EPILOGUE PART 2: It's A Beautiful Sky
The courtyard looks a lot more beautiful that afternoon, with the sun setting in the background, the sky painted purple and pink and orange and red. JB and his wife are roaming around and it's so fascinating to see him socializing easily with everybody, when we all know he used to be such a grouch at any given social setting. Jackson says he couldn't even bully JB to go outside his own studio before he met Eun Ah. But for some reason, since getting engaged, they've spent more time together and JB has reportedly been nicer to everybody. I guess that's a sign he really did marry the person he's meant to be with.
I've learned that when you're with the right person things just happen easily. You find time despite the schedules and being far apart hurts less. The decisions are less difficult to make and the quiet times aren't suffocating. I look down on our interlaced fingers, hands clasped together and resting on top of my thigh, and I realize that the only person who's ever made me feel that way is Jackson. When I'm with him my head is clearer, my heart is at peace. BamBam nudges me from my left and leans in to whisper. "Your ex is checking you out." I look at him with a baffled face and he starts giggling like he just told me the funniest joke in the world. "Get it? Peach! I mean you look like a peach in that dress!" He blurts.
"Did you just say my girlfriend looks like a peach in her dress?!" Jackson whips his head faster than I think is humanly possible. I steal a glance at Mark who's sitting beside Jinyoung to confirm that he really is watching, a somber smile fixed on his pretty face. "She's peachy, yes, but she's not fat. She's not model-thin anymore but she's way sexier this way!" My boyfriend continues and I roll my eyes in mock disgust.
"What?! I just said she looks like a peach because of the color of her dress! You look lovely, trust me." BamBam tells me.
"Guys—" I try to interrupt but they're still going at it. Jackson's not the jealous type but for some weird reason he's acting so protective and clingy today.
"She's older than you, BamBam."
"She's older than you too, Hyung."
"Okay, I'm LITERALLY going to walk away from this conversation now." I place a chaste kiss on Jackson's cheek—out of habit mostly—before standing up and letting go of his hand. I send Mark a small smile and walk away.
"Okay, you're right she's totally peachy," I hear BamBam say as I trudge towards the bar.
"Stop staring at my girlfriend's ass, BamBam." Jackson's annoyed voice makes me laugh somehow. I've obviously gained a few pounds over the last few years. Blame it on Jackson for cooking good food all the time. All the cooking shows he starred in made him some sort of an expert in the kitchen and I would have laughed if not for the fact that he kept feeding me stuff that's way better than my cheese popcorn. At this age, however, I really don't think I look that bad so I give in a little. Live a little.
I reach the bar and ask for a champagne flute. I've decided to stick to champagne tonight because I don't want to feel all bloated in my Osman Maddy balloon-sleeved crepe midi dress. When the champagne comes, I thank the bartender with a smile and attempt to reach up for it but the action makes my skirt ride up so I awkwardly hold on to the hem with my other hand.
Suddenly I feel a hand on the small of my back, a tall presence beside me. "Here, let me get that for you." Kim Namjoon says, his voice deep, dimples popping as he reaches for the flute. "Oh and I'd like to have one too, sir, thank you."
"H-Hi!" I say, flushing a bit at his proximity. "Thank you," I add as he hands me the flute with his pretty long fingers. I remember speaking to him at Sky21 a few years ago about his career and mine. He used to feel so small, so unsure, despite the sudden success his group was having at that time. And yet here he is, standing tall and proud and fresh out of the army. "Jesus, you look so different!" I take a few steps backward to survey him from head to foot.
"Do I?" He asks, slipping both of his hands into the pockets of his dark gray slacks, his wool blazer and crisp white shirt with flower patterns on the tips of the collar making him a whole lot attractive. His sideburns have gotten longer though he's freshly shaven. His cologne smells like honey and citrus.
"Yeah! You look... I dunno, manly?!" My answer makes him laugh out loud. He still has that airy confidence around him, but his eyes look a lot more... rugged... humble. The bartender interrupts us to hand Namjoon his champagne-filled flute. I fix my ponytail behind me while waiting for his response.
