Celestia's New World

by Omega Dragonslayer

Princess Celestia finds herself in a strange new world, with a strange new body. With no knowladge of this land, and no way to return home, she finds herself relying on a kind-hearted person to show her what it means to be a human. 1/1/2021: Story is on fimfiction, and is currently being rewritten.

16. Chapter 16: Red Shadow

"Celestia, how long's it been?" I complained, still driving us around in my car.

"Four hours." she answered, just as bored as I was.

"I've never even driven this long before. We haven't even gotten anywhere."

"Four hours isn't long."

"This is boring." I grumbled.

"At first, I thought it was a little exciting. It got really boring."

"Yeah, that's how I felt. It'll be more exciting when we find her. I hope we find her soon, I'm kinda hungry."

"Me too."

"We should've eaten before we left. You get anything yet?"

"No, nothing. One moment."

She suddenly became very quiet. She seemed to be concentrating on something.

"Make this next turn here." she said, pointing to the right.

"You alright?" I asked, doing as she said.

"Yes, sorry. I just spoke with my sister. It seems she's been able to narrow down our search."

"Oh, wow. Good job, Luna. So you can just talk to her anytime you want?"

"For the most part, yes. It requires a bit of concentration, though."

"Cool. What did she tell you, exactly?"

"Red Shadow is very skilled when it comes to keeping herself hidden, but my sister has managed to create a picture from the holes she's leaving."

"Smart."

"We have a general direction, but the final picture is far from complete."

"Better than what we had." I said, "Oh dang, we're almost out of gas."

"The car?"

"Yeah, that. Sorry, we gotta make a bit of a detour."

I couldn't really remember the last time I got gas for this thing. I never use it anyways. I'd probably start with the upcoming winter. I hate driving on snow...

"I hope it won't take long." she said.

"Don't worry."

The nearest gas station was actually somewhat far away, unfortunately. At least the trip there was smooth.

After I had stuck the hose in the tank, I walked to her side of the car. "Are you doing alright?" I asked her.

"I'm doing just fine. I'm just worried."

"You sure care about this thief."

"She's not supposed to be here. It makes no difference what my opinion of her may be."

"So you don't care about her?"

"Red Shadow must be brought to justice for her crimes, but getting her back to Equestria is our top priority."

"Oh. Alright, I understand. This searching stuff is definitely not for me."

"I know. I'm sorry I'm making you do this."

"Oh, don't worry about that. As long as I'm with you, I don't care what we're doing." She smiled at me. "At least we're not hauling around two extras. Did they finally trust me enough to leave me alone with you?"

"Something like that. To tell the truth, Shining wanted to see you again. Unfortunately, he's not able to simply leave his post."

"And you are?"

"I'm the Princess, I can do whatever I want."

"Fair enough. I kinda wanna to meet up again, too. It'd make it awkward if he showed up too, though."

"I suppose you're right."

"Want anything from inside? Drink or snack or something?"

"I'm fine."

"Alright, I'll be back in a sec."

I went inside to get a soda and pay for the gas. It seemed funny to me how I was casually getting myself a soda while we were hunting someone like this.

I set the soda in a drink holder before taking off. Celestia reached for it to take a drink.

"Thought you said you were fine." I said as we left.

"Maybe I lied."

"Any more news from Luna?" I asked.

"Nothing."

"Think Red Shadow's swiping people's money?"

"I wouldn't know."

The more we scoured the town, the less fun I had. My drink was emptied before long. At this rate, food and bathroom breaks may have to be put on our list of stops as well.

It had to have been another two hours before we got any sort of clue. Fortunately, it was a big clue. We had both been getting anxious by this point.

My phone started to ring. It almost startled me due to our shared silence. I retrieved it from the cup holder I had put it in and answered.

"What's up?" I asked first.

"Hey dude, I think we found her. Really red hair and tattoos, right?" It was my brother.

"Yeah, that's it." I said.

"Dee said he saw someone like that hanging around in Turtle Tap."

"Really? I'm pretty close to there. Alright, thanks man. I owe you big."

"Yeah, you do. Tell me if we found the right woman, alright? See ya."

