Chapter 38: Higher

I'm used to dressing up pretty quickly because back in college my tight schedule required me to run the distance between two buildings to reach my classes after swimming practice. So by the time Mark has finally found a place to keep his dirty condom (he doesn't have a trash bin in his beautifully curated room so he just bunches them in a wad of tissue and throws them under his bed), I'm back in my faded ripped jeans and white shirt, squirming at the feeling of having to wear wet panties again. I toss his clothes to him and he gets dressed as quickly as he can before leading the way out of the room. I close the door gently and suddenly every single person in the dorm shuts up. The chatter dies down, the sounds of shuffling footsteps stop, and every single one of my senses start to tingle. "Hi," I say timidly, throat aching from the intense blowjob session. JB clears his throat and then smiles upon seeing me.

"Ah, Sarang-ah! I knew it was you, I love your shoes!" He says, pointing at the pair of limited edition The Simpsons sneakers by the door. I grin at him in appreciation because I'm 98% sure he knows exactly what we just did but he's choosing to overlook it.

"But Hyung, you were just saying it might be Mark Hyung's because they're expensive..." Yugyeommie reveals innocently, making the older boys snicker as JB purses his lips.

"Babe, what are you doing here?" BamBam, who's holding a huge plastic bag in one hand, asks. JB gives BamBam the stink-eye for calling me Babe yet again. Just then Jackson decides to come out of his room, still in his airport garb.

"Manager Noona is sick and Manager Hyung's wife is in labor so they asked her to pick me up from the airport and take me here." Jackson answers for me, his face almost emotionless. He walks to the fridge to get a glass of water and Mark comes up beside him to get me something to drink too. Youngjae is just staring at me open-mouthed, unblinking like a fish. Mark hands me the glass of water and I thank him before drinking it, grateful for the soothing feeling in my throat and in my whole body. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I stare at Mark whose eyes are settling on anywhere but mine.

"Yah, Noona, you look good today!" Jinyoung remarks, making me almost choke in my water. Mark takes the glass from me and rubs my back as a I cough violently. BamBam and Jinyoung are elbowing each other not far from us and I give them both a deathly stare.

"Ani... I was actually rushing to get to the airport so I didn't have much time to fix myself." I answer when I finally stop heaving for air.

"Aaahhh... Is that why your shirt is inside out?" Yugyeom asks, pointing at me.

"Oh shit," I mutter, looking down to see the linings of my shirt's hemline. "Oh, wow I didn't notice that," I try to let out a nervous laugh while shooting BamBam and Jinyoung daggers through my eyes when they start snickering again. Frankly, I didn't even look in the mirror before stepping out of Mark's room and that proved to be a really bad idea because now JB is having a staring contest with Mark, and Youngjae looks all the more uncomfortable as he continues to gape at me.

"Come on, I'll show you the bathroom." BamBam says, finally deciding to give my pink face the break it deserves. He leads me down the hallway to the bathroom and even hands me a towel before leaning close and whispering to my ear. "You should untie your hair, okay?" He winks at me and closes the bathroom door, leaving me standing there, confused as fuck. I turn around to face the mirror and what I see is more horrifying than I thought. The reason Youngjae was staring wordlessly at me was because the hickeys Mark gave me are now bright red and all the marks on my neck and my collarbones and my cleavage are showing in broad daylight. Fuck my life. Mark's probably still too fucked out and nervous of JB's reaction to even notice how I look in my messy ponytail, inside-out shirt, streaky eyeliner, and neck area that looks more like a battery assault case waiting to happen. I suppress a groan of despair before taking my shirt off and cleaning up.

I find Mark standing by the door of the bathroom, waiting for me. He comes up to me with a guilty grin before whispering, "Hey, are you okay?" He takes my face with both hands and peers at me sweetly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I should go..." I whisper back with a smile.

"Call me when you get home, okay, Baby?" I nod and smile to assure him. We're going to have to deal with the 'marking my territory' habit some other time. He then leans down to kiss me deeply, hands sneakily cupping my ass. "I'll cuddle with you next time," His naughty smile catches me off guard so I push him gently, scared someone would catch us.

The boys are gathered in the living room with boxes of fried chicken spread out on the coffee table before them, the TV providing momentary distraction in the awkward silence. "Noona, meogja!" [Noona, let's eat!] Yugyeom says while pouring soda on glasses.

"A-ani, gwaenchanha. I need to go now," I answer with an uneasy smile. I wave at the boys as I head to the door with BamBam, who refuses to let me go without a hug—something that earned him really bad stares from both the leader and the jealous oldest Hyung. Jackson takes his keys and hat from the counter.

"I'll walk with her to the parking lot, save chicken for me!" JB waves him away and as Jackson closes that door I catch Mark sending us off with a cautious glare. I wish the earth would swallow me whole and just get this over with.

Jackson and I walk to the elevators side by side in silence. I run my fingers through my hair, hoping I look more decent now than when I stepped out of Mark's room just a while ago. I still feel uncomfortable in my wet panties and I swear I can smell the scent of sex effusing from within me—either that or my perfume's just coming off really strong because my pulse is still racing. I get chills from the cold January air. Shit! I forgot my jacket! I contemplate whether to go back for it and face more humiliation or freeze my ass to death. I choose the latter. Jackson shamelessly surveys me from head to toe as we wait for the lift, arms crossed in front of his chest, eyes focusing on the visible marks on my neck and my collarbone. I'm flushing and I'm not entirely sure if it's because of the humiliating episode I've just been into or because Jackson's just staring at me with the most unreadable expression ever. "What?" I ask, bothered and irritated now.

