Still going, I promise! I'm writing what I can, when I can. Apologies if the German phrase in this chapter I awful, I only have a basic level of German and had to use Google Translate...sorry!
Beca allowed her gaze to slip out of focus as she stared out of the window of her favourite coffee shop, hands wrapped around a very large drink, bulky headphones on and playlist drifting in the background. She was chewing absently on her bottom lip, her thoughts swimming around like bright, slippery fish. Her mind drifted back over the last week; working with Sabine in person was an experience she was unlikely to forget in a hurry, particularly the memory of their first meeting in the recording room. She smiled wryly to herself as she remembered the other woman's open-mouthed shock that must have mirrored her own, soft lips parted and her gorgeous body frozen in shock…
Beca pulled herself up sharply and gave her brain a quick but brutal dressing-down. Her tangents of thought were wildly inappropriate and it was becoming harder and harder to choke down her desire for the woman during their sessions in the studio. She was sure she must be radiating massive gay vibes all over the place but she hoped desperately that Sabine didn't notice. She probably did, cringed Beca, and was too nice to tell her to tone it down and back off. Her forehead thumped gently against the table as she face-planted and wished the earth would swallow her up and save her from her current sexy crisis.
"Troubled, little maus?" Questioned a soft, velvet voice right beside her ear, at the same moment as someone pulled away one side of her headphones. She jumped violently and jolted her coffee, slopping a large quantity of it across the table.
"Shit!" she gasped in shock, grasping quickly for some napkins, her headphones lopsided and hanging half off of her head. She turned to glare Sabine, who was laughing quietly as she helped to mop up the mess. "What the hell was that? You could kill someone sneaking up on them like that!"
Sabine looked vaguely ashamed of herself, though a little smile still tickled the corners of her mouth. "I'm sorry Beca, but I did try to speak to you more than once. I didn't mean to scare you though, that was unfortunate." She managed to suppress her amusement a little a least.
"Dammit woman, you think you can get out of trouble just by showing me those, quite frankly, adorable dimples?" demanded Beca, waving a stern finger at Sabine before doing a double-take. Had she really just said that out loud? The musician, dipped her head and the smile now was seemingly unconscious, shy even. Shy? thought Beca, when had this woman ever been shy in her life? And yet here she was, acting all coy and it wasn't the first time lately either. It was a surprise to see that she even experienced anything like it, watching her appear to be so uncertain and hesitant. Sabine balled up all the damp napkins and stuffed them in Beca's cup, wiping her hands slowly on her jeans to rid them of the slightly sticky residue.
"Well...how about I get you another drink in that case?" She asked Beca. "As a way of saying sorry?"
Beca was mollified then, and sighed. "Well...I guess that would just about even it up, yeah." Sabine's anxious expression eased as she busied herself with grabbing the used cup from the table and starting towards the counter.
"What's your poison, maus?" she called over her shoulder.
'Apart from you?' her brain muttered. She kicked it thoroughly with a figurative boot to shut it up, cleared her throat and croaked "Ehh...a mocha if you don't mind. Thanks Sabine." the blonde head nodded and she went to order the drinks. The queue was long and it gave Beca the chance to surreptitiously watch the other woman, while pretending to check her phone. The German woman was standing in line, staring in to space while she fidgeted with the cup she'd taken from the table. It was amazing the difference in her, thought Beca. No more heavy eyeliner or severe hair styles as there were in her DSM days. She was soft all over and natural-looking. She was very slim now too, a lot less muscle tone than she used to have. Beca admired her new shape, casting her eyes over the gentle curve of her hips and waist. There wasn't the same rock-hard look that screamed of hours of obsessive training, but Beca found she liked that more. No doubt she still had abs to die for, but she looked so much more angelic than she used to that it tugged at something deep inside of the brunette's chest. The way Sabine looked now gave Beca the intense urge to draw her in and protect her from the world.