"Yeah, see ya."

I closed the call and dropped the phone in my lap.

"That sounded like good news." said Celestia.

"Yeah, it was. They think they found her. Luna was leading us in the right direction after all."

"Thank goodness. I don't know how much more of this I could take."

"Yeah, same here."

I made my way towards the Turtle Tap, a small, friendly bar near the Illinois state border. I've been there a few times before, but since it was out of the way, it's been a long time.

I pulled into the parking lot and turned off the car.

"He said she was in there not too long ago. She might still be there." I said, pointing at the building.

"She is, I can feel her inside. She hasn't left yet."

"Alright... I'm gonna head in. You watch the door, alright?"

She nodded. "I don't know what will happen if she sees me. Be on your guard."

"She won't be dangerous."

"Still, be careful."

"Yeah."

I got out of the car and stretched my body out. I've been driving for a few hours straight. My back hurt and my butt was tired from sitting.

I walked inside. A faint aroma of cigarette smoke filled the air. I immediately spotted her standing at the counter. The hair was a dead giveaway. She was alone, at least as far as I could tell. She wasn't doing anything other than standing. It seemed like she was being ignored by the bartender. She was blending in with the crowd.

I stood next to her and ordered myself a beer. I glanced to her. She caught my gaze. There was no reason she would know who I was, so she didn't react.

As soon as I got my drink, I slid it to her. She looked up and smirked at me.

"I know who you are." I said before ordering another.

"Hmm? Is that so? Enlighten me."

"Nuh-uh. First, you take a guess at who I am."

"If you're trying to flirt with me, you're doing an awful job."

"Yeah sorry, I've never been one for small talk. I heard they call you Red Shadow."

"They?"

"Yeah, they. That's what the Princess told me, at least."

"The Princess? You..." Now she knew who I was. She took a sip from the can. "You're the man the Princess lives with. I was wondering how you noticed me."

"Was I not supposed to?"

"I can hide more than my magic."

"Interesting."

"And hiding is what I'd like to return to. Could you do me a favor and leave?"

"Sorry, no."

"Aw, why not?"

"I didn't just come here to chit-chat."

"What did you want?"

"I need you to come with me."

"Come with you? What do you mean?"

"I'm here to collect you for the Princess. Really, I couldn't care less about who you are, but you can't stay here."

"Yes I can."

"No, you really can't."

She took a step away from me.

"Running is just gonna make Celestia angry at you. Neither of us want that."

"Oh yeah, why not?"

"Don't make my life any harder than it is. Look, we both know you can't live here on your own. Where did you sleep last night?"

"I haven't slept yet."

"How long have you been up? Eighteen hours?"

"I don't know. Why do you think I'm here? Look at all these people. Their wallets are so unprotected. I'll steal my fill, then rent a room somewhere while I figure out my next move."

"What if you get caught?"

"Trust me, I never get caught." She raised her hand. Inside it was a wallet... my wallet.

"Very funny, give it back."

I swiped at it, but she pulled it away. She opened it and pulled the money out, then returned it to me.

"I don't appreciate being robbed." I said to her, pocketing my wallet, "Pay up, then we're out."

"What kind of man asks a lady to pay?" she said to me, brushing her hand under my chin.

Another hand grabbed onto her wrist. I turned to see Celestia glaring right at her. She was glaring right at Red Shadow.

"Princess... what a surprise."

"We're leaving." she said. Her voice was angry.

Celestia pulled on her arm, but she didn't move. "I can make a scene." she said to us, "Where would that leave you, I wonder? I doubt dragging a screaming woman away would go unnoticed."

"If you make a sound, I'll give you a reason to scream." Celestia threatened.

"Celestia, you are being very hostile right now." I noticed.

She glanced at me, then begrudgingly let go of her arm.

"Threatening her isn't going to go over well." I said.

"Thank you, Princess." she snarked at her.

I gave Celestia the second beer I had ordered. "You alright?"

"I'm fine." She looked away, still angry. I think she doesn't like her.

"So what do you two want from me?

I looked to her. "Well Red Shadow, it would seem that you are in the wrong world."

