Chapter 33: Mayday

"Are you still mad at me?" I finally ask.

"I don't know..."

"Well, then I don't know what else to do." I say, finally giving up. I let silence drown us, our guilt palpable in the thick air. "What do you want from me?" I ask, trying to get a better grasp of the situation. At this point, I've lost all sense of time and urgency. Everything stops when I'm with Mark.

Suddenly he's towering over me, elbows on each side of my face as he presses his lips against mine. I let him kiss me until I'm breathless and dizzy. When he stops to gaze at me, I'm left with very little words. "Mark..."

"I want you..." He looks at me with so much tenderness I feel like transforming into a puddle underneath him. "I want you all for myself..." We kiss again, this time more urgent and needy and touchy. His fingers are tangled in my hair, his eyes are shut, and his tongue is driving all the words I want to say out of my mind. We kiss some more until my head clears up a bit.

"Mark, wait..." I plead, pushing him a little. "You know I want you too. But I'm not a thing you can keep all for yourself, I'm a person. I have my own decisions to make. Jackson and I..." He flinches upon hearing the other guy's name and ultimately moves away from me, sitting up so his back is against me. I sit up too and touch his shoulders, rubbing the tension away before whispering into his ear. "Hey... Hey, listen. It was nothing, okay? We just wanted to try it out because... Because..."

"Because what?" He asks, voice sounding sad and broken. I peer at his face and see tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

"I'm not your girlfriend, Mark..." I let my hands fall down before sitting beside him on the edge of the bed. "I'm nobody's girlfriend." I'm surprised by the tear traveling down my own cheek. Why am I crying? Why are we crying? We sit in silence side by side, slowly realizing that more than anything we're both just feeling really stuck.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" He suddenly asks, turning to me after dabbing the tears off his own eyes. I give him a puzzled look, unable to answer immediately. "I'm serious. I mean, like, probably not now but in... like... February? That's our anniversary, right? We've been friends for a year now and we can go on actual dates already because then my ban will be lifted and—"

"Mark..."

"It's gonna be fine, I'll explain it to PD-nim and—"

"We don't have to."

"But—"

"We can't..." It's almost a murmur. Almost a whisper. On this bed, and in this room, we both know that we're safe from everything—except from heartaches, apparently. Though it breaks my heart, I decide to go ahead and just let the truth out. "For as long as you're an idol, I can't be your girlfriend... And it hurts so much right now to know that I'll never stand a chance but out of all the people, I should be the one to understand, right? I should know... I make a living out of this... Out of you." The statement leaves a bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

We settle in our blanket of solitude, knowing full well that while it hurts the admission of defeat somehow feels lighter on our consciences now. Mark crawls on the bed, sits behind me, enveloping me in a warm hug just like what he did back in L.A. and I find myself smiling. He takes his phone out of his pocket and opens the camera app. "Let's take couple selcas anyway," Mark says, sniffing like a kid as he closes the gap between my back and his chest, his left hand circling my waist. He positions his phone in front of us, the look of our puffy, red eyes making me laugh.

He takes photos of us, of him kissing my cheek and resting his chin on my shoulder. I turn to stare at his pretty face, gauging his feelings. Is he still angry? Doesn't seem like it. What a petulant child. Our lips meet again and as the kiss deepens, the hand holding his phone up automatically lowers. We both forget about the selcas as we savor each other's taste. "Can I make you feel like my girlfriend at least?" He asks, smiling against my lips.

"Wow, that took a turn" I say, laughing at the feeling of his hands traveling underneath my hoodie. They feel cold against my burning, feverish skin. I moan when he grabs my breasts, shiver when he starts licking the shell of my ear.

"I'm asking for permission to fuck you, will you please just say yes?" He whispers, breath tickling my ear. There's a sudden change in his voice while his hands roam my body. A chill runs down my spine when he orders me again. "Answer me."

"Yes..." I mutter, breathless and writhing when his hand starts to creep inside my gym shorts, inside my wet panties, to touch my clit and finger me while kissing my neck. "Oh yes... Faster baby... Fuck!" I come undone in a matter of minutes and he snickers as I slump against his body. Still feeling weak, I let Mark take all my clothes off for me and flip me over so I'm on my hands and knees. He gets off the bed to strip off his clothes and rummage for a condom from the bedside table. I crawl towards him, like a cat approaching her meal.

"That's right, come here..." He mutters in his deep, sultry voice. He positions himself in front of my face, gathers my hair into a ponytail and slaps his semi-hard cock against my lips. "Open your mouth." I part my lips for him, teasing him with my tongue. "Damn you look so fucking sexy when you do that." He caresses my cheek and lifts my chin up with his finger. I watch him lick his lips as he stares at me with hooded eyes. The way he's looking at me signals something different. Mark has always been dominant, but our fight seems to have unleashed a different side of him that I've never seen before. "Suck me hard, Baby Girl..."

I'm taken aback by the new pet name but I follow his instruction anyway, making my way down to the base of his beautiful cock. "Mmmmm... That's it, that's my good girl." Mark fucks my mouth roughly, gagging me as he hits my throat. I feel tears springing from my eyes again while I take all of him in, his member hardening inside my mouth, making me moan. The vibrations hit him to the core and I watch his eyes roll back. "Careful, baby, you don't want to make come too soon." He pulls himself out of my mouth and pats my head before putting the condom on. I grab the sheets, watching him as my juices run deliciously down my legs. I can't believe he's making me feel like this without even having to fuck me.