Sabine must have felt Beca's eyes on her, because she turned at that moment and gave a small, cheeky wink that made the producer turn an indecent shade of red. She scrambled with her phone again to make it look like she was doing something more than just ogling the blonde, because goodness knows doing it was one thing but being caught doing it was absolutely mortifying. She gave herself a mental slap and demanded that her brain behave itself but she had a horrible feeling she was rapidly losing the internal battle.
By the time Sabine returned to the table with drinks for them both, Beca had just about managed to calm the raging blush in her cheeks. She thanked the blonde for her mocha and drew it to her, taking tentative sips of the hot liquid. Sabine had ordered a plain tea by the look of it, the bag bobbing gently in the cup full of water. The two sat in comfortable silence as they each blew, sipped and sighed in turns. At the first mouthful of tea, Sabine exhaled in near-reverence and allowed her eyes to close in appreciation. A small hum escaped her throat.
"Nice tea?" asked Beca.
Sabine nodded fervently. "Yes, it's good to actually come across some drinkable tea over here."
"Hey! We can do tea you know!" Sabine looked at Beca sceptically but said nothing, opting instead for taking another sip of tea and raising her eyebrows slightly at the brunette's statement. Beca took her disbelief as a challenge and stuck her tongue out at her petulantly. "I'll have you know I'm a bit of a tea nerd, and can in fact make it perfectly well."
"For an American?"
"Well that's just rude." Scowled Beca. Sabine laughed then, her head tilting back and exposing her long white throat. Beca's gaze drifted slightly as she suddenly imagined pressing hot kisses all down it, nipping at the tender skin with her teeth-
"Hmm?" Beca startled as Sabine's voice cut through her daydream. Those bright blue eyes were crinkled at the edges in amusement. The German woman set her cup gently on the table and repeated herself.
"I said, perhaps you'd make me a tea sometime and I can be the judge of how American it is? Or along that idea...you missed my original comment I'm afraid. You appeared distracted?" She smirked at the smaller woman, who tried to cover her embarrassment. The accented voice continued- "I'll warn you though, I find my tea most enjoyable first thing in the morning. A good wake up after a long night, no?" She smiled innocently and Beca choked on the mouthful of mocha she'd just taken, her brain shorting out completely. After she'd dabbed at her chin with a napkin that Sabine laughingly handed her, she glared at the blonde.
"Do you say these things to me on purpose?!" She demanded in exasperation.
Sabine's expression straightened and she cast her eyes down to her knees. "I'm sorry my little maus, it's a habit I find hard to break. I shall try harder not to make you uncomfortable, please accept my apologies."
Beca's heart melted as she cast her eyes over the downcast eyes, long lashes brushing high cheekbones and the expression on the German woman's face pensive, regretful. She kicked herself internally for lashing out at her.
"No, Sabie that's not what I meant. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I love to see your playful side, it's cute." Godammit woman, pleasepleaseplease stop coming on to her! But Sabine seemed to bypass the minor flirting, her head had popped up suddenly and her eyes narrowed as she frowned.
"Was hast du mich angerufen?"
"Er…what?"
Sabine tutted at herself and shook her head. "Sorry. I...what did you call me just then?"
Beca tracked back quickly through the conversation, trying to remember. Had another absurd compliment slipped from her lips, but blatantly this time? God, she was going to lose her job before the end of the month at this rate. "Ehhh...I don't know? What did I call you?"
"You...you called me Sabie." She whispered, suddenly pale and easily looking as shocked as she had last week when they first met again.
"Did I?" Beca as genuinely surprised. "I'm so sorry, it must've just slipped out. It's just that we've been talking so much, and-and you know actually getting on, I guess...I guess I must've just used it by accident. As, like...a friend? Sort of?" She cringed at Sabine. Silence ticked by for a second or two and Beca swallowed a lump of embarrassment in her throat. "I'm so sorry. It was honestly just an accident! I didn't mean to offend you..."
