I'm back with an update. I have regained the passion I had from my first story to my latest. I love Finchel and Monchele and I am once again committed to completing this story.
I've also took on another well written story by VioletBeauregarde "I Finally Know Where My Heart Is" I hope you all look for it.
Next Month will be four years since the disease of Addiction took our big guy. Cory is missed very much. On his anniversary, please send positive thoughts to all those still battling with this disease. Thank you.
Last Time on Medal of Honor: The evil Quinn accompanied her equally evil uncle to the Ceremony awarding Finn's Father and General Berry. Carole yelled, Judy was embarrassed and we finally found out Quinn was once again manipulating our Finn. He and Rachel enjoy the dinner and dancing after.
Honor their Tether! Remember Our Drummer!
Chapter Ten: Voice of Reason
True to his word, Finn completely erased Quinn from his life. He didn't speak to her in the hall, classes and he even told Mr. Shue to never pair him with her or he'd quit New Directions. Finn was tired of her trying to manipulate him. All it ever did was isolate him from and hurt Rachel.
On the Rachel front, things were going well since the reception. They were building their friendship which was the foundation of their connection. Rachel's granddad The General decided to stay in town as Marnie's wedding was coming up. Rachel had been busy with helping Kurt for her cousin. But they saw each other and hung out with each other as much as possible.
Today was the day they had set aside to talk about all their issues. Rachel's dads and grandad were spending the day with Grannie Hudson so they had the Berry house to themselves. Rachel heard his truck and waited for the knock.
Finn pulled into the Berry's driveway. He knew he and Rachel need to hash out their crap or they would not be able to move forward together. He pulled the keys from the ignition knowing his tiny girl was in that house, but the enormity of the task was keeping him rooted to the seat. Finally gathering his balls, he got out of the truck.
Rachel opened the door after Finn ultimately knocked. "Hey Finn, won't you come in?"
"Yeah, yeah, thanks. How have you been?" Finn made conversation.
"Busy, sometimes I wonder if Marnie is the bride or Kurt. He is such a bridezilla.". They both chuckled moving to the family room and their favorite little sofa.
"Yeah, I remember when mom and Burt got married he was probably the same, made even worse.". Finn sat down watching Rachel sit beside him then turning putting her legs under her so she was facing him.
Rachel blew out a breath and started. "Okay, so do we want to pick a topic and go from there or just start at the beginning."
"I'm fine with starting at the beginning." Finn said softly.
"Finn, I know you have had feelings for me from the beginning. You felt it in that first Glee rehearsal. You felt it when you kissed me in the auditorium, yet you kept pushing me away. It hurt very much to know we had this connection and you were running from it."
Finn closed his eyes to gather his thoughts, then spoke. "You are not wrong, but you have to understand, I have never experience feelings that intense with anyone. I was with Quinn, but I had you in my head. My friends, I use that word lightly, were all telling me how lucky I was to be dating her. Her head cheerleader and me the quarterback. She said it was like meant to be. I never really let myself think for myself back then. Then you stormed into my life and turned it upside down and I didn't know how to react. But you, you aren't exactly patient. I'm sorry I didn't know how to react to those feels right away. I'm sorry you got hurt. I never meant for you to get hurt."
Rachel listened intently and understood what he meant. "I guess I understand you not know how to react. But after that kiss in the auditorium I really thought we were starting something. Then I see with her the next day laughing like I didn't even matter."
"It was a shitty thing to do Rach, I know. But I had just cheated on my girlfriend I felt guilty. Even though I wasn't in love with her it was a crappy thing to do. If I had known what was happening between her and Puck maybe my guilt and fear wouldn't have stood in my way. I thought a lot that weekend after we kissed and I made up my mind I was going to break it off with Quinn. I came to school that Monday all prepared to do it, then she dropped the baby bomb. I'm going to be real honest right now, please don't get mad."
Rachel regarded him and nodded for him to continue. "When she told me about the baby, I questioned it. I asked her how because we never even had sex. She told me the hot tub thing and I knew it was right, but I let her lie to me." Finn paused then gathered his courage to say what he'd been keeping to himself for two years. "I let her lie to me, so I didn't have to deal with my feeling for you." There he said it. He was afraid to look at her.
When he lifted his head, he could see the tears in her eyes along with questions and hurt. He wanted to cry himself. "You unimaginable bastard." Is what she came out with. "All this time, you let everyone, think you were too stupid to realize that you couldn't get pregnant that way. I don't know what I'm angrier at, you hiding from me or you letting people call you stupid. Because you are not stupid Finn."
