Chapter Nine: Yuuri vs. Fog: Fighting Against the Atmosphere-And Losing!
Yuuri felt as though the rest of the day passed by unfairly quickly. Suzaku got the afternoon practice so he and Victor spent the evening in their dormitory working on Charms homework after Yurio sulked back down to the ship muttering about "that old man." He did everything within his power to not think about Quidditch—he even agreed to a trip to the onsen with Victor before bed, which Yuuri begrudgingly admitted was very relaxing and probably the reason he slept so well—he'd been bracing himself for an onslaught of Quidditch-related nightmares.
Once he actually woke up though...that was a different story. The sun peeked through the windows, as though it wanted to be sure it would be high enough in the sky to witness Yuuri's spectacular failure. He curled into a fetal position under his blankets, feeling all the tension that had seeped out of him in the onsen creeping back into his muscles, and he knew there was no way he'd drift back off to sleep.
Yuuri got out of bed when he couldn't stand it any longer and pulled his Quidditch robes out of his trunk. He hadn't even looked at them since last year—they'd sat at the bottom of his trunk all summer because he couldn't bear the sight of them. The cheerful amber yellow color seemed to mock him as he buttoned the clasp in the front. He looked at himself hard in the mirror, then turned on his heel and stalked out of the room into the shoin.
Yuuko was reading quietly in the shoin alone, still dressed in pajamas. She smiled when Yuuri entered the room.
"Couldn't sleep?" he asked her. She nodded. He considered continuing outside to the grounds, which was where he'd been headed, but he made the sudden decision to stay with her.
"I'm guessing Takeshi told you everything he heard about Suzaku's new Seeker, huh?"
"Mmhm," she said, closing her book and turning to face him. "Are you worried?"
"Yes," he whispered. In the quiet of the sunrise, it was impossible to lie to his oldest friend.
"I understand. How has training with Victor been going?" she asked.
"Good," Yuuri told her automatically. "Actually, maybe not. I don't know. I'm getting better at perfecting dives and turns, but I know he wants me to work on my confidence and I just..."
"Yuuri, I think you're an amazing Seeker," Yuuko told him. She said that all the time, and it rung less and less true every time he heard it. He knew she meant well though, and he didn't have the guts to ask her to stop saying it.
"Thanks," he mumbled halfheartedly.
"And I love being your captain," she continued. "Win or lose."
That was one he hadn't heard before.
"Thanks," he said again, but this time he meant it. He wished he could think of a better reply. He wanted to tell her that he loved having her as his captain, and that he trusted her, and to thank her for standing by him even when it would've probably made strategic sense to pick a new Seeker...
Takeshi's snoring suddenly became loud enough to be heard from the shoin. Yuuko looked as though she was trying hard not to smile as she fingered the edges of her book.
"What's going on with you two?" Yuuri asked. This conversation was more comfortable territory. He'd much rather talk about Yuuko's feelings than his own.
"I don't know what you mean," she replied, but she didn't look him in the eye.
"Yeah you do," he said. "You and Takeshi. You used to complain about him every day. What changed?"
"Nothing changed," she insisted. "He's a blowhard, like always. Maybe I just got more mature about handling him."
"Handling him, huh?" Yuuri raised his eyebrows at her.
"Take that back!"
She launched off the futon she'd been curled on and lunged for him, pushing him to the floor and smacking him in the face with one of the decorative pillows.
"I mean," Yuuri wheezed between blows, "I'm not judging! You can handle him all you— "
"That's right Mr. I-Sleep-With-Victor-Nikiforov," she said. "No judging from you!"
"I don't!" Yuuri protested.
"You do," Yuuko insisted, pinning his arms down as he made a desperate snatch for the pillow. "Takeshi said he woke up one morning and looked past Victor's barrier of suitcases and saw you two snuggled— "
"That was one time," Yuuri told her. "Yurio took Victor's bed. And what was Takeshi doing spying on us anyway?"
She didn't answer that question.
"So wait...nothing is going on between you and Victor?" She looked confused.
Yuuri shook his head.
"Really?"
He nodded.
"Hmm," she looked doubtful.
"Can you get off of me?" Yuuri asked.
Yuuko jumped up and settled back onto the futon, curling her legs back underneath her as though she'd never gotten up.
"Go do your...sojourn thing or whatever you were planning on doing," she said, waving in the direction of the door. "Don't let me stop you."
"Yuuko?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you," he told her again. She smiled at him and propped her head up on the decorative pillow, closing her eyes.
The grounds were foggy and chilly that morning, and despite his melancholy, Yuuri got too cold to sit outside and brood, so he went back up to the shoin after about fifteen minutes. Yuuko had changed into her Quidditch robes. Phichit and Guang Hong, also in Quidditch robes, had joined and they were discussing strategy for the match.
Yuuri was about to sit down and listen to them when Victor burst out of their dormitory wearing some of the most spectacularly, unnecessarily extra dress robes Yuuri had ever seen.
