*Flashback*
"I can't believe you, Love. You should've just taken one of the company cars to fetch your dad. You've had your driver's license for two years now, I don't understand why you still don't have a car." My mom was having her eyebrows fixed when she FaceTimed me and I couldn't help but laugh because she had the hardest time being angry at me.
"Yeobo, hajima. [Honey, stop.] I'm fine, the train is good. I want to take the train again to Busan." My dad said as he sipped his coffee. I placed a plate of toast with heart-shaped eggs on the table which earned me a half-moon smile from him. Even my mom, and her go-to salon artiste cooed at the gesture.
For the first time in forever, my dad decided to forgo a hotel in favor of my apartment. He went around to check all the nooks and crannies of my loft-style penthouse property, took note of my vinyl record and book preferences, and marveled at my new convertible sofa bed. The great Kyo Kangjeon, owner of the Corinthian Hotels, told me my new purchase felt just like a hotel bed—except that my sheets' thread count probably wasn't as good as the ones in his hotels.
"Aw, I miss you both already, I wish was there." My mom said as I sat beside my dad with my own plate of toast and runny eggs. His iPad was propped up in front of us. "Should I fly there? What do you think, Honey?"
"Ani, there's no need. We need our father-daughter bonding, it's been a while since—"
"Dad I am so not fishing with you."
"Oh, okay then..." We ate in silence. My mom took a break from her eyebrow threading session to laugh at our failed conversation. "Well, if you don't want to go fishing then we'll have to buy you a car." He winked at my mom, whose grin immediately faded when her artiste started threading again.
"That does not make sense at all." I said, shaking my head. They kept bugging me to get a car because they said it'll help me get around faster now that I have regular gig nights to get to. Most importantly, it's much more convenient for them to go around when they're in town if they had a car at their disposal.
"You either ride the train to Busan with me and then go fishing, or buy a car and drive me to Busan."
"I'll rent a car and drive you to Busan."
"Oh God, why are we doing this to ourselves?!" My mom complained, facing us again with cream on her eyebrows. I could not take her seriously even if I wanted to. "We worked all our lives so we never had to deal with this situation. Love, why are you being such a brute. We're willing to buy you a car. How is that so ridiculous?"
"Well, actually—" My dad was about to argue, so I had to butt in.
"Actually..." My parents looked at me expectantly, probably thinking I'd put up a bigger fight. "I have enough savings to buy a car." I explained that I wanted to buy and pay for the car myself. Granted I had to deal with a lot of paperwork and additional responsibilities but at least I could finally use my drivers license, which I obtained just so I could have a Korean valid ID other than my passport.
It took a full week before I finally got Andy, a brand new Kia Niro (my father didn't allow me to get a second-hand or later model). Dad stayed for a couple more days after his meetings because the processing took a bit longer than we expected due to my dual citizenship. We didn't get to fish or go on a road trip to Busan as promised, but going around Seoul to scout for new hotel locations and quirky cafes was fun enough. In hindsight, I realized my dad just wanted to see how good I was at driving so he'd feel at ease.
*Flashforward*
Now the good thing about owning a heavily tinted car and paying a monthly fee for a parking lot at the basement levels is that people don't notice you when you leave or enter your apartment complex, which makes it easier for you to spy on people spying on you. I've been sitting in my car for a good five minutes, peering at Nawoon Kim who's sitting all alone near the entrance of the park outside my building. She's wearing an oversized white shirt tucked inside a pair of faded jeans, and green slippers. A large camera hangs from her neck and her short brown hair is tied in a cute ponytail. That macro lens... She's no joke. I watch as she hits her kneecaps adorably with her fists. She must have been waiting for a long time. Fine, I'll go first.
I put on my sun glasses and baseball cap before getting out of my car to approach Nawoon. She stands up with her back turned towards me, and she's stretching her arms and legs in a funny manner. I tap her shoulder lightly. "Nawoon-ah."
"Ah, kkamjjakya!" [Oh my goodness!] She shrieks as she turns to me with wide, fearful eyes. I smile, happy to see her but feeling anxious all at the same time. I take my sunglasses off and she takes a cautious step back.
"I see you found me..."
