Annoying author's note: Speculation story for the outcome of "Internal Affairs" - no spoilers, just some guesses.

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." -Lao Tzu

Hetty walked into the bullpen. "Mr. Deeks, I'm surprised to see here you."

Looking up from the folder on his desk, Deeks gave Hetty a small smile. "Still think I should be sitting in a cell as a guest of the state of California?"

"Mr. Deeks, nobody in this office, starting with me, believed you were guilty of the charges."

"Yeah, that I got." Deeks said, closing the folder on his desk. "No, I had something to take care of after Lt. Bates sent me home."

"Is everything alright with Lt. Bates? He worked well with Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna. He believed you had some well-connected adversaries inside and around the department."

"He was right."

"Your problem was that your adversaries became allies in prison."

"Yeah, well, Frank Scarli and John Quinn together in the protective unit at Corcoran had nothing to do all day but blame their problems on me."

"Det. Quinn took your complaint against your former partner."

"Actually, Tom Walker did but Quinn had access once Walker retired. Quinn had a large file on everyone in Bates's unit from when he was trying to take out Bates. Monica Lee got a copy of the file after did her 18-months at Club Fed. She was starting her own campaign to take down everyone involved in her arrest. I was low-hanging fruit."

"You were, and are, an innocent man."

"Something LAPD couldn't quite figure out."

"Miss Lee led them in a number of directions, all pointing to you."

"And if she takes me down, she likely gets some access to cases I worked with Callen and Sam. If she finds something amiss there, or can create something suspicious, she goes after them next. Suddenly, she can make her involvement with Fisk look as a poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks who found out her law school education was paid for by a benefactor turned client. Dirty cops like John Quinn and me set her up with dirty feds like Callen and Sam. The California Bar could look at her request for readmission with some sympathy."

"A second prison term pretty much guarantees she will never be a member of the California Bar."

"A win for the legal profession, I suppose."

"Did Lt. Bates tell you about..."

"He told me to go home, get some rest, maybe take a day or two and then we're going to talk."

"So you returned home before making your way here," Hetty wondered.

"No, came right here." Deeks leaned over and picked up a garbage bag next to his desk. "That prison stench sticks to your clothes. Walked straight to the locker room, showered, changed into my go-bag clothes and I'm good."

"If you put some toothpaste on the blood stains, let the toothpaste dry and then gently rinse your white shirt, it should be..."

"I'm washing both the shirt and the jeans and dropping them off at St. Vincent de Paul with some other stuff I'm not wearing anymore. I thought about actually walking them over when I was released from jail but my go-bag was here. I'll include this," Deeks pointed to the trash bag, "with my annual day after Thanksgiving closet cleaning drop-off."

"It's a perfectly good shirt, Mr. Deeks."

"Not anymore," Deeks said more to himself. "Did the same thing with all my Sidorov clothes, the sneakers I wore jogging when I got shot, the jeans I had on when Janvier blew up the warehouse. The shirt didn't survive that explosion. Maybe someone else will have better time in the clothes, I'm done with them."

"Mr. Deeks, as long as this isn't a rash decision..."

"Who, me?" Deeks interrupted. He took a deep breath and handed Hetty the folder on his desk. "This is for you."

"Mr. Deeks, nobody expects you to write a report..."

"Read the file, please," Deeks requested.

Hetty opened the file and was stunned by what she saw. "You signed the application to join NCIS as an agent on a permanent basis."

"Yes. Unless the offer has been rescinded. Director Vance has it on hold until he hears from you."

"It has never been rescinded. I'm just surprised," Hetty said looking up from the file. "And, I'm sorry, Director Vance?"

"I think he likes me," Deeks leaned back in his chair a little.

"When he visited me after I was shot, he told me he found it admirable that you joined Agents Callen, Hanna and Blye when they traveled to Romania."

"We're a team."

"But Mr. Deeks, around the same time you told me that being a police officer was more than something you did; it was a part of who you are."

"Probably still is part of who I am. Probably always will be but it's more than that."

"Mr. Deeks, LAPD was just following the leads, false or not, that Monica Lee gave them."

