Wild cards
Chapter 06
…
The street was empty. Then suddenly it wasn't. With a crack the double decker bus came to a stop and opened its door, letting a young man fall out.
"You okay there mate" the conductor inquired.
"Is the ride over?" the young man groaned.
"Eh, yur alright" he said dismissively, climbing back into the bus.
And as quickly as it arrived, it vanished.
Harry sat up looking at where the absurd conveyance had just been.
"Why would anyone use that to get around?" he wondered aloud, dusting himself off and examining his surroundings.
He was underwhelmed to say the least. It lacked the sparkle and polish of Diagon Alley while at the same time having none of the gloom or 'edge' he'd found in Knockturn Alley. The Belching Boar, the bar he'd come looking for, fit right in among all the unspectacular buildings. Old and worn and unspectacular, this was Tintern Alley. Mundane, that was the word, it was very mundane.
Despite his misgivings he was going in, even if the inside was as bland as the outside, he was going in. Mustering up all his youthful enthusiasm he pushed through the doors then stopped to let his eyes adjust to the poor light.
It was as he'd feared, so mundane. There was a bar with a bartender cleaning a glass, as you'd expect. A few small tables scattered around the floor. He momentarily paused on a young girl in a frilly black dress. She was sipping at something while looking very bored.
He finally found what he'd come for at the far side of the bar. An open space with a circle chalked into the floor. Standing inside were a couple dirty disheveled looking men in the middle of a duel.
They wore their duel boards on their arms as he now did and as far as he could see the circle served no purpose but to tell them where to stand. It certainly wasn't a silencing ward because when the bartender yelled at them to "get on with it already" they both made a very rude gesture at him.
This was not what he had hoped for. He was beginning to think his expectations may have been unrealistic. Still, there was a duel going on in between the belligerent cursing, so he moved closer to watch.
"Alright ya miserable sack a whore-shit, I play Bloated Legume in attack position."
The oversized bean with a single eye and wavy tendrils was a pitiful sight.
"Ya call that a monster ya miserable bag a goat farts?"
"Ah stuff it!"
It went back and forth, insults upon insults with the occasional game move to give them something else to insult. Harry had to wonder where they'd gotten such pitiful cards because the duel could not have been less interesting. Listening to them hurl insults was educational however.
Eventually someone went too far and their nice civilized duel turned into a nice not civilized fist fight. That lasted until the bartender pulled out his wand and sent the two careening out the door.
"Well that was lame" Harry commented.
"Too true" the girl added.
Harry turned around to the girl he'd forgotten was there and smiled.
"I'm Harry" the overly cheerful boy said.
"I'm bored" the much less cheerful girl groaned.
"What brings you here?"
"My uncle owns this place" she said gesturing at the bartender, "My parents are out of the country so I'm stuck here until Hogwarts."
"You're going to Hogwarts?"
She perked up, "That's right. You're going to Hogwarts?"
Harry nodded.
"Huh, I guess they'll let anyone in" she remarked, "I mean really, Harry, how terribly common."
What a brat, Harry thought, "I guess it's not so posh as Bored."
Her petulant scowl made him grin.
"Isolda" she said imperiously, "You'd do well to remember it."
"We'll see."
This was fun, he thought as the high and mighty Isolda gave him a sour look. She may have been a brat, but she was a fun brat.
"I see you have a duel board" she observed.
"Yep" Harry replied, holding up his right arm where his board was shrunk down and wrapped around his wrist.
"Perhaps I ought to teach you some manners, if you think your man enough to step into the ring" she said, displaying her own.
Harry didn't really know how 'man' he could be at eleven, but he wasn't about to turn down a duel.
"Ladies first" he said with an exaggerated gesture.
"Cheeky little man" she said strutting past him.
He tried not to grin, really, he did, but it was so hard. Her attitude was so completely over exaggerated it was impossible to take her seriously.
"I can't spend all day teaching you your place so let's just say 1000 points, shall we?"
"Whatever you say, Princess."
That earned him a very ugly look, "Don't call me Princess" she growled.
"Duchess?"
"Oh, you're gonna get it" she said snapping her board open and back to full size.
"Whenever you're ready" Harry said with exaggerated politeness.
They both took their opening hands and Isolda declared, "I'll start" and made her draw.
Harry watched her mull over her cards. She had no poker face to speak of and Harry had a lot of practice reading faces. She finally landed on what Harry interpreted as, I have an 'evil' plan, or Dudley standard #5, and made her play.
"I summon Vile Mist in attack mode."
Harry almost didn't see the monster appear. There was no flash, no fanfare, the thin black cloud simply coalesced into existence.
A 200 D 0
"I'll lay two cards face down and end my turn."
She wants me to attack, that was Harry's thought as he made his draw. He'd only just started playing this game but even he could spot such an obvious ploy.
He looked over his hand, no familiar faces. He had drawn one of his booster pack cards that might be useful later, but for now.
"I summon Little Boulder!"
The rock monster dropped onto the field as a single roundish stone. Its body broke away in parts that hefted the remains up onto its shoulders. The big-headed rock boy gave as close to a roar as he could give. It wasn't much.
A 400 D 600
Isolda giggled, "Oo, so scary."
Brat, "I'll lay one card face down, and end my turn."
"You're not going to attack?"
"Nope" obviously the right choice.
"Well, fine then, I don't care."
"Sure you don't" Harry mumbled while Isolda drew her card.
"I summon Minor Tar Beast."
The summon glooped and glopped up out of the floor. Its liquid form bulged and shifted into a massive beaver creature which gave a frightful shriek.
A 500 D 400
"Gross, but cool" said Harry.
"Minor Tar Beast, attack Little Boulder!"
"Activate trap, Enhanced Reflection!" shouted Harry.
