Chapter 31: An Off-Roading Four Wheeler
"Guess who..." The voice behind me says. Definitely not Jinyoung. I grope the hands covering my eyes and feel rings on each finger. "Bam?" There's animated chuckling as the lights blind me momentarily. Apparently Jinyoung and I won't be having a quiet book discussion while eating take-out fast food at my place. I rub my itchy dry eyes while they check the progress of my edit. "How many GOT2Day episodes have you finished?" BamBam asks, staring at Youngjae's laughing face frozen on my screen.
"Uh... Honestly, I've lost count already." Editing GOT2Day is like putting my well-versed muscle memory to work. We don't have storyboards or scripts to follow, no massive coloring or effects. The writers and producers let the boys decide where to take their conversations, giving the fans a glimpse of their personal relationships—something I've become more familiar with recently.
"Da kkeutnaesseoyo? [Are you done?] We could just buy dinner and eat here if you're not done yet." Jinyoung suggests, a kind smile wrinkling the sides of his pretty eyes.
"Ani, gwaenchanha! It's just a rough draft anyway. I can finish this tomorrow, let me just save this file before I shut down." I do my final arm stretch, take my earphones off, and tap several commands on my keyboard. The two idols watch me with fascination as I close window after window, eyes moving from one screen to another.
"Wah, how do you work so fast?" BamBam asks while I'm typing on my keyboard to shoot Mina an email update.
"She's probably used to it already, she's been with us for over a year now. Right, Noona?" Jinyoung intercepts, to which I nod to.
"Has it really been a year?! Wow, time flies by so fast." My screen goes black as I gather my things. "What were we doing this time around last year?" BamBam continues.
"This time around last year we were finishing up on RealGOT7, and starting on GOT7ing, and planning Flight Log." I answer. With the amount of work they have, these two probably don't even remember details like that anymore. But I do. I remember each and every episode, each and every shoot, each and every meeting. These days it's becoming more and more difficult to forget about work, especially since my work had so suddenly shadowed my personal life. My mind starts drifting towards Mark again.
"How are you liking it so far? We've been in this company for a long time but we've only been officially working for four years. What's one year like for you?" Jinyoung questions, offering to carry my bag for me. I oblige, knowing full well that he's being polite as usual. We enter the elevators, which reminds me again of Mark. I try to shake off the image of us in this lift as I wave goodbye to Jackson that one fateful night.
"Its different for me because I have to rely on you to create something. In a sense, your work is my work so even if I stay here for four or five years I'll always feel like a hoobae next to you guys." I explain as we reach the parking lot and make our way to Andy. We strap ourselves in and I start to drive with Jinyoung sitting in the passenger's seat and BamBam settling at the back. They marvel at my driving ability, at the brand-new feel of my car, and at the cool surround sound feature that highlights their new songs.
When Flight Log: Departure came out, I decided to buy all their physical albums even though I can technically burn their songs in a blank CD (because all of those—including the unreleased ones—are stored in my computer for editing purposes). Some fans even came up to me inquiring about my purchases and I explained that I wanted to support my friends just like how fans would support them. Nawoon—being the reporter that she is—even wrote an article about it and included tweets with paparazzi photos of me at the record store buying GOT7 CDs. The boys found out about it and teased me for over a week, telling me I've finally become an Ahgase.
"Oh, we haven't signed your CDs yet!" BamBam points out with a wide smile. He asks for a pen and I immediately reach for the compartment.
"Here let me find it," Says the ever reliable Jinyoung. My heart stops for a second.
"Ah jamkkanman—" [Wait a minute—] I stop and change gears upon approaching a traffic light, allowing Jinyoung to open my car's compartment despite my protest. The pen is right there, alright, but so are a bunch of other things like wet tissues and lip balms and a tube of lube and condoms. Lots of condoms. I can feel my face getting hotter by the minute. Jinyoung purses his lips and tries to hide his reaction in case BamBam, who's busy checking my CD collection, notices anything different. He hands the pen to the maknae wordlessly and closes the compartment with a smirk, his eyes focusing on the road ahead of us. I try to do the same but we both can't help but steal laughing glances at each other like idiots.
"Hyung, ne chalye ya!" [Hyung, it's your turn] BamBam hands the CDs to Jinyoung and the older idol takes them with a look of utter amusement. He puts a smiley after every signature to remind me of his latest discovery that yes, we do have sex in this car. Damn it. I should hide those stuff somewhere else.
My apartment is in chaos and I'm not even ashamed of it because I am not the sole reason things are messy in this place. Jackson keeps taking his shirt off in favor of tank tops and so his shirts and hoodies are everywhere in my living room. There are used cups and plates in the sink from today's breakfast with Mark and JB. Youngjae's English textbooks are hidden somewhere in my shelves. Yugyeom's school stuff are still on my dining table along with the empty bottles of banana milk left by his friend Jungkook who tagged along to help—or aimlessly watch. Sometimes I forget that these kids are still in school. Even Jinyoung is in college and my bookshelf now mirrors his penchant for books as more and more Korean titles appear in its crannies. The only members who do not leave their belongings behind are BamBam and JB, because they're all relatively organized with their own stuff.