"I am an asshole I know!" Finn exploded off the sofa to pace. "I was so scared, Rachel. I had everything, as I saw it back then. You showed me I was more, I could be more. I was always a go with the flow kind of guy. I was blissfully unaware of how far into the darkness I was. You with your big voice, chocolate eyes and humongous heart were like a flashlight going off trying to lead me out of the tunnel. And I was okay with being in that tunnel, I was doing fine, so I thought. Glee, Shue and you made me realize I wanted out of that darkness."
Rachel thought to herself for a minute trying to absorb what he had said. She can't be mad now because she had already given him forgiveness for that, it wouldn't be fair. "Finn, I'm not going to get angry and throw you out because today is about us letting go of the hurt. Stepping up to heal the wounds we inflicted on each other. I am flatter that I had that massive of an effect on you and besides, I forgave you for that already. I'm never one to reverse forgiveness."
Finn seemed to calm some but was bracing for the next thing. Rachel told him it was his turn to get out the stuff clouding his mind. Here we go he thought. "I mean I know I was a jerk for breaking up with you to go out with Brits and Sa…her, but I mean it was a day later and I was back to you, begging you to be with me. How the hell could you just throw me to curb for St. Douche? You met him in a record store 8 hours before I came back to you. It hurt to know you could just push me to the side after I poured my heart out to you. You were right, when I took that second look at you, you were the only one who really knew me."
"I could push you away? Finn, you chose to stay with Quinn after she told you about the baby despite us both knowing how you felt about me. You chose Brits and the mattress. How could I be certain you wouldn't drop me again? You said you liked me and wanted to be with me, but you still had sex with HER!" Rachel cried.
"I didn't understand what the big deal was and why you were hung up who it was with. But I know now why it is so important. I didn't choose her because I wanted her. Hell, most of the time I don't even like her. Seeing you with the douche, knowing you were going to give it up to him, made me sick. She was there, she was willing. I thought after you'd have sex with him, there would be no hope for us. I thought I could move on but, Rachel. It was nothing like I thought it would be. It was a waste. I regret it so much. I felt empty and used. Dirty and disgusting. So, I lied. I didn't want to hurt you. I should have explained that before. I hid again. I wanted to pretend it wasn't happening so I avoided. I pushed you to Puck. I can say that with all honesty now. I'm so sorry. I love you, I always have but I haven't always taken care of that love."
Rachel looked at Finn, wondering how they got so screwed up. Right now, it felt impossible, insurmountable and she just didn't know how to fix it. "I love you too, Finn. But what if it's not enough?"
Finn felt his stomach turn. He felt the bile. She could be so stubborn. But so was he, if he had just forgiven her at the tree lot, they wouldn't be here. "Rachel, love can be enough. If we love each other we must try. We owe it to ourselves and what could be, don't you see?"
Rachel knew she was being stubborn, but he hurt her deeply. As much as she loved him, when he hurt her, it was a much deeper wound. But he was right, they were a part of something special. Always have been and can be again. "This is what we have to do, I lied about Jesse and you lied about Santana. We move on from that. You've already said you pushed me to Puck, but in truth, we did it together. I knew kissing him would hurt you and I'm sorry. I probably wanted to punish you for more than the Santana thing. I had forgiven you so easily for hurting me prior and I may have talked myself into a justification. I was wrong. I don't ever want to hurt you like that again. It was immature and selfish. I should have made you listen and not jumped to conclusions in Ms. Pillsbury's office. I should have stayed and we could have gotten over it. So, no more walking out. No more pushing each other away. We need to communicate so much better. We must do better. If we ever want to be a part of something special we must forgive and let go of the past and all our mistakes."
"I'll stand up for you like I should have been doing all along, even when we were just friends. You mean more to me than my reputation. I did a crap job at letting you know that. I'm going on record right now, I think you are the sexiest, most gorgeous girl, I have ever met. I want you like, all the time, it's distracting. But I also respect you as a person. I'll wait for you for however long it takes for you to be ready. I think you are awesome. You have a forgiving nature and such a big heart. You are passionate, driven and determined. You dream big enough for both of us. I want to learn from you. I want to dream as big as you do. I want to sing with you and even though I'm horrible at it, I want to dance with you. You are my other half. I'm not me when we aren't together. I'm a horrible jackass. Being without you, feels like being in the darkness. I don't want to be there. You are my bright shining star. You led me from the darkness and I can't go back."
They gazed upon each other not moving. Neither could tell you who moved first, but they met in the middle. Lips crashing, arms wrapping, soul searing kisses were exchanged. They both knew that they could conquer anything if they did it together.
While they reacquainted their mouths, they failed to see or hear what was just outside the window. Staring in with hatred in their eyes. Enjoy it while you can. Your day will come and The General will not be able to stop it.
Review help motivate me. Help me keep my muse. Please, I'll make you a cupcake.