Chapter 40: Red Lipstick Day
"Yoboseo?" I answer without looking at the caller ID. These days the only calls I get are either from Jackson, who's too tired or lazy to text, or from Sheen, who's busy finalizing the details of my new JYPE contract. She understands basic Korean anyway so I don't bother changing my phone call greeting especially since I'm way too focused on perfecting my lip liner more than anything else.
"Yah, Sarang-ah odiya?" [Hey, Love where are you?] Huh, that's weird. The voice sounded like Mina and she barely talks to me now. I finally check the caller ID and to my surprise, it is Mina.
"Uh... I'm still at home but I'm on my way to the office. Wae?"
"Aigoo, ppalliwa! [Come quickly!] We have a lot of things to do today and I need you here ASAP." I assume she finally got crazy halfway through doing the concert DVD on her own. Last week she started eating lunch with us again and though we haven't been speaking as much as we used to, I'm glad she's finally talking to me again.
"Ne, I'm heading out now." We say our goodbyes and I put the phone down. I glance at my reflection once more, hoping my nude wrap-around dress looks okay with casual white sneakers and deep red lipstick. I rarely wear red but when I do, I make sure I do it right. My hair is up in a messy ponytail, the ends of it curled nicely to resemble a natural wave. I may not admit it but I keep thinking that if I dress up nicely something will turn up and my birthday might actually be more eventful than what I'm envisioning thus far.
I'm never one to plan out birthdays, and this birthday is no exception. Despite living far away from home in the past couple of years, I was lucky that my family actually have been traveling South Korea for my birthday. This year, however, they simple can't. My dad's hotel business has been booming since the MAMA affair. My mom had been collaborating with lots of Australian millennial stars so she's busy too. Hope had been promoted in the architecture firm he's working at.
Meanwhile, I've been so busy juggling two gigs a week, a full-time job, and a few controversies on the side. Jackson and I never confirmed or denied anything and though the rumors have been dying down steadily, several fans have noticed that I'm now more often seen at GOT7 events. A few months ago they only ever saw me leaving the JYPE building or popping by at events and leaving early. A lot of of the fansite masters are convinced we're romantically involved and have declared their support. Sheen said all we could do now is wait and stay low. I've been thinking about so many things in the past few weeks that I actually forgot that I'm turning 26. Heck, I'm 26. What now?
It's quite gloomy outside the JYPE building as I walk to the door. I wrap my coat tighter around me and lower my head, shivering in the cold and hoping not to attract curious stares from fans loitering outside the building. I come in as soon as the doors open and race to the elevator to reach my floor. When I get to my desk, however, there is absolutely no one in the room. I check my watch, it's just 9:45 AM. People should be here. I check my phone for calls. Nothing. I look around me as I take my coat off. Everything seems to be in its normal place except for the people who are supposed to be working here right now. Are they having a meeting? Did I miss an email? I open my PC monitor to check my email but the screen is filled with a huge window of a video player. Huh? I press the spacebar button to play the video, my chest constricting a bit.
"Love Noona, please edit that out..." It's that clip of Mark acknowledging my existence for the first time after our meeting. In quick succession, I see clips of all the boys and all the other JYP artists we've ever worked with saying my name for various requests. Delete that part, please make me handsome, don't cut this out, please make me pretty, animate this, connect this to the next destination, make this magic trick happen. In the span of a year and a half, I have been saving all these little clips of people asking me to make them look cooler in front of their fans because these were my little joys. It's one thing to be working in one of the biggest companies in the South Korean entertainment industry, but it's a bigger jot to be working as a behind-the-scenes person and seeing musical history happening before your very eyes. Suddenly the screen goes black and words appear on the screen in pastel colors. Happy Birthday Love! Then there's a montage of me working behind-the-scenes at meetings, events, music videos, teaser videos, and reality shows. I'm always in the corner, always quietly checking the footage, always asking if people needed help, always observing. They included photos of dinner outs, lunch outs, and rare clips of me accidentally getting in front of the camera to stand in for the talents or to hand over a prop or to take photos. I start to feel tears falling from the sides of my eyes.
