Much of the rest of the day was spent debating about where we would all sleep and numerous complaints about the house itself. There were way too many people in my house. It wasn't just awkward, it was crowded. With just one bedroom, it was a small house. It wasn't meant for this many people.

I didn't feel like we accomplished much yet, but I was getting a little hungry. I went into the kitchen. Celestia followed me and they followed her.

Right now, I was in the mood for grilled cheese. Celestia asked me for one as I got the ingredients out and I complied with her request. I ended up deciding to make five of them, even though Shining and Soulfire said they didn't want any.

I told Celestia to start opening the cheese packets I needed, which she seemed to have fun doing.

I put a ton of cheese on each sandwich. When the first was done, I set it onto a plate. Celestia took it, then almost immediately took a bite.

"Ith hot!" she exclaimed.

"Careful, it's hot." I said to her.

She cried out again, then put the sandwich back down on the plate, a trail of melted cheese connecting her hand to it. She brought it up to her face and scraped the cheese off with her teeth.

"That was hot." she said, "But really good. Shining, Soulfire, try one!"

"I think we've both had grilled cheese before, Princess." said Shining, a little embarrassed.

"What, not hungry? More for me, then." she said, shrugging it off.

She reached for the sandwich again.

"Celestia, don't burn yourself." I said, picking up the second sandwich with my spatula.

She already had the first sandwich in her hand again. I set the second onto the plate while she took another bite.

"Hot!" she cried out again.

I laughed at her. She smiled back at me.

"Oh, wait a minute... Tomato soup." I said.

"Huh? Tomato soup? That sounds nice. Do you have any?" asked Celestia.

"Yeah, it's in the closet." I said, leaving the third sandwich to cook and turning to it.

"Ooh, let me!" Celestia excitedly let out, opening the closet before I got to it.

What's with her right now? She's being cute.

She got a can from the closet. "If you two aren't hungry, go sit down." she said to her guards, her voice playful.

They looked at each other, confused looks on their faces. The two of them left the room.

Celestia smiled at me again.

She retrieved the can opener. Celestia made tomato soup while I made grilled cheese. This was fun. This was really fun.

We made a meal for ourselves. Five grilled cheese sandwiches and a bowl of tomato soup.

Celestia ate as she made the soup, burning herself each time her impatience got the better of her. She didn't seem to mind in the slightest. Instead, it just seemed to make her laugh even more.

When I was done with my targeted five sandwiches, I moved them to the table. Even though I made five, two were already gone, with another partially eaten. Celestia sat down, picking up the bitten sandwich and eating it.

I got the two of us glasses of milk.

"Man, I might have to make more, at this rate." I said, taking my second sandwich so far.

"Maybe." she said, mouth full. She dipped her sandwich in the single bowl of soup. It didn't seem like she cared whether or not it was shared between us. "Shining and Soulfire should've eaten. They would've loved it."

I shrugged. "Bet they eat a lot."

"Probably. They're even bigger than you are."

"Yeah... First you, now them... That's four people living here. Four people living off of one income."

Celestia swallowed the food in her mouth. She stopped eating. "Your concerns are... important. More important than you think. No matter what though, you feel obliged to help us. I appreciate that so much... but it's making me feel guilty taking advantage of you like this."

"I don't know. I just wasn't prepared for this, I guess. I can deal with a group of four for three more weeks." I smiled at her. "I guess I just can't say no to a pretty face."

She smiled bashfully. "You're gonna make me blush, you keep saying things like that."

We returned to our meal. As it turns out, five sandwiches was not enough. I made two more for Celestia before she was satisfied.

I cleaned up the mess we had made when we were finished eating. After I did that, I called into work to say that I wouldn't be there tomorrow. My boss said I was taking a surprising amount of time off. I just replied that I had a lot to deal with right now.

Celestia washed her hands, then returned to the front room, taking her usual position behind my computer. The other two sat on either side of her. Soulfire briefly eyed me as I entered the room, but went back to admiring the piece of human technology his ruler was using.

