AN: This chapter, to this day, remains one of my favorites. This one was written after a good friend of my husband's died in a car accident. In so many ways, this was written for him-in the hope that he might be able to find peace amidst that tragedy. He has since come to terms with it. Still, this remains one of the deepest chapters in my mind.

Chapter 27: Once Lost

Hermione blinks several times, making her eyes focus. Grey eyes meet hers from the distance of a few inches.

"What happened?" Draco whispers. She sits up, the memory of the conversation with Mr. Lovegood swimming through her mind. The world sways before she regains her equilibrium. Hermione places a hand flat against the center of her torso, trying to cover the hole she feels is there.

"Hermione, love?" Draco says softly, sitting up beside her. She shakes her head as a tear splashes down her cheek. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he pulls her to his side. "What is it, love?"

"They died," she forces from her throat. "Yet they're alive, but they died and I...I don't know." Draco pulls her tighter against him, tucking her head to his chest and resting his chin on top.

"I know," he whispers comfortingly.

"There wasn't time before. There was never time. It was a war," she babbles.

"I know."

"But now they're not, but I hurt." She pushes out of his arms and look into those eyes. "Why?" His gaze slips over her face then around the room and back again. When his eyes lock onto hers once more, a shiver runs down her back.

"Because they are gone," he says. "Sure they live again, but not really. The people you knew, the people who lived and died in that war, they are gone. The person they were in 1996 lives on and has a chance of a different future than the one we remember, but it isn't the same person that died. And those that you knew, those that you loved, they are gone. Even the ones who didn't die before we came back, they are just as gone as those who did because we can never have them back as they were. Sometimes that's a good thing." He murmurs the last sentence to himself and looks away.

"People always say you have to grieve a lost, but what does that even mean?" Hermione asks. "There was never a moment to do such things, we had to keep moving."

"I don't know," Draco replies. "We rarely held funerals or thought about those that died. It hurt too much and there was enough pain already so we just tried to forget."

"Could you?" she pushes. His eyes meet her again. "Forget it," she clarifies. He smiles sadly.

"No."

The silence presses down around them, the pain all too real. Hermione thinks back and back to when her Grandma Jean died and how her mum dealt with losing hers.

"It won't hurt forever," Emma Granger tells Hermione.

"But if it doesn't hurt does that mean I don't love her anymore?" the seven year old girl asks in reply.

"Of course not, sweetheart."

"But you said it hurts because we love her so much." Emma sighs.

"It does originally, because we miss her. But at some point we accept that she can't be here right now and then we can love her, but it doesn't hurt anymore," she says.

"How?" the inquisitive child presses. "I don't want to cry anymore." Emma smiles sadly.

"By being able to remember her life and not just that she's not here anymore."

"There's a thing muggles due sometimes," Hermione says awkwardly. "Where they light candles and talk about a person they lost."

"Why?" he asks.

"Because it helps them remember the life lived and not just that they aren't here anymore," she replies.

"Does it help?"

"Some," she nods. Draco squeezes her hand.

"I'll stay with you," he says.

"Let's go to the big ballroom," she says. "There's a lot of people." Draco nods and walks to the room with her, never releasing her hand.

With the exception of a decorative side table in the corner, the room is bare and about half the size of the Hogwarts great hall. They sit in the center of the room on the floor facing each other.

Hermione conjures a candle that floats between them and lights the wick.

"My mum was a good woman," she says. "Kind, loving, always smiling. But she had a temper that kept me in line. I remember when she caught me reading a book that she put on the top shelf to keep away from me. I was only six, but a bit of accidental magic brought it within my reach. She was so furious," Hermione laughs. "I had nightmares for weeks after from that stupid book." Her eyes mist over. "And every time, she'd hold me and tell me it was just a nightmare. That she was there and it was okay. And it was." She swallows hard. Draco touches her arm.

"She raised an amazing daughter," he adds. Hermione nods, floating the candle over to the side of the room and conjuring another.

"For my dad," she says. "He was sweet. He's the nice dentist that gives stickers and all the kids like him. He loved to read just as much as me, spoiled me with books. Mum used to say that he had to stop because we didn't have any more room, to which he would say there was always room for more books." She smiles. "He had so much energy and so much love."

The candle floats to join the one for her mum and another appears between them.

"For Harry," she says. "He was much the same, however had lost some the easiness that you see now. He saw so much death, you know." Draco holds her hand. "I could never understand how he could fight like the devil, maim and kill and be so aware of everything and calculating and yet...love with his whole being. Every death both struck him down and pressed him forward with more determination. He'd taken curses meant for me and battled through Death Eaters to be at my side. There would be weeks where he wouldn't smile, but no one could doubt how much he loved."