Mark is the worst. He's taken into co-habiting with me, buying his own set of toothbrush and toiletries, and insisting to keep his clothes and undergarments folded neatly in a box on top of my dresser. There's a box of his condoms in the bedside table, two more bottles of lube, and a sex toy (a.k.a., the horrendously yellow vibrator) that he claims a fan anonymously gifted him. One day, after a fan meeting, he came over with a box filled with plushie Pikachus that are now taking up space on the sofa bed—his new favorite spot. "You and Mark both like Pikachu, I don't get it." BamBam comments which earns another smirk from Jinyoung.
"Mark gave them to me, he said you have a lot of Pikachus at home already..." I explain while cleaning up the mess on the dining table so we have space to eat our McDonald's take-out.
"Oh, that's why. I should probably tell Jackson that you like Squirtle. We've got tons of those at home too." He answers mockingly to which I respond with an annoyed eye roll. He laughs before taking his seat. I place all of Gyeommie's supplies on top of Youngjae's English mastery textbooks. Youngjae likes to read out loud to me during his free time and I'd just listen or teach him how to pronounce difficult words. Whenever I ask why they like spending time in my apartment, they always end up with the same answer: It's quiet here and it helps that I'm quiet too.
"Ah, maldo andwaeyo. [Ah, that's ridiculous.] He won't part with those. Jackson keeps all the fan gifts, even the letters. In China, their attic is basically a storage of gifts from the past three years." Jinyoung's story makes me laugh. "By the way, I didn't tell you BamBam's coming. Mianheyo. He asked to tag along while I was leaving the practice room." He adds.
"I miss my Babe!" BamBam says in full English, mouth half-full with burger.
"That's disgusting." Jinyoung retorts, also in English. BamBam rolls his eyes at the older boy before downing his burger with soda.
"She won't mind, right Babe?" Bam asks, his wide smile too malicious to brush off. I just laugh. Babe is definitely a thing now. I wonder how Mark feels about that. He asked about it, but didn't comment afterwards. "What are you two up to anyways? Why are you guys always having coffee without us?!" He questions with an accusatory tone. I roll my eyes at him as I sip my drink. "Oh my go—Are you guys having an affair?! If you are, it's totally fine. I mean, I'm a bit jealous but I swear I won't tell—"
"We are NOT dating! Can you calm down?" I immediately say, putting my food down. Jinyoung is laughing uncontrollably with his hand on his mouth, tears almost forming in the corners of his eye. He looks at me with an incredulous expression as if saying "Do you see this reaction? He would freak out if he finds out!" and I just shake my head helplessly.
"Then what are you doing?" Bam asks again.
"We read books," I answer, picking up a fry. BamBam shakes his head in disbelief.
"Ah, wae?!" Jinyoung says when his mouth is finally free of food. "In case you forget, we're not allowed to date and Jinyoung Hyung's already told Noona about that."
"Geu yeppeun yeoja ya. Jalsaeng gyeosseoyo! [She's a pretty woman. You are handsome!] It's impossible not to like each other." BamBam says, pointing to me and then to his Hyung. "If I were old enough, I'd date her secretly," The boy seems absolutely confident about his answer.
"Who says I'd date you even if you're older?" I manage to say before barking out a laugh. BamBam clutches at his heart in mock pain. "I'm not dating anyone, Bammie, just so you know. We just like talking about books."
"And for the record," Jinyoung pipes in, suddenly looking at me. "I do find Noona pretty, but I'm afraid I'm not his type so I'll just settle for coffee and books." The statement makes me laugh again. If BamBam was sitting in my chair he'd see the glint of mischief in the older member's eye. "Oh by the way, I've been wanting to ask you something."
"Mwo?"
"I was thinking about Lady Chatterly's Lover," I watch Jinyoung neatly folding the wax paper of his now-gone burger as he talks. "I just finished it but I'm still trying to collect my thoughts about the ending. What do you think of it?" He asks politely in Hangul, as if he's talking to his professor. BamBam falls silent, watching our thinking faces across the table. I guess he's finally getting the gist of our book discussions. I explain that I haven't read the Hangul version yet but I had to read the English abridged version for a literature class in college so I know how the ending goes.
"It's bittersweet, but hopeful and I like that. I like that it doesn't end where it's supposed to end. In general, I like books that end that way."
"But how about the closure? Do you think Lady Chatterly and Oliver Mellors ended up together?" His sudden switch to English takes BamBam by surprise but he doesn't speak up. He just watches his Hyung in fascination, his legs crossed fabulously, back slack against the chair.
"No, I don't think so. There are signs that point towards that, but I honestly wish they don't." I finish my sandwich, crumple up the wax paper, and drop it aimlessly on the table. It makes a soft thump that somehow sounds satisfying to my ears.