While they were busy with whatever it was they were doing, I headed downstairs. I decided to get on my computer. It's been a while since the last time I used it. The monitors were off, so I turned them back on. After turning on my computer, I went on the internet to check Facebook and the like. After that, I looked at some funny pictures.

I was bored. Bored and... anxious. I didn't like the thought of dealing with three people living with me like this. Maybe video games would help take my mind off of this.

I opened Team Fortress 2 and leaned back in my chair, sighing. I just wanted to relax.

Whenever I played this game, I always played Mann vs Machine. In this game mode, you were grouped up with a few other people, the majority of which have some kind of mental affliction, and you're pitted against waves of robots.

Not to brag, which of course means that I'm bragging, but I was a very good MvM player. I've played probably more than a thousand matches. No matter who I played with though, I tried to be either polite or completely silent.

Since I could be called away from my computer at any time, playing in Mann Up mode, which was basically MvM's version of ranked play, would be a bad choice. I chose an easy mission in Boot Camp, my favorite mission. I was matched with obvious new players most of the time, which wasn't an issue since I could probably solo this mission. I knew the ins and outs for every single wave in this mission.

Through my headphones, I heard footsteps. Someone was coming downstairs.

"That sure looks a lot different than this." Celestia stated, noting the differences between my laptop and my gaming computer.

I looked at her mid-wave, pushing one cup of my headset off of my ear. I heard the hit-sounds of my sentry in the other.

"Figure anything out?" I asked her.

"Nothing important, I suppose. What are you doing? What is that?" she asked.

"It's a game. It's called Team Fortress 2."

"Seems violent."

I shrugged. "I used to play this game all the time before you showed up."

"I told you that I don't need to be watched."

I shrugged again, then turned my attention back to the game. It was the last wave, so I moved my buildings from their positions to more protected locations to deal with the higher amount of damage they would take.

"What... is this?" she asked.

"It's just a game." I said, shrugging again, "I don't really know how to explain it. It's... computer stuff. There's nothing really to understand. It's simple to me because I'm around this kind of technology all the time, but you've never seen anything like this."

"No I have not. I'm not going to get a proper explanation, am I?

"I don't think I can give one." I looked back to the computer. "You wanna play?"

"Play?"

"Yeah."

"I don't understand what exactly this is, yet."

"You don't gotta worry about what it is. It's just a hobby I have. Actually, it's my biggest, most favorite-est hobby. Not specifically this game, just... games in general. So... wanna try?"

"I suppose..." She still sounded confused.

I got out of my seat and took the laptop from her, setting it out of the way on the desk.

She sat down in my seat, grabbing the mouse. Her fingers covered the keyboard and mouse same as mine did when I was idle. I took off my headset and gave it to her. She put it on, pushing one earcup away from her ear.

"This feels strange." she said. She moved the mouse back and forth on the table, watching it move on the screen. She was learning how to use an actual computer mouse instead of just the touchpad.

I told her what to click on and lead her into training mode. She followed the directions given to her with startling accuracy. After a few minutes, she understood most of the movement and gameplay.

She looked back at me, smiling proudly. She was... proud that she was learning this? I suppose I didn't expect that.

I smiled back at her. "Good job, Celestia."

"Now what?" she asked me.

I led her into bot gameplay, where she wouldn't encounter any other players. It's what I did when I started out, plus it was kinda fun.

I watched her as she played. After she mastered the basics, she got really good. She was highly dexterous for someone who had spent the past few thousand years with hooves. Her reflexes were incredible.

She seemed completely unaffected by the violence in the game, even when she was blown apart or mowed down by minigun fire. It didn't frustrate her at all.

I think she was better than I was. And that's not me trying to give her a more impressive appearance, I was actually really bad. Mann vs Machine didn't require precision. If you shoot anywhere, you probably won't miss.

"So what was that you were doing earlier?" she asked, "The objective is different, now."