But suddenly Sabine shook her head and placed a hand over both of Beca's, as she worried at some loose skin around her nails. "Beca it's fine, you do not need to torture yourself over something so small." Beca looked up into soft blue eyes and a gently smiling face. "I was just surprised is all. That used to be my nickname but...I haven't heard it in a long time. I suppose...I suppose it was just strange to me that you should speak that name after so long and without knowing me...before..." She trailed off. Beca considered her for a moment. She radiated honesty and Beca visibly relaxed against the warm touch on her hands. She smiled tentatively at the blonde woman.
"I shouldn't have used it though, I'm sorry. That's really personal and so unprofessional."
"Well...I had rather hoped that we could at least call ourselves friends by now, ja?" She searched Beca's face for an answer, or reaction, anything that would tell her where she stood right at that moment. Beca hesitated for a fraction of a second and then nodded, a grin spreading over her face.
"I guess you could say that, yeah." She agreed eagerly, her heart warming at Sabine's words.
"And...you may use that name whenever you would like if you wish?" It was Sabine who was blushing now, and Beca found it absolutely adorable. She wanted to aww at the normally-reserved German, but a second later the pink flush was gone (how did she do that? thought Beca incredulously) and she straightened her shoulders as a smirk grew. "After all, it's only fair as I call you Maus so much I suppose." She gave the brunette another wink, as she had earlier and it set butterflies battering around the inside of Beca's stomach. They had nicknames for each other, like a couple would do. It was so intimate and it excited the producer greatly. She tore her eyes away from Sabine's and chugged down some more of her drink.
"So..." Beca started the sentence without really thinking about where it was going. The blonde smirked expectantly at her. She tapped her cup absently as she searched for a topic of conversation that wasn't inappropriate or an invitation to her bed. "How come you're here, actually?" She asked suddenly, the thought popping into her head. This coffee shop was her usual retreat but she very often didn't meet anyone that she knew as it was a little bit out of the way, not particularly on the route to work or home. She had found it one day by accident on a coffee run for her boss, and committed its location to memory so that she could visit at her leisure. The blonde tilted her head slightly at the question.
"You mentioned it to me recently, it was the sort of day that I thought I would really like a good cup of tea. It's good for most things I find – homesickness, loneliness, heartache..." She sighed heavily, lost in her thoughts, but a moment later she seemed to realise what she'd been saying and straightened her back, smiling brightly as though hoping to cover her previous words. "So, in a desperate attempt to find a good cup of tea anywhere in this city, I thought I might at least try the little coffee shop that a certain maus seemed to favour so much." Her face was open and bright but Beca noted that her tone seemed guarded now, which made her inexplicably sad. Just moments before they'd been sharing something intimate and now Sabine's mask had come down again. It wasn't the same as the Kommisar stage persona she had used in the past, but the German definitely had a front that she put on for other people, but there appeared to be much more going on under the surface. She desperately wanted the real Sabine to shine through again. She suddenly spoke without thinking.
"You know if you ever want tea, you're welcome to come round to my apartment?"
Sabine looked surprised for a moment but the comment had worked, the woman's face had opened up again and a smile spread across it, bringing out the gorgeous dimples that melted Beca every time she saw them. She vowed there and then to try and make the woman smile as often and as genuinely as she could, so she could see those flashing little dips in her cheeks all the time. The blonde woman nodded tentatively.
"I'd like that Beca, thank you." The two smiled at each other in a goofy manner, until Sabine shrugged and added "so long as you can make it well, as you have promised."
It was Beca who smirked this time as she retaliated "Yeah well as long you're drinking it first thing in the morning just like you promised."
There was silence for a moment as Beca realised what she'd said, and that it had been out loud, before Sabine laughed it off and patted her cheek with a soft, warm hand. "Funny maus!" She chuckled. And she rose from the table then. Beca wasn't sure what to make of her comment, or the fact that her face was burning where she'd touched it just a moment before. But she slipped off of her own stool and began to walk out of the coffee shop with the German woman.
"Are you heading anywhere in particular?" Beca asked as the two stepped out into the late afternoon sun. Sabine shook her head.
