Author's note: So this is it, we (and Fluttershy and Discord) finally get to find out why they got married. Enjoy!
Song lyrics written by Leo Robin and Jule Styne, slightly altered by me.
Tuesday, 11.40pm – The Pony Club
After Discord disappeared from the table – leaving Spike talking to an empty seat – he found himself in a room that was shrouded in blue mood lighting. Ponies sat round tables; there was the clink of glasses; an empty stage waiting for a spotlight. He was in the club downstairs from the bar.
He'd intended to go straight to Fluttershy but for a few seconds he couldn't see her. He thought maybe his magic had somehow malfunctioned until he spotted her, threading her way in between the tables. He appeared next to her, tapping her on the shoulder and making her start in surprise. Then she laughed with relief "Discord! Thank goodness I ran into you, I've been looking for Twilight and the others but I can't find them anywhere."
She seemed giddy, he assumed it was from the cocktails. In point of fact; he wasn't exactly sober "You seem a trifle … tired Flutters," He said "Perhaps we should sit down?" He snapped his talons and instantly they vanished and reappeared at one of the ringside tables, near the stage. Absent-mindedly, he snapped again and two more drinks appeared in front of them.
"But what about Spike and the girls?" She said, her eyes wide with concern.
"Don't worry my dear," He reassured her hastily "They're fine, but I fear they have deserted us for some sports party."
"Oh goodness, really?"
"Well some of them. Rarity, Applejack and Spike are still upstairs – oh but Flitterflutter please let's stay here, I want to talk to you." He took a gulp of his drink, noting with interest that his vision seemed to be blurring slightly.
"But… you know you can talk to me whenever you want." She gave him a tipsy smile.
"Oh yes, yes, yes! But I meant alone, without all those other ponies horning in! I know it's wrong of me to get jealous and I'm sorry but – "
Her lashes fluttered downwards and now she took a sip of her drink "Discord, you don't have to apologise, I get jealous too."
"Yes I do I – " He paused as his ears finally caught up with his brain, causing him to splutter in disbelief "You get jealous?! Of what?"
"Of you! That's what I was trying to tell you earlier," She was inching closer to him "It's just that ever since you came to help save us from the Changelings… I'm happy many more ponies want to be your friend but… oh this is so awful…" She took an even bigger gulp of her cocktail, now so close that she was pressed against his side, her hoof resting lightly on his dragon leg.
"Yes?" He leaned forward, on tenterhooks "What's awful?"
"I'm awful!" She wailed "I don't like it! I'm scared you'll meet somepony more confident and interesting and exciting than me and then I won't see you anymore!"
The Draconequus frowned "But that's what I'm trying to tell you – "
He was cut off as the lights dipped low and an announcer's voice boomed "Welcome to the Ziegfield Fillies here at the Pony Club! Please put your hooves together for the gorgeous; the graceful; the glorious – Glamour!"
Discord was so fixated on their conversation that he didn't even look round, but Fluttershy's head snapped towards the stage as a seductive voice purred the opening bars of a song.
"Some colts are glad to die for love, they delight in fighting duels,"
A pale blue spotlight swung into place on the black velvet curtains onstage. From between them a bright, white leg emerged, glittering.
"But I prefer a male who lives and gi-i-ives expensive jewels!"
The curtains parted to reveal Glamour. She was clad in a slinky floor-length dress that seemed to be covered entirely with gemstones and long sparkling gloves on her forelegs. Her red hair showed up like fire under the spotlights as she sang.
"A kiss on the hoof can be quite sentimental but diamonds are a mare's best friend,"
As the showpony glittered across the stage, she used her magic to slip off one of her glistening gloves and threw it into the audience, hitting one lucky stallion in the face.
"A kiss may be grand but it won't pay the rental on your humble flat, or help you feed your pussycat,"
Homing in on their table like a guided missile, her contemptuous gaze came to rest on Fluttershy whilst she sang: "Males grow cold as mares grow old and we all lose our charms in the end,"
"Fluttershy?" Discord tried to attract her attention, but the Pegasus was busy staring daggers at Glamour as the singer stripped off another sparkling glove and tossed it right into Discord's lap, making him turn in surprise.
"But square cut or pear shaped, these rocks don't lose their shape – diamonds are a mare's best friend!"
