You didn't think I was going to end it without showing the wedding, did you?
Wednesday, 12.30am – The Hitchin' Post
"You have to help us, it's an emergency!" Fluttershy leaned forward over the counter and grasped the receptionist pony by the lapels. Now the cocktails had really taken hold, her usual reticence had deserted her.
The receptionist pulled away and smoothed the front of her jacket, looking at them over her horn-rimmed spectacles. The Hitchin' Post got its fair share of strange couples, but she had never seen one quite so oddly matched as this dainty, little Pegasus beauty and her large, scary, Dragon-like intended.
Nor so affectionate; they were clinging to each other for dear life, although it might also have been for support as both were swaying, obviously the worse for drink. Admittedly this wasn't so unusual either for couples who chose to wed at the Hitchin' Post.
"What's the emergency?" She asked flatly.
"We need to get married right away," The Pegasus turned and laid her head on the beast's shoulder "We don't want to ever be apart again!"
"I see. So you're wanting one of our wedding packages?"
"Yes, we're quite desperately in love!" Discord said earnestly, gathering his unsteady fiancee in his arms to stop her leaning over the desk and almost falling over himself "I cannot live another moment without making this glorious creature my wife." At this, the yellow mare nuzzled up to him, cooing some endearment which was unintelligible due to it being muffled by his furry ear.
The receptionist pony interrupted their canoodling by pushing over a sheaf of forms "Well I'm thrilled for you but you're gonna have to cool it for another three quarters of an hour lover boy," She told him "We've got some couples ahead of you."
"Forty-five minutes!?" Discord was outraged "Madam, have you no romance in your soul? I'm pining in outer darkness here! Even one minute's delay to being united with my precious little songbird would be an eternity!"
"Then that should give you plenty of time to fill out the forms." The receptionist answered dryly.
"Forms?! Get them away from me!" He held up his eagle claw and hissed, like a vampire exposed to sunlight "How dare you use such language at a time like this!"
"Forty-five minutes." The desk pony said, unmoved.
Fluttershy looked almost as outraged as he was "Oh! But we don't want to wait that long!"
"Nor shall we, my beloved – the very nerve! The Master of Chaos doesn't do paperwork!" The Draconequus snapped his fingers and the desk pony suddenly had the very odd sensation that she was falling and sitting still simultaneously. Meanwhile, the hands of the clock on the wall seemed to shudder, jerking forward by three quarters of an hour.
Wednesday, 1.15am – The Hitchin' Post
"Hey! What just – " The receptionist started to say angrily, then she was cut off as the usher leaned in through the door and read hesitantly off a sheet "Miss Fluttershy and… uh… Discord; Lord of Chaos?"
The Draconequus and Pegasus both looked round eagerly "Yes?"
"You're up next!"
"It's us!" Fluttershy threw her forelegs around Discord's neck "Let'sh go!"
"But… but…it can't be your turn," The desk pony spluttered "You didn't fill out the paperwork yet!"
"Oh but you're mistaken;" The Draconequus said, airily waving a paw at her "We did it all just now. You helped us in fact, for which many thanks!" The receptionist looked down to find a sheaf of meticulously completed forms. Flicking rapidly through them, she could not – to her extreme annoyance – find any mistakes.
"You can't just waltz in here and – " She looked up and realised they'd already gone through.
"Did you do meddle with time just so we wouldn't have to wait?" Fluttershy whispered as they entered the ceremony room.
"I didn't meddle, I merely rearranged." He hissed back, then seeing her worried look "It's fine, I promish! I mean there's a slight risk of destroying the universe but I can totally handle it."
"Are you sure? You sound a little – hic – tipsy."
"I'm perfectly composh mentish my dear! Besides you're worth it, can't have you getting cold hooves!"
"I'm not going to get cold hooves silly!" She threw her forelegs round him "I just can't believe we're really doing this! It's so… so romantic! So crazy! I love it!"
