A/N: Just a heads up for anyone who might need one: another panic attack is described in this chapter.

Chapter Thirteen: Yuuri vs. His Old Friend Anxiety: Reality is Like a Bludger to the Face

The journey back to school was glum, mostly because their break had gone by way too fast and for all the time they'd spent away from school, Yuuri felt like he understood Victor only marginally better as a person. Also partly because having to say goodbye to Makkachin clearly took something out of Victor physically—despite the fact that Yuuri's parents promised to take care of him until school let out. But in their first class back they received grades on a test they'd taken and Yuuri almost cried when he saw Victor's paper.

"Have you been studying on your own at all?" he'd whispered.

"Why do I need to?" Victor had asked. "I have Quidditch."

"Have you ever thought about what you're going to do with your life when your Quidditch career ends?" Yuuri asked with mounting horror.

The look on Victor's face made it obvious that a life beyond Quidditch had never even occurred to him. He just shrugged. Yuuri felt as though he'd received the failing grade.

So Yuuri really insisted they buckle down on their studies. He quizzed Victor on wand movements and nonverbal spells during Quidditch practice and before bed and between classes. He asked Victor to talk to him about significant dates in magical history during meals. Victor usually looked beyond bored whenever they did this, but he humored Yuuri because he said he didn't want Yuuri to "freak out" again like he had in class.

Victor let up a little on the Quidditch practice too because Yuuri wasn't going to be playing in a match until March—he assured Yuuri that they'd work back up to their normal rigorous schedule by the time March rolled around. January was Komainu versus Suzaku and Yurio turned up right on schedule the morning before the match.

"Did you want to practice dives with me before the match?" Victor asked Yurio at breakfast on Sunday morning. "We could get a few minutes in if we eat fast."

"No," Yurio said, snapping his gaze back to them from where it had drifted over to the Komainu section again. "Levsky found another Seeker. They put me back as a Beater because apparently I was committing too many fouls as a Seeker."

"What did you do?" Yuuri asked. He was trying to imagine a scenario in which a Seeker would commit a foul and, having never seen it happen before, was coming up blank.

"I hit a Bludger back at the Valkyrie House Keeper and he was unconscious for a week," Yurio mumbled.

"How did you hit a Bludger without a bat?" Yuuri asked incredulously.

"I hit it with a bat, stupid," Yurio told him, rolling his eyes. "Nikola was flying by so I borrowed his bat."

"Ah, I see," Yuuri replied, because honestly what else was there to say to that? He could imagine it in his mind's eye perfectly—Yurio snatching the bat from poor, unsuspecting Nikola (whoever that was) and just smashing a Bludger at the opposing Keeper for any real or perceived slight. That Keeper was probably lucky Yurio didn't skip the Bludger and just start wailing on him. Clearly there was only one position for Yurio, and Seeker wasn't it.

They made their way down to the pitch after breakfast.

"Are you going to make us all sit with Komainu again?" Victor asked Yurio.

"What?" Yurio snapped. "I didn't do that! I don't care where we sit."

"I tried to sit in the Tanuki section because, you know, that is my house— "

"Your house is Drekr House," Yurio muttered under his breath.

"—but you insisted— "

"Well I don't care," Yurio interrupted. "We can sit wherever you want today."

As if to prove his point, Yurio plopped down right next to Yuuko and crossed his arms over his chest defiantly.

"Ohayo Mahoutokoro!" came Ruika's voice over the megaphone. "I hope you all had a pleasant break and— "

"Because we did!" Emiko added. "As I might've mentioned, Ruika and I went to see MAJIC 8 over the break in Seoul and they were— "

"Today's match is Komainu versus Suzaku! This match will determine first place in the standings— "

"There were dragon fireworks when they came out onstage, and they were riding on actual suzaku— "

"Okay, that was pretty cool," Ruika admitted. "I'd never seen a real suzaku before and they were beautiful—but anyway, speaking of Suzaku— "

"Not as beautiful as Sung Choi, he was—" Emiko said.

"Moving on!" Ruika grabbed the megaphone back from Emiko, because Emiko was showing no signs of bringing the subject back around to the match. "The players are taking the field!"

The Komainu and Suzaku players shot toward their starting positions. The cheers from every section of the crowd was deafening—House Komainu were the defending champions, and Mahoutokoro had never seen a more dynamic team than in House Suzaku. Otabek had stopped at the center goalpost, and continued his vigil, silent and still amid all the noise.

The whistle blew, and the Snitch, Quaffle, and Bludgers were released in a flurry of red, gold, and black blurs. Yuuri, who had been sitting on the edge of his seat and ready to enjoy what was bound to be an exciting match, was soon sitting back, numbly staring at the display of sheer prowess. Every time Suzaku stole the Quaffle from the Komainu Chasers, there seemed nothing to stop them from scoring. And every time, Otabek was right there waiting for them, as if he had already known where they were headed before they did. And then Komainu Chasers would have the Quaffle for all of thirty seconds before it was back in Suzaku's hands.