"For Ron," Hermione says as another candle takes the place. "He knew the price of a life then. He made the hard decisions when Harry couldn't and that weighed on him. Sometime that meant walking away from a battle to make sure we could fight another day. And people died when we had to. Harry couldn't walk away from a single soul. I knew we would have to sometimes, but Ron could see it before we got in too deep. Harry and him would get into nasty rows sometimes. Harry saying they could have done it and Ron saying that it was a lost cause and if they fought much longer we wouldn't have been able to get out. I didn't like siding against Harry, but Ron was keeping alive and that had to be done. Despite how terrible we were matched as a couple, he was a wonderful friend and bore so much for Harry and me."

Hermione continue listing as candles fill the room.

Mrs. Weasley, who loved and cared for everyone in the order

Mr. Weasley, who was strong in the hard times

Ginny, who never backed down

Fred and George, who knew how to laugh always and yet fight with passion

Bill, who always had hope

Fleur, who was fiercely loyal and protective

Charlie, who watched everyone's back

Dumbledore, who sacrificed everything for the wizarding world and knew it would still not be enough to save those he cared for from pain

Luna, who saved their lives

Tonks, who was always open minded and knew to look deeper than the cover of book

Lupin, who fought with strength and died for love

Amelia Bones, who lost everything, even Susan, but kept fighting for the light

The names keep coming. When Hermione stops and takes a breath, another candle appeared between Draco and her.

"For Blaise," Draco said, "who died telling the Dark Lord no. He ran for almost two years only to be caught and brought back. He was sure the order wouldn't take him, but he never ran from an attack if he could save one life. It was this that brought him to his knees before the Dark Lord. I...I couldn't save him."

"For Theo," he continues with another candle, "who lost half his left arm. A muggle blew it off with some weapon. Theo knew he was to be a Death Eater from a child. In later years, he often wondered what was the point of ruling a world in ruin. But he kept his mouth shut and his head down. Still he welcomed death when it came."

"For Tracey," another candle, "who suffered more torture and shame than any living creature could ever survive. Her anger burned like a fire, but even after it went out, even after they...broke her, she still refused to serve the Dark Lord."

The candle shifts to the side with the others.

"For Sirius," Harry says, walking forward with a candle floating in front of him. He smiles at Hermione. "Thought I would join you. Sirius had the soul of a four year old. Even after years in that hell hole, he could laugh and smile more than some people ever do. He loved me even when he knew nothing of me. He was a good man and a great godfather."

The candle floats to the others. Draco slides over to Hermione's side as Luna, who had followed Harry in, sits on her other side. Ron and Tracey slip into the room as Harry finishes. Ron sits on Harry's left and Tracey between him and Draco finishing the odd circle on the floor.

"For my dad," Tracey says and Ron grabs her hand as the candle floats in the middle of the circle. "He saw past what his parents told him and loved my mum. He protected us with everything he had. And my mum," another candle appears next to the first, "she rather have died than serve a madman. They both died for me, that I could be free." Tracey clears her throat and the two candles skip over to the side together.

"For Lucius," Mrs. Malfoy says from the doorway. "He was once a good man with many ideals. As time tore those away, his ambition drew him to less honest ways to meet his goals. Though the prejudices he learned from his parents never faded, everything else did." Draco rises from the floor and takes deliberate steps towards her. The candle for Lucius Malfoy drifts to the others while Draco wraps his mother in his arms.

"For Pandora," Mr. Lovegood says, stepping fully into the room. "She was a beautiful witch who tried to make the world better with everything she did. She would be so proud of her Luna. I could see her doing the same as this, lighting candles for the too many that are gone. This is why she fought for the order and these are our reasons for fighting as well."

Quiet falls over the ballroom. The occupants of Number 12 Grimmauld Place look around the room. The number of candles burning in the room is impressive, taking up the majority of the room except for where the magical sat and stood. Each sits with their thoughts of those lost while the silence spans.

Kreature walks into the room and bows.

"Dinner is ready," he says, before walking back to the kitchen. With a collective sigh, they make their way out of the ballroom. Hermione lingers behind, being the last to leave the room. With a final look at all the candles, they disappear with a wave of her wand and she closes the door.

Dinner is a quiet affair, but the first with all of the occupants eating in one room. While the hole in Hermione's chest is not yet gone, it feels lighter. Perhaps it can be a reason to keep fighting, like Mr. Lovegood said, instead of only being the weight of delayed mourning.