Suddenly I hear voices, but it's not coming from the computer screen. "Sengil chukahamnida!" I turn around and find Jackson carrying a cake, BamBam holding red balloons, both of them singing Happy Birthday with Jenny and Mina. I laugh and wipe my tears as they come closer. No one else seems to be in on the surprise other than my friends, probably because they don't want to run the risk of validating a false rumor. Jackson's eyes are pinned on me the whole time. I blow the candle and place the cake on my desk before hugging each of them.
"Babe, Happy Valentines Day too! This is from me and Jackson Hyung." BamBam says before handing me a big box and kissing me on the cheek.
"Yah, Bammie, you sneaky brat." I say ruffling his hair, much to his annoyance. "Thank you so much," I add, my Aussie accent making them giggle. I open the box to find a pair of beautiful camel-colored heels.
"Oh wow, it matches your outfit! Wear it now!" Mina says, a giant grin plastered on her face. I want to crush her in another hug because it feels so good to see her smile again. Jackson takes my swivel chair and makes me sit on it while BamBam kneels on the floor before me. Both Jenny and Mina raise their phones while BamBam carefully unties my shoe, takes my sock off, and replaces it with the shoe from the box. I am blushing furiously, and BamBam's ears are going red in the most adorable manner. We're all laughing by the time I'm wearing both shoes.
We sit in a circle with forks, eating the cake directly from the box. I learn that Jenny have strategically set up a preproduction meeting to get everyone out of the room. They left the meeting quickly when the guards of the building, who are friends with almost all of the employees, alerted them of my appearance. Bam and Jackson have decided to sneak out of practice for a bit. I didn't ask where Mark is because I'm pretty sure he's either trying not piss JB off or he didn't know it's my birthday—the latter being the most plausible because although we've talked about our families before, I never told him when my birthday was, whereas Jackson just asks the most random questions on Katalk. "Thank you guys, it's so sweet of you." I say. I know we don't have much time now because they all have to go back to the meeting and practice, so I ask if they have time later for dinner at my place.
"I'm not sure but we'll let you know on KaTalk, okay?" Jackson answers, explaining that they don't know how long their practice would take. Jenny says she can't go because she needs to go to the embassy after the meeting to process her work papers for Bangkok. Mina, on the other hand, says she'll let me know via KaTalk too, which is intriguing because she rarely talks to me there anyway. We all disperse before people start to wonder where we are.
I decide to join the meeting for the next album's marketing efforts. The mini album completes the trilogy we started on last year and we're all looking for ways to tie things up as best as we can before moving on to a new concept. I look around the table to observe. Come to think of it, this might just be the last meeting I'll ever be in for GOT7. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I never met Tyde or never went to Troye Sivan's party, and never discovered jockeying. Would I still be looking around wondering if I'll ever get to work with these people again? I may always be quiet and shy but I am very much thankful for my job. Ah, I'm getting sappy. Maybe it's because it's my birthday. I decide to distract myself by messaging Mina, who's seated at the other end of the room.
Love: Yah, where are you going later?
Mina: Nowhere.
Love: Stop lying, I know you're dating someone
I look up to send a pointed look at Mina, hoping she sees that I'm not at all sarcastic about my statement. Mina pretends not to notice and acts as if she's listening intently to the marketing head.
Love: You're wearing eyeliner today. Wae?!
Mina: I'm just meeting up with a friend. *grin emoji*
Love: You wouldn't dress up for nothing.
Mina: *huffing emoji* Fine...
Mina: I have a Tinder date later.
This time, she looks at me first and catches me with jaws unhinged. I try to remember all our conversations and never once did she mention that she uses Tinder, or that she's dating in general. I got so used to her pining for JB in silence that it never occurred to me that she has conquests outside of work too. What was I thinking?! She's a normal, functioning adult, of course she'll have a date on Valentine's Day. Mina sends me a photo of her date, a tall lanky guy with blonde hair and blue eyes. I try not to audibly gasp.
Love: *heart eyes emoji*
Mina: Seriously?! You already have Namjoon right?!