"Only to my hotel."
"Well...how about that tea now? If you think you think you can handle it that is." Beca teased as she nudged the other woman with her shoulder, hands in pockets. Sabine's face lit up at the offer.
"I would like that very much, thank you." She graciously accepted. Beca restrained herself from skipping in joy, but did opt for grabbing the blonde's hand and dragging her up the street towards her car.
"Come on then. I'm parked over here, I'll give you a ride to mine."
It was eleven at night and Beca was just putting the last of her dishes away in her kitchenette. In the living room, Sabine had fallen asleep on one of her couches after an enjoyable afternoon of chatter and then a delicious dinner cooked by Beca, accompanied by a very good red wine. It must have been good, because the German hadn't managed to find anything sarcastic to say about it, which had made Beca laugh. They'd joked back and forth, shared snippets of their lives with each other and generally had a very pleasant time. Beca had put on some music and gone to take the glasses and empty wine bottle to the kitchen, and when she came back to offer Sabine a coffee, she'd found the other woman curled up on the couch with one arm bent under her head as a makeshift pillow, dreaming away soundlessly. She melted inside at the sight of her, her face fully relaxed and looking so at peace. It was totally different watching someone asleep compared to when they were awake – there was no more guarded expression or tenseness to the blonde's form. She pulled a comforter from the back of the couch and laid it gently over Sabine so that she could go and wash up the dishes from the evening, humming to herself, then she began to close up her apartment for the night. As she came back to the living room, she wondered briefly what to do with Sabine but came to the conclusion quickly that it wasn't fair to leave her cramped up where she was. A bed would be better, she figured. And the only available bed was Beca's own, as her spare room was her office. Sighing and resigning herself to a night on the couch instead, she slipped an arm under Sabine's and around her back, then encouraged the other woman to slide off of the couch while trying hard not to wake her too much. While there wasn't a huge height difference between them, she knew she'd never be strong enough to carry Sabine, so she dug her shoulder under Sabine's arm and held her against her body, supporting her weight against her side. The German woman mumbled but barely opened her eyes.
"Hmm?" She hummed sleepily, her eyes cracking open.
"Its okay," replied Beca in a quiet voice "it's just bedtime. Come on Sabie, let me help you."
The combination of wine, a good meal and sleep had left the other woman in a state of dreamy delirium and she tucked her head against Beca's, sighing softly. "Bed...gut. I agree, we should go to bed." She mumbled.
Beca grinned as she hoisted her down the short hall and into her own room. "Yeah well that's exactly where I'm taking you."
Sabine giggled sleepily. "Oh maus, you are finally getting me into bed, ja?" her accent was much stronger in her addled state and Beca rolled her eyes.
"You have no idea what's going on right now do you?" She groaned as she heaved the other woman onto the soft mattress of her king-size bed. The blonde gave another girly giggle and stretched out on the bed, humming happily as the softness enveloped her.
"Night Sabie." Beca grinned to herself, shook her head and turned to leave, but a hand snaked out suddenly and grabbed her wrist. The brunette turned to look at the other woman, whose eyes were wide open in that moment.
"Don't go." She pleaded softly, the clear light blue of her eyes boring into Beca and causing her to waver. She knew she should leave the German in peace, that it was only right to return to the couch and sleep in a separate room, but the look on Sabine's face was enough to make her relent. She hesitated and the other woman took advantage of that moment to pull her down onto the bed beside her. Beca landed next to her with a soft 'whumph' and the two were suddenly lying shoulder-to-shoulder. Before Beca could analyse the situation a hundred different ways, Sabine turned on her side, wrapped an arm over the brunette's waist and pulled her close.