"If you want crazy, I can do better than this!" He looked around at the decor "This wedding is definitely lacking some personal touches. Personally, I've always pictured you getting married in a forest glade, like the beautiful woodland nymph you resemble." He finished with a small sigh.
"When have you ever pictured me getting married?" She demanded disbelievingly.
"Oh come now, it's not as if I think about it that often," He winked at her "Only once or twice a day at most."
"Once or twice a day?"
"I er… ahem… stop it, you're spoiling my concentration!" He frowned, snapped his talons and a grove of huge trees sprouted out of the floor, growing until their branches were bending and coiling against the ceiling. Blossom began to drop onto the carpet like snow.
"They're lovely! Although… what's wrong with that one?" She pointed at one of the trees that was sobbing uncontrollably and wailing "It's all just so beautiful man! I can't take it!"
"Weeping Willow."
"I should have guessed."
He flashed her a smile "And I believe it is also customary to have flowers."
A snap of his talons and instantly a battalion of elaborate floral displays popped out of the walls. Several of the more exotic looking blooms were roaring and snarling whilst others were making noises like musical instruments.
She smiled "Tiger Liliesh, Snap Dragons, Blue Bells and…" She thought for a moment "Tuba Roses?"
"Ooh, you're good!" He thought some more "Hmmm, come to mention it, it is a bit grim without some music."
He snapped his talons again and a Mariarchi Band in matching sombreros and charro outfits materialised, playing a jaunty version of "Besame Mucho".
She laughed "I didn't know you liked this sort of thing!"
"Actually, I was trying for something with a bit jazzier!" He frowned in alcoholic bemusement at his claws; then shrugged as she pulled him by the arm, dragging him up the aisle. The registrar – an earth pony dressed in a rhinestone covered jumpsuit with his mane slicked into a tall black quiff – continued to stand open-mouthed and appalled until one of the ushers coughed loudly behind him.
"Thankyuhverymuch," The registrar mumbled finally "Now it's my understandin' you lovely folks wanna get married?"
Both of them nodded.
"It's so strange," Fluttershy thought while the pony reeled through his script "I've never really imagined getting married – and if I had I don't think I'd have pictured this – but it's perfect!"
As the registrar talked about love and faithfulness everlasting she half expected Discord to make some sarcastic remark but he was unusually quiet, subdued even.
"Fluttershy?" She looked up "Do you take this …. this er…" The registrar frowned, squinting at the Chaos God.
"Draconequus?" She prompted.
"Sure thing baby. Do you take this 'Draconequus' to be your lawfully wedded husband, as long as you both shall live?"
"I do."
"And do you Discord; Lord of Chaos; Purveyor of Pandemonium; Harbinger of Disharmony, Earl of Turmoil and God of Entropy take – "
"You forgot 'Scourge of Equestria'" Discord interrupted, without taking his eyes off her "But I'm retired from scourging so I'll let it slide."
The registrar stared at him for a moment then hurriedly went back to his script "Do you take this mare to be your lawfully wedded wife, as long as you both shall live?"
"I do! I do! Did I mention I do? Because I do."
"Then by the power vested in me by the City of Las Pegasus, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Go on and love each other tender" He finished redundantly as they were already kissing before he'd even finished speaking.
As she pulled back and was surprised to see he looked a little emotional.
"Discord," She said "Are you… crying?"
He nodded "I promised myself I wouldn't but Flitterflutter I'm just – " He pulled an enormous spotted handkerchief from behind her ear and blew his nose rather loudly " – so happy!"
She found that she was suddenly laughing and crying at the same time and he kissed her again.
"So what now?" He looked at the clock on the wall, it was 1.40am.
"Well," She gave him what he could have sworn was a sly smile and jingled the key to the hotel room in front of his face "We just got married, it's late at night – and lucky us! – we already have a room…"
"Oh?" He raised his brows in surprise "Oh! Yes, quite."
He snapped his fingers and nothing happened.
"What's wrong?"
He grinned at her "Just making a few tiny adjustments back at the hotel, it's a surprise…"
"Discord, just get us out of here!"