Love: I was kidding, jeez! Will you relax?! LOL
Mina: I feel so anxious, I don't know why!
Love: It's because you like him.
Mina: I do, actually. He's really nice and this is the first time we're meeting in person!
Love: Aigoo, I'm so excited for you!
Love: Do you want to get ready at my place?
Mina: No, I don't want to go overboard. I think this is enough.
Love: Are you kidding me?! No, I will not let you wear a denim skirt to a Valentine's Day dinner. I have something better.
Mina: Don't you have a date tonight? How about Namjoon?
Love: He's on tour and WE'RE NOT DATING! Come on, you'll be my V-Day Project.
Mina: Fine, I'll let you dress me up for later.
Mina: Maybe you should try Tinder too.
Love: I'll pass. *tears of joy emoji*
If Mina ever doubted my capability to do impromptu makeovers, she clearly doesn't now. Her usually-braided curly hair is now tamed into beautiful waves after careful ironing. Her denim skirt lay forgotten after trying out a black fluted pencil skirt which complimented her navy blue blouse perfectly. Her long neck is accentuated by a black choker. Her lips the color of dark red wine. Her feet ensconced in a pair of expensive mules I never got to wear. "See, this is how you should look for a date!" I say.
"I wish I can look good like this every day." She says, looking at her full-length reflection. I hand over her purse and smile.
"You're pretty as you are. We just added a bit of twist for tonight but trust me, you look good everyday anyway." Mina pulls me into a long, tight hug without saying much.
"Happy Birthday," She says.
"Happy Valentines Day" I answer. Somehow, I am comforted by the fact that she will be having the fun she deserves tonight. "Call me if you need me to pick you up, okay?" I add. It's a Tinder date, a hundred things can go wrong no matter where you are in the world.
"Ne, gomabta!" [Yes, thanks!] I lead her downstairs and out the door, and then the whole apartment is silent again, except for the music coming out of the speakers upstairs. The dread starts coming in again and I fight it off by reminding myself that I used to be cocooned in this place for three years without seeing anyone. I stand up again, pad to the kitchen, and pour myself a tall glass of wine. I'm still in my dress and new shoes, still made up, still looking okay for a night out. It's been a while, maybe I should go out and drink on my own again? My thoughts are interrupted by a faint buzzing.
Jackson: Sorry we can't party with you tonight *sad emoji*
Jackson: Everyone's tired and a bit uptight.
Jackson: You know how it is when we have upcoming albums.
Love: It's okay, no worries! *grin emoji*
And really it is. I take my new shoes off, admiring it's simplicity, belatedly realizing that it's a pair of Jimmy Choos. How can I complain when I've been gifted a pair of shoes that's worth a month of my JYPE salary?! I open the TV and scan my Netflix for old movies. For the first time today I'm starting to feel like an idiot. I've gotten a long way since my freelance days, earning more than I expected to earn because of my side jobs, all while meeting people I never thought I'd be friends with, Yet here I am, alone on my birthday.
To be fair this day isn't exactly the worst birthday ever. Amber messaged me though she's in America. My parents promised to make up for their busy schedules by visiting me next week. Liv managed to leave me a voicemail despite her busy schedule. No one at Callabooze knows my birthday, and they'd probably think I'm joking if I say my birthday is on Valentine's Day but at least I get to see them tomorrow. Jihoo had flowers delivered to my apartment and the pretty pink carnations are now housed in a tall glass vase on my bedside.
I finish half the bottle of wine just mindlessly watching the movie before me. My chest feels so heavy, my brain is torn in a hurricane of thoughts. Maybe it's because I'm feeling old that I can't help but be super sentimental. Maybe it's because I'm completely alone again and I haven't been used to being on my own all the time since my thing with Mark happened. Oh, there's Mark. I should probably call him. I pause before dialing his number, realizing that it's late already and that he's probably tired. I feel my heart ache for a second at the thought of his pretty face. I'm so fond of him, so attracted to him. My whole body feels weak when I think of him and I can't explain it and that frustrates the heck out of me. I take a huge swig of wine before dialing his number.
