Chapter 43: If You Do
I didn't think I'd be back at JYPE so soon, especially after the scandal and the email threat, both of which came in on the same damn day. I met with Nawoon that day and she informed me that she got her laptop fixed and was told they needed to reformat the whole thing so she thought all her files were gone. But when she received the email she immediately went back to the IT person who fixed her laptop but he was nowhere to be found.
I ended up spilling the beans about my upcoming career and why it's absolutely important for me to find whoever was behind it. Nawoon and I agreed to alert each other for any kind of development. Mark left for New Zealand, Jackson's in China, and Amber's in America. So now I'm basically trying not go crazy over the fact that somewhere in South Korea there are paparazzi photos of me that might just ruin what I'm just about to build, and take away what little dignity I have left.
But this morning, Sheen called to tell me to drop the sick act and come to the office because I have a meeting with JYP himself. I'm reeking of anxiety as I step out of my car so I spritz my vanilla perfume all over me, hoping it would mask my fear. I walk along the familiar hallways towards the office and there I see Sheen talking to some people. She stops when she sees me approaching. "Hey!" She says, striding towards me in expensive-looking heels. Her style is so commanding, it makes people listen, makes heads turn. "There you are! You look great!" Sheen adds, complimenting my romper and blazer jacket ensemble. She smiles as if I haven't been dodging her calls for days with lame excuses.
There's a sparkle of excitement in her eyes while she's introducing me to several marketing people. The tone of her voice is so uppity as she leads us into JYP's office. "Here's our new project!" Sheen announces as we enter the room. I bow to the PD-nim before cautiously taking a seat in one of the chairs in the middle of the room, along with everyone else. JYP's snobbish secretary comes in with several folders and hands it out to everyone in the room, including me. She even gives me a tepid smile and I try not to look too shocked because more than a year ago she wouldn't even acknowledge my presence when I walked in to present the changes I made to GOT7's reality show staples.
"I hope you don't mind that we're all done with the introductions a while ago," Sheen tells the producer in a hushed tone. It appears that the whole conversation is about to transpire in English. "Everyone, I know you've all met Love, she's been with JYP for over a year now as a video producer. But now that she's had several..." Sheen pauses dramatically and smiles widely. "Uhm... media exposure... we're planning on helping her debut as a DJ under the JYPE label." My manager continues to explain the ins and outs of my new job description, and details the transition I've done from editing videos to learning the processes in the studio. She enumerates all my current gigs and upcoming gigs and while she talks I find myself wondering whether she knows about the photos or not, and whether I should tell her or not.
"Now, if you turn to page seven, I have a chart of timelines for DJ Love's career trajectory and we've also laid the groundwork for her DJ and media training which would all start in about a month or two in Hong Kong." Her words made me stir in my seat as I flip through the pages on my lap. True enough phases 1.2 to 2.3 included addresses and names of people in Hong Kong.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't told I'll be transferring to Hong Kong. I... Just..." My mind is racing, heart pounding in my chest. They've mentioned the possibility of being trained overseas before but I haven't really decided whether to take it or not. I guess I don't really have a choice anyway. "I mean... I just think it's too soon. I don't have anywhere to stay in Hong Kong, I haven't packed any of my belongings or have given my current landlord the notice—"
"Oh don't worry, those are all done. I told you I was fixing things for your debut didn't I? Of course it's part of that." Sheen says, holding my hand. She informs me that there is no need to talk to my landlord other than to request weekly cleaning.
"Oh really? Am I not supposed to pay him additional for things like that?" I ask, a bit confused.
"Well, not really. We found out your parents already arranged for those when they bought the apartment. Now, on to our timelines..." Sheen continues to explain parts of the documents before us. Meanwhile, I'm slack-jawed. I've always thought that I lucked out when we found my apartment because it had a cheaper rate compared to other properties in Gangnam. I should have fucking known my parents were behind it all along.