To be fair, Yuuri had few occasions to see dress robes in general. He spent breaks from school back in the No-Maj world, and Mahoutokoro didn't really hold dances, so he didn't have much to compare to—but even he could tell that these robes were needlessly dramatic. They were a crisp, velvety black with silver stitching around the hem and sleeves, with elaborately sculpted silver fastenings and a matching bowtie. Yuuri felt sure that no one had ever entered Mahoutokoro wearing something this fancy.
"Is that really necessary?" Yuuri asked, because seriously? Yuuri privately thought Victor looked just as good in the t-shirts and sweatpants he normally wore on weekends.
"It's your first match," Victor said, adjusting his cufflinks. "I wanted to wear something special."
Well, Yuuri thought, one good thing might come of this. If no one could take their eyes off of Victor's getup, they wouldn't notice him bombing the match, so...
"You look nice," Yuuri told him. Victor's expression flickered for a moment, but he seemed to shake off whatever was bothering him almost immediately.
Yuuri spent most of breakfast—natto again from House Komainu—sneaking glances at the Suzaku team who, in their amethyst robes, stood out easily from the other students in the Suzaku section.
"It won't help to stare at them, you know," Victor said between bites.
Yuuri knew that, but he wasn't sure what would help. Yurio had apparently decided to have breakfast on the ship, and Yuuri had to admit that listening to his nonstop bitching would've been a lot easier than having to make small talk himself.
Yuuri spent the walk down to the pitch fantasizing about the many ways that he could escape. There were the bushes behind the onsen, how long would it take them to find him in there? Or the sea—what if he swam to Iwo Jima and then Apparated home to Hasetsu to live like a No-Maj? Not super realistic, but better than this Quidditch match. The only good thing that happened was everyone did seem to be mesmerized enough by Victor's robes that no one was watching Yuuri freak out. Yurio's scoff could be heard on the other side of the island when he caught sight of them.
"Good luck, Yuuri," Victor told him as he mounted his broom. Yuuri hardly heard him.
"Ohayo, Mahoutokoro!" Ruika's voice rang out over the pitch. "Welcome to our second Quidditch match of the season—Tanuki versus Suzaku!" It wasn't until Yuuri heard her that he realized he could barely see her—
"This is most fog I have ever seen in my life," Emiko announced decisively. "I can't see the players, I can't see the castle, I can barely see you—"
Yuuri wasn't sure if Emiko realized this or not, but the reason she couldn't see the players was that they actually hadn't taken to the air yet. But she wasn't wrong about the fog—it was intense.
"Conditions are not ideal," Ruika admitted. "But we've played through thunderstorms before so—"
"I remember that!" Emiko butted in. "Was that last year? I got soaked!"
"House Suzaku!" Ruika spoke over her as the players swooped down from the cliff side. "This all-girl team promises to rise above their performance last year. Here comes Captain and Keeper Kokoro Matsumoto, with returning Chasers Meili Wang, Hanako Yoshida, and Chieko Uchiyama, and Beaters Yuki Murakami and Siilen Otgonbayar! And last but not least, fourth-year Seeker—can you believe that? —Minjae Park!"
Minjae Park was impossibly small—Yuuri had to wonder if she was entirely human and not part fairy. She was otherwise unassuming, which almost made her scarier.
"And House Tanuki," Emiko said, grabbing the megaphone. "Captain Yuuko Tsurumine with fellow Chasers Phichit Chulanont and Guang Hong Ji take to the pitch! I think Phichit is the best-looking boy at Mahoutokoro."
"Okay, but they're followed by Beaters— "
"I want to introduce them!" Emiko cut back in. "They're my house! You got to announce your house!"
"Okay, sorry. Continue."
"Beaters Seung-gil Lee and Takeshi Nishigori," she said, finishing Ruika's earlier sentence. "And here comes Keeper Mitsumi Yoshimura, that's my best friend. And... Yuuri Katsuki!"
"All returning players for House Tanuki this year," Ruika mentioned. "Yuuri Katsuki had a spectacular season last year up until the final match, where he...
Yuuri flew in a circle as fast as he could, the sound of the wind in his ears drowning out Ruika's comments about the worst match of his life.
"And the Snitch is released!" came Ruika's voice. "Here comes the Quaffle—"
Yuuri squinted in vain through the fog for the Snitch. He saw the Quaffle rise, only to be immediately swallowed by a swarm of amethyst and amber colored blurs. The fog obscured everything but barest traces of color—at the very least, Yuuri could tell whose side of the field he was on. But how was he supposed to find the Snitch in this haze?
"...Guang Hong Ji has the Quaffle...intercepted by Meili Wang..."
His nerves, if possible, mounted even more. It was as if the universe was punishing him. Any progress he thought he had made so far with Victor seemed meaningless now. Victor. Victor would have caught it by now, Yuuri thought bitterly, fog be damned! He probably expected Yuuri to have caught it by now too. What if this match proved what Yuuri had been thinking all along?
"Suzaku leads, 50-20!" Yuuri's thoughts snapped back to the match as Ruika's voice blared through the fog again. "They are absolutely dominating the pitch...I think..."