"Hey, Baby, sorry I was busy today." Mark answers his phone with a voice that sounds so weak and soft. I lean back and close my eyes, savoring the sound of it.
"Ara..." [I know...] For some reason I sound weaker than Mark though I didn't really do anything tiring the whole day. "It's okay to say no, but I'd love it if you come over..." I add, and it comes out as a whisper, a soft request as I shift into a more comfortable position.
"What are we gonna do?" He asks.
"I don't know... Have a good time and a good fuck?" I chuckle as I finish another glass of wine. He drops the call after a hurried "okay." Ah, this boy, jinjja. It takes over an hour before he walks through the door wearing an oversized hoodie and sweatpants. His hair is wet, face makeup-free, eyes burning a hole through me as I put my wine glass down and walk towards him. I meet him by the door and before I know it he's pinning me to the nearest wall and attacking me with breathless kisses that make me dizzy. We stumble towards the couch, lips interlocking in between heated sighs.
Mark turns his head to the TV. A steamy scene is paused between Sarah Michelle Gellar and some random guy. "You're watching porn?"
"No, that's Cruel Intentions. It's an old movie."
"It looks steamy."
"It is steamy." I say, moving away and sitting properly to reach for my wine glass again.
"Is that why you called me? Because you're horny and drunk?" He says, nuzzling the skin behind my ear, warm breath tickling my whole body. I hold the glass tighter, my body automatically responding to his touches.
"No, I'm not even drunk yet." I giggle, taking a careful sip of my wine. The liquid tastes sweet and bitter on my tongue. "It's because it's my birthday, asshole." The joke drips of sarcasm. Mark stops and just stares at me, unsure if I'm serious or not. "My birthday is on Valentine's Day, yes."
"Shit, baby, I'm sorry I didn't know..." He murmurs. I turn my head towards him, his face registering shock and sadness and regret all at the same time. I just stare back, my heart feeling empty. I shake my head, lips thinning to a small smile. I touch his face and kiss him again, leaving the empty wine glass on the floor. He leans back and I straddle him. Finding my place on his lap has always been that easy.
"You can make it up to me with good sex..." I mutter seductively, biting my lip. He just nods and kisses me back, hands roaming all over my body. He starts necking me, groping my sides to find what ties my dress together, whispering dirty things in my ear to keep me going as I grind on him. Things escalate quickly. The next thing I know I'm lying naked on the sofa, Mark hovering over me in a half-naked state, and I'm coming with his long, thin fingers buried deep inside me. "Oh, fuck, Baby!" I scream.
I feel Mark standing up to take his sweatpants off. The Pikachu plushies start disappearing from all around me as I climb down from my high. It doesn't take much for us to move into a familiar position within the next few minutes. My legs are wrapped around his waist, his unprotected dick rutting me and hitting me in all the right places. His litany of expletives are getting longer, his breathing more erratic, his face looking darker than I've ever seen it. "Mark..."
"Yeah, Baby?" He asks with a look of concentration on his face.
"Can I go on top?" I say weakly, holding onto my senses before I come again. He smiles before helping me get up. We quickly unravel the sofa bed for more space, kicking the Pikachus from the floor like soccer balls while alternately drinking wine straight from the bottle. We're laughing at the realization that it would be the weirdest thing to fuck with a dozen Pikachus staring at us with huge, plastic eyes. I take the empty wine glass and bottle to the kitchen while Mark rummages for his pants. He takes a condom out of his wallet, and puts it in place before lying down, making himself ready for me. How did we end up like this?
I take my time as I ride him, feeling the delicious stretch and moaning out my adoration for his full perfection. I fill the gaps between his fingers with mine, watching his face contort in pleasure, his eyes shut, mouth open, lips glistening, body lithe and pliant beneath me. I move slowly, angling myself so our bodies would touch more intimately. For the first time I notice how his eyelids flutter when my movement feels just right for him. I notice the tiny mole on his left waterline and the laugh lines that are barely visible on camera because his face is almost always stoic. I notice the plumpness of his lips, the impossible whiteness of his teeth. I notice the way his collarbones are sloping gracefully, going deeper every time his breath hitches. I notice now that his body has grown so well in the past couple of months, his pectorals have broadened, his biceps have shaped up into something closer to Jackson's.