I briefly explained the gameplay mechanics of MvM to her.

"So you can do this with other people?"

"Yeah. Like I said, I played it all the time. I only play against those robots though. I'm not good against other players."

"Why not? You seemed to be doing well against the robots."

"I'm just not good. I have over 2500 hours in that game and I can't aim at all."

"2500 hours? I don't understand."

"That's how many hours I've spent playing this game."

"My goodness..."

I shrugged once more. "It's a hobby."

She chuckled, then turned back to the game.

I suddenly realized that the reason I came down here was to use my computer. Now she was on it and I was not. Now what?

I grabbed my laptop and went back upstairs.

I briefly looked at the guards as I stepped upstairs. They didn't seem to mind what was going on at the moment, but they weren't completely fine with the situation, either. I couldn't tell if they liked me or not. I wanted them to. Not just because they would be great friends, but because they were cool. To me. And they were huge. And muscly. And sexy. Nobody would ever bother me if they thought they were with me. Not that I went out anyways. I guess that's kinda the point of guards, though.

The two of them were on the couch. We didn't speak to each other. I went into the kitchen and opened my laptop back up.

Eventually, Celestia came back upstairs. She found me and told me that she had a lot of fun playing the game. The conversation led into a discussion about different types of games and computers. I had a lot of trouble explaining some things, mostly because I was a bit unsure about a lot of it, myself. Computers were weird. I could build and repair one, but I didn't know how any of it worked.

At about this time on a normal day, I would usually call it a night, but since I wasn't going to work tomorrow, I stayed up quite a bit later than usual. I didn't do anything special outside of using my computer.

Celestia idly watched me as she sat on the basement couch. At around 2:30 AM, I decided that it was bedtime. The stairs seemed like so much of a chore at the moment. I brushed my teeth a few hours ago, so I was all set.

Celestia was still sitting on the couch. She still seemed wide awake.

I yawned. "I think I'm gonna sleep downstairs tonight, Celestia." I said.

"Oh. So you'll be needing this couch, right?"

I nodded.

"Are you going to bed right now?"

"Yeah, I think so."

I held out my hand to her. She took it and I pulled her to her feet.

"Thank you." She paused. "Hey..."

"Hmm?"

She kept quiet for a small while, then said, "No, it's nothing. Never mind. Sorry. Goodnight then, Phil."

Something was on her mind, but if it really bothered her, she'd ask again later.

"Goodnight, Celestia."

She walked upstairs. After she was gone, I plopped down on the couch and closed my eyes. It wasn't very comfy, but it was better than walking upstairs. Probably. Probably not.

I had no idea what they all did for beds. There was my bed and the couch upstairs, but there were three people. Guess it didn't matter. Right now. I was too sleepy to figure it out anyways.

Soulfire was awake before I was in the morning. I completely expected that. He must've gotten the couch.

Shining exited my room and went to his fellow guard. They talked about something that I couldn't hear, then Soulfire went into my room. Celestia was probably in there.

I got myself a bowl of cereal for breakfast. As I looked into my depressing fridge while I was getting the milk, I realized that four times the people meant four times the food. It bothered me. It was going to cost more, but I wasn't too concerned with cost right now. Whenever I had a lot of food in my house, I ate more. It made me feel fat.

I was still tired. I rested my head on my hand as I ate my cereal.

Shining sat across from me at my table. "Can we talk?" he asked.

"Huh? Yeah, alright. What's up?" I yawned.

"It's about the way you treat our Princess."

"I've been treating her well, haven't I?"

"For the most part, yes. You just seem to lack respect at some points."

"Oh... Sorry. But... I got tons of respect for her... if you were... thinking I didn't."

"Oh, really?"

"I mean, I even respect you and your friend in there."

"You do?" A hint of surprise was in his voice.

"Well, yeah. You don't just get to be a royal guard, do ya? You gotta be the best. It takes lots of hard work and dedication to pull off something like that."

He gave a slow nod.