"Uhhh... Thanks, I guess?" He says, tilting his head to the side for a bit and smiling down on his dress shoes. "You look great too! And that's not just a compliment, that's a warning because I can tell by the way Jackson's watching us right now that you're in for a lot of spankings later tonight." The comment takes me by surprise and I almost choke on my champagne ungracefully.
"Oh my god, Namjoon-ah!" I grimace, turning my face away from him and covering my mouth with the back of my hand as I cough. He laughs harder, throwing his head back. I see a flicker of darkness in his eyes and I can tell that he likes it—teasing me like that and seeing my reaction. God, it's like I'm talking to a stranger.
"Sorry," He says, voice smooth and deep and almost velvety. I shake my head and hope the fog condensing in my brain clears up a bit before the blood starts to creep up to my cheeks. I steal a glance at Jackson and crap, both he and Mark are darting dangerous stares at me. They all know that Namjoon admitted to having a crush on me some years ago, but since meeting up in Hong Kong we have come to the conclusion that we're too alike in so many ways that things might never work out anyway. "I promise I'll talk to Jackson later. We've got a lot to discuss about his... about some business." He winks at me and it's all so out of the blue, it barely registers in my brain.
"Oh okay... Well... Who are you with? Where are the other boys?" I ask, finally regaining my composure. I sip my drink and look around for the rest of his bandmates.
"Uhhh..." Namjoon looks around and points at Jimin and Jungkook who are hanging out with Yugyeom not far away. "Those two lovebirds are over there," He says. I'm not sure if he's kidding or not about the two maknaes being lovebirds but I heard they're both going to army soon. "Jin's with Ken, as usual." His long finger points at another direction and as if on cue Seokjin notices that Namjoon's pointing right at him and he waves when he sees me. I wave back at him, noticing now that he's surrounded by VIXX members. "J-Hope and Suga are still probably in our table. We're sitting with some of the girls from Twice." He explains before turning to me and then pointing somewhere behind me. "And there's Tae with his girlfriend." He says.
I turn to check on Tae and let out a tiny gasp. "Oh my god, that's..."
"You know Bam Eun?"
"Of course! Oh my goodness, I do! Can I—Do you mind coming with me? I haven't seen her in years," I say, turning back to him with a giddy smile. Namjoon nods and gestures for me to lead the way. I walk towards the direction he pointed, heels pressing sure footsteps onto the grass. Taehyung and Bam Eun are making out grossly under a shade of trees and I can't help but chuckle quietly. I wonder if Jenny knows that her sister is dating her bias. I clear my throat as soon as I step behind Tae. "Excuse me, but before you fully consume each other can I at least give Bammie a hug?" I say with my sweetest voice, which makes Taehyung jump out of his skin.
"Oh my—Yah!" Tae says, more to Namjoon than me. His hyung just shrugs after laughing hysterically.
"Unnie!" Bam Eun pulls away from Tae to give me a hug and I grimace at the boy as he clasps his chest in a fake heart attack. "Oh my gosh, you're here! Why are you here?! I thought you're in Hong Kong!" Her barrage of questions stun me for a bit and before I even get to answer she surprises me with information that makes my jaw drop to the floor. "Wait, have you seen my sister already? She's here!"
"What?! Jenny's here?"
"Yeah, she came back from Bangkok three days ago! I... Uhm... I think she went up there," Bam Eun points to the balcony where several guests were hanging out. I spot Jenny sipping her drink with a few JYPE employees and I tell Bam I'll come see her sister in a bit before throwing a knowing glance at her and her boyfriend. "Oh, I'm not sure if you... Uhm... This is..."
"Your boyfriend?!" I guess, and Bam Eun nods shyly in response, blush creeping to her cheeks. I open my arms out to Tae who comes to me with his signature boxy grin. "Oh, jashik-ah! Jal jinaess-eo, Taehyungie?" [Oh, you little rascal! Have you been good, Taehyungie?]I say, ruffling his hair.
"I've been good," He says.
"No, you haven't because if you have been good you wouldn't be snogging you girlfriend out in the open!" They both laugh awkwardly. Tae resorted to scratching the back of his head and scrunching his nose adorably. "And you," I wag my finger at Bam Eun. "You have a lot of explaining to do. But don't worry, I won't tell your sister." I tell her before winking conspiratorially.
