DISCLAIMER: All characters, settings, objects, creatures, spells and potions are the property of J. K. Rowling. I refuse to acknowledge that 'Deathly Hallows' was ever written, let alone published.
Authors Notes- Sorry it took me so long to update this. I had a chapter written out but then I deleted it in a fit of rage... It didn't come out anything like how I imagined it. So here's the second version of chapter 9!
Chapter Nine: One of us, one of them
As Hermione crept silently in the shadows of the castle halls she was overwhelmed by that fact that this teenage boy couldn't hold a flame to his older counterpart. If it had been her professor that she was stalking then he would have noticed her before she'd even took her first step, but this boy seemed too lost by what was in front of him to even think about his back. She momentarily wondered when and how it was that he became as paranoid, though more controlled, as Mad Eye Moody, and then her mind returned to the events of that day and reason as to why she was currently Severus Snapes' second shadow.
It had been a welcome sight to finally see the sun rise, that morning, after hours of staring into the darkness waiting for an acceptable time to leave her bed. She'd been dreadfully tired after she'd left Sirius last night, but still she had only managed to rack up 3 hours of erratic sleep. She slipped into the bathroom and took a much need cleansing and refreshing shower, got dressed and pulled on her uniform. Hermione had never been one for healing superficial wounds so she had yet to use the bruise salve Remus had discreetly pushed into her palm sometime yesterday evening, so as she looked at her reflection in the mirror she could still see Lucius' fist shaped bruise on her cheek, though it had calmed down rapidly, it was still noticeable. She picked up her wand and muttered a glamour; it was a testament to her body's lack of energy that she couldn't even perform a decent glamour, it had just made the bruise more of a pink colour rather than her natural pale skin tone, and she was sure that even that would wear off as the day wore on. She didn't think on it for a second longer as she headed down towards the great hall for an extremely early breakfast, the only other occupants in the hall were a few startled house elves cleaning the floor; they probably seldom saw a student up and about at 5am. She gave them a short smile before settling in at the end of the Griffindor table and pulling out this generation's version of 'Hogwarts, a History'. She stayed there until the first patter of student feet and hushed conversations could be heard.
After the complete lack of educational structure yesterday Hermione had been glad for things to be back to some semblance of normal. The lessons were informative and called for sharp minds, the teachers were back to wanting nothing but perfection and the students no longer had red puffy tear stained faces. It didn't take a genius to see that the balance was still fragile though, and even Hermione who'd only had 3 hours of sleep in the past 2 days could feel it sitting heavy in the air. She'd noticed that when the muggle students smiled that it didn't quite reach their eyes and that they would cling onto friends as if it was hard to stand. Hermione knew that it was hard for them all to take it in but she just seemed to grow more and more agitated at their lack of strength and will power; even Lily who Hermione knew to be strong would refuse to let go of James hand unless it was necessary. Sure, she was glad that she could witness the acts that were forming the foundations of their love, but if this was the price the world had to pay then Hermione was beginning to doubt if it was worth it.
Hermione slithered into the next alcove and was careful not to make a sound, she wasn't sure if even the slightest rustle of her cloak would alert Snape to her presence, but she didn't want to take any chances.
The moment Defence against the Dark Arts finished Hermione headed down to the lower levels of the castle for her last class of the day. Potions. In all the commotion of the last few days she hadn't had the chance to speak to Snape about her request. She hoped that he'd remembered because she wouldn't be able to handle another lesson with Frank Longbottom as her partner, she actually had her sights set on passing this class, regardless of the century. She'd found her way down to the potions classroom before the majority of the class, and as she stood in the doorway she was slightly confused to find the last names of students burnt into the air above paired off desks. Her eyes immediately sought out her own name; she gave a sigh when she saw his name next to it. As she made her way to sit down the flicker of red hair caught her eye and she saw Lily sitting next a smug looking girl. Her heart silently went out to the Lily in a moment of weakness; Lily caught her eye and gave a weary frown, Hermione gave her an encouraging smile in return. She pulled out her potions text book and waited for the class to fill up.
The boy didn't even acknowledge her when he slipped into the seat next to her. She began to feel the coldness wash off him and latch onto her skin immediately. From her peripheral vision she could see that he sat rigidly with his back straight, facing forwards and a cover devoid of emotion settled upon his face. She wanted desperately to ask him what was wrong but as soon as she opened her mouth Professor Levesque took it upon herself to start the lesson, all Hermione managed to get out was some kind of chocked splutter.