"And I respect the Princess 'cause she's gone through even more than you have. Even more than I have."

A questioning look covered his face. He hesitated for a few moments, then said, "Than you have? What do you mean? Are humans worse off than ponies?"

"Well, like on a more personal level. I, uh..." I shook my head. "We've all had our hardships. And she's had more than anyone. So I respect her for that."

"But you don't seem to show it."

"I would if she asked me to. I definitely would. She just doesn't... seem to care. This is how I am, normally. I won't change how I act if it isn't going to bother her. She gets to choose how she wants to be treated. Hell, if she wanted me to be her servant, I would."

He was listening to what I said, but didn't reply. I kinda wanted to say that it was my house, so they would follow my rules, but somehow I don't think he would appreciate that.

"I'm just trying to be her friend, is all." I said, "I act like this around all my friends. Actually, I treat the rest of my friends with a lot less respect, but that's just what we do."

"That's another thing I'd like to speak with you about. Your closeness to the Princess. She told me what you said."

I stared at him, but didn't say anything.

"Now, that... I would consider... Or, I would like to think... that it would not be my business."

"Huh?"

"But... I can't think that. For a few reasons. I don't want to involve myself in her personal life, but..."

"Yeah, yeah. I won't do anything stupid." I grumbled. "I'm a grown man, I shouldn't have to deal with this..." I finished my cereal and drank the milk from the bowl.

The tone of his voice changed. He sounded a bit calmer. "You know, I've never seen Princess Celestia in a relationship."

"I'm not really surprised to hear that. She probably just couldn't get the chance. None of the normal ponies could ever get close enough to her."

"It's bugging me how much you seem to know. You're talking like you've lived in Equestria before."

"Sorry. I just know a lot about it."

"You know more than you should."

Soulfire joined us by standing at the edge of the table. He noticed the empty bowl between my arms. "What are you talking about?"

They spoke to each other for a little as I disposed of my bowl. My stomach began to hurt. There was too much milk left. I always feel awful for a while when I drink too much milk. Stupid Shining Armor making me... drink milk... I think that's on me, actually.

I laid down on the couch in the front room. Both of them looked to me, but neither did or said anything. We were done talking right now.

Sometime later, my door opened again. Celestia walked out of it. She looked like she just woke up. Her hair was a mess, again.

I lifted my arm for a greeting. She looked to me for a few moments, then yawned. "Good morning."

She looked to her guards, then walked into the kitchen for breakfast. Clinking of glass and silverware. More cereal. Simple-simple.

Today's just gonna be more of this. Fantastic. Maybe I should've just gone to work. It would've made things easier.

I didn't know what to do. I still felt a bit shocked about everything that happened yesterday.

I got kinda sleepy as I laid on the couch. Celestia and the guards were busy doing other stuff. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to nod off.

I was awoken by a poke to the shoulder. "Hey. Wake up." Celestia was speaking to me.

I grunted and turned away. "I don't wanna go to school today." I said jokingly.

"I want to do something. Get up. I know you can hear me."

"Myeeeeh..." I turned to my stomach.

"Uh, Princess..." started Soulfire.

"No, no... I can do it." she said, a hint of playfulness in her voice.

She's gonna drag me off my couch, isn't she? She could if she wanted to. I should jus- Holy fuck!

Suddenly, something very soft and very heavy was set on my back.

I looked up to see what it was. It was her. She was sitting on my back.

"Get off me!"

"Oh, you're awake."

"Yeah I'm awake, you're crushing my ribcage!"

She only gave me a smile. It wasn't painful, but it wasn't exactly pleasant, either. She was so much heavier than she looked.

"You know, I was wondering when you would get up." she jokingly stated.

"It's hard to breathe under your big butt."

"Oh? Is my butt really that big?"

Yes, it's huge and amazing. "C'mon, get off of me."

"Alright, but you have to do something for me."

I just laid there and accepted defeat. "You don't have to pin me to my furniture every time you want something from me."

