16. "Roar"

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Summary: Post "Sirens" - Kensi and Deeks at home.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow." ― Mary Anne Radmacher

Deeks was about halfway through his pesto prawn taco bowl when he heard a car screech to a halt outside of the house. He had the sound on the TV turned down but not on mute - the Packers had a big lead and the Eagles had a rookie quarterback, a good rookie quarterback but a rookie quarterback. The game was mostly over. His attention was more on his dinner and the fact that he was sitting alone at home - Monty was at the groomers and Kensi was just not there.

It took nearly two months to get Kensi home. He had a welcome home barbeque (with a great deal of help from grill master, make that grill mistress, Michelle Hanna). He liked coming home to a usually exhausted from rehab Kensi with either Monty, his Mom or Julia keeping Kensi company.

The front door opened - physical and occupational therapy had Kensi doing her everyday tasks with ease. Kensi walked in wearing workout clothes. "Hey," she said, throwing her keys into a bowl near the door before plopping in the chair near the front window.

"Ordered you a Carolina swine taco bowl from Mondo Taco," Deeks said with a smile. "It's in the warming drawer if you want me to get it for you. The Pack is pretty much done with Philly."

"There was a spinach quiche that..."

"...your Mom made." Kensi started to object but Deeks stopped her with a raised fork. "I had significant kitchen time with Julia on Thanksgiving as the caterers were setting up and Bruce was showing you his new Alfa Romero Giulia."

Kensi half smiled. "With the Rosso Competizione Tri-Coat. Can't forget the Rosso Competizione Tri-Coat. It's why he bought the damn thing."

"Yes, while you were being the attentive car enthusiast in that relationship, I was trying to be the helpful daughter's boyfriend to your Mom. The caterers made dinner, Julia made the pies. Since she took not one but two classes at the Gourmandise School so she could master the perfect pie crust, Julia only makes her pies in clear pie pans so everyone can see her masterpieces in crust."

"That's my Mom," Kensi signed, looked down at her sneakers. "And that's her spinach and gruyere quiche. I'm not really sure what kind of cheese gruyere is."

"Not much help there. Growing up, my Mom's idea of cheese either came out of a can or was in individually wrapped slices."

Kensi tried another smile but it didn't work either.

"Do you want to shower or clean up before dinner? Your food is toasty warm."

"Later. I'm kinda hungry," she told him as she took off her hoodie and tossed it on the coat rack near the door. When it hit the floor, Kensi watched Deeks put down his plate and start to stand. She waved him off. "I'll get it. I'll get my dinner too. I'm beginning to think your affection for that warming drawer is becoming unhealthy."

"I told you in