"And you want to bring me back to Equestria?"

"That's correct."

"And what if I refuse?"

"We take you by force." said Celestia.

"By force?" she asked, surprised, "And what exactly would that entail?"

"We drag you kicking and screaming out to the car, tie you up, and throw you in the trunk." she replied, an evil grin on her face.

"Whoa, Celestia... drink your beer, you're being mean."

She grumbled, then took a long drink from her can.

"You'd really drag me out?" she asked.

"I'd like to avoid that." I said, "Meaning Celestia wants to avoid that as well... right, Celestia?"

"I dislike how she acts around you." said Celestia.

"Are you gonna be ok?"

"I'll be fine."

"You're acting weird. You wanna leave the talking to me?" I asked her in a soft voice.

She crossed her arms and looked away just like a mad child. "I'm not acting weird, you're acting weird." she grumbled to herself.

"You want something to eat?"

She looked at me and smiled innocently. "Yes."

"Ok, I'll get you some onion rings."

Celestia tipped her can up and took another long drink. "If you want us to be friends, I'll need more of these."

"You act like a kid and then ask for more beer."

She laughed softly.

I ordered a basket of onion rings and another can of beer for her. She opened it immediately. The food would take longer.

Red looked to me. "Who are you?" she asked in bewilderment.

Celestia just chuckled. She seemed better, now.

"So... should we just call you Red Shadow, or is there another name you go by?"

"No, Red Shadow is fine for the likes of you."

"Racist." I casually replied.

"What, no! It's not..." She stopped, then smirked at me.

"My name is Phil." I said.

"That's a weird name."

"Yeah, and Red Shadow isn't?"

"It's an alias."

"Of course it is. So, Red... You wanna make this easy and just come with us?"

"Not likely."

"Look..." I sighed, "The simple fact of the matter is that you're coming with us whether we have to make you or not."

Celestia tapped an empty can down on the counter we were speaking at. "Phiiil..."

I looked at her. "Really?"

"I'm starting to enjoy myself."

"You're such an abusive woman, Celestia. Making poor Phil here get you beer while you yell at his friends."

Celestia frowned. "I take that back."

I was having a hard time trying to figure out why she was drinking so much.

"You don't like me, do you, Princess?"

"No, not really. I have no sympathy for thieves."

"You like me, don't you, Phil?"

"I like you enough to care about what happens to you here."

"Aw, how sweet..."

"Yeah, that's the word, sweet."

"Celestia, you're being a real downer right now." she said.

"I'll put you down, if you're not careful." she replied. She didn't seem as angry as she was before. I think a little playfulness was thrown into the mix.

"Phil, she's being so mean to us." she said to me, stepping behind me so that I was between us. "We should run away from all of her abuse."

"You stay away from my wallet." I said.

"I already took the money, what else could I take?"

"She took your wallet?"

"She took my money." I replied.

"What? And you... let it happen?"

"She'll give it back. And if not, it's only like... $35. She's paying for the beer and food, so it's more like $25."

"Do you not care?" Celestia asked me.

"Why would you think I'd give it back?"

"Red Shadow, how dare you? He's been kind enough to have a civilized conversation with you, even through my petty bad temperament."

"He doesn't seem to mind."

"It's not a lot of money." I said.

"She's taking advantage of you."

"So? All we gotta do is get her back to Equestria. If she wants something, she can have it."

"I never said I was coming with."

"You don't exactly have a say in the matter." said Celestia. She was right, but she was being very blunt about it.

"Which brings me to my point, what if I try to run?"

"Oh, you do not want to do that." said Celestia. She had a sly smile on her face. It was hard to really nail down how she felt about this whole thing. She's had two beers so far... Three... That's not really a lot.

"I can't help but feel as though you dislike me, Princess. I thought we were friends."

The bartender came back with a basket of onion rings. I thanked him. Celestia took the basket for herself.

"I love these." she said, food in her mouth.

I turned to Red. "Would you really run from us?"

"I might, if I really felt threatened. Right now, I don't really know what to think."

"We need you to come with us, Red."