"Oh please, you're having fun."

"Yeah, and how would you figure that?"

"You haven't tried to push me off."

"That would be rude."

She gave off a light giggle. "Take me around town again."

"What?"

"It's boring here. Show me more stuff around town."

"There isn't any more stuff."

"There's always more. Is there something you're keeping from me?"

"What? No. Of course not. This town isn't exciting. Like, at all."

"I don't believe you." she said with a childish, singsong tone.

"Oh come on, what do you want? I'm gonna poke you."

"Hmm?"

"Poke ya right in the noggin." I stretched upwards and poked at the side of her head with a finger.

She looked down at me, stifling a giggle. "So where are we going to go today?" she asked.

"You really wanna do something?"

"Of course I do. You should know by now that I like exploring."

I gave her an annoyed groan. "Alright fine, I'll think of something."

"Good."

I waited a few moments before saying, "Will you get off me now?"

"Maybe."

I gave a small effort towards pulling out from under her, but gave up rather quickly.

Incidentally, she had placed the computer onto the table, so she simply picked it up and placed it on her lap.

Shoulda just kicked her off, now she's got precious cargo. As if her butt wasn't precious enough.

She got off me after a few minutes and went to do whatever she normally did, leaving me with the task of figuring out what we were doing. Very little came to mind. Fewer still seemed fun.

Fuck it, let's just get wasted.

I decided that it was about time to introduce some more of my friends to these ponies. What better place to do so then at a bar?

I actually wasn't that big on drinking. Every so often, I'd have some with my friends, but if I was alone, I barely did it at all. Mostly because I was a cheapskate who hates buying things. Sometimes I picked up the good stuff just so my friends didn't think I was a freeloader. I mean, I was, but I didn't want them to think it. I had a reputation to maintain.

"Hey Celestia, do you drink?" I asked.

"Drink? As in alcohol? I used to. I haven't in a while. Why?"

"You up to heading to a bar tonight? I'll invite some of my friends and we'll all have a sort-of party or something."

"I don't know if that's a good idea." said Shining.

"Are bars here any different than in Equestria?" she asked me.

"Probably not. Just people drinking, eating, playing darts, or shooting pool. Typical bar stuff."

She gave it some thought, then said, "That sounds alright to me." Kinda surprising to hear, actually.

"Are you sure about this, Princess?" Soulfire chimed in.

"If he thinks it's a good idea, then I'm fine with it." she replied, "Besides, if anything goes wrong, I have you around to protect me, don't I?"

"Oh, nothing's gonna go wrong." I said, "I got a nice place in mind for ya. You'll love it."

"You said that people eat there, correct? Do they... eat meat?"

"Well, yeah. Most places have meat. If you wanna try it, that's on you. I'm not gonna make you or anything."

"I'm having very conflicting feelings towards that."

"If you wanna try some, you just tell me. I can cook up some pretty good... meat stuff."

"I didn't know that you could cook."

"I can do all sorts of things."

I told her that it would be a while before any of my friends were out of work. I wasn't working because I thought that some time off might be beneficial. It was. I eventually invited three of my friends, Tristan, Trevor, and Timmy. They were all free and agreed to show up.

It was about 6:00 or so before we left. The bar in mind was somewhat close to my house, but I drove us there anyways.

I saw Trevor's car, but the other two weren't here yet. A light smell of cigarettes and alcohol filled the air as we walked in.

Trevor waved us over when he saw us. I led us over to him. The bar was moderately full, but that was normal at this establishment.

"Hey Phil. What's up? Who're these fine gentlemen? Am I getting mugged tonight?"

"Well, it won't really be a mugging if you give the money willingly."

"So who are they? And the woman, is she also with you?"

"The woman?" asked Shining, stepping towards him. Celestia put her hand on his shoulder.

"Well, she is a woman, isn't she? Although, knowing Phil..."

"Yup, they're with me." I said to him, "You guys get acquainted, I'm getting myself something to eat." I walked to the counter.