"Why?" Jinyoung asks, eyebrows knit closely together.
"Well, first of all, they were never meant to be together. Lady Chatterly is married. Though it was arranged and she felt unsatisfied and trapped, her sexual relations with the gamekeeper was wrong on so many levels." I can see the knot on Jinyoung's face unraveling, his serious face turning into a thoughtful pout. I restrain myself from leaning across the table to pinch his cheeks. "You see, when you first read the book you would think that it mostly just tackles marital struggles, sexual awakening, and even feminism in the face of a patriarchal society. But underneath the layers of social and intellectual discussions, you'll see that at its very core the book is also about temptations and causalities."
"What the heck?!" BamBam speaks up while putting down his coke can on the table, taking us both by surprise. "What is causality? I've never heard that term before." He remarks. Even Jinyoung seems confused by the word.
"Do you know Newton's Third Law?"
"For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction?" It's BamBam who answers, making his Hyung turn his way with an impressed look on his face.
"That's right. That's one easy way to explain causality. Everything we do in life, all the actions and all the decisions we make, set a chain of reactions in motion. We may take different paths along the way but whatever we do, it affects our destiny and other people's destinies." They're both gaping at me now like fishes out of the ocean and I struggle to keep the conversation serious just for the sake of it. "Okay, think about it. Jinyoung, if you didn't meet BamBam, you probably wouldn't be here because GOT7 would have been an entirely different group. We probably wouldn't even be friends because it was BamBam who bought me a drink at the bar one night that caused Mark to come over and invite me to their table, which started this whole... Thing..." I say, gesturing mid-air.
This thing. This my-apartment-is-GOT7's-treehouse thing is all because BamBam decided to buy me a Sunset Tequila. I look at the maknae whose eyes are wide with deep realizations. I can vaguely remember our literature class. I loved it so much because our teacher—an old, small lady with round glasses and a passion for wearing colorful suits to class—often pored into books the way you'd swim in a pool, diving deep without hesitations and gliding smoothly from one point to another like freestyle strokes.
"If Lady Chatterly's father didn't marry her too soon, she would've found her sexuality in a more natural, more dignified way, instead of fucking with a stranger on the forest floor." BamBam snickers at the vulgarity of my words. For a second, I regret the fact that I said such a dirty word in front of boys who were so obviously ripped off their own rights to sexual endeavors because of a piece of paper—just like Lady Chatterly.
"Can you say that word again just one more time," BamBam leans forward, his voice dripping with lewd intentions. Jinyoung slaps him in the arm, his eyes wide in shock.
"What? You mean fuck?!" I say with an almost too innocent look. Jinyoung looks like he's about to burst an artery, much to my amusement. "Fuck."
"Damn," BamBam leans back into his chair laughing. If he could he probably would ask me to record it for him so he can play it over and over. "The only person allowed to say that in our dorm is Mark Hyung, and he doesn't even say it often." I raise an eyebrow to the other boy for validation and he just nods at me. I find that fact fascinating because if there's a list of expletives I've ever heard from Mark, that word must be on top of the list.
"Speaking of Mark, has he contacted you yet?" Jinyoung asks, his expression suddenly sullen.
"No, not really. He says he's really busy," I've gotten used to Mark's hot and cold personality. The more we're getting to know each other, the more I realize how different we are as people. He proves one position works best for both of us and he'll stick with it forever, but the explorer in me somehow wants more. When the team needs him, there is absolutely no way to persuade him to come over, or stay a little longer in bed. When he's working on something, you can be pretty damn sure he won't talk to you—unless he needs you to "clear his mind" when he's writing lyrics. I try reel myself back into the conversation.
"Did he tell you anything about Jackson, Babe?" Bam asks.
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Well, we're not sure if it's just us but they haven't been talking a lot." Jinyoung informs me.
"Again, Hyung, they don't always talk. When they hang out Jackson just lets Mark do nothing." BamBam comments.
"But it feels weird these days. Jackson suddenly goes silent when Mark talks and Mark is not addressing Jackson by his name," Jinyoung scratches the back of his neck absent-mindedly. "It's almost as if they're having a cold war."
"I'll ask Jackson, I'm sure he'll talk," I say, and the boys exchange glances but I'm not entirely sure what decides to change the subject by asking me more about causalities.
When the clock strikes twelve, we're almost all out of conversations. The theories I explained seem to be pulling all of us into deeper and deeper thoughts and I can sense that the boys are starting to think things differently. There is no way one can discuss literary theories like that without ending up with sentimental or existential thoughts. I tell them to go home and rest. The next comeback is just around the corner and I can tell it's going to be a pretty explosive and exhaustive phase for all of us working at JYPE.
We say our goodbyes and goodnights, with BamBam lingering on the hug until Jinyoung pinches his side. "Ah, apa!" [Ah, that hurts!] He complains and I laugh.
"Keep your hands off her, she's still your Noona," Jinyoung orders.
"I know and I hate it. See you, Babe!" He winks at me before finally following Jinyoung out the door.