"Move," He orders yet again, pointing at the headboard. I crawl towards the middle of the bed, and feel the mattress dip as Mark positions himself behind me. He reaches for my hand before anything else. "Grab the headboard, Baby Girl. Daddy wants to play rough this time." I gasp as he places both of my hands on the headboard and shows me exactly how he wants me to grip the white wood of my bed frame for support. Then he trails wet kisses down my back before spreading my legs a little bit more and inserting two fingers into my wet pussy. "I guess you're ready..."

"Are you?" I dare ask, trying to lighten up the sexual tension all around us.

"Baby, you have no fucking idea how many times I've fantasized about you since we did it in the car..." He rubs himself against my slit and rams his cock inside me, making me scream.

"Aaaahhhhhh, Mark!"

"Fuck, bitch." He says harshly, his hips rocking against mine, once, twice, thrice. He goes into a steady rhythm, nails digging on the flesh of my waist. I try to hold off my screams but the moment he slaps my right butt cheek, I let out a long, loud moan.

"Ow, Mark, that hurts..." I say, still feeling the sting of his hand on my skin.

"I thought I made myself clear. I want you to call me Daddy..." Slap! This time he hits my left butt cheek, making me yelp again.

"Daddy it hurts... Please..."

"Sorry, baby, I have to do it. You've been a bad girl..." Slap! His voice is evil. His dark laughter is driving me insane. Slap! "Oohhh, baby girl, you're starting to like this, aren't you? You're getting tighter every time I slap your ass." He starts fucking me harder and it's getting more and more difficult to hold on to the headboard. "Daddy is going make you so sore in the morning..." I've never heard the bed creak this loud before, never felt this good before, never been this wet before. It's like falling off a cliff and landing into cold water over and over and over again.

"Daddy, I'm coming..." I moan, ready to let it all go. But Mark stops and pulls out of me, panting hard. "Fuck!" I turn my head around to meet his eyes.

He's smirking as he catches his breath, hands still on my hips. Then he observes my pussy from behind as it glistens with so much wetness. He licks his lips and swipes his tongue on my pussy.

It takes me by surprise when Mark opens me up to tongue fuck me. I don't always expect him to offer oral sex. My ex—who's my first and last sexual partner before Mark—didn't like it one bit. But I have to admit it's something I've always wanted. It's a whole new level of sensation that's so foreign to me, it makes me weak.

"Oh Daddy, yes..." I let go of the headboard and sink down into the pillows, my ass still up in the air. I look back again and see him smacking his lips in appreciation, wiping my juices off his face with the back of his hand.

"You taste delicious, Baby Girl." He smiles at me while stroking himself. "Spread your legs for Daddy a bit more. I'm gonna make you come so hard." I do as he asks, positioning my body the way he wants it and letting him guide me. Then he enters me again, hitting me at just the right spot.

"Fuck! Ohhh, Mark..." I moan loudly, not even caring about pet names anymore. My desire feels so raw, so carnal, so deep in my bones that I momentarily forget who I am as he ruts into my sopping sex.

"That's right Baby, say my name..." He switches from dominant to needy as he runs his hand from the bottom of my spine up to my neck.

"Mark..." I say softly, breathing into the pillows until he grabs a fistful of my hair and yanks my head back.

"Say it louder, Love." He orders between his teeth, moaning louder than the usual.

"Mark! Oohhh... Mark, please." He spanks me again, this time sloppier than before. I hear the sounds of skin slapping against skin, labored breathing turning me on all the more. "More. Harder. Please..."

"Are you coming?"

" Yes... I'm... I'm so close..."

"I can't hear you Baby Girl. Say it loud and say my name."

"Mark, please. Daddy, I need to come..." A few more thrusts and I start teetering on the edge. I let out a long, loud, shameless moan and he starts fucking me deeper and and deeper as I close in all around him. He pulls me towards his body harshly and holds me from behind while thrusting upwards. I'm on my knees, trying to keep steady as I melt in his arms, coming down from my high.

"Fuck, I'm coming..." He growls. His deep moans are making me feel tighter than ever and as he releases, he bites my shoulder hard.

"Ow! Mark!" I scream when his sharp canines make contact with my skin. A few more thrusts and we both fall back to the bed. He lets out and audible sigh before getting up to dispose his used condom.

He doesn't bother dressing up when he comes back from his quick clean up. He just slips under the covers fully naked and watches me walk to the bathroom in my robe. "Come back soon, Baby. Cuddle time."

Just like that we're back to our routine.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror trying to figure out how I can hide the bruise he left on my shoulder. My ass is red from the slapping and his fingermarks are still on my skin. I still feel weak from the fever and it's surprising that I didn't collapse halfway through.

My eyes start to focus on my plain face and I start feeling a bit of dread. It's like I'm seeing an old friend I dont ever want to run into again. It surprises and saddens me that I've become this person—the kind I didn't even want to meet.

Maybe, I just need a shower.