The Draconequus scowled in irritation as Glamour gave him a lascivious wink and a little shimmy, also obviously for his benefit. Then the tempo of the song kicked up a notch and the dancers whipped off Glamour's long skirt, leaving her in only a rather brief sparkling white costume, trimmed with long white feathers at her shoulders and tail and some in her mane.
Fluttershy's watched despondently, shrinking into her seat as the showpony whirled through a breathless dance routine. Glamour's beaming smile never wavered as she was thrown in the air and whirled around in a flurry of snow-white sparkles.
"You see?" She said sadly, now gone over to the melancholy side of drunk "How can I compete with somepony like her?"
"But that's what I'm saying!" Discord growled in frustration over the music "For me there is no competition because – "
She interrupted him, which was not like her "You're right! I'm no competition! She's just… so stunning and so confident and I'm just so…so mousy!"
"You are not mousy!"
"Yes I am!" She said angrily "I couldn't even go out in public wearing what she's wearing, much less stand onstage and sing!"
"But you have a beautiful voice, much sweeter than hers. And you're ten times the pony she is!" Discord gripped her hooves, forcing her to turn and look at him "You're kind, you're brave and you are heartbreakingly lovely whatever you're wearing!"
Her face softened "You really think so?"
"Of course I do! You'd look infinitely more gorgeous in that outfit than she does,"
"Oh I don't think I could ever wear that – " She began.
"Here I'll show you!" He snapped his talons, swept away on a tide of drunken sincerity, and in a flash of light she was dressed in an exact replica of Glamour's stage costume. There was a little ripple of surprise at the tables around them.
"Discord!" Fluttershy stared down at herself in shock.
"You see?" He said "I was right, infinitely more gorgeous. And I know infinity when I see it!"
"How could you?" She snapped at him.
"Oh… don't you like it?"
"You are impossible!"
"Well… er… yes?!"
She pulled herself away from him. Onstage the song was reaching its crescendo.
"Fluttershy, wait! I can change it back – " He jumped up to go after her and found that standing up suddenly made him feel very dizzy. Just then Glamour twirled across the stage, arriving at their table as her song ended.
"Well hello my Lord," She said breathlessly, sitting down right in his lap, forcing him into his seat again "So kind of you to come see my show after all!"
"I'm otherwise engaged right now," Discord scrambled backwards, trying to disentangle himself so he could go after Fluttershy.
"Don't be scared of little old me, I won't bite… unless you want me to!" She murmured, trying to slide her forelegs around his neck "You can stay and have one little drink can't you?"
"Well actually no I – "
"Excuse me!" Both Glamour and Discord turned to see an enraged Fluttershy standing there "I think he's had enough to drink!" She growled.
The showpony raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at her identical outfit "Well, they do say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!" She snorted.
Fluttershy's normally tranquil face was pink with anger "Discord's with me!" She spat.
The Draconequus pressed his talons together and broke into a huge grin, practically wagging his tail with joy "I am?"
"Yes!" The Pegasus took a step forward "So you take your hooves off him!"
Glamour tossed her head dismissively "Why don't you take a hike sweetheart? We're busy!"
At that moment Fluttershy lunged forward, grabbing the unicorn and dragging her bodily off Discord's lap. Glamour turned and shoved her hard "Don't you touch me, Little Miss Ponyville!"
The moment the Unicorn laid hooves on the his best friend, Discord's eyes flamed red, but the alcohol had slowed his reactions down whereas it seemed to have had the opposite effect on Fluttershy. Before he could so much as raise a talon, the maddened Pegasus launched herself at Glamour with unnatural speed. He watched in astonishment as the usually mild-mannered Element of Kindness shoved her rival back with equal force. The showpony lashed out with her hooves at Fluttershy's face but the Pegasus dodged and snatched up a cocktail glass, throwing the contents all over the unicorn mare. As Glamour stared in horror at the orange and red liquid dripping down the front of her white costume, Fluttershy socked her in the jaw, knocking her backwards into a passing waiter.
She would have flown at the showpony again if Discord hadn't seized her, wrapping his arms round her waist "Woah, woah; Raging Bull! That's enough!" He held her tight as she struggled.
"Let me go Discord!" She yelled "Let me at her!"
"My dear, please be calm! Breathe, count to ten or something!" Glancing around, he could see some very upset looking customers and staff. He briefly considered turning them all into hamsters but realised just in time that Fluttershy would probably not approve of that when she sobered up.
"Let's just get out of here!" He thought and snapped his fingers.