"And I don't want to. If I come with you, I'll be walking myself into a prison."

"You'll be safe." I said to her.

"I don't need your protection."

"Red, you know the importance of a safe house."

She crossed her arms across her chest. "So what? If I come with you, it will mean that I will go back to Equestria. If I go back to Equestria, the Princess here is going to capture me and lock me away."

"You have no idea how much trouble you've caused me." said Celestia, "If it were up to me, I would lock you away here, as well."

"What do you want to do, chain her up in the basement?" I asked, "'Cause I'm pretty sure that's illegal."

"What do you mean, 'if it were up to you?'" asked Red, "Do you really take orders from him?"

Celestia paused for a few seconds. "Sometimes."

"Who... Who are you?!" she asked me, shocked, "Wait, wait, wait... Wait a minute... are..." She stepped in front of me. "Are you... Are you... together?!"

Neither of us replied. We stared at her dumbstruck face as a wide smile spread across it.

"No way... Oh my gosh, you really are!" She started to laugh at us. "This is too much!" She doubled over, hands on her stomach.

"Yes, yes, laugh it up. You won't be laughing when I throw you in the car."

"Celestia, c'mon. No threats."

"She's using that against me, you know."

"You're a Princess, you should know better."

"As a Princess, it's my duty to imprison criminals like this."

Red patted my back. She was still giggling. "Good for you, we all know everyone needs someone t-" She burst out laughing again. "I can't do it! This is the funniest thing ever!"

"Yes, thank you Red."

"Doing what I can." she joked.

We both waited for her to calm down. Every time it seemed like she was going to stop, she just kept laughing. Celestia finished another can while waiting.

People were starting to stare at us. It didn't make me feel as awkward as it should've.

Eventually, she did stop laughing. She took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Ok... ok... I think I'm good."

"Now that we've gotten that out of the way..." I started.

"What, you're not even denying it?"

"Why would I deny it?"

"I don't know, it just seemed kinda... never mind."

"No, not never mind." said Celestia. I'm starting to think that she was getting tipsy. "What did you mean by that?"

"Nothing! Nothing. Just... Princess Celestia with a boyfriend... It's crazy, right?!"

"Hmm... I suppose it is... crazy." Celestia stopped, then giggled.

"I heard about you, I just never thought that you two were... together like that."

I shrugged.

She sighed. "I suppose we should get back to the matter at hand."

"Good idea." I said.

"So tell me... how exactly would it benefit me to come with you?"

"Well... you'd be safe."

"Here we go again." she said, annoyed.

"Red, my house is the only place in this world that I can promise that you'll be safe." I said.

"So what?"

"You can't stay here all night." I said.

"Then I'll find somewhere I can stay. There's a very nice hotel down the road from here."

"Hotels aren't cheap, you know."

She smirked. "What, you thought I went to this bar to socialize?"

"This is why you should be locked up." said Celestia.

"How much... did you get?"

"Enough."

"Red seriously, you can't go around doing this."

"You sound just like my mom."

"She was a smart woman." said Celestia.

"Red come on, it's time to go." I said.

"But we were having so much fun."

"Come on, let's go."

She took a step away from us. "No... I think I'll stay here."

"To do what?"

"Steal some more, obviously." said Celestia.

Red shrugged. "Probably."

"Red, you can't do that. I can give you money, I can get you what you need."

"Are you bribing me?"

"If that's what you want to call it, yes."

"Phil, why would you give someone like her money?"

"So she would do as I ask."

"It's... tempting, if I do say so myself..." said Red, "I suppose I am more inclined to join you now. What else can you offer me?"

"Er... Uhh... I... I mean, I already said that I would get you what you want. I can't... like... buy you jewelry or anything extravagant like that. Celestia's the only one I'd buy jewelry for."

"What?" asked Celestia.

"If you want food or something to do or something like that though, then I can help you."

"Hmm..." She shook her head. "No."

"Reeeedd." I complained.

"It's not worth it."

"Please?"

"No."

"Oh come on, we've been here for like an hour."

"It hasn't been an hour. And so what? It doesn't matter how long it takes."