It was a lecture about Veritaserum. Hermione easily blocked her annoying voice out, she had learnt this potion off heart years ago, and she didn't particularly feel like learning it again. Letting her eyes wonder round the room she scanned over Lily, who was currently scribbling furiously in her notebook; Hermione thought that she and lily were so alike. Well at least that was what Hermione used to be like, now her school persona was nothing but a perfected act. She found it so effortless to transform into that overexcited, overachieving, know-it-all, blushing school girl. These people around her would never know her true self, the fierce warrior with a broken soul that had been a by-product off joining The Order and fighting in a war made by adults to be ended by children. Even Sirius who was her confident in this world would never understand if she let him see that side of her, she wouldn't put that weight on his shoulders, even if it meant the death of her.
She waited until he'd made it in front of an abandoned classroom and in a blur of movement too fast for any girl her age she grabbed him and thrust him into the room and intentionally slammed his back against the wall in a painful crack. She didn't care if he was hurt so she ignored his groan, quickly removed his wand from his arm sheath and tossed it across the room far out of his reach.
"Miss Granger, are you so well versed in this subject that you feel no need to listen while I'm trying to help you? What, pray tell, has captured your interests more than my class?" Hermione snapped towards the teacher and could feel the deliberately placed heat rise to her cheeks and made sure that it would be there for a while. She numbly tried to stutter out some kind of excuse but to no avail. "Well, Miss Granger, either you take an active part in my lessons or you get out. Am I understood?" She gave a quick steady nod at the women's ultimatum. "What are the known effects of Veritaserum, Miss Granger?"
"Veritaserum is a powerful truth serum that is most commonly used for interrogation on dark wizards." She made a show of looking towards where Malfoy sat; he seemed to take pleasure in the fact that she'd finally realized he was 'dark'. "The potion effectively forces the drinker to answer any questions put to them truthfully. Veritaserum is clear, colourless, and odourless and is almost indistinguishable from water. It can be mixed with any drink, and three drops is a sufficient dose to make the drinker spill out their innermost secrets. It can be resisted through different methods, including Occlumency, but many still find this method to no avail. Due to the difficulty of this potion it must be left to mature for a full lunar phase or it will be rendered useless. Use of this potion is strictly controlled by the Ministry of Magic." She finished with a slight sneer on her lips; she'd remembered when Umbridge had used it on all the D.A. members. Professor Levesque gave no house points; she just nodded and told everyone to start the preparation of the potion.
Hermione gathered the ingredients while Snape got the utensils; including the cauldron. She handed half the jars and vials to Snape and started to chop, slice and grind the appropriate things. For the next twenty minutes they worked in silence, neither wanting to assess the tension sudden tension he had with her. When he'd finished stirring in the current ingredients they both sat down and waited for the 10 minute resting time to pass. Hermione finally having enough of the silence turned towards him and decided on the direct approach.
"Did you ask her if we could be partnered?" She waited for an answer, after a minute of him ignoring her it finally came out in a harsh whisper.
"No. I didn't need to she was already going to put us together." She didn't know how she felt but whatever it was that she was feeling it was welling up in her chest to a great degree.
"Why are you acting like a pompous prick?" He made no effort to look or answer her, so she tried to get his attention by placing a delicate hand of his arm. It worked. He spun round to her so quickly that Hermione could fell the wind whip around them both as if it were a mini tornado. The look she saw on his face made her forget herself momentarily. He looked disgusted at the sight of her, and if Hermione hadn't been trained to read further into facial expression then she would have took it for just that. But as it stood Hermione was trained in this art so it took her less than two seconds to realise that he was disgusted at the sight of her but the disgust was directed at himself more than at her. She had no need to use her Legilimency to know why; it just clicked in her brain like a puzzle piece fitting together. She lost all control as she gave out a sharp throaty gasp.
The classroom faded away into nothingness, all that remained was herself and the haunted look in his obsidian eyes
Slowly, almost painfully, she lifted her hand to her cheek and fragilely, as if it would burn to touch, she skimmed her fingers over the air that stood before the fading bruise currently marring her perfectly flawless porcelain skin. In the next second her mind snapped back to the world around her bringing her masks of normalcy back into place with it. She simply turned back to her desk, picked up her knife and promptly began slicing the June bug wings, as if it were the most important thing in the world. Inside her mind had been reeling with accusations and finding the perfect way to confront him later. She'd ignored his presence by her side for the remained of the class, a blessing he'd seem only too eager to accept.