I stare at the paper before me, silently seething. I don't talk much through out the meeting, I just nod and sign wherever they wanted me to sign. I don't even bother reading the contract because I'm too consumed by the gnawing feeling in my stomach that maybe there is nothing about my life that I can actually control apart perhaps from my food intake or my workout routine or my sex life. When all is done and over with, I stand up with the rest of the people in the room, bowing as they take their leave. I stay behind and so does Sheen. "Oh, by the way, do you still want to go home to Australia before your training starts? The boys are going there soon for the tour so you might as well tag along." The producer says, sitting back into his swivel chair.
"I-I don't think that's a good idea at the moment, PD-nim."
"Wae?"
"I... Well..." I struggle to think of a way to remind him subtly that people on social media still think Jackson and I are still a thing. "I just... I think I need to stay here and prepare for my move to Hong Kong. There's a lot I need to pack and, like, papers I need to finish and stuff. I'm sure you can send someone else..." I answer. The producer shrugs and goes back to work.
I stand there like an idiot, waiting for the right timing to say what it is I've been meaning to say. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?" JYP asks. He's dressed far too casually for a company executive. Then again, he's mostly expected to produce music and mentor artists, not do major paperwork or manage a crisis.
"Yes, actually. There's... See, there's this thing..." I fidget with my fingers while approaching the producer's massive desk. Sheen follows me cautiously, unsure about what I was planning to stay. "We... Well, I... I have a problem." I sit on the plush, black chair as I launch into a practiced explanation. I even typed my speech on my phone, rehearsing the lines over and over in the car on my way to the office. It's brief and quick and straight to the point but I'm hoping, as I tell my story, that it'll help communicate what I need without sounding so defensive. I bite my lower lip and wait for the tirade of expletives and questions but nothing comes.
Silence.
My heart is still pounding in my chest when Sheen comes over to JYP's side attempting to offer her solutions. JYP hushes her and I brace myself for something worse. "I expect you would answer me honestly, Love. Are there uncompromising photos of you and Mark TOGETHER?"
"I... Well... No, I don't think so." I have seen all of Nawoon's photos and I was sure there weren't photos of me and Mark in the same frame or place. Mark's phone, however, is a different story altogether—but of course I'm not telling them that.
"Good! That's good. Are you two dating?" JYP asks, his gaze intense and challenging.
"No." I answer with a stony face, relieved that I did not have to lie about that.
"Good." The producer speaks with finality before taking the folders from Sheen's arms. "That's the only thing I need to know. Now, if this anonymous person blackmails you, let me know. Chances are they don't know exactly what they can get from you so they probably won't do that. If he's just threatening to leak the photos with no clear motive or distribution plan, we shall consider it nothing but a rumor." He adds while signing the documents before him. He waves his hand at me to signal that we're done and that we should leave him alone now.
I freeze. That's it? I would really rather be reprimanded, or even fired, than be told that I should just let my problems solve itself. Seeing my reaction, Sheen walks to my side, taps me on the shoulder, and bids the producer goodbye. She leads me out the room by the hand and as I walk I can literally feel my face burning, my eyes stinging because of unshed tears. She takes me to one of the conference rooms and locks the door. That's when I breakdown.
I cry as quietly as I can, letting the tension of the past few days go. Sheen sits me down on one of the swivel chairs and pulls another chair to sit directly in front of me. "You should have seen it coming, Love..." She says, handing me a packet of tissues from the pocket of her navy blue dress. "He has a point. It's not practical to make enemies when you don't even know who's attacking you, or why."
"I'm... I just..." I sniffle and cry some more. I can't even think straight. I have so many words but I can't organize them into a proper sentence or make any sense of the emotions I'm feeling at the moment, "I am not asking for protection, Sheen. All I need is an assurance that they won't leave Mark or Jackson hanging if something worse happens. I don't care about debuting or whatever, all I care about right now is them." I say, wondering if I even make sense. In all honesty, I wasn't even sure if I deserved the contract I just signed after everything that I have allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure JYP would not have handed over a contract if he knew exactly what was going on between me and Mark.
