Chapter 18 (Chuck's POV) Acceptance
"Happiness can exists only in acceptance."
"Chuck?"
I recognize the girl immediately, it's the one from before the accident. Why is she here? It's been three days since that stupid night. Surely someone already informed her I was ok.
"My name is Bella, I was there that night," she begins tentatively as she enters my room.
"I know who you are," I sigh, wearily. My head hurts, and the doctors and nurses are onto my substance abuse and refuse to give me anything stronger than a painkiller.
"I know I have no right, but I just wanted to check on you," she says walking slowly to the side of my bed.
"I guess I owe you an apology," I say shrugging, "I wasn't myself that evening. To be honest I haven't been myself for a while now." I laugh, pitifully.
"Why's that?" she whispered.
I raise my eyebrows at this stranger who seems to feel some ownership over my problems.
"Sorry," she mumbles and then reconsiders likes she's switching gears, "it's just that you said something, before you lost consciousness. You called me, Blair."
I laugh, "Blair. That's not surprising."
She smiles at me and for the first time I notice how beautiful she is. She does look like Blair. Long brown hair, tiny frame. Less confident though. I warm to her and motion for her to sit on the edge of the bed. Psychologist have been at me the past two days, or to be honest, year to get me to talk. I haven't broken and have shrugged them all off. But there's something about this girl that cracks me, makes me want to talk. Throwing caution to the wind I open my mouth,
"Blair was, a friend I guess you could say," I begin.
"You guess?" Bella asks.
"Well, mortal enemy depending on what day you asked me," I shake my head, "I think I loved her."
Bella seems surprised by this, her mouth opens and she almost goes to say something, like an argument.
"What?" I ask.
"You think?" she asks, "I thought she was going to take away…" she begins, but it's like she is talking to herself.
"Did you know Blair?" I ask.
"No," she says quickly, "I just… what do you mean you by think?"
"It's like," I pause, "it's like I can't remember loving her, but I know I did."
"This makes no sense," Bella says, again like she is talking to herself.
"I've drank and taken a lot this past year," I laugh slightly at this admission, "so I guess it's turned everything into a blur. But love is not a memory or a thought. It's a feeling. It doesn't matter what I take or how hard I try to obliterate my mind of her. I love her."
"It didn't work," Bella mutters, again to herself. She looks sad for me.
"I'll be ok," I note to her, "it's like the other night woke me up somehow. Blair's gone and I have to move on. I don't know where she is but she's not coming back. I don't know how, but it's time for me to let her go."
Bella's eyes have glazed over, tears settle on top, "I think you need to," she whispers. She stands and leans across kissing me on the cheek.
"It was nice to meet you Bella," I say.
"Good luck, Chuck Bass."