The battle for the Snitch was just as intense. Ohashi and Park were locked in diving contests every few minutes. Ohashi's trademark weaving technique worked the first time in distracting Park, but she had planned for it every time since, always flying slightly left of the Snitch and Ohashi's path. Five minutes in, and she had nearly caught it—a Bludger hit hard from Fen Chiu had forced her to change course at the last minute. The score remained 0-0.

Almost as captivating was the battle for the megaphone. Emiko's attempt to retell every moment of her MAJIC 8 concert to a technically listening audience was constantly interrupted by Ruika, trying to explain the spellbinding match taking place.

"And then we shouted 'Encore' for like, the seventh time, and they did it again!" Emiko squealed, as Ruika lunged unsuccessfully for the megaphone.

"And you know when Sung Choi does that solo part? Well, when he started singing—"

A second lunge, and Ruika's voice rose suddenly above the crowd, "They've seen the Snitch! Seekers are rising together. Ohashi in the lead!"

But he was quickly losing ground. Park was just too small, she seemed to defy gravity in her relentless upward dive. In a moment, they were neck and neck. Ohashi swerved into her to cut her off. She flew left again, and Ohashi overshot. He took his hands off his broom and made a futile lunge for the Snitch and missed. Park soon caught up with Snitch, and with a triumphant smirk that Yuuri could see clearly in his Omnioculars, plucked it effortlessly from the air.

Victor was looking at him, Yuuri knew, so he willed his hands to stop trembling. Stop stop stop, you look like such a spaz, he told himself, but the shaking continued.

"Yuuri..."

"Everything's fine," Yuuri said quickly, standing up and shoving his hands into his pockets.

God, they were good. So good. Like...unstoppable. He wasn't going to be playing them again until April, but even Komainu...Honestly, Yuuri wasn't sure if Tanuki could beat Komainu either.

By the time he managed to look up and over at Victor, Yurio had slipped away to God knows where. Yuuri didn't even have it in him to think about that too hard because his brain skipped right onto the slippery slope of doom: thinking about the future.

Oh God oh God, he was going to lose. Tanuki would be slaughtered by Suzaku and maybe even by Komainu and they'd come in third this year and the Tengu would never, ever sign him...

Yuuri felt his vision tunneling and the worst part of all of this, even worse than the fact that his entire life was screwed, was that he was about to have a panic attack right in the stands in front of the whole school.

"Yuuri—"

Victor's voice sounded like it was coming from across the pitch, and his hand on Yuuri's shoulder—which should've been reassuring—felt like a lead weight. He heard the roaring in his ears and was struck with that overwhelming urge to flee somewhere, anywhere. He hid his face in his hands because at least on some level it was like if he couldn't see them, they couldn't see him.

Victor was steering him and his feet were moving, he wasn't sure where they were going but it didn't matter because no matter how far away he got, it wasn't far enough.

"Come on," Victor's voice came wafting through, and what felt like a million years later, they were on the shore.

"Whoops, not here—" Victor murmured. Yuuri heard distant cheering—the House Suzaku victory party.

When Yuuri took his shaking hands away from his face, it was just him, Victor, and the ocean rolling onto the shore. He sank into the sand on his knees and stared out at the horizon, trying to control his breathing. Victor stood still beside him, arms folded over his chest.

"I don't know how to help you," Victor admitted. "What can I do?"

Yuuri didn't have the presence of mind to give Victor a laundry list of things that could maybe possibly help him so he just shook his head.

"I'll just stay here," Victor said quietly. "Tell me if you need anything else."

Watching the push and pull of the tide seemed to actually be doing the trick, and Victor appeared to notice.

"Breathe in when the tide comes in," he instructed, "and out when it pushes away."

That, Yuuri thought, was a good idea.

In, out. In, out. In, out.

"What happened?" Victor asked, after Yuuri had stopped visibly shaking.

"I just..." Yuuri felt shame curling in his gut. He'd done everything within his power throughout his whole life not to let people see him like that, and then he'd just gone and fallen apart right in front of Victor.

"Yuuri?"

"They were really good. Komainu. Suzaku. Both of them," he whispered.

"And so are you," Victor told him calmly.

It was the tone of his voice more than his words that pulled Yuuri a little further out of it.

"How often does this happen to you?" Victor asked, squatting down in the sand next to him.

"Not too often," Yuuri said. "I... I had one earlier this year but..."

Victor nodded.

"I feel like I understand you a little better now," he said quietly, tracing in the sand with his finger. Yuuri watched the motions until he could tell what the drawing was. A raccoon face. He smiled in spite of himself.

"Sorry—"

"Don't apologize," Victor cut him off.

"Okay."

"We're going to take a nap now," Victor announced, and Yuuri didn't have it in him to argue as he was marched off to the dormitory. Once in bed, Victor curled up behind him and Yuuri was so exhausted that he had no trouble drifting off. When they woke up, Victor dragged him into the onsen and they spent most of the afternoon soaking.

Yuuri learned at dinner that Victor was apparently the only one who had noticed anything was amiss because his team was chatting like nothing had happened.

"—felt like I was watching a pro match," Phichit was saying. "That was amazing!"

"We are going to get our asses handed to us," Seung-gil commented.

"Thanks for the support," Yuuko told him. "We're just going to have to practice harder."