"I know... I know you're scared for your friends, and I know you just don't want to get them in trouble but there's very little we can do from here. Unless..." Sheen stops and straightens her back. I can see the wheels in her head turning, the look of determination apparent on her face. "I have a plan, but it has to be a secret. If the company can't, then WE'LL make a way." She smiles warmly at me and takes her phone from her pocket. She dials a number and talks to the person on the other end of the line in English. She asks the person to meet up with us at a nearby café along with a certain specialist. Then she turns to me and asks me to bring Nawoon to the café she mentioned as well.
In about half an hour, I find myself sitting around a crisis management team of some sorts. There's coffee for everyone, grilled cheese sandwiches, and all sorts of sweets while everyone's busy with their laptops. I'm sitting beside Jenny who's been checking all the recovered photos in the hard drive for the ones we do NOT want anyone to see. Jenny nudges me to show a whole folder filled with just me in various designer outfits at gigs. I know Nawoon is often present at my Callabooze performances but I never thought she would be taking photos and I would have been angry if not for the fact that all her candid photos of me looked amazing.
Sheen is calling up people, and Nawoon is sitting beside Bam Eun, Jenny's younger sister who, by some stroke of luck, is apparently an ethical hacker for start-up tech companies in Gangnam. The kid is smart, and even looks smart in a pair of round glasses, white shirt, denim skirt, and Oxford shoes. She's happily tracking down the cookie crumbs that will lead us to the man we could only identify as Mr. Chun. Nawoon says the fat, nerdy guy who fixed her laptop and had it shipped to her house was now nowhere to be found. The shop she went to in Myeongdong was closed when she came back the day we got the email and she learned that the building it was in got foreclosed so Mr. Chun had no choice but to close shop.
"If we find Mr. Chun, are we... uhm... are we setting up a lawsuit against... him?" Nawoon fearfully asks. I know what's on her mind. Of course if this gets to that level she'll be seen as guilty too. She took photos of us without our permission and that's clearly a violation of our privacy. I reach out across the table to pat her hand before Sheen can even answer.
"No, we won't. We just need to secure the files and delete them all." "
Oh, but... but..." Nawoon's eyes flicker and move between me and Sheen. "As for YOUR files, I'd have to apologize now because we need to destroy those, one way or another," Sheen's voice is so stern, even I am stunned. "I know you treasure all of your photos but we have to take all of them... You know, to keep them safe and to keep YOU safe." She adds. Nawoon throws me a wary look before nodding. Meanwhile, all I can do is stare at my drink in silence.
It takes a few minutes of silence for Bam Eun to speak up. "I got him." She says in perfect English. Thank God all the people in our group were raised in foreign land for some time. "His name isn't really Chun. It's Cheong. Cheong Min Suk." She turns her heavy looking laptop towards us and lets us read the decrypted IP information she found. She explains that she's managed to trace all these information through the Naver email he used and the licenses used in Nawoon's newly fixed laptop. "All programs have user licenses which can be traced back to a specific name and this idiot used his real name for that so I only had to do some slight poking to find his information. His email gave away his IP address so I managed to find his exact location." Bam switches the tab into a map of Seoul with an X mark on a cheap condominium building. "It's funny because he's actually near my school." She snickers.
"You're still in school?!" I remark, impressed by her sleuthing skills. She smirks while typing on her laptop.
"She's 20 and she just graduated from SeoulTech," Jenny informs us proudly. We all gape at the two of them as Jenny ruffles her sister's head, which the latter complains about loudly in Korean. "She got accelerated so she started early. MENSA and all that stuff. Hey, don't be too cocky and just send them the damn email." Jenny adds, poking her sister's temple. I haven't even picked up my jaw from the floor before our phones beeped with an email and a text message.
TOP SECRET: Project Bird7
This message is encrypted. Click here and input password to decrypt.
"The password is Mark's birthday in MMDDYYYY" She shuts her laptop down and puts it back into her backpack, her victorious smile tinged with a bit of evil. I seriously hope she continues to be an "ethical" hacker and not an evil one because this sort of genius can be a bit alarming. "I have to go, my shift at the computer lab is happening in an hour and I still need to battle it out at the train station." Bam Eun says before kissing her sister's cheek and standing up from her seat.
