Speak Now: Chapter 4

Don't say yes, run away now

I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door

Don't wait or say a single vow, you need to hear me out

And they said speak now

~Taylor Swift, Speak Now

"Fox", Diana snaps, eyeing Mulder impatiently and handing her large bouquet of flowers to one of the confused looking bridesmaids beside her. "Fox look at me right now." She wasn't half surprised that Agent Scully had pulled something like this on her and Fox's wedding day. Diana had always known that Scully had a thing for Mulder, it had been the whole reason why she had uninvited her at the rehearsal dinner. Even the thought of her husband-to-be's partner made her blood boil and this little stunt just strengthened her disdain.

Mulder shook his head slightly as though trying to wake himself up from a dream. A large goofy grin breaking out on his face as Scully's words truly hit him. He felt as though her voice was still ringing in his ears. Scully's voice, the voice her knew so well. She the voice of reason in his life. Scully was his constant, his touchstone.

And she loved him.

He turned around for the first time, taking in the sight of Diana, the woman he was supposed to marry today. Her face was already flushed with anger and she looked kind of like she was about to hit something, or at least like she wanted to hit something.

He might have to duck in a few minutes.

Mulder spotted Skinner over Diana's left should. The older man nodded to him encouragingly, as though making a silent promise to give whatever explanations that need to be given to the guest who had came to Martha's Vineyard from Washington for a wedding that would ultimately not happen.

It wouldn't be the first or last time that Skinner had cleaned up after Mulder and Scully but at least this time he could back their decision wholeheartedly.

Mulder nodded back, glancing longingly at the archway that Scully had passed through, heading back to the field that was serving as a parking lot at the front of the house. He needed to follow her ,and quickly, before she left.

"Fox, look at me", Diana commanded forcefully as she reached out and took his hands. Mulder turned to her apologetically, knowing exactly what he had to do.

Diana spoke up first. "We can't let Agent Scully ruin today", she told him firmly. "Dana Scully doesn't matter anymore."

Mulder frowned, pulling his hands gently from Diana's grasp. "You see, Diana. That's where you're wrong. Scully does matter. She's my best friend and to be honest I think she's right about this. That's why I can't marry you ", he dropped his voice slightly so that no one but Diana could hear. "I'm sorry."

Diana frowned, hands now firmly on her hips, she eyed him critically. "Fox, Agent Scully doesn't know you like I do. She's not like you the way I am. Would you let her selfishly ruin what could be an amazing marriage?"

Mulder sighed deeply, trying not to react to Diana's remarks about Scully being 'selfish' or 'not mattering'. As far as he was concerned, Dana Scully was the most selfless human and important person in his life. She had sacrificed everything to stay by his side in the last six years from her relationship with certain family members to her health and most painfully her chance at having a family.

There was nothing Scully wouldn't do for him just as there was nothing that he wouldn't do for her.

"Diana, you don't want to be married to me", he said finally. "I should never have gotten into a relationship with you again in the first place, especially when my heart very obviously didn't belong to you and hadn't for over a decade", he knew that it was cruel and he didn't want to be cruel to Diana but not telling her now would only hurt her more in the long run.

Scully had once told him that the truth may hurt but it us all that matters. No truer words had ever been spoken. "I was fooling myself thinking that I could live a life with you when my life has felt like nothing but a lie since we got back together. Scully is my life but I still asked you to marry me and I'm so sorry for that. But if anyone is selfish here it as sure as hell isn't Scully, it's me."

"So bottom line, you think that you're in love with her?", Diana asked indignantly, glaring up at him.

"Bottom line, I am in love with Dana Scully", Mulder said, putting firm emphasis on 'am'. His eyes, drifted back to the floral archway in front of the curtain that Scully had appeared through earlier. "And I really really need to go after her."

Suddenly Diana's fist collided with his face, knocking him back. With her punch coming as a complete surprise (even though it probably shouldn't have), Mulder hadn't prepared himself for a thumping right then and lost his balance half from the force of her punch and half from tripping over himself (very graceful for an FBI agent, huh? But bless him, he was still a bit love addled from Scully's confession).

Mulder ended up on the ground, whacking his head hard off of the concrete tiled aisle. The world spinning around him for a moment as he saw The Gunmen pulling a very angry Diana away from him.

Then nothing.

Nothing but a sea of darkness, as pitch as charcoal with a few scattered stars, shining like celestial balls in his mind's night.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Of course she, Dana Scully, had experienced heartbreak before, who hadn't?

On the handful of occasions when she had experienced the dreaded post love lost sickness, it had totally sucked. What kind of sickness didn't?

There would never be more than a few tears but after she had prescribed herself (she was a doctor, right?) a few glasses of wine (maybe a bottle), a pint of the famous Peanut Buttercup Ben and Jerry's ice cream, a nice warm bubble bath and a screening of 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' for one, Scully would have carefully pieced back her heart together and covered it neatly with a bandage. All tidied up with comfort food, vanilla and cinnamon scented bath bubbles and metaphorical surgical tape, she would be back to her usual self the next day.

This didn't feel like one of those times though. Like hell it didn't.

She held it together until she was out of sight and out of earshot of any of Mulder and Diana's wedding guests. She couldn't let them see her bleed about this. She may have sacrificed her fearsome reputation of being an "ice queen" in a predominantly man's world by pouring her heart out to Mulder in front of everyone but she wasn't going to let anyone see her break down over his rejection.

As soon as she climbed behind the steering wheel of her car, tears fell hot and salty down her face at the loss she had just sustained. Her Mulder. She had lost him. It was the one thing she had dreaded most about admitting her feeling to him and just as Murphy's law would predict, she had lost him because she loved him too much in a way he couldn't reciprocate. If the worst case scenario could occur, it would simply because it could.

(Who the fuck was Murphy's anyway?)

More tears fell, slipping down her cheeks and off the end of her nose. She wasn't a noisy crier, more like a quiet lower child in the corner of a room with only her tears for company.

Taking deep breaths, Scully tried desperately to compose herself. She tried to think of anything but Mulder but her mind was drawn back to him like they were two oppositely charged pole magnets, inevitably drawn to one another.

(Why the hell do opposites attract?)

Dana Scully had loved before and she had definitely lost love before too but nothing had ever felt as earth shattering as losing Mulder(even though there never had been a time where they were more than friends, it still felt like a loss).

It was like loosing a limb, Mulder had always felt like an integral part of herself that she just happened to carry outside of her body, which was probably lethal for her considering Mulder penchant for diving headfirst into dangerous situations at work and now entering into a marriage with a first class bitch (Yes, Scully would admit it now. No lying anymore. If anything could make Scully hate Diana Fowley more, it was the thought of Diana Fowley becoming Diana Mulder) in his personal life.

Being rejected by him made her feel more torn up inside than she could possibly describe. She had never allowed herself to feel the full extent of her feelings for Mulder and now Scully felt as though a stormy ocean was whirling to life inside of her and she had no idea how to suppress it anymore.

She loved him. She loved him. She loved him but he didn't love her.

She wanted to hate him for making her feel so vulnerable. She wanted to hated him for making her hurt this badly (she had taken bullets and they hadn't hurt as excruciating as this) but hating him felt unnatural to her, almost alien (excuse the pun). Hating him took more energy than she had right now but loving him was as easy as breathing.

Why did it have to be that way?

How the hell would she face him when he got back to work? How would she look Mulder in the eye anymore when they both knew just how deeply she loved him?

Scully had no idea but she knew she would have to toughen up and deal with it when Mulder and Diana returned from their honeymoon.

At least she wouldn't have to deal with it now. For now she could sit here in the car and get used to her new reality. Mulder was now a married man and she knew from experience that going anywhere near a married man was messy business that should be avoided if at all possible. Daniel Waterston had taught her that lesson the hard way.

Suddenly a tap came to the widow, Scully quickly swiped away any of her remaining tears and blinked back any that may be following. She hitched on a false smile, looking up at the intruder who had seen fit to disturb her.

Skinner.

"Sir", she said firmly, keeping her voice even to the point where she almost sounded business-like, a stark contrast to her expression. "I can't go back in there again. Not for you or mom or even Mulder. I don't care what anyone thinks or says. I'm staying right here until Mom is leaving", she sighed looking up again, surprised at how much she had dumped on her boss. "Sorry Sir, I'm a little...upset at the moment, but I'll have it all under control once Mulder gets back from his honeymoon. You won't have any more problems of this nature with our partnership.

He smiled sympathetically, eyeing her bloodshot eyes. Skinner had never seen Scully cry before and wasn't sure what he would be getting himself into by agreeing to fetch Scully from the car. But still, he respected Scully for trying to turn such a personal conversation around and make t about work. She really was very good at hiding how she feels.

He tried to make it less awkward than it was for Scully's sake and cut straight to the chase, deciding not to tell her what transpired at the wedding and about Mulder's heartfelt but not very tactful confession that left him out cold with what will be a dark blue shiner in the morning.

Better to leave the romantic details (or not very romantic, depending how you look at it) to the man himself once he wakes up.

"Scully, Diana punched Mulder and he hit his head. We reckon he might have a concussion but we don't know. You're the only doctor here, so...?", he asked trailing off. "You might want to take a look at that partner of yours."

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