"I have all night." I said.

"You're never going to leave me alone, are you?"

"No, no I'm not."

She sighed. "You're certainly not making this easy for me."

"It's not supposed to be a choice."

"It's not a choice at all, you're coming with us."

"Celestia."

"She is!"

"Be nice."

She glared at me. "I can't believe this. I'm being scolded by my own boyfriend."

"Thank you." I turned my attention back to Red. "Can you please come with us? You don't belong here, Red. Equestria is your home."

"I don't want to go to prison." she sullenly let out.

"Red, there's time to talk about this later. Neither of us has the upper hand here, so I'm asking you politely, as a friend, please come with us. We can speak more about this after you come with us."

She looked at me. There was no way of knowing what she was thinking. She sighed. "I'm going to be honest... The thought of angering a Princess does not sit right with me. If... If you're really just offering me a place to stay, we'll see how it goes."

"Thank you."

Celestia eyed Red. She was thinking about something. "I'm glad we came to an agreement."

Red nodded. She reached into her pocket and retrieved the money she took from me. She gave it to me and said, "You owe me."

"Got it."

After paying for what we had taken, we finally left. Celestia had finished her snack.

Celestia got into her usual passenger seat. Red sat in the back.

She patted the seat a few times. "This is a lot less exciting than I thought it would be." she said to us.

"What, you expect it to buy you dinner or something?" I asked.

"You already took care of that."

"Red, you had like a sip of a beer. That's hardly a meal."

"That's right, you didn't buy me any food at all, did you?"

"Hey, you took my money. And don't think I didn't notice that it wasn't all there."

"You have better eyes than I thought. Maybe my work is shoddy thanks to these new hands. These are nothing like using magic."

"Hey, is there something you'd like to be called by? Red's kinda... eh."

"My friends call me Red. That's all you need to know about my name."

"Is Red Shadow the best alias you could've come up with?" said Celestia in a mocking tone.

"Well, I also went by Scarlet Witch for a while, but your guards were too stupid to figure that out."

"Do not speak of my guards in such a tone." she growled. Celestia was genuinely angry at that comment.

"That's enough. Both of you." I sternly let out. At least Celestia would listen. I was hoping Red would as well.

Celestia looked to me, then slunk back in her seat. I glanced to her. She was looking down.

Red chuckled. "You're still taking orders, Princess?"

Celestia looked to me again.

"Red, be quiet. You're not doing anyone any favors by acting snippy."

The rest of the trip was both quiet and awkward.

I pulled into my driveway and got out of the car first. I took a deep breath as I shut my door.

I walked over to Red's side and opened the door for her. The two of us led Red inside.

"This is my new home?" she asked as we walked.

"Yeah, at least until you go back to Equestria."

"How long will that be?"

"I dunno. Celestia?"

"As soon as possible."

"Then it's straight to jail with me?" asked Red.

Celestia crossed her arms and stared at her.

"That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid. If jail is all I'm going to expect, then why even go back? Maybe we could talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about."

"I'm not going back if I'm just going to be locked up."

"I think we need to come to some sort of an agreement." I said.

"Are you defending her?"

"I'm just trying to get her back to Equestria." I said.

She glared at me.

"I'm glad at least one of you is on my side." said Red, grabbing onto my shoulder.

I looked to her, then back to Celestia.

"She broke the law. She broke my laws. She deserves to be in prison."

"Aw, you don't think I deserve to be in prison, do you?" she asked me.

"You rolled the dice, here." I said.

"Hey, I never stole from anyone who couldn't afford it."

"'Steal from the rich and give to myself?'"

"That's right. I even stole from the royal castle."

Celestia grumbled. "I assumed it was you. Most criminals don't admit to their crimes."

"Hey, you already know I did it. I don't need to confess anything."

"You and that little group of yours. You're the only one left."

Red shrugged. "They were good while they lasted. Oh right, Phil doesn't know what happened. Anyways, the group of five I was with tried going for the castle again. I thought it was a stupid idea so I didn't join."

"Didn't go well, I assume."

"They were all caught." said Celestia, "All except her."