"Wait," Sheen says, standing up as well. She hands her card to Nawoon and winks at her. "Here, just in case you're looking for more side projects. Also, our company car is waiting for you outside, it'll take you back to school. Just look for the little JYPE flags." She smiles dazzlingly at the girl and waves her goodbye.
"Are we even allowed to do that?!" I ask Sheen, feeling nervous about using company resources for our secret operations. Sheen just snickers.
"Of course. That's the only thing JYPE can do for you at the moment." She starts typing on her phone the minute she sits down, obviously dialing the number Bam sent all of us. "I'm going to talk to this guy in private. Meanwhile, I need you two," Sheen says pointing at Nawoon and Jenny, "to go back to your regular schedules and forget this all happened. Do you understand?" Nawoon nods slowly, perhaps relieved that her involvement has come to an end. I see the black circles under her eyes and they're enough proof that she spent as much time as I have thinking of a solution and worrying quietly. I rise form my seat to hug her tight, muttering my apologies.
"Aniyo... Thank you. I'm sorry for putting you through this, I... I only wanted to be close to you." She says, smiling sadly. I feel a trickle of tear falling down my cheek. This day is proving to be a very emotional one. "I heard you're leaving for China soon?" She asks, smiling nicely still. She must have heard Sheen over the phone and I can't help but smile at how observant she is.
"Yeah... it's for my DJ career..." I say, finally realizing that I only have a month to prepare for my training. "I will miss you. If you ever come to Hong Kong, let me know, araso? And if I need a photographer or a videographer, I hope you'll be available for me," I wink at her and giggle. We say our goodbyes and I watch her leave, the skip in her step apparent as she walks out of the little café we're in. "As for you..." I say turning to Jenny. Her smile looks so nice, I feel like melting. I can't even begin to fathom my gratefulness towards her. I feel so indebted that I'm starting my eyes start stinging again. "Thank you. Neomu neomu kamsahamnida..." I sit beside her and hold her hand as I say the words. In a way, I somehow feel like she's the older sister I never had.
"No worries, I told you I'm Team Mark-Love, right?"
"Shut up, there is no team-up here."
"Right, well..." She hands me the hard drive containing all of the photos that Bam Eun managed to retrieve from the recesses of Nawoon's laptop. "Have fun going through this and deleting every single one. I enjoyed looking through photos of your BIZARRELY identical wardrobes. You guys have got to stop with the hoodies, really—It's sickening," Her comment makes me chuckle despite the heavy feeling in my chest. She hugs me and takes her leave as well, reminding me to call her anytime I need her. "I'm going to miss you. Skype me when you get to Bangkok, okay?" I say. I appreciate that, the fact that she wants to be needed by me. I never would have imagined that I'll be this close to her. Jenny takes her leave as well.
Sheen and I are left in silence. I run my fingers though my hair and bury my face in my hands while leaning on the table for support. It's been a long ass day for me and I'm starting to feel really, really tired. Of everything. I can feel my shoulders and my chest drooping, heavy with hidden despair. "I hope you learned your lesson now." Sheen mutters, putting her phone down on the table and leaning closer to me. I look at her and blink, knowing now that Sheen knows more than I think she does... More than even I think I do. "I know it's inescapable. Believe me, I was in your place too... Some years ago..." She says. Her revelation perks me up a little and I start to wonder why she said that, or who she's referring to. The sad smile on her face betrays her. She must have fallen for an idol too at some point in her career.
"I never had the help you just had and so I hope you now know your place. This is work. I know the lines could get blurred every once in a while but at the end of the day we need food in our mouths and on our tables. We can't always eat our feelings." The statement obviously leaves a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. She starts packing her stuff, eyes flitting from me, to the people in the café around us, to the task at hand. I just nod in response before picking up my bag, following her meekly out the door. We ride a taxi back to JYPE building and despite Sheen's request I refuse to come into the building, opting instead to walk around the perimeter to get to my car.
"It's okay, I'll be fine..." I tell her, waving as she enters the building. I walk to my car in silence, barely feeling my feet as my heels hit the pavement. The clacking sounds awaken a sordid thought inside my psyche.
I am not fine.