"I-I can explain..." She stutters. I look down at the camera dangling from her neck, her water bottle, her bag, and all the other equipment strewn carelessly on the park bench. The look on her face says it all. She's been waiting for me to appear, camping outside my apartment for a reason. I remember our conversation at the airport and on the plane. I remember how she told me that she's been a fan of GOT7 since debut. She knows all their songs by heart, she goes to all their performances and fansigns, she owns a fansite along with some friends. Everything fits like a puzzle piece now.
"Okay, well... Do you want to maybe come inside to do that?" I ask, still smiling, knowing full well that I shouldn't judge her immediately. Being defensive will only make things worse for me. I'm sure she has her reasons. I'm sure she doesn't know EVERYTHING yet.
"O-Okay..." She timidly takes her things and I lead her to my car, letting her dump her belongings in the backseat. We drive to the basement parking in awkward silence. She looks around curiously as we walk to the elevator, probably realizing how GOT7 manages to come and go without fans knowing. We make our way to my apartment and I partially fill her in on my life as if I didn't just catch her spying on me. I show her my home and her jaw unhinges at what she sees.
"Oh. My. God. You're... T-This is amazing!" She plops on the new sofa and touches the pink throw blanket that Mark likes so much.
"Feel free to look around, I'll fix us something to eat. How about a sandwich?" I ask, carrying my groceries to the kitchen counter.
"I'll have anything, really."
"Good, grilled cheese it is!" I set to work on the sandwiches while she looks around, inspecting photos, paintings, decors, and books scattered strategically around my apartment.
"Woah!" She notices my Korean copy of Demian which I especially displayed on the shelves beside a framed Polaroid of me, Jihoo, and BTS before their Epilogue concert. She takes the he frame in her hands. "You know BTS?!"
"You could say that..." I answer, laughing softly. She'd be surprised at how often I get to talk to Hoseok, Taehyung, and Namjoon on Kakao. "Check out the first page of the book." Nawoon does as I ask, carefully flipping to the title page.
To Love,
I promise not to show off reading on cam because I trust you when you say that it's 'counter-productive to my branding'. Here's to more coffee talk.
Rap Monster
"Holy shit!" She gasps after reading the dedication aloud. I remember how he almost spilled his coffee on the book the day we met after their promotions.
"There's another book in the upper shelves with Jinyoung's notes." I mention while taking the sandwiches out of the presser. My irrational need to buy unnecessary kitchen appliances is back with a vengeance. This time I have an espresso machine and a sandwich presser to show for it. My popcorn maker has long been forgotten because Mark, BamBam, and Jinyoung preferred the smell of espresso. For Jackson, it's best to have a box of organic green tea around because—and well, honestly—we'd rather have a relaxed Jackson than a hyperactive, over-caffeinated one. I set two plates of sandwiches on the table along with a pitcher of iced jasmine tea.
"This is so cool..." Nawoon sits at the dining table with me and flips through a Jane Austin classic with Jinyoung's handwriting on the margins.
"Jinyoung is busy with school and work these days so we barely get to talk. What we do is we exchange books and we write notes on the pages for each other. I write notes for him in English and he writes his notes for me in Korean so we both improve our vocabularies." I explain as I cut my sandwich in half.
"So it's true then," She says, setting the book down on the table and taking a sip of iced tea. "It's not just my imagination..." We stare at each other for a while and I see sincerity and curiosity in her deep brown eyes. The air is dense with unsaid words, but I feel no animosity between us and maybe that's all that matters.
"That depends..." I answer.
"On what?" She asks.
"Can I trust you?" I wait for a flicker of guilt, a tinge of excitement, any sign that might make me change my mind but all I see is uncertainty. She nods quietly and I smile. "Yes, I'm friends with all the boys." I finally say, grinning fondly at my sandwich. "I lied when I told you that we only work together. In fact, I'm friends with BTS too... And Amber, and some other celebrities, and you know what... I actually have you to thank for that."
"W-why me?" She stutters again, eyes wide.
"You wrote that blog post, right? After we met? Let's just say your post opened up a lot of doors for me." I tell her about my new connections, my collaborations, and my gigs. I even ask her to come and see me play next weekend. "If it wasn't for your blog post I won't even consider being a real DJ."
"You were so good, I legitimately thought you were a real DJ." She says, finally reaching for her sandwich.
