, just so they could have their satisfaction. Just so I could get away from this.

I know you want me to be strong, but I can't do this. I was never the calculating one, I was never the smart one out of us two...I was the bonehead, I was the idiot... I guess that's all I was to people; a toy, a joke. Someone to laugh at; to point the finger at and make themselves feel better about themselves. I was the puppet on the string that just kept on dancing to an invisible tune, just to please someone else.

It's funny how quickly I was there to help someone. Rather, how quick we were to lend a hand, yet when it all came down to it...no one was there to help us.
...I hate the person I've become. I wish I could just turn back the hands of time and make it all stop-"

The more that Kotetsu wrote, the less he drank. His smudges slowly became legible writing, and the lines cleared up and formed delicate letters once again. His lust for hate, for anguish, slowly ebbed away and sorrow took its place.

"-... I know Iruka comes into my room at night. He hears my screams from all of my nightmares and he wakes up because of them. I feel him slip between the covers and he just holds me...he tries so hard to comfort me, and I'm just putting him in jeopardy by being associated with him. He won't admit that it's bothering him, and I can see he's worried, but he hides it all behind that smile of his. I wonder if anyone else has noticed the way his eyes have hazed over from fatigue, or that his hair's a different shade because of the stress he's under. The stress I put him under... I watched him put up his hair the other day, and well... He's got a grey strip now...he never had it before. It was always so healthy and even I was jealous of how nice it looked... He knows it's there, and I see him sigh at it. I feel awful.

I can't help but feel like I owe him everything... Actually I don't feel it. I know it's what I have to do. I just wish I could change...-"

With a small grunt, Kotetsu scrunched up the scroll and threw it across the room in anger. A tinge of regret ate at him because it wasn't his house, but he'd pick it up later. Right now, he didn't want to feel anything and he flopped back down onto the bed, and let the softness of the mattress envelope him. He closed his eyes and forced the darkness in his heart to stay put, until he was ready. This was going to be an uphill battle, and without Iruka's guidance, it was only going to be harder.

One step forward, two steps back.