She just laughs at me and waves her hand dismissively. "Oh she already knows. You should go and talk to her, Unnie. We're gonna go... Uhm... Get some iced tea. Right, Tae?" She shoos me away so I finally bid them goodbye before turning to Namjoon. I was about to tell him that I'm fine going off on my own when he gestures again for me to lead the way.
"You sure? I think I can manage on my own."
"No, I think I'll just follow you around awkwardly. Make sure you're safe from paps and wedding creepers." His response makes me laugh.
"I think the paps will find me easier if I'm with you,"
"That kinda hurts my feelings, you know, because it's like you don't want to be with me!" He says, hand on his chest and closing one eye as if he's just been hit in the heart by a dagger.
"Oh stop, of course I do I just—" I turn to look towards the direction of our table only to find that Jackson and BamBam aren't even there anymore. My head turns from left to right, searching the crowd for a tall, handsome man. But then Namjoon takes a hold of my elbow and guides me to the wooden stairs leading to the balcony. "T-thanks," I mutter, my heels clacking against the wooden steps.
Apparently, Jenny's busy talking with Mina, Youngjae, and a few other people from the same team I worked with. They all gasp when they see me, ecstatic beyond words, iced tea on hand. I introduce Namjoon to them and they all raise their eyebrows at me. But Jenny, being the smartass, updated woman she is, steers the conversation away from Namjoon and talks about her experiences in Thailand, which Mina gladly supports. Youngjae, another smartass man, decides to steer Namjoon away to talk in private. "Yah!" I give Mina a light nudge, and she looks at me with a friendly smile. "Why didn't you tell me you and Youngjae are—" She nudges me right back, hard enough to make my champagne slosh dangerously in my flute.
"Let's not talk about it here, we'll have plenty of time to catch up later. Okay?" She whispers, lips barely moving as she pushes her glasses up her nose bridge. We smile at each other, glad we finally have something to talk about with regards to her love life. "Oohhh, I think someone else wants to catch up with you..." Mina says, tilting her head to the side. I turn to see Jinyoung approaching me.
"Mind if I steal noona for a bit, Mina-yah?" He asks.
"Not at all!" She says, tapping Jinyoung's shoulder. Jinyoung smiles at me in his baby blue suit (thankfully not white because he'll probably look a lot more radiant than the bride) and takes my hand. He calls to Youngjae and Namjoon to let them know they're whisking me away from the party.
"Jingyoungie..." I say, as we cut through the crowd and walk towards the other end of the balcony where a deck jutted out from the rest of the pension. He looks down on the merry-making happening at the courtyard, the voices distant below and behind us. I see JB and his bride talking to JYP from where we stand. "What's up?" I know something's been bothering him since he got here. We've spoken a few times, we even ate dinner last night with JB and Eun Ah and Sheen and Yugyeom and Jackson. He's been very quiet, and at first I thought it was only because he was tired from the shoots and the traveling.
But then he turns to me with sad eyes and raises his iced tea to somebody behind me. I turn my head to find Mark who was about to come towards us until he sees my face. His eyes go wide and he smiles awkwardly. He raises the same glass, takes a sip and walks away, down the stairs not far from us. "What the heck..."
"Let him be. I think he's got somewhere to go." He says, sipping his drink. I didn't see anyone serving iced tea but I guess, with the amount of people in this place, it would be impossible to notice. "I'm really glad to see you here." Jinyoung adds, smiling at me with those eye crinkles I've missed so much. I smile back in response, holding onto his forearm tentatively. His hands slip down to clutch mine and we both just hold hands right there, relishing the quietness. That's what I've missed most about him. "You've been away a lot so I keep wondering how you and Jackson make it through..." He continues, his sweet sing song voice sounding a lot like a lullaby to me.
"Well... It's just like how you guys still make it through despite your schedules," I say, gripping his hand tighter. "If something really matters to you, you'll wait and you'll make an effort and you'll make time... You won't still be GOT7 if you gave up after army, maja?"