He followed me. "Uh, Phil? Is it ok to be scared right now?" he asked.

"Don't be a bitch, bitch."

I ordered some onion rings for myself. They were pretty good here, as far as I remembered.

Trevor was just staring at the three of them, confused.

"So... So how much did he pay the three of you to do this?" he asked them when he knew I could hear.

"You're not the first guy to say something like that." I replied, "It doesn't matter who they are as long as they don't steal my wallet. Licenses are expensive, man."

He looked to them, then to me, and back to them. "Well... whatever."

Timmy arrived after a few minutes. I walked the two of them through some of the details, leaving out anything I deemed unimportant. Of course, I don't think a lot of this is important. Who cares where they came from as long as they're nice? Timmy was less accepting about where they came from and was adamant that I was paying a hooker. Trevor didn't seem to care.

The bartender told me that my food was ready, so I retrieved my basket of food from him. I also ordered few beers. This whole thing stressed me out. I needed some relaxation. Even when it was just Celestia, I felt like I had too much to deal with, and now there were three of them.

I opened my can and took a drink. It was alright. Tasted a little bitter, but alright overall.

Without asking, Celestia grabbed the next can. She looked at me and opened it.

"Princess, are you really sure about this?" Soulfire asked.

"What did I say about calling me Princess?" she said before taking a long drink. She didn't give any reaction to the taste of it, but set it down on the table.

"They're staying with you?" Trevor said with a sigh, "You guys enjoying yourself at Phil's house?"

"It's alright there, if a bit boring." Celestia stated.

Shining shrugged. Soulfire didn't react. They haven't been there long enough to say.

I grabbed some onion rings and finished my can. Trevor took the next can. Celestia tried an onion ring.

"That was greasy." she said after she had finished it, "I don't eat much deep fried food. That may be the most unhealthy thing I have ever eaten." She proceeded to grab another.

By now, the guards have just about realized that their Princess didn't care about what they had to say in regards to general health and safety. The just stared as she ate my food.

"Hey, order your own food." I said, pulling the basket away as her hand reached out for it.

She looked to me with exaggerated puppy dog eyes. I glared at her as I slowly pushed my basket back towards her. She smiled at me.

The door of the bar opened and Tristan walked in. He saw us and walked over.

"Hey, man." I said.

"Hey. You introducing her to these guys, now?"

"Wait, you knew?" Timmy asked.

"He knew about Celestia. Not about the two extras." I said.

"Two extras?" asked Tristan.

"Why didn't you tell us?" asked Timmy.

"It was on the list." I replied, "No wait, it wasn't."

"So... Does she pay the rent by cleaning the hose?" asked Trevor.

Celestia chuckled. I'm pretty sure she knew exactly what that meant.

"Knowing you, it's probably one of the other two who does the dirty work." he said.

Timmy let out a poorly concealed snicker.

"I'll pay your rent, boy." I said to him.

"What?"

"What?" I grabbed another beer. "I'm hungry."

"We're all hungry." said Trevor.

"I'm not actually that hungry." said Tristan.

"Statistically, we're all hungry." I said.

"That's not statistical at all." said Timmy.

"You're not statistical." said Trevor.

"Well... I can't argue with that."

Both of my other friends grabbed the beer I got. We had already run dry. This was going to be a long evening.

After the introductions had gotten out of the way, we all settled down. Seven people sitting in the corner of a bar, slowly getting drunk. We got some more food and some more beer. Living the dream.

I didn't exactly come here to talk. I came here with the sole intent of getting drunk, so that's just what I did.

I remember playing some pool, or billiards, or whatever you want to call it. I loved that game. Celestia beat everyone there. There was no contest. We also played with the dartboard for a bit. Nothing really stood out for most of the night.

The rest of the night was a bit blurry. I couldn't remember much of what happened, but I know that we had a great time. Even the guards joined our little party after some convincing from their Princess.

Dear god, how much money did I spend...