Yuuri darted across the pitch, then back again. Nothing, not even a glimpse of the sea. Yuuri was starting to lose track of how high up he was. He stopped, just in time to see a Bludger streaking at him. He spun and ducked, and realized with a further shock, that it was no Bludger—Bludgers weren't purple. Minjae Park had hurtled past him, and just as Yuuri had a jolt of relief that at least he still had enough reflexes to dodge opponents, he heard the fatal sound of a whistle.
"Park has caught the Snitch, Suzaku wins 220 to 20!"
Yuuri decided then and there that he was going to live the rest of his life up here in the fog. If he didn't come down, he wouldn't have to see the disappointment on Victor's face, or Yurio's gloating or whatever it was he was planning on doing, or his teammates...his stomach twisted into knots and simultaneously also felt full of lead. He sat there numbly for...minutes. He didn't know how many.
"Yuuri!" came Seung-gil's voice. "Where are you?"
He let Seung-gil call for him for another couple of minutes before responding. "Here," he called back, quietly. With any luck, Seung-gil wouldn't hear him and would give up and go back to school, leaving Yuuri to rot here in peace.
"There you are, you bastard." Damn it.
"Sorry, I'm...I'm coming," Yuuri told him. Seung-gil came into view through the fog and he looked pissed. "I'm sorry..."
"You should be," Seung-gil shot back. Yuuri cringed. "Kept me up here for like ten minutes shouting for you...thought I was going to crash into the stands. Everyone's waiting on the ground. They all think you floated off the pitch and died." I wish, thought Yuuri.
The cliff side came into view as they descended and Yuuri immediately wished for the cover of the fog again.
"Yuuri!" cried Yuuko, enveloping in a hug. He wished he had the guts to tell her that a hug was the last thing he wanted right now. "We were so worried!"
"Where is everyone?" Yuuri asked. The only people standing on the cliff were his teammates, Minako, Victor and Yurio.
"They went back to the school," Minako explained. "You were up there by yourself for a good fifteen minutes."
"We got slaughtered," Seung-gil said. Yup, Yuuri thought. We sure did.
"Thanks Seung-gil," Takeshi shot back. "I hadn't heard."
"That was the stupidest thing I've ever seen," Yurio declared. Yuuri considered the relative merits of jumping off the cliff before Yurio had a chance to finish his thought.
"I've played in blizzards where you could see better than that. I came all the way here from Durmstrang to watch the piggy play in a match and I couldn't even see two feet in front of my own face. What a waste of time." Yuuri just stared at him in disbelief. Was Yurio actually...trying to make him feel better?
It gave Yuuri the needed boost of courage to look Victor in the face. He probably already had his bags packed.
"Are you okay?" Victor asked, quiet and concerned.
"Yeah," Yuuri lied, pressing his lips together tightly.
"Let's take a walk."
Yuuri realized in that moment that a walk alone with Victor was exactly what he needed.
"We'll meet you back up at the school," Yuuko told them, reaching for Yuuri's broomstick. "I'll bring this back to the dormitory for you. Take your time."
The fog was somewhat lessened on the other side of the island. Yuuri trudged along so slowly that he was pretty sure he just left drag marks in the sand instead of footprints. Victor had apparently shed his cloak at some point and was back in his sweatpants and a t-shirt. Evidently he'd changed after the match.
"You know—" Victor started, but Yuuri interrupted.
"It was all my fault," he whispered.
"No, it wasn't," Victor told him firmly. "I might've lost too if I'd been playing in fog like that."
Instead of making him feeling better, Victor's words made him realize something terrible—everyone was being nice to him, not because it wasn't his fault, but because they couldn't see how badly he had played. The Snitch had been right behind him and he'd failed to spot it—not because of the fog, but because he couldn't get his head out of his ass long enough to look for it properly.
This almost felt worse than last year when his failure had been right out in the open under a clear sky for everyone to see. Now the world—and worse, Victor—was thinking he'd been right behind Minjae Park when she'd caught the Snitch, not sitting like a useless lump as she streaked past. It was utterly pathetic.
Yuuri put some distance between himself and Victor because the more fog there was between them, the less likely Victor would see the tears escaping his eyes. He was actually holding himself together better than he'd expected in that he was not outright sobbing in a pitiful heap on the sand, but still. He didn't want Victor to see his weakness and decide he wasn't worth the effort.
Logically he understood that he'd probably feel better if he let Victor in on the fact that he actually did screw up, but he just couldn't bring himself to say it. Maybe later, he thought.
The two weeks that followed were the most agonizing Yuuri could remember. Last year, after his loss, he had gone home to Hasetsu to lick his wounds for two months, but that just wasn't an option with a month and a half left of classes until the winter break.
The next morning, Yuuri went to Yuuko privately and attempted to tender a resignation, but she just smacked him lightly on the back of the head and told him to knock it off and get his butt over to the pitch for practice with Victor. Yuuri was cagey about telling Victor why he was late—something told him Victor wouldn't be happy hearing that Yuuri had tried to give up.