"After-sex looks great on you." The elevator suddenly open and I'm left standing slack-jawed as he steps in and holds the door for me. I seriously want to just throw myself off the ledge. "What?! I'm just telling the truth."

"This is seriously not the time for joking, Jackson." I whine as I step into the lift with him.

"Well that wasn't the time for loud sex either, it's supposed to be a relaxing time but you thought otherwise." He nags, eyes looking sharper than usual. I roll my eyes at him in defiance, wanting to scold him for talking like that to his Noona. But we both know I'm guilty about it anyway so I keep my mouth shut until after a minute later.

"Were we really loud, though?"

"I had noise canceling headphones on and I could hear you!"

"Oh my God..." I turn away from him to rest my head against the wall of the elevator, hiding my face with a curtain of hair. Jackson laughs at my predicament. "I mean it wasn't really that bad when I left Mark's room, you were obviously holding back the whole time. But the last part was... Uhm." He stops and scratches the back of his neck, thinking of a word to describe what he heard. "...Graphic."

"Graphic?!"

"Yeah, it was basically like listening to porn."

"Oh my god..." I groan, my face heating up again as I lean weakly against the wall.

"Yeah, that was my reaction too when I heard you screaming from the other side of the wall. Why did you do that?! You already know I was there, I told you I can hear you through the walls!" Jackson complains. I just stare at him in defeat, knowing he had a valid point. We really shouldn't have done that.

"I-I dont know... It's a heat of the moment thing..." I say quietly, guilty beyond belief. I remember how I tightened when I thought of Jackson and suddenly I can't get myself to look him in the eye.

"Oh my goodness, I didn't know you were such a pervert!" Jackson jokes, laughing hysterically now.

"Me?! Really?! YOU listened in on us!"

"I can't help it, I was trying to sleep while listening to music and then I heard him spanking you and you seem to like it because you keep moaning so loudly!" He's most definitely amused, but I'm not. I turn away from him, wanting so much to bang my head against the wall. "Oh and this... this look you have here," Jackson adds gesturing to me. "It's so obvious you two just had sex and poor baby Yugyeom was so confused. Youngjae was having such a hard time hiding his ha—"

"Yah, hajima!" I finally shout, my voice ringing in the confined space we're in. The elevator suddenly stops and the doors open. We both step out quietly, our eyes downcast as several people get into the lift after we alight. The awkward silence followed us to the parking lot. "Okay, I'll stop teasing you about it. But I just want to remind you that JB and I haven't had girlfriends in forever so what you did back there wasn't good for our mental health." I remember the night Jackson and I kissed. I remember what he said about missing being in a relationship so badly. I realize how JB so desperately tried to ignore the fact that Mark and I still reeked of sex when we came out. Wait... Does he mean... That he and JB aren't virgins?!

I stop dead in my tracks. I can't help but wince at thought of Jackson jolting in bed like a kid having nightmares just because his friend and I couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. I can now imagine the torture of having to listen to all that and now I feel like such an insensitive idiot. "Hey," I tug at Jackson's arm and he stops too. He turns to me with such a sad expression I almost want to smack myself.

"I'm sorry." I say, sighing deeply.

"No, it's okay, it's not your fault."

"It is! It's my fault. I kissed him first because he was starting to get jealous of you again and then we just started making out and one thing lead to another and—"

"It's okay..." Jackson says, patting my head gently, his lips thinning into a cute smile. He steps closer to me and lifts my chin up and suddenly I think I'm missing my heart again. "Hey, you know if I was Mark I don't think I'll be able to control myself either." He gazes at me and then breaks into a fit of giggles upon seeing the surprise on my face. I fidget with my car keys in my pocket. "Oh let me just..." He pulls up one side of my loose shirt because my bra strap is showing. Then he fixes my long hair strategically so it would cover all my bruises. It's strangely comforting how his fingers are lightly brushing against my neck and my collarbones. "The fans might see you again and they have telephoto lenses. If they see this they're going to think it's from me."

Ah, so he's seen the tweets from this morning. He takes off his jacket and puts it over my shoulders, double checks my appearance before taking off his cap and putting it on my head. "There. Come on, you should go home and rest." He takes me by the hand and leads me to my car, even waving goodbye as I drive away.

I stop at the office on my way home to drop off some of the things Jackson left. I don't bother talking to Mina when I get back to my desk, I don't even feel bad for shutting down my desktop and taking my bag with me though I'm two hours away from the actual time off. My boss just waves me away when I ask him if I can leave early because I need to prepare for my lengthened gig hours at Callabooze. He's been told about the offer and is now treating me like I don't even belong to the team anymore. The only one who says goodbye to me is Jenny.

Jackson was right about the fans. There were lots of them waiting in front of the building when I step out. I had to force my way into Dunkin Donuts for a second cup of coffee before I head home. I realize belatedly that I'm being photographed without consent and I should be getting mad but frankly I couldn't get myself to care. Because at this point I feel so fucking lost and exhausted all at the same time. It also doesn't help that my head is now littered with obscene images of Mark and Jackson and JB, all pleasing themselves furiously in the dark as a silent rebellion to the industry we all chose to work on. What could be more inhumane than a career that feeds off your energy and your youth and forces you to lock your emotions and feelings and desires in a secret room of shame, all out of your own volition?! The more I think about it the more uncomfortable I get.

I cant wait to come to Callabooze and lose myself in the music.