So here she stood with him backed up against the dusty wall of damp classroom on the first floor. It took him less than seconds to catch up with what had happened and his face quickly contorted into a picture of fierce aggression. The temperature noticeable dropped at both of their hostility.
"What the fuck do you think you're playing at Granger?!" The room fell silent at his question; the only thing her senses picked up on was his extremely heavy, agitated breathing. The silence lingered and when he sensed she wouldn't answer he became more and more agitated. She knew how he worked, more than anything he despised insubordination and it was sure to fire him up. He took looming steps towards where she stood defiant on the spot, all the while throwing demeaning comments at her.
"Have you got a questionable mental state Granger? Or are you just that stupid that you can't fathom out how to answer a simple question? How dare you lay your filthy hands on me and shove me in here like some hormonal driven school girl? Do you want a quick fuck up the wall? Is that it?" He stopped to give her a quick once over, when he came to her face she meet his eyes with her own. "I'm sorry to disappoint you but I don't touch soiled goods."
She broke, every last piece of her resolve broke and her eyes burnt with such intensity that he took a protective step back. She was too quick for him though; she grabbed the front of his school robes in both hands and slammed him back against the wall. It was harder than last time but he had the good sense not to make a noise. She levelled her face with his, their noses touching at the tips, and when she raved at him it was with pure menace.
"Who the fuck do you think you are not to tell me?! It's your duty as one of us to warn me, and you couldn't even get past your own nose to screw up the courage to do it!" Her lungs protested with the need to breathe so she dragged in the air as if it was freezing her insides on the way down. She could feel her magic welling up around her and by his audible gulp it had started to manifest itself around her like a cloak of shadows and nightmares.
"Do you get some kind of sick kick out of seeing other people in pain?! Is that it? You Slytherin bastards you're all the same; too self important to care about others. Not enough courage to help the people that will one day save your very lives!" The dust ridden desk around them began to tremble; she was too far gone to notice it. "If I had been some helpless weak girl I would have ended up like a broken doll, and you would have been to coward to stop it!"
"I am not COWARD!" he'd finally snapped as her words hit him like a loaded bullet.
"Why the fuck didn't you tell me then?" Her voice had risen to the screech of a banshee and if it had been possible he would have taken a step back further into the wall. She disentangled her fists from his robes and took a controlled step away from him. The anger was gone and when she spoke again it was in a cracked whisper.
"You knew, and you didn't tell me." Her eyes filled with salty tears that she refused to let fall; she'd rather die before she became a little girl, hiding in a corner, sobbing and helpless.
His mouth opened and closed several times as if excuse after excuse wasn't good enough, and the truth was that they weren't. She waited for him to talk first; he needed to for she would wait out the whole night if he didn't. The words he spoke cut her like a knife.
"I'm sorry" he breathed it softly but she felt as if he'd physically punched her in the gut and she took two stumbling trips backwards.
"No. You don't have the right to feel guilty. Gods, just looking at you makes me sick. You're just as bad as Lucius. Do you know what he tried to do?" she saw his back stiffen in horror, but she proceeded to tell him, it was what he deserved. "'You will respect you betters wench...' 'You'll be screaming by the end of this night' he said. Tried to force himself on me, tried to rape me against the wall, for God's sake. Crucioed me till I bit through my own skin. Didn't even have the decency to attack me by himself, took his two fuck headed goons along for the ride as well."
"You tell me how you think it's acceptable to let that happen to one of us Snape? Tell me how you deemed it not necessary to tell me?!"
"I didn't know he was going to go that far. I thought maybe he'd just try to trick and scare you. I tried to tell you but you became defensive and you said you could handle yourself, I didn't doubt that, so I just..."
"... Took my words at face value." She finished for him calmly. He gave a shaky nod of his head, and Hermione finally understood that this boy wasn't one of them, one of the good guys. He was walking on the line of finding himself, not knowing what the light and the dark really stood for, not understand what either really meant. She'd been thinking of him as her professor, the elegant man who she'd been taught more things than potions by, hell, if she was honest with herself she wasn't even sure what to think about that man anymore. Every bone in her body told her that he was a good man, but the act he had performed that frightful night made her vision of him lean towards the darkness.