"Activate trap, Counter Crash!"
Harry's card had barely stood up before it was shattered, followed by his rock beast.
"What just happened?"
Isolda grinned at his befuddled expression, "Counter Crash can destroy any trap card the turn its activated, negating its effect. Bad luck for you."
"I guess so" said Harry.
She blinked at his blasé response, "that's it?"
"Is it, it's still your turn?" he said.
"No, I mean… never mind. I end my turn."
Harry wasn't sure what she was expecting. He also wasn't about to tell her she'd forgotten to attack with her other monster.
"I summon Hanuman!"
The monkey warrior arrived with a great acrobatic display, jumping and flipping before landing in a solid stance.
A 1000 D 200
"And thanks to his effect, since he's my only monster on the field, I can special summon my Gopher Soldier."
The card left his deck and joined Hanuman on his board. The Gopher Soldier marched proudly onto the field giving his fellow beast-warrior a salute as it joined.
A 600 D 800
"A monkey and a rodent, I'm sooooo worried."
"Are you going to do that every time I summon something?"
"I don't know, are all your summons going to be so lame?"
Harry shook his head, "Gopher Solider, attack Minor Tar Beast."
His rodent soldier charged at the tar creature. Its spear struck true and punctured the tar beast which popped like a bubble, covering his monster in tar.
"Poor little rat, that's Minor Tar Beast's effect. Any monster that destroys Minor Tar Beast becomes trapped in tar and cannot attack again or change its position."
The hundred life points was not worth having to listen to her crowing cackle, Harry thought.
"Hanuman, attack Vile Mist!"
His monkey warrior leapt at the black cloud and sailed right through it. Confused he tried again, and again. The mist remained, untouched, untouchable.
"What the what?"
"Vile Mist cannot be attacked by any monster on the field so long as it remains in attack position" Isolda grinned between cackling.
"I knew there had to be a reason you threw that out" Harry said accusingly.
"The only downside is it can't attack you directly."
"And so long as it's on the field, I can't attack you directly."
"That's what you call strategy" she gloated.
Harry couldn't argue with her, so he ended his turn and let her draw.
"I activate, Tar pit excavation."
Their surroundings shifted and morphed into a strange place. Bones were strewn across a large stone pit and at the center, a pool of bubbling black tar.
"Tar pit excavation summons one tar bubble token each turn" Isolda explained as a single black bubble floated out of the pool and over to her side.
Harry remembered the rubble token from the previous day and suddenly had a sinking feeling of what was coming, but Isolda wasn't done.
"I summon Dire Bone Wolf."
Bones from the tar pit were sucked up by a powerful vortex and assembled into a canine form. Harry had never seen a living wolf, and judging by the skeletal one facing him, he hoped he never would.
A 900 D 600
"Dire Bone Wolf, attack Gopher Soldier."
The rodent warrior struggled against his tar imprisonment but it was no use. The giant wolf's bony jaw latched onto the tar trapped gopher and shattered it.
"That's 300 points down which puts me in the lead."
Harry tried hard not to retort, but it was so hard when she was being so smug.
"My turn?"
Isolda rolled her eyes, "If you must."
Harry drew and looked over his hand. Another of his new acquisitions, a trap, but he needed a spellcaster to use it. He didn't have one and he'd seen the risk of just throwing cards out onto the field.
"I summon Soldier's Apprentice!"
The young man in leather armor walked up next to his monkey man, holding his mace and shield nervously.
A 600 D 300
"Hanuman, attack Dire Bone Wolf!"
The monkey man leapt excitedly to the attack.
"Activate, Crystal Wall!"
Massive green crystals shot out of the floor and the excited 'Hanuman' crashed face first into them."
"Crystal Wall blocks all monster's attacks for one turn" said Isolda, "denied again monkey man."
Said monkey man had a small fit which included various rude gestures and ended with him stomping back to his place by Harry. Harry sympathized with Hanuman, this was very frustrating. Isolda appeared fully aware of that and was clearly enjoying it as she drew her next card.
"Well let's see" she mused, "since I have two tar bubble token now, I think I'll put the monkey out of his misery."
Hanuman blew her a raspberry which only made her laugh.
"Oh, cheeky monkey, I will miss you" her mirthful expression turned cruel as she commanded, "I use Dire Bone Wolf's effect and sacrifice my two tokens to increase his attack by 200 for one turn."
The tar bubbles popped, splattering the skeletal canine in black goo.
"And now, Dire Bone Wolf, attack Hanuman."
True to his character the monkey man made one final rude gesture before the bone wolf was on him. 100 points down and the bone wolf sauntered back, black ooze melting off as he went.
"I think that'll do it for me" her saccharine smile was infuriating.
Harry drew, and nearly cursed. Another magic card. He had no monsters to play, no magic that would work on the one he had, and his trap was useless as well. Although, she didn't know that.
"I lay one card face down, then turn my "Soldier's Apprentice into defense mode."
"Running scared?" she taunted.
"Just working a little strategy" he replied.
Isolda scoffed, it wasn't a very good bluff, but it was his first time, "A 'little' strategy is right" she said making her draw, "too little, and too late. I sacrifice my Vile Mist and Dire Bone Wolf to summon the Pig from hell!"
The two monsters vanished and the entire field was assaulted by a squeal that sent shivers down every spine. A form emerged from the tar pit. A massive porcine monster with bones showing through the holes in its tattered skin.
Harry stared. It towered over him like a tank of rotting flesh, bones and tusks. Its beady eyes focused on him and it gave off another shrieking squeal.
Fortunately, for his dignity, he was too scared to move. Isolda chuckled wickedly from behind the behemoth hog.
"How's that strategy working now?" she cackled.