Beca's heart was hammering in her chest and she had to work very hard to calm herself down as Sabine's breath ghosted over her ear and cheek, smelling faintly of warm cinnamon – much like the rest of her. After a long pause, in which the German appeared to slip back into a deep sleep without another word or movement, Beca started to relax slightly and she gradually wiggled the cover out from under them both, flipping it over the top to keep them warm. She sighed then and turned carefully to face the sleeping musician, studying her face and basking in the experience of being in such close proximity to the object of her obsession. She still wasn't sure she should have given in to this situation and the uncertainty of Sabine's reaction in the morning gnawed at her. But gradually, as the other woman's breathing slowed to a deep and steady rhythm, it lulled Beca into the best sleep she'd had in a very long time.
The next morning, Beca woke before Sabine and after spending a blissful five-minute-period staring at her face as it glowed under the soft early morning light, she slipped silently from the bed and padded through to the living room. As she went, she made sure to shut the doors in between so that sound wouldn't carry through and wake Sabine, meaning she could boil her kettle and have a relatively guilt-free coffee.
A short time later, Beca sat on one of the couches, wrapped in the comforter from the night before while she sipped her coffee and lazily browsed Facebook. After exhausting her newsfeed, she tried to search again for Sabine on the social media platform, but still nothing came up. She huffed a little in frustration, wondering how the woman could be so completely anonymous despite being in a popular musical group back in Germany.
And then before she could stop herself, she'd pulled up YouTube, quickly Googling DSM. It wasn't the first time she'd looked for them online – insomnia and a lingering obsession with a certain blonde had a lot to answer for in the year following the Worlds, but gradually that had tailed off as her work took over and the Kommissar had become a fading memory, but now it was all fresh once more and her natural curiosity niggled at her. She grabbed some earbuds from a shelf underneath her coffee table and settled into her shameless stalking. She left one earbud out, though, just in case Sabine decided to try and sneak up on her like she had in the coffee shop yesterday – the final nail in her coffin of mortifying embarrassment would be Sabine finding her obsessively watching the German's music videos.
The results that came up were all from live performances; unsurprising really, thought Beca. She quickly located the recording of the Auto Show that she knew existed, and pressed play. As she watched, her body remembered the overload of emotions from that day and the echo of adrenaline was making her heart beat that little bit faster. She hadn't watched Sabine on stage for a very long time and now that she knew her on a more personal level, she was excited to watch the Kommissar through new eyes again.
Her breath hitched in her chest when she saw Sabine as the Kommmissar, introducing DSM to the crowd in her pre-recorded message. She could taste the desire and intimidation in her throat all over again, channelling the Beca from that day so many years ago. She remembered how she'd rolled her eyes and folded her arms in a typically Beca-esque sulk, when really it had been to stop herself from immediately grabbing her phone to search the group and stalk their leader on social media for photos of her perfectly-sculpted self. As she watched, the opening bars of Uprising gave way to the marching ranks of DSM, led by Pieter. Wave upon wave of them striding out and forming a skilled swell of music that had intimidated the Bellas a great deal that day. The heavy mist of dry ice hung against the strobe lighting, the backlighting at the centre of the stage gangway suddenly throwing up a tall, proud silhouette stalking into view, reminding Beca of a panther moving through its territory in graceful confidence. The lighting went up and Kommissar leaped into action, striding forward while her voice rose strong and unfaltering to harmonise with Pieter's, both of them leading their crew vocally as well as physically. There was none of the gentle sweetness in that singing that Beca had become familiar with more recently, but she could tell it was the same woman, the huskiness and range to her voice was so unique you couldn't mistake it no matter what she was singing. She marvelled at the way Kommissar moved onstage, her muscles sliding smoothly under fishnet and skin (god bless HD, Beca briefly thought) while her presence was one of unrivalled control and dominance. Beca had had quite a few domination-based daydreams following that performance, but she was struggling currently to pair that persona with Sabine. She understood about stage-character and all of that, hell that was what had gotten her through her own performances, but this was more like a total shift in personality. She watched the video through, remembering at the end her exchange with Kommissar when DSM had confronted the Bellas after the act. The other woman had prowled up to her, oozing unbridled sexual confidence and power. There had been no doubt in Beca's mind that this woman was a leader, and a very strong one at that. You could tell she was used to being in control, having everyone around her obey anything she said and dealing swiftly with anyone who dared to step out of line – literally or figuratively. She searched for their Worlds final performance instead.