All at once they were outside on the Las Pegasus strip some distance from the club, standing underneath a huge glowing neon sign showing the four aces. He was still holding onto Fluttershy. After a moment she stopped fighting.
"Oh!" She cried "I've never been so… so …"
"Fluttershy!" Discord pleaded "Darling! You know that mare is nothing to me, don't you?"
She was trembling with fury "I just couldn't stand to see her all over you like that! It just made me so… so… so angry!"
"But it's not her I love, it's you!"
"I just – what?" She stuttered to a halt and stared at him "What did you say?"
"I love you!" He said "It's taken me a long time to realise it but I do! When I went into that Changeling Hive I was only thinking about getting you back! I'm sorry about the costume but I was only thinking about how beautiful you would be in it! Oh Fluttershy; you're the most amazing, the kindest, the sweetest and the most wonderful creature I've ever known; I may be a God, but I worship you! I adore you! I love you to distraction – "
"Discord?"
"Yes?"
"Stop talking!" She threw her forelegs around his neck, shutting him up as she pressed her lips against his.
He froze in surprise for a moment. Then his eyes closed and he squeezed her tightly against him as he kissed her back, both of them swaying slightly with the effects of the alcohol.
There was a sizzling noise overhead as the huge, neon playing-card sign glowed white hot with a sudden surge of magic. It burned painfully bright for a moment and then shorted out in a cascade of sparks, leaving only the red beacon of the Ace of Hearts still burning. Glittering, golden particles poured down over them and over all the other ponies on the sidewalk.
At the same moment there were several other minor magical explosions above them that resulted in an unexpected flock of doves and a shower of rose petals.
Fluttershy pulled away with a little sigh "Is it raining?"
"Hmmm, oh, is it? I hadn't noticed." He said dreamily "You're beautiful when you're angry."
"I'm not angry now," She smiled up at him "But … when I saw you with Glamour, I realised I can't share you with anypony else… because I love you too." She hiccupped, then winced "Do you think I'm a terrible hypocrite?"
"I think you're the most enchanting hypocrite who ever existed."
She kissed him again.
"Sheesh, get a room you guys!" Yelled a passing pony.
Discord didn't break off (though he did snap his tail feathers and further down the street the floor turned to soap underneath the offending stallion, tipping him face first into an inexplicable cream pie.)
When they both finally came up for air he raised an eyebrow diabolically and the hotel room key appeared in his paw "Lucky us," He said, jingling the key in front of her eyes "We already have a room."
"Discord, wait! Wait!" She cried as he raised his eagle claw, talons poised to take them back to the hotel "How do I know this is real, that it isn't just the alcohol talking?"
"Darling please!" He looked panic stricken "How can you even think that? Didn't I just tell you how absolutely I love and revere you? Because if you need me to tell you again, I will!"
"But in the morning, when you sober up, you might change your mind."
"Never!" He said with inebriated certainty "I love you and I'm going to spend the rest of eternity with you if it kills me!"
She glanced around and then spotted something across the street. He followed her gaze to a small, white building which bore the neon legend "The Hitchin' Post: Las Pegasus Wedding Packages"
When she turned back to him, her pupils were enormous "Prove it!"
"You mean it?" He stared at her in astonishment "You want to get married?"
"Oh Discord, yes!"
"To me?!"
"Yes! Yes! You really want to?"
"Just try and stop me!" As he realised she was serious, he broke into an enormous grin, fizzing with barely contained glee "Oh Flitterflutter, I'd do anything for you, anything you want!" He paused, looking down at his talons "Do you want a big flouncy, meringue-y dress? Because I can always – "
She looked down at the white showpony costume and gave him a boozy smile "We're in Las Pegasus, this is perfect."
"You're perfect!"
He went to kiss her again but she seized him by the arm "Discord, why are we still standing here? Come on!" And she dragged him across the road, heedless of the blaring horns of the traffic.
Wednesday, 10.55pm – The Las Pegasus Equine
Fluttershy opened her eyes to see the Draconequus's eyelids flickering rapidly, his snout only a few inches away.
She felt like she had been walking around in a daydream until now.
"It was my idea!" She said in a shell-shocked whisper "I asked you to marry me because I… because… I…"
Their lips were no more than a breath apart when the door to the balcony suddenly burst open and Fluttershy leapt backwards out of his arms in alarm. As she did so Applejack and Rarity came trotting through the double doors.