Red laughed. "Joke's on me though, they thought I sold them out. Whatever, I bet you don't care about my idiot friends. Well, idiot no-longer-friends."

"We all got idiot friends." I said to her.

She shrugged again. "Yeah, I guess. Hey, you aren't just pulling my leg or anything, are you? You're actually together?"

"Hard to believe, isn't it?" I said.

"Well, of course it is! I've never heard of Princess Celestia or Princess Luna ever having boyfriends. What does she even see in you?"

"Hey, I found you didn't I?"

She nodded. "I guess you do have some hidden talents. I can't believe I have to stay here."

"How long... do you think it will take, Celestia?" I asked.

"Luna's working on a way to break our monthly schedule, but until I receive word from her, she'll go home with me."

"Man, I really don't wanna spend a whole month watching over someone."

"And I really don't want to spend a month with someone who hates me." said Red, "Why a month? What's with the month speak?"

"Celestia can come here or go back home once a month. Meaning she can't go back until the month's over. Same for you."

"So I have to stay here for a full month?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

She sighed. "Well, isn't this just a treat?"

"At least we can agree on that." said Celestia.

"Let's just see how this will work out, alright? That's all we can ask for. Red just has to stay here for a bit and everything will go back to normal."

Red let out a quiet, "Hmm..."

We looked to her.

"I suppose I'm somewhat grateful you're giving me somewhere to stay. Speaking of which, where do I sleep?"

"Downstairs." said Celestia.

"Are you serious?"

"It's better than you might think." I said, "Probably."

"Why can't I sleep in there?" she asked, pointing at my room.

"That's Celestia's bed." I replied.

"It's your bed." said Celestia.

"Wait, wait, wait... You two sleep together? Wow... I... can't say I expected that."

"Not tonight, we aren't."

I looked back to Celestia.

"Aw, trouble in paradise? Or maybe I'm coming between you two. Well, don't let me keep you." she sarcastically let out.

She turned on her heel, then headed for the stairs. As soon as she walked down, Celestia closed the door.

"It locks on the other side." I said.

"I don't care." she said coldly, "I don't want her to hear this."

I had a feeling that I knew what she was going to say.

"I do not like how she acts around you. I do NOT like how you've been acting around her." She was angry. This was the angriest I've ever seen her. "You keep taking her side over and over again. You were almost ignoring me! Is there something wrong with what I think?"

It's a strange feeling knowing that someone is saying one thing but meaning another. At times, Celestia makes no sense to me. Other times, I feel I understand her more than she does herself. It was less about what happened and more about how I would explain it. She was smart. Incredibly smart. Smart enough to know why I did what I did. She just wanted my reasoning. I had to speak carefully.

"You heard what she said. If our situation escalated any further, we would've had a big problem. If there's even an inkling of a chance that the police would be called, I'm not going to risk it. What if she decided to scream or make a scene? What if something had happened? Your attitude certainly didn't help. What was with that? You're not like that."

"Don't change the subject."

"I don't care what you think about Red Shadow. You are way more important to me than some 'fugitive.' If she got jailed, whoop-de-do. Under no circumstances will I risk it with you. If she had done anything to attract attention to us, it would've caused so many issues. I needed her to trust at least one of us and she already had a reason not to trust you. You should know this, Celestia. You're smarter than me, smarter than her. You were making me be the bigger person and you know I'm not.

"Everything you've been doing has involved another woman. You think Red Shadow is beautiful as well, don't you..."

"If I say no, you'll just say I'm lying. This isn't about looks, this isn't about them. It's about us. Sarah and Red are my friends and I trust them. If they're in trouble and need help, then I'll help, not because they're women, but because they're my friends."

"Why do you have to be so..." She groaned in frustration. "You're so... I don't know." She let out a sigh and calmed down a bit.

"I know right now, I'm not being the best boyfriend to you."

"I just... I don't like all these new women. I don't like that they're taking your attention away from me. The time we have together is being taken away from us."

"We'll have time." I said gently, "Right now, we just need to make sure she doesn't get any funny ideas. If that means we have to appease her, then so be it. Try not to get into any arguments with her, alright?"