"I am now," I answer laughing. We grow quiet for a while as we savor our moment of gratitude in between sandwich bites. I start to think that maybe Nawoon is the golden apple heaven sent to me. "So, Nawoon," I say, brushing breadcrumbs off my hands. "Why are you outside my apartment today?" I dare ask. There's another piece of the puzzle that won't fit and I hope to see the full picture as soon as possible.
The younger girl puts her sandwich down gently. She scurries to the sofa to take her laptop from her bag. "Unnie, Please don't think that I need money or anything. Believe me, I will never ever show or talk about this to anyone but you..."
"O-Okay..." I scoot beside her nervously and watch her open a series of hidden folders until we reach one that she ominously named "Ahgassi". In it were dozens and dozens of photos that I don't recognize, file names bearing dates and places. She goes to the beginning of the list and takes a sharp intake of breath before opening the file.
"Wait... That's..." Recognition stops my words from flowing out.
"August 2015. My friends and I were out partying when we saw Henry, Amber, and Rap Monster come out of an alley. We waited for a bit and that's when I first saw you. I noticed you right away because you looked so, so pretty." Nawoon taps another button revealing a blurred out, close up photo of BamBam. "See, BamBam even waved at us when we called him from across the street." Nawoon shows me more photos of GOT7 in various places and there I was in every picture, frozen candidly, always in a hurried and busy state.
"I've been following them around for three years and you just... This year you happened to be everywhere. I got so curious about you after we met at the airport!" It takes a full minute for me to snap out of the trance Mark's photo put me under. He looks amazing in a striped turtleneck and denim jacket, blonde hair tousled stylishly, eyes shining and focused in one direction. My direction.
"I was at that fansign, why didn't I see you?"
"There were a lot of fans that day, I really can't blame you. Besides, I'd be a mess too if Mark was staring at me like that the WHOLE time..." She giggles cutely and I almost spit my iced tea back into my glass.
"I-I didn't... I mean..." I try to form a complete sentence but ultimately fail when Nawoon zooms into Mark's glassy eyes. I can see myself behind a camera on a tripod, a huge staff ID dangling from my neck, my black shirt clinging to my body, a flannel shirt tied around my hips.
"I have macro lens, you know. I took this photo a few rows behind you. Are you guys—"
"We're not dating," I answer quickly, reeling from the feeling of (quite literally) seeing myself in Mark's eyes. "I'm not dating anyone of them—just so you know." I can hear my voice quivering so much that even I would have a hard time believing it.
"Then why does Mark come over all the time?" She asks before letting me sift through various photos of Mark leaving my apartment, and of me wearing Mark's hoodies in broad daylight. What the hell was I thinking?!
She explains that she found my apartment building by looking back to the controversial party photos last January. She had a gut feel that I might have been connected to all of it and on the day she decided to "casually walk by" she saw someone (who from her description seems to fit my muscle pig of a cousin Jihoo) calling Mark by his first name. Nawoon says Mark responded well to the stranger, even shaking his hand before boarding a taxi. He's such a frickin' fanboy.
"Love?" Nawoon's voice shakes me out of my reverie.
"We're REALLY not dating." I say again, as if mentioning it twice would make it more believable. "He's just... W-We're really close."
"Is it because of the dating ban?" The other girl asks, looking concerned. I nod and she audibly sighs. "God, that sucks! He obviously likes you!"
"Its okay, we're still trying to get to know each other anyway." And oh, how well do I know him by now. The curve of his lips against my skin. The weight of his body on me. The natural scent of his skin. The smell of his clothes (I seriously need to find out what laundry detergent he's using). His high-pitched laughter, and the way he likes to cuddle with my face buried against his chest. I can die of asphyxia in my sleep but I'd still die happy in his arms. "Nawoon..." I say, finally coming back to my senses. "You won't tell anybody, right?"
"O-of course! of course, I'll never tell anyone. I promise." She holds our her pinky finger, eyes looking deep into my soul. For a minute I consider telling her everything. That night in L.A., the rules, the agreement. But I have to protect Nawoon too. She's done enough to learn this much.
"Thank you. I trust you and I really, really appreciate your honesty and your promise." I answer, linking my pinky finger with hers. Finally, I now have some semblance of control over my damned situation.
Liv, Jihoo, Amber, Jackson, Jinyoung, an JB. I guess we're ending the list right there.