Another wave of emotion washed over the small brunette as she saw the shadow of DSM's starting formation. When the Bellas had been backstage watching the German group's performance she'd started to tremble uncontrollably. They were exceptional in their technique and routine and she'd spent the whole time feeling like she was going to throw up right there at the side of the stage. On the video the opening chords ground out through her headphones, every member combining their voices from the start, showing their patriotic unison. The group moved into their ship formation to the increasing pace of their beatboxer, whom Beca marvelled at all over again. Lilly had been driven mad for weeks after the Auto Show, raging about the competition this guy posed to her personally. She hadn't exactly gone around the Bellas' house ranting about it, but you could tell she was pissed. Throwing stars embedded in the walls here and there, knives plunged into chopping boards, traps mysteriously being set up all over campus, it was the subtle signs you had to look for with Lilly.
As the lights went up on the group onstage Beca watched Kommissar closely again, as she had with the previous video. Not as a young, sexually confused and terminally anxious college graduate, but as a confident professional in the music field carefully analysing everything she saw. The Kommissar was raised head-above the rest of her army, and she just looked so perfectly in her element in that moment. Stage performance was like air and water to her, you could see it. She truly came alive on stage with DSM, as though she was made solely for that purpose and it was her calling in life to lead them to victory through battle and hellfire. Her eyes shone with a pride and confidence that couldn't be shaken. As she moved through her routine Beca could see the control in her muscles that came only from hours of practise and refining every tiny detail. Here was a woman that slept, ate and breathed rehearsal. And Beca would be willing to bet that the woman she was watching on the screen hadn't resented any of it because it was her whole life. She felt about her crew and career as a mother might feel about her child. It wasn't a question simply of love, but of utter dedication born of an unbreakable bond, that sort of connection. She breathed out slowly as the final chords rang across the crowd in the video – it was still a magnificent performance. After watching it two more times, she closed that particular video, playing a few that had been filmed in their home country and a couple from DSM covering the Bellas' tour. It suddenly occurred to Beca to have a look for some more recent performances so she scrolled through the results and pulled up one dated from the previous year. DSM still sounded strong and impressive, but also different. Frowning, Beca paused the video and brought her phone right up to her nose nearly, as she squinted to make out the crew. She easily spotted Sabine's huge second-in-command, then the small brunette that had faced off against Chloe during that wacky underground riff off...actually the whole crew looked to be the same except there was no Sabine – Pieter was leading them now, alone. And...yes she was sure of it now. Their beatboxer had left as well. They now had a tall red-haired guy in his place. Curiosity tugged harder at Beca and she grabbed another clip from just two months previously. This one was also recorded in Germany but the songs were in English, and familiar. This performance was different too – it had been set up in a dance studio (with great acoustics, it had to be said) and DSM stood grouped together like a traditional choir. There were no choreographed dance moves at all. It started off as Fallout Boy's 'Immortals' but halfway through the pace slowed right down and the crew brought their voices together to blend into a version of Linkin Park's 'One More Light'. It was a powerful contrast but also a very emotive combination of songs. Pieter was leading the second song, his voice projecting past the rest but there was a slight waver there too. The emotion he put into his singing brought moisture to Beca's eyes and she quickly swiped at her lids to dispel the tears that threatened to well over. She watched the video to the end and just as she was about to minimise it she saw a credit screen appear. It simply had two sets of initials "S.E" and "L.E", and a date under each – one of them showing the video release to be an anniversary. Beca shivered imperceptibly – it was like a memorial to someone, but she couldn't even begin to fathom who. She sat as still as stone while her brain worked overtime to put together puzzle pieces that made no sense. What on earth was going on? Why was Sabine missing from DSM's public performances? There was something very strange going on, but she was damned if she could even begin to get to the bottom of it.