"Fluttershy? Discord? Are y'all out here?"
She stood frozen for a moment, then giving him a look of mute apology, she stepped out of the shadows "I'm right here girls."
"Am Ah goshdarned glad to see you," Applejack said.
"You must come with us, quickly darling!" Rarity added.
"Oh my goodness, what is it?" The Pegasus gasped, seeing her friends' distress "Are the police here? I thought we'd managed to fix everything."
"It's not them," Rarity said "It's Twilight, she's very upset!"
"Oh poor Twilight!" Discord said sarcastically, emerging from the darkness. He was at the upper limit of his patience "This is turning into some sort of sick, cosmic joke – and usually I love sick, cosmic jokes!"
"Twilight?" Fluttershy's face fell "Why…. whatever's the matter?"
"That low-down dirty varmint's been threatening her," Applejack said angrily.
"The scoundrel!" Rarity cried.
Fluttershy was dismayed, maybe Twilight had betrayed their confidence after all "Now girls," She said "Before you jump to any conclusions – "
Rarity cut her off "I mean it's just the most appalling behaviour, to take advantage of a girl like that!"
"Taking advantage?!" Discord uncoiled at this, raising a talon in her direction "Now wait just a minute – "
Applejack ignored him, too outraged to listen "And now he's demandin' a ton o' cash he's going to start running his mouth off all over town!"
Fluttershy and Discord looked at each other, mystified. "Er… I beg your pardon?" She said.
"Spreading his filthy gossip!" Rarity spat disdainfully "Has the brute never heard that it's the height of bad taste to kiss and tell?"
"I'm sorry you've lost me," The Draconequus scratched his head "What are you talking about?"
"Jet Stream of course!" The unicorn tossed her mane in frustration.
"You mean… Jock-Strap?"
"Yeah, him." Applejack said darkly "He's sayin' if Twilight don't cough up a hundred thousand bits he's gonna start talkin' all over Equestria 'bout last night!"
"Yes darling, that's why we came to find you right away!" Rarity said.
"Oh how awful, poor Twilight!" Fluttershy was immediately filled with genuine concern for her friend.
Discord was less so. After all, the Princess had very recently accused him of doing much the same thing to Fluttershy and he was still angry with her.
"What's that got to do with me?" He said sullenly.
"Well after ya helped us pull the old switcheroo on Big Cheese and get us out of a fix we thought – "
"Oh, you thought you'd just come trotting out here and get reliable old me to perform magic on demand like a trained circus animal to make it all better?" Trilled the Draconequus, transforming into a toy poodle with a ruffled collar. Then he snapped back to his normal shape, glaring at them "Well I'm sorry, but I'm not in the mood for doing tricks!"
"But… but … what about Twilight?" The Unicorn stammered.
"What about her?" He growled.
"But darling, I thought you were friends?"
"Don't 'darling' me darling," He snapped and Rarity drew back at the venom in his tone "I know just how big a friend of mine the Princess really is!"
"Discord! Whatever can you mean?" She demanded.
"Girls?" Fluttershy spoke up "I think it's probably best if I deal with this."
"But Fluttershy, ya can't – "
"Don't worry," Said the Pegasus "You just go and tell Twilight I'll be there in a minute."
"But – "
"Go on," Fluttershy urged them.
Discord watched her as they retreated, muttering and throwing puzzled glances over their shoulders.
After they'd gone, he scowled "Just give me one good reason why I should lift a claw to help her, after what she said!" She continued to look at him and he folded his arms mutinously "I suppose you're going to try and change my mind?"
"No." She said.
"Well you can forget it because I – what do you mean 'no'?!"
"Discord, I'm not going to try and change your mind," She said patiently "Whatever there is between us, I have to go and help Twilight. What you do is up to you. Just like she can't interfere between us, I don't want to interfere between you two."
He scowled "But if I don't help her you'll never forgive me, will you?"
"I didn't say that." She looked down "But I have to at least try to help."
"Stop! Wait!" He said as she turned to go "You can't just leave me like this!"
"I can't just desert her." She looked worried "Promise you'll wait for me to come back and not do anything rash?"
"Fluttershy?" He called and she turned, her hoof on the handle of the glass door "If this stallion makes Twilight miserable you'll be miserable too… won't you?"
She sighed "Discord, I can't pretend it would make me happy."
And with that she was gone.