"I'll try."

I lightly wrapped my arms around her. She smiled, returning the embrace.

"I think I need a little time to myself." she said, "Like you said, make sure she doesn't get any funny ideas."

"Alright. I need to go talk to her anyways. Thank you, Celestia. For... For understanding."

"Of course."

She pulled away from me and went into my room, closing the door behind her.

The past few days must've been hard on her. I'm putting her through a lot. That's what it feels like, at least. We're not done talking, not by a long shot.

Now for the nuisance in my basement.

"You can get away from the door now." I said.

"Nowhere near it!" she called back up the stairs.

I opened the door and walked down the stairs.

"You know, for some guy's basement, this is surprisingly cozy. What's that?" She pointed at the desk.

"Called a computer." I said. I explained it the same way I explained it to Celestia. I didn't really need or want to, but it gave me a chance to study her reactions. No doubt she was doing the same to me.

"You like this place?" I asked.

"Well, if it keeps me out of prison. Can you talk to her about that? I doubt she'd listen to me."

"I'm not gonna mess with that. You ponies have your own laws. It's not my place."

"C'mon, please?"

"I can't ask her about that. Equestria isn't my world."

"What if I kiss you?"

"It's not my place, simple as that."

"That's not simple at all." she grumbled, "What can I do about this?"

"I don't know. I'm not exactly too fond of my friends being jailed."

"I'm really your friend? Seems like I'm just making problems for you."

"You are. I don't care if you make problems, just don't do anything stupid."

"Thanks, I guess. The only friends I have are other thieves and they're all untrustworthy."

"Maybe she'd go light on you if you turn them in."

"No, absolutely not. Not only is that dishonest, but some of them scare me. I don't want to be on their bad side."

"No honor among thieves."

"Tell me about it."

"So what exactly did you do? Like, what did you steal, who did you steal from?"

"I'm surprised you don't have a notepad and pen with questions like that."

"It's stupid to spy on someone who's already guilty."

"I suppose."

"So what kind of thief are you?"

"The best. At least, I think I was the best. If there were better, I doubt I'd know about them." She chuckled. "I always got away clean. The castle robbery got me a lot of money, but surprisingly not as much as I thought it would. My 'friends' weren't satisfied with that. They went in again and got caught. I ended up having to pay for their silence."

"Poor you."

"Hey, you try being a thief who's being held back by a bunch of idiots."

"I'm already held back by a bunch of idiots. I mean, I'm talking to you, aren't I?"

"Oh, ha ha."

"So what else did you do? Let me guess, aspiring artist?"

"As if! I had a steady job. I worked at a bakery. I like to cook."

"Oh, good for you."

"I didn't have any family to keep me occupied either, if that's what you were gonna ask next. Not even a boyfriend." She smiled as she said the last sentence.

"Keep dreaming."

"Come on, you can't say you don't want all of..." She gestured to her own body. "Whatever this is. I heard you call me beautiful."

"Red, at my age, there aren't really a lot of women I don't think about. You are indeed very good looking."

"Gross. I was just kidding around."

I shrugged, then turned to my computer. "I can't use this while you're sleeping, so I'm gonna get on now while I have the chance. That alright with you?"

"Go ahead. Is that how you treat all women you meet?"

"Usually, no. And don't try to talk yourself up like that. Celestia is a lot better looking than you could ever hope to be."

She certainly wasn't ugly. In fact, she was one of the best looking women I've ever met.

The computer was, of course, an excuse. I barely had anything to do on it anyways. It was a way to get close to Red..

"So what exactly... does this thing do?" she asked me, stepping behind me.

"Stuff, I guess. It can do a lot of things. You don't need to concern yourself with it."

"Why's that?"

"'Cause you're going home soon."

"I wish. Celestia doesn't like me at all. As soon as I get back, I'm gonna get clapped in irons."

"That's certainly optimistic."

"Well, what can I do? C'mon, you gotta help me out here."

"I don't know. Try not to argue with her." Now, I've told that to both of them. "She's a lot more easygoing than you may think."

"Is that so? I don't think I see that in her."