She shook her head clear of them thoughts and focused on the awkward pale boy in front of her. He's probably already taken the dark mark, and he doesn't even know what it stands for. Doesn't know how much he's destroyed his life.
She looked him over and noticed that his hands were shaking, she was the reason for it and she felt terrible for it. She pushed all thoughts of anger and of Malfoy to the castle in her mind; where she kept dark memories, and tried to lighten the mood in the room.
"Merlin, how does one even manage to cast an unforgivable inside the hallways of Hogwarts?" she let out a throaty chuckle and if Severus was taken aback by her sudden change then he didn't show it. If anything he'd seem to have become more defensive than when she'd been shouting at him. His face had become like ice; cold and hard, his body posture took on that of a plank of wood; solid and straight. The words he spoke were serious and cut away any lightness she'd tried to create.
"As nice as this little attack of yours was Granger I have prior engagements to be getting on with, goodnight" She watched him skulk away from her, pick up his wand from the other side of the room where she'd chucked it and stride out of the classroom without a look back towards her. She could practically hear him erecting up his steel barriers once again. Letting out a small sigh Hermione looked around the abandoned room and noticed several of the desks had splintered into piles off wood. She'd not realised how angry she'd been, but it must have been pretty frightening for Snape to watch her magic ooze from her body and destroy the surrounding area, no wonder he'd been profusely sweating.
She fixed the desks, put them all back in order and swept from the room. As she made her way from staircase to staircase back to the Gryffindor common room she'd realised how draining the past three nights had been. Her body felt as if were a lead weight as she crawled through the fat ladies' portrait and collapsed on the sofa in between Remus and Sirius. Her mind, eyes and ears didn't stay awake long enough to hear their worried words or gentle looks of concern from them.
-.-.-.-
Sirius looked to Remus and noticed the same worried look plastered all over his face. He looked back to the girl whose bushy brown head had lolled to the side and now rested on his own shoulder. He gently tried to place her upright again but the girl just fell back onto him again.
"Hermione, wake up. If you're going to go to sleep then you need to go upstairs into your bed." He looked to Remus with pleading eyes. The boy just gave a little chuckle and moved to scoop the girl in his arms; it was Lily however that stopped his movements.
"Don't move her; the poor thing must be exhausted, if she feels comfortable enough to sleep then you should let her." Sirius noticed Lily's green eyes had become shiny with tender tears and her voice took on the sound of pain.
"We just wanted to move her up to her bed; she'd be more comfortable up there. Besides she can't be that tired, she goes to bed earlier than any of us most nights." Sirius didn't mean to sound harsh but it was the truth, the only time he'd known Hermione not to be in bed was last night when he'd come down to the common room and sat with her.
"Yes, she goes upstairs to bed but she doesn't sleep." Sirius quirked a worried eyebrow towards Lily and the girls' eyes became more tearful as she reached out a hand towards Hermione's cold one. "She just curls up in the covers and pretends to be asleep and the little hours of sleep she does get..." Lily made let out a chocked sob "...gods, you should hear her Sirius." A stray tear fell from her eye and Sirius became stiff with worry.
"I've never heard anything like it, it's like she's being tortured time after time. I don't know what goes on in her mind and I hope I never do. If the other girls and I didn't place a silencing charm around her bed then there's no doubt that she'd wake up the entire tower. It's just heart wrenching to hear her cries of pain." Sirius unconsciously grasped both girls' hands; He didn't know which one to be more worried for. "Please Sirius just allow her an hour or two of sleep with somebody by her side to protect her."
"It's okay Lily, I'll stay up with her for as long as it takes. Why don't you two go to bed?" he gave the green eyed girls hand a reassuring squeeze, then let it go.
"Thank you Sirius, she'll be ever so appreciative for it. Just don't tell her that I told you, I think it's kind of embarrassing for her." With that the girl brushed the tears away and with a quick squeeze of Remus' shoulder, to remind him not to tell Hermione either, she was off up to her own night of rest.
Sirius waited for Remus to get up and go to bed. He didn't, so Sirius turned to him with the question of why in his eyes.
"Is there something you're not telling us Sirius? Something about Hermione?" Sirius looked over the boys face and his brain told him that Remus was a smart boy and would work it out sooner or later, but it was neither his place nor his wish to tell the boy himself. If Hermione ever told Remus then that was her business alone.