Jinyoung nods in agreement, pursing his lips. "Maja..." He lets go of my hand and leans on the railing of the balcony. "Now I see the difference..." He says, and though I don't hear the rest of it, I somehow understand what he means. Because when I was with Mark I already knew things were going to end badly before it even started. I didn't even have a single hope that things would be okay, unlike Mark who seemed to have put his hopes up until the very last minute. "Noona, you know that I trust you, right?" He suddenly asks, staring at his drink.
"Of course... And I would never take that for granted." I step closer towards him and place my hand on his shoulder. He licks his lips and grips his glass harder.
"I like him."
"Wha—Who?" My heart stops for a second. I swear to all that is good, if he says he likes JB I will flip the fuck—
"Mark." Jinyoung answers, interrupting my thoughts. I sigh heavily, relief dousing me like cold water. Nothing would make this goddamn wedding a disaster for me than learning that the best man's apparently in love with the groom. I have no plans of consoling a grief-stricken handsome boy in a baby blue suit. "Noona are you mad?"
"No!" I chuckle at the thoughts running through my head. "No, Jinyoungie, absolutely not. You know that out of all the people in this party I'm the one who would understand that the most, right?"
"I know, that's why I chose to speak to you. It's just... I mean it's obviously impossible."
"Oh, trust me Jinyoungie," I scoff before taking another swig of my champagne. I think I'm getting just a wee bit tipsy. "Mark... He's... He has a way of surprising you with his life choices. So who knows, right?" He laughs at that, and I laugh with him because frankly I don't have much words of wisdom to impart. It's not like I've had a good, wise relationship with the guy he fancies.
"Fine. I'll see if I can drug him tonight so I can finally have gay sex with him or something," He jokes, which makes me gag before I could even gulp my champagne. I hit my chest with my fist repeatedly and Jinyoung just laughs and laughs. He's not even covering his mouth anymore when he giggles and I don't know whether to take offense or to appreciate that.
"Jesus, why does everyone seem so thirsty tonight?!" I ask, heaving for air. Jinyoung shrugs and looks away distractedly.
"Probably because we are?" He adds, sipping his tea again. "Oh look, see that? There's Mark by the pool." He says, pointing to the speck of black standing by the blue waters. I squint to look at it closer and Mark's telltale brown hair seems to almost shine from a distance.
"Oh good, he seems alone! Go talk to him! Tell him how you feel!"
"What?! No!"
"Why not?!"
"I-I'm not yet ready!" He says, visibly shaken. I can see the panic in his eyes so I try soothe him with words until he turns to me dramatically. "C-can you do it for me instead?"
"Me?!"
"Yeah, I mean... Y-you know him, you've been through a lot together so... Maybe you could talk to him for me? Just... To see where his head's at?" Jinyoung asks, swallowing thickly.
"You owe me for this." I finally relent with a sigh. He watches me make my way down the stairs which leads me back into the courtyard. My neck starts to ache from all the turning and craning I've been doing all night. Still, I scan the crowd for familiar faces but I can't seem to find anyone I know. Even JB and his wife are missing as Day6 takes center stage. I haven't seen Sheen since the ceremony ended, and frankly I'm getting a bit worried. I down the rest of my champagne and place my flute on a passing waiter's tray before taking a deep breath and heading for the pool.
Even after all this time, he still makes my heart race.
But what seemed like loud banging tomtoms in my chest now only feels like good, thrumming bass. Or maybe it's the Day6 music playing in the background. "Hey," Mark's the first one to notice. He walks towards me, dangerously close.
"H-hey..."
"I guess Jinyoung's done with the catch up then? Is it my turn to catch up with you?" He asks.
"Huh?" My confusion meshes with the amusement surfacing from beneath my skin when he shows me that wonderful smile. He's gotten way more handsome than before. His jawline murderous, his eyes ablaze with confidence. I really can't blame Jinyoung for falling head over heels for this. "Uhm... I guess?" I say, glancing at the drink in his hand. Iced tea. Like everyone else I spoke to tonight. I know it's iced tea because they were all garnished with mint leaves. Perhaps my friends refused to get drunk tonight and knowing Mark he'll only drink up to a few bottles until his face goes red. By then he'd be sane enough to excuse himself, unlike Jackson who gets blubbery drunk after three cans of beer.