"You have only to ask, Milady." In a flash they vanished.
After they'd gone, the registrar turned to the usher "Brother! That's gotta be the most gonzo wedding I've seen in all my years as a registrar!"
"Meh," The usher shrugged "You say that every night."
"I surely do!" The registrar smiled and slapped him on the back "Man, I love this town! Viva Las Pegasus!"
Thursday, 12.14am – Hotel Gardens, Las Pegasus Equine
The eight members of their party came back to themselves, groaning and rubbing their eyes as the disorientating effects of the time reflux wore off.
"Did anypony else just see that?" Applejack asked tentatively.
"You mean that really long and detailed hallucination of Fluttershy and Discord getting married?" Spike asked.
"Yeah, that sure was one weird… hallucination!" Rainbow Dash said in the careful voice of a pony who fears that the world might shatter or turn upside down at any moment.
As one the other six swivelled round to look at Discord and Fluttershy, who were in almost the same pose they had been in at the end of the wedding, locked in a clinch, staring into each other's eyes.
"That was… perfect!" He said to her, in slightly surprised tones.
"The most perfect wedding I could never have imagined!" She cooed, nuzzling her nose against his. Then they both seemed to remember they were not alone and turned slowly to see their friends standing there, open mouthed.
Fluttershy took a deep breath "Well I guess there's no point in keeping it secret any longer …"
"We got married!" Discord grinned maniacally "Surprise!"
"You did what?" Yelled the rest together (except for Twilight) as magical confetti and streamers rained down on them.
He shrugged as Fluttershy winced "Well, you did say there was no point in keeping it secret."
"Oh man, I think I'm gonna blow chunks…" Said Rainbow.
"O-h-h-h-h that was soooo sweet!" Rarity was clasping her hooves together, tears in her eyes "Oh come on," She cried as the Blue Pegasus glared at her "You have to admit that was a pretty romantic wedding, even with all the chaos stuff."
"Ya mean ya'll really got married?" Applejack gulped "That wasn't some crazy magical illusion?"
Fluttershy nodded "Yes we really got married, but we just – "
"Sugarcube why didn't ya'll say somethin'?!"
"It was only because – "
"Darling, how could you rob me of the chance to be your mare of honour?" Rarity said plaintively.
"I didn't think – "
"And you didn't even have a reception so I'll never get to be your party planner!" Yelped Pinkie.
"There wasn't time to – "
"And I'll never get to throw Discord an 'Ogres and Oubliettes' marathon bachelor party!" Cried Spike, then shrugged as Twilight shook her head in exasperation "Well, I won't!"
"We can still do that if you like, buddy." Discord said sotto voce and he and the dragon grinned and high-fived each other.
"Forget about all that!" Dash interrupted "Fluttershy, how could you get married to him? The Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, remember?"
He bowed "Oh Dashie, you're as bad as the Registrar. You forgot Harbinger of Conflict,Purveyor of Pandemonium ..." He ticked off the titles on his talons.
She growled "Not to mention Royal Pain in the – "
"We didn't plan it Rainbow," Fluttershy interrupted her oldest friend "It just happened!"
"But why?!" Dash wailed.
Discord snorted "Oh well I don't know – you just saw a flashback to our secret wedding where we confessed our undying love for each other and you want an explanation? I mean come on, do I have to draw you a diagram?!"
He pulled a chalkboard out of nowhere and began to scribble complicated graphs and equations all over it until the chalk lines wriggled and rearranged themselves into childish stick drawings of himself and Fluttershy holding hooves and encircled by a huge pink heart. Lots of other little hearts also popped up with their initials inside until the whole chalkboard was covered in them.
"Oh, leave them alone Rainbow," Twilight said as the chalkboard vanished in a puff of smoke "Fluttershy you were right and I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to explain yourselves and I was out of line earlier,"
"Oh but Twilight," The Pegasus began "You don't have to apologise – "
"Yes she does!" Muttered the Draconequus.