"Well, you haven't been living with her for a month."

"I suppose. I'm impressed with you, though."

"Hmm?" I looked at her.

"I mean, you and the Princess are a couple. A... A close couple. I mean, you even sleep in the same bed. Do... Do you two... You know..."

"Yes we do, Red."

"It's so weird to think about the Princess like this."

"Yeah, how do you think I feel?"

"I mean, I've never thought about her as someone who would even want a boyfriend. She's so... so different from us regular ponies."

"She's pretty normal when she wants to be." I said, "She lazes around a lot."

"I guess I've never thought of her as anything other than just 'The Princess.'"

I shrugged. "Get to know her a bit more, Red. She can be a good friend."

"She can also be terrifying."

"Indeed she can."

"What if I just left?"

"I'd really rather you not."

"What's stopping me?"

"I am, if I have to."

"You? What would you do, talk to me again?"

"I don't think Celestia would like it if I was anything less than physical."

"Bet you'd love a chance to get physical with me."

"Boy would I." I said, still looking at the screen, "Be a dear and make my day, would you?"

"Only if you promise to be gentle with me."

The silence that followed was more awkward than it needed to be.

"Seriously, you probably have a hundred pounds on me." she said.

"Just don't do anything stupid."

"I'll try to keep that in mind. Would you actually do something like that, though?"

"I'd try to avoid it, but if I had to, I guess I would."

"Scary thought. I wouldn't want you coming after me."

"Just don't do anything stupid and you won't have to worry about it."

"Right."

"You know, Celestia was worried about you until she met you. Until she walked in the bar, she made it seem like you were a lost child or something. Maybe you could use that to your advantage. If I could help, I would, but with the way things are right now, I don't need more problems."

"Alright."

I turned back to my computer. "I'm thirsty. Is my water down here, or did I leave it upstairs?"

"What? Water? You mean that jug thing?"

"Yeah, that. Have you seen it?"

"It's under the desk."

I moved my chair back and looked near my feet. "Oh, sweet." I retrieved it and took a drink, then returned it to the floor.

Red sighed. "You're a lot nicer than I thought you would be. You're a lot nicer than the Princess."

"Oh... Well, thanks."

"You know, if I really did want to leave, I think it would be easiest to sneak out while you're sleeping."

"I'm sleeping on the couch tonight, maybe it's not the best idea."

"Oh, I could sneak by you just fine."

"Yeah, probably. Celestia might be more watchful than I would be though. I mean, I have a job, I can't just take days off all the time."

"Where do you work?"

"I manage a fast food restaurant." I said. I shrugged. "It pays the bills."

"So we both work with food. You know, I probably shouldn't have told you what I did for a living."

"It's not like I'm gonna tell Celestia. Unless she asks, I suppose."

"Guess you're just easy to talk to. You know, I studied a lot when I was becoming a thief. I learned all sorts of stuff. How to protect myself, how to stay hidden, how to keep others away... There's a lot that went into it. I didn't just decide one day to become a thief."

I gave her a confused, "Ok..."

"I learned about plants as well." She stood up. "I'm sorry things turned out this way, I really am."

"Huh? What?"

"I mean, with all the talking we did and all the... you seem nice, so I feel kinda bad about this."

"About... what, exactly?"

"I just couldn't take the chance, you know? It's not exactly made for humans, but then again, it's not exactly made for ponies, either. I've tested it on myself before, so I know it's safe, but I just didn't know how long it would take. I can see it taking effect though."

"Red, did you... do something to my water?"

"You'll be fine soon. Think of it like... a really strong tea, or...

"Red, I told you not to do anything stupid."

She just gave me an innocent, yet awkward smile before turning around and walking to the staircase.

My body felt heavy. It was unusually hard to move.

She drugged me.

As soon as that thought popped into my head, I drew in breath, and shouted up the stairs, "Celestia!"

Red turned to face me one last time before running up the stairs. Her face was somewhat panicked as she looked back. The last thing I heard was the door closing after her. I couldn't keep myself awake any longer. My head hung loosely from my neck, and I fell asleep in the chair.