"I think that is something you should ask Hermione herself, Remus." Sirius brushed the girls' locks with his fingers in a sign of protectiveness. Remus looked between the sleeping figure and his best friend, he knew there was something off about how this girl had just shown up out of the blue and for the moment he'd drop the subject, but he wouldn't lay it to rest indefinitely. He gave a small nod to Sirius and leaned over to kiss Hermione on her forehead.
"Take care of her Sirius; I'll be upstairs if you need me at all during the night." With one last look towards the sleeping girl he left the near empty common room behind him and ascended the stairs to the seventh year boys' dormitory. Sirius watched him leave only to be reminded of the girl in his arms as she started to whimper and tremble as if some invisible nightmare began to take its hold on her. Sirius took out his wand and with a flick the lights lowered their blaze, he shuffled them both around to a more comfortable position and wrapped both arms around her hoping she would calm down.
He fell asleep 3 hours later, at 3:30am, just as she began to drift back into consciousness.
--Break--
She tried to look anywhere but into his eyes as he stared at her with zero twinkles and one hundred percent shame. The spiky oval object, sitting in one of the display cases behind him, had suddenly become very interesting indeed. This whole talk had been more awkward than the time she had had to explain to Harry and Ron why she needed to go and collect a potion from Madame Pomfrey on the exact same day every month.
"I give you my endless apology Miss Granger, had I known before that Mr Malfoy was executing this kind of despicable behaviour I would have had him expelled from the school already. I shall get onto it now; I promise he will be removed from the grounds by tonight." Her head snapped up at his elderly voice, his concern touched her as if he was her father; which he practically had been since she was eleven years old.
"You can't expel him without it going to trial Headmaster and seeing as I am in no position to testify against him it simply cannot be done. I only came here to warn you that the wards have failed to stop Unforgivables being cast."
"Something shall be done to prevent any further use of these spell Miss Granger, you can rest assured that I can at least fix that problem." The silence began to grow between them again and Hermione fixed her eyes back onto the spiky oval as she spoke. This was a strictly business meeting and Hermione refused to acknowledge the tenderness he was showing towards her, as if she was a bruised and battered rag doll in need of love.
"I have yet to gather any information about the Horcruxs or a way to get myself home. Have you had any luck?"
"I'm afraid I haven't fared any better than you, Miss Granger. I have enlisted the help of a friend of mine and he has sworn to make it his top priority. 'Anything to help the great Albus Dumbledor' I think were his exact words, being famous does have its bonuses Miss Granger." The hearty smile that he gave her stabbed her like a knife. An image of baby harry with a fresh lightning scar crossed her mind.
"Being famous also has its down falls Headmaster, and I'd imagine that they far outweigh the good." She placed her tea cup on the desk in front of and grabbed her bag off the floor, ready to leave. "I'm sorry headmaster I would have came to see you yesterday but it didn't see like the right time for anybody. I apologise. Now I really should be off to class, have a nice day, Sir." Had she looked back at the elderly man sitting behind his desk she would have noticed an army of emotions cross him face for the briefest of instants. Albus watched the door click behind her back and he wilted back into his chair suddenly feeling the years of his age catch up to him.
"We'll have to keep an eye on Miss Granger, Fawkes, she may be the undoing of this war." In response to the man's words the bird cried a beautiful song before bursting into brutal flames.
--Break--
The next day in the potions room Hermione and Severus had come to some kind of silent pact of quietness. They were nothing to each other, not friends, not enemies and for that Hermione was thankful. After all, being a nothing was for more promising than being a rival, for if this boy when turned man was going to be writing poems and letters in books to her then they needed some stable ground to form it all on. Right?
Hermione found with this new nothingness between them that they worked in unison exceedingly well. They were purely two great minds working on that which they loved. Their movements were in sync as well as their timing, there was no need for words or questioning looks.
Authors Notes- Before you startthrowing rocks at me I have this to say (caution, rant to follow):- I see Hermione who is somebody very much in control of her emotion and masks and the personas she shows others, it just to her a while to settle herself into a different world. Malfoys attack got her mind in check and gave her a wakeup call, but like any human she has her limits and will break. Also, considering that I have ignored Deathly hallows, if it isn't clear yet, Hermione, Harry and Ron went under intensive training during their summer at Grimauld place. They learned Occlumency, expert defensive sessions, physical training, wandless magic sessions etc. Basically they learnt everything they could possible need to defend themselves against physical and mental attacks, other order members taught them e.g. Remus, Moody, Kingsly.
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