"Fuck, Baby, you're so tight!" He suddenly blurts out. He throbs inside me, making me groan. It's that moment when I stop to savor his throbbing member that he opens his eyes. He lets go of my hand, pulls me closer by the back of the neck, locks me in his strong arms, and kisses me so passionately that I feel the air being sucked out of my lungs. I pant when he finally stops kissing me. "Sorry I couldn't help myself... You look so fucking good right now."
"I think I get the idea."
"How in the fucking hell did I get so lucky?!" He mutters onto my hair, still hugging me, his manhood getting soft inside me. I lick a stripe on his neck which makes him moan, so I start kissing his neck again, alternately licking on his sensitive skin. "Oh, wow..." His arms loosen around me, his body starts reacting differently.
"You like that, Baby? You got hard..." I tease before making a wet trail from his ear to his jawline, to his neck, tracing the protruding veins with my tongue. I plant tiny kisses on his collarbone, move down to lick his pink nipples and suck on his fair skin, leaving tiny kiss marks all over his chest before getting up again and finally bouncing in top of him.
"Ahhh, shit!" I feel Mark's strong hands on my hips, gripping as I ride him hard. "Fuck, Baby, faster." He guides me to match the speed he wants, leaning back to appreciate the view in front of him. I've gotten heavier and curvier because of my gigs come with constant beer drinking and my work turnovers leave me with less time to workout. Still, he praises my body before throwing his head back in pleasure, eyes shutting close as I clamp down on him. "Oh my God, Love, don't stop!" His nails dig deep into my flesh, his voice getting hoarse with the way he calls out my name. I bet it would hurt so much to hear him say Love without meaning it to be me.
I shut my eyes and let myself get lost in the sensations, moaning as I angle myself lower, deeper, harder. "I'm coming, Baby..." I grip the sheets as I hover over him and drive myself to the edge. "Ahhh, Mark!" I cry out loud the moment I feel his violent throbbing, knowing that he's finally letting himself go inside of me.
"Fuck, I can't stop coming..." I hear him mumbling, feel him throbbing inside me still. I feel like free falling into nothingness, my breath and sanity escaping me, my mind going blank as my body completely drowns in the riptides of his touch. "Oh, Love... Oh fuck..." I open my eyes as I ride off my orgasm, moving slowly and staring at Mark's face, now calm as Busan's sea in the winter. He opens his eyes too and stares at me earnestly. "I love you..."
His statement makes me stop and sigh. I lean down to kiss his lips, sealing them tenderly, hoping he doesn't say anything that would make my resolve fall apart when it's already hanging at the seams as it is. I climb off him and lay on the bed with a huff. Jeez, I'm getting old. Mark fusses with his soaked up condom, unsure where to put it. "You wanna shower and get into bed?" I ask.
"I wanna know what you have to say but yeah... Sure, let's go shower and cuddle as always." He stands up with the knotted up condom in his hand and doesn't even bother to look back at me on his way to the bathroom. Now I'm the one who's left feeling like an asshole. Don't get me wrong, I do wish I could say it back. I did want to say it back. But if I did I probably wouldn't know if it was real or sincere, especially since I'm still on a sex high. My fear and indecisiveness got the better of me and I now I have to deal with the petulant, passive-aggressive man all night long. I fix the bed on my own, restoring all the Pikachus in their rightful place while muttering a small "sorry" for every single one of them, and for every single emotion Mark must have felt in the few seconds that it took him to confess his feelings. I pick up our clothes, and check my phone as I pass the bathroom where the shower's already running. I realize Jackson sent a couple of messages from almost two hours ago.
Jackson: Hey, one second thought, maybe we can do a quick tea run?
Jackson: Are you awake?
Jackson: Hey!
Jackson: Oh, jago isseo? [Oh, are you sleeping?] Okay, good night. Happy Birthday! *kiss emoji*