"I heard you're taking over the Asian party scene." He says, smiling wider at me. I step away just a little, giggling shyly. Those were words straight from South Korean, Chinese, and Japanese music sites. Billboard also added me to their list of DJs to look out for and it helped a lot with the independent management thing I've been doing recently.
"Yeah, well... I heard you're taking over the Korean modeling industry." I tease, shrugging the stress off my shoulder. He just laughs at my retort and we both just stare at each other fondly, as if we haven't seen each other's face in a long time. "I know this is a weird question coming from your ex but I just need to ask this—for a friend." His eyebrows shoot up. I guess it's still amusing as heck for the both of us, calling each other ex. "Uhm... Do you... Do you have a girlfriend right now?" I just say it straight up, like all the times we've been frank with each other before, and even after, we broke up... If that's how you'd call it.
"No, I don't." He answers after letting out high-pitched giggles.
"Boyfriend?"
"Uhm... None so far..."
"Open to it?"
"Hmmm... Maybe? Wait, why are you asking me this?!" His eyebrows are tangled up in a knot across his eyebrows and I fret for a second.
"Nothing just... Just asking for a friend." I turn my back to him before my face betrays me. That's when I notice the faint light coming from the bell house above us. "Hey, there's... There's something up there..." I say, pointing at the bell house. My balloon-sleeved arms fall to my sides as I look up curiously at the ominous glow above. Suddenly, I feel slender fingers lacing with mine and I look sideways to find Mark standing beside me already. His glass of iced tea still in hand.
"Come on, let's check it out." He wears this familiar friendly smile on his face, the same one he wore when he toured me around his hometown. The same one he gave me when I introduced myself to him on the night we "accidentally" met. The same one he gave me five years ago when we agreed that we should just remain good friends. We walk up the stairs slowly, with him guiding me up as I try my best not to let my heels get caught in the cracks. "This place looks amazing doesn't it?" He asks as we walk slowly on the rustic walkway that connects to the bell tower.
"It does. I have no idea something like this exists just outside of Seoul."
"I know. And it's super near too which is convenient for when you're looking for a quick escape." He says. I chuckle, even though nothing about what he said was technically funny. I just realize that we're a lot like that too. We were each other's escape back then. Our moments were enough to get us through the inhumane working hours, the mounting pressure, and the crazy expectations. "What are you thinking?"
"That you're like the ocean," The words slip out of my mouth before I even realize it. The sound of drum beats resonating from afar mirrors the beating of my heart. He stops halfway through the walkway and pulls me so that I'm facing him again. There's a bit of dead air in there as he waits for me to finish. For some reason, I feel the need to restart again. "You're like the ocean. You're wide and deep and unfathomable sometimes but you're beautiful. I know that for sure. You kept me afloat for a few years and I'm really thankful for that... That I got to swim in you... Drown in you..." Maybe it's the champagne, consuming me now. I didn't think I'd get drunk at a wedding too soon. I look up at Mark and see that he's floored by my words so I let go of his hand and walk backwards, just a bit farther before looking at the blue color of the pool reflecting on our skins. "I'm sorry, I think I shouldn't have had too much champagne." I backpedal, chuckling as the blush creeps to my face.
"How about Jackson?" He asks, taking one step closer and tilting his head to the side. He doesn't seem to care that I just told him I'm getting tipsy, I guess it's because he had seen me at my worst. "What's he like to you?" Mark adds. There's a sense of curiosity there, a sense of shaky determination. Somehow it makes me feel like I'm walking a tightrope, not a bridge.
"He's..." I take a deep breath before launching into a lengthy description. "He's like a pool, or like an infinity pool. He's almost like the ocean... Blue and deep and beautiful... but he keeps me safe and he keeps me grounded. I don't drown. I can swim easy. I can leave and jump back and stay there for hours, and maybe... Maybe that's all I ever need." My lips form into a nice smile which makes Mark sigh. It might be his way of telling me that I'm right. Suddenly I hear a quiet buzzing coming from Mark's pants. Wow, great timing whoever you are.