"Yes I do, to both of you." The Alicorn sighed "Discord… I'm sorry I accused you of tricking Fluttershy. I didn't think you were capable of loving anypony but I guess… I was wrong."
"Oh well, thanks … I think." He frowned "Actually, I have something for you Princess, on the advice of my therapist," He handed her a small package. Twilight turned it over bemusedly. It felt like a book but as she went to tear the wrapping he stopped her "Ah-ah-ah! You can't open it until we're gone."
Before Twilight could respond Rainbow rounded on her "You knew about this? Why didn't you tell us for Pony's sake?"
"Oh Rainbow, let's not fall out," Discord looped an arm around the blue Pegasus and the Alicorn "You know once upon a time I'd have thoroughly enjoyed watching you girls pull each other's manes out, but now Fluttershy is my better half and you're all so close that makes us practically family!" Suddenly all of them were dressed in matching jumpers, grinning cheesily for a group photograph.
"Oh gross!" Rainbow yanked the brightly coloured sweater off as she made a gag face at him "I am not related to you!"
"Not even distantly?" He said with big puppy dog eyes.
"Are you gonna start crying again Dripcord?"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" All of them started in surprise at Fluttershy's voice, even Discord and Rainbow Dash fell silent. The yellow Pegasus cleared her throat, continuing at a more normal volume.
"Girls? Spike? I'll talk to you all about this later but right now we're on our honeymoon and I'd like to enjoy it without any more fighting." As there was a general apologising and shuffling of hooves, her face softened a little "But …I guess if you want to we could always have a party when we get back to Ponyville."
She was cut off as Pinkie Pie almost knocked them both to the floor "Oh you guys are not gonna regret it! I'm gonna throw you the biggest "Let's Celebrate Our Secret Drunken Las-Pegasus Wedding" party Ponyville's ever seen! We can have balloons and music and – oh, Fluttershy! Maybe you could wear your glittery cabaret outfit again? In fact maybe we could all get matching ones?! And we could have cocktails and shooters to commemorate how you two got together and – "
"Time to go?" Discord mouthed at Fluttershy. As she nodded vigorously, he snapped his talons and the two of them disappeared.
Pinkie looked around for a moment, then shrugged "Ah, we can finalise details later!"
"Well this vacation just jumped the sea serpent," Spike shook his head "I mean, Fluttershy and Discord? Who saw that one coming?!"
"Oh please darling, I know you're a dragon but what cave have you been hiding in?" Rarity said with a roll of her eyes "That's been 'on the cards' for months! I admit, I was surprised by the whole secret wedding thing, but it's been obvious for a simply ages!"
Twilight gave her an incredulous look "Really?"
"Trust me," Rarity assured her "Nopony likes tea parties that much!" She gave a little sniffle.
"Yeah, they've been seeing a lot of each other lately," Agreed Pinkie "And he barely looks at anypony else when Fluttershy's there! And she laughs at all his jokes, even the terrible ones. I mean, he's not that funny!"
"Rarity, what are y'all cryin' for now?" Applejack asked the unicorn, whose mascara was streaking down her face for the second time in two days.
"Oh AJ!" The white mare sobbed "I can't believe the first one of our little group has already gotten married and I didn't get a chance to catch her bouquet; what if it's an omen that I'm never going to meet my fairytale prince?"
Spike patted her shoulder "Cheer up Rarity, from what we saw Fluttershy didn't even have a bouquet! Maybe she can throw one for you when she gets back from honeymoon?"
"Oh Spikey you're right!" She blew her nose and dabbed her eyes "You always know just what to say to cheer me up!"
"And besides," Applejack reminded her "Ah'm not sure Ah'd call Discord a fairytale prince."
"Yeah," Put in Pinkie Pie "He's more the 'Prince of Darkness' type."
"Exactly!" Rainbow snorted "Exactly my point! I can't believe we're just going to let Fluttershy disappear off into the sunset with Mr Cola Carnage?!"
"Well, she's Mrs Cola Carnage now," Twilight reminded her "And why would you try to stop them when she seems happy? And Discord seems… well…still weird and infuriating but he's obviously crazy about her. Maybe it'll work out." The Princess put a foreleg around Rainbow's shoulders and the Pegasus sighed and nodded reluctantly "Come on, the soiree's almost over. I'm not sure what trick they pulled on Jet Stream but now he's gone maybe we can actually try to enjoy ourselves?"
Rainbow grinned "You wouldn't know fun if it came up and bit you in the rump!"
"Oh no, not this again!" Spike groaned. Then he brightened up as he suddenly remembered "You guys know what? We've got ninety thousand bits to spend – we could have the biggest night out of our lives!"
Twilight giggled and then she realised something "Hey, I never opened Discord's gift." Using her magic, she began to tear at the wrapping.
"Ah thought we were supposed to give them presents, not the other way round." Said Applejack.
"It looks like … a photo album," The Alicorn opened the book and found an inscription on the inside cover "To my friend, Twilight," She read aloud "Just in case somepony ever needs a little reminder, feel free to share. Big kisses. Discord." She raised an eyebrow and then turned to the first photograph.
"Maybe he's given you some snaps of the wedding?" Said Pinkie.
Applejack laughed "That's a mite sentimental for him."
"Well, maybe Fluttershy put him up to it?" Suggested Spike.
"Too sentimental?" Rainbow snorted "Are we talking about the same guy who was crying earlier?"
"At his own wedding darling, be fair!" Rarity reminded her "I for one thought it showed a touching sensitivity on his part."
At the same moment, they all realised that Twilight had gone silent and was flipping through the pages with a funny look on her face.
"Are y'ok sugarcube?"
The Alicorn's lips trembled for a moment. Then she started to laugh.
Thursday, 12.30am – Discord's Hotel Room, both the Four Stallions and an alternate dimension
The surreal indoor sky had changed from pink to purple and blue when Discord and Fluttershy materialised back in his room, or rather the space that used to be his hotel room. It was a little dark but he clapped his hands and glowing candelabras sprang up in sconces on the tropical trees and the bedposts.
"Alone at last," He raised an eyebrow.
"Um yes…" She backed off a little "Just… give me a few minutes… would you Discord?" And she retreated into the ensuite bathroom, one of the few things he'd left relatively untouched (apart from the jacuzzi. And the marble plunge pool. And the carved gold taps and all that stuff … but you had to have some creature comforts!).
He heard her lock the door.
So, now he was sitting coiled on the bed. He was reading – or trying to read – a newspaper that he had materialised with a click of his fingers. He was really only able to skim the pages because, as it was something he had created, it reflected his state of mind. All the headlines said things like and "I Regret My Wedding Says Ponyville Pegasus", "Divorce Rates Soar amongst Interspecies Newlyweds," and "Is your New Bride Scared of You? Take our Pop Quiz and find out!"
"You can never believe anything you read in the papers nowadays!" He growled irritably to himself, tossing it aside "What can be taking her so long? I know females are traditionally supposed to spend vast swathes of time getting ready but that's usually before going out, not before staying in! I do hope she's not climbing out of the window…"
As he thought this, the door opened and a slender yellow foreleg emerged, in a long, glittering glove. He stared at it in astonishment.
The leg was followed by the rest of Fluttershy. She was wearing the white sparkly showpony costume.
"Where did you find that?" He managed to say eventually "I thought you didn't even like it!"
"Well, I got married in it didn't I?" She smiled "After all, I am Lady Chaos now. I don't have to make sense all the time."
"Flitterflutter, you look…." He ground to a halt because he couldn't think of a superlative that would cover it. Also because she was slowly pulling one of the shimmering gloves off with her teeth.
Discord's eyelid twitched "You know," He said "It's funny how when whatshername did that it didn't have any effect on me at all but now I see you doing it, it really is very distracting and I find myself quite swept away by your charms, in fact you could say that I –"
"Discord?" She put her hoof to his lips "Stop talking."
He grinned "Yes dear."