"More than anyone here, I know how IA works. But outside of Bates, there wasn't even a thought at LAPD that I was innocent. I heard two detectives - guys I knew and liked - wondering if they could apply for my gig here, get some federal anti-terrorism training and use that for career advancement."

"Not that I would be interested in a different liaison officer but there is nothing wrong with career ambitions. You would still be in the legal bureau if you didn't have aspirations."

"I aspired to help people. To do the right things. If I cared about career aspirations, I would have done what..." Deeks shook his head, he was not going there.

"You would have become the attorney your mother hoped you'd be. Agent Blye was on the phone to your mother with regular updates once it became obvious the charges were spurious."

"When I was 15-years old, I got caught in the front seat of a stolen car. She picked me up at the precinct and she was crying. I swore to myself that night I'd never do that to her again and there she was last night, looking that the son she helped through college, through law school sitting behind bars, charged with murder." Deeks shook his head sadly, his voice filled with regret. "She was so happy like six weeks ago when I moved into my new place. I introduced her to Kensi. I had the life she always wanted for me. A couple of weeks later, she's seeing me in lock-up and a decade of work to spare her all the bad parts of what I do was for nothing."

"That would explain why she wasn't listed as your next of kin."

"I had a college buddy listed for a while. He got married and moved to Austin so I told Bates I was on my own and only call her if it was life or death. Obviously, Bates thought this was life or death."

"I don't know if he called your mother. I do know Miss Blye contacted her immediately. Both she and your mother were your champions."

He'd be having a conversation with Kensi about keeping his Mom out of his police and soon to be NCIS business in the future but not today. "There are many benefits to being Kensi's friend. Unfailing loyalty is high on the list."

"Not unfailing loyalty, Mr. Deeks. Well-earned loyalty. Miss Blye knows the quality of your character, as does everyone on the team."

"Which is why I put in my paperwork," Deeks exhaled. "Everyone here worked to clear my name, the way they did with Kensi."

"Of course."

"And the place I thought of as my professional home, the place where I thought everyone would have my back as a fellow cop even if they weren't crazy about me personally, was far more interested in protecting the career and reputation of my first partner - a man who this team would never tolerate."

Hetty handed the folder back to Deeks. "Mr. Deeks, if before this incident you believed LAPD was home, perhaps this is a rash decision."

"No," Deeks wouldn't take the folder. "This place is where I belong. Where I'm supposed to be. LAPD was my escape hatch."

"I don't understand."

"When I was a kid and the old man was in a rage, I always knew if I got out on the street...well, there were limits to what even the neighbors could tolerate from him. Graduating college gave me options - if law school didn't work out, I was still a college graduate. If LAPD didn't work out, at least I was still a lawyer. If NCIS didn't work out..."

"You'd still have a career with LAPD." Hetty pulled back the file folder. "But everything has worked out here, as it did with LAPD while you were there, as did law school. Mr. Deeks, you've had far more successes than failures."

"But that nine-year old kid running for the front door and not making it still makes the occasional appearance. And he's terrified." And he should be, Deeks thought. Nine-year old Marty spent the next morning in the emergency room with a broken wrist and a badly hung-over father blaming those 'damn skateboards' for the hospital visit.

"Mr. Deeks, one day maybe you'll have the faith in you that Miss Blye, Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna, Owen Granger and I share."

"If you approve this, Director Vance has me at FLETC next Monday. I'll be gone a few weeks. I made some calls. Talia still hasn't been reassigned by the DEA. Rick Bower from ATF is just coming off a long assignment and may be available. I know Nell is itching to get back in the field."

"Mr. Deeks, you will be missed but I'm sure we can work something out without you."

Deeks didn't feel the need to mention he checked out surfing locations in Georgia - limited - but Hilton Head was less than two hours away. "I probably should check in with Kensi, tell her what's going on."

"Mr. Deeks, take tomorrow to make sure this is what you want to do. I'll speak to Director Vance in the morning."

"No rash decision Hetty, just a decision. I'll see you in a day or so," Deeks stood and picked up the garbage bag. "Thanks for having faith in me," he said sincerely.

"Good night, Mr. Deeks."

Deeks walked out of the office for the last time as a liaison officer. It was time.

-30-