"Oh, I... I gotta take this, Love. You should..." He pauses, shakes his head and looks down on his dress shoes. He sighs again, deeper this time, and then looks up to me with a determined smile. "You should go ahead and check what's in the bell tower, I'll be right over." He instructs and then points me towards the room where there's a faint glow of whites and yellows seeping through the cracks. I take one last look at Mark who suddenly seems so distant before walking away.
I push the doors open and find fairy lights adorning the glass windows, and a laptop set on the table. It takes me a few seconds to recognize the three screens before me. It's a Skype conference, and right in the middle of it is Olivia. "Liv?!"
"Okay. Calm down, Love. I can explain. I know I should've been there and believe me I really really wanted to go but I'm stuck in New York. I still wanted to see his surprise so..." She gets drowned out by the sound coming from outside, by the wailing lead guitar and the heavy drum beats and the keyboard and the rhythm guitar and of Jae singing about two different people who used to not know anything about each other until they said...
"Uhm... Hi." I spin around and the lights inside the room disorients me for a few seconds. I blink and I find Jackson there. Behind him there are people, all of them holding half full glasses of iced tea, all of them smiling at me.
"Jackson? What's..." The song continues outside, and for the first time I'm hating the fact that I understand Korean because the lyrics are making me tear up big time.
"Yah, chamkaman... bol su eobsda!" [Hey, wait... I can't see anything!] That voice. I'm so sure that's my 94-year-old grandmother on Skype. I'm starting to get dizzy. I take a few steps to the side of the room so I can see everything. There's Liv in the middle frame. There's my mom, dad, Hope, Jihoo, and Nana Kyung in the left frame. There's Sophia and Ricky in the right frame. Everyone I spoke to stands behind Jackson, who's slowly stepping towards me.
There's Nawoon creeping in behind Jackson, holding a camera and wearing a professional-looking black shirt. She's taking photos of everyone. Of Jenny who's standing beside Namjoon, whose flute of champagne got magically transformed into iced tea. Of Taehyung holding Bam Eun's hand. Of Sheen and Yugyeom, who's uncharacteristically guiding her to stand closer next to him. There's heavy footsteps approaching us, and I look out through the glass panes to see JB and his bride running across the walkway hand in hand to join us.
"Are we late?" I hear him shout breathlessly over the fading voices of the band outside. My boyfriend shakes his head, tells the leader he arrived just in time, and then gives him a fistbump. "Good, hurry! The song's about to end!" Jaebum says, peeking inside. "Yah! Sarang-ah, iriwaba! [Come here!]" I hear him, but at the same time I don't. I'm frozen on my spot, eyes wide, heart thumping slowly... Too slow to even be possibly alive.
Before the bridge of the song ends, Eun Ah finally takes my hand and pulls me closer to Jackson. "Come on, it's okay..." She whispers, her long gown swishing against the wooden floor.
Just as soon as the voices converge, Jackson takes both of my hands from Eun Ah and smiles. It's that small, shy smile that makes his eyes sparkle. "I don't think I have to elaborate on this, honey..." He drops to his knee, kisses my hand tenderly.
That's when the tears fall as I finally look around.
My parents are crying. Sheen is crying with her head leaning against Yugyeom's shoulder. Youngjae and Mina are both crying. Jinyoung places his arm around JB's shoulder, and he's not crying but he might as well be because his eyes are shining with unshed tears. Mark steps forward and hands a bouquet of white roses to me. The card sticking out from it says I love you in three different languages. BamBam steps forward too and hands a red box to Jackson.
He opens the box and shows me the most beautiful ring I've ever laid eyes on. Our initials are embossed on the inside of the box, my mother's signature underneath it, like a goddamn sign-off. I gasp loudly before looking down and staring at Jackson's tear-stained face, finally voicing out my ugly cries. "Love Kangjeon... Will you marry me?" Jackson asks.
Silence.
Jackson is never comfortable with silence.
But I am.
And so I nod and breathe out an almost inaudible word. "Yes..."
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A/N: FYI, the Day6 song is "Hi, Hello"
Thank you again for reading through this! I hope you liked the ending! And if you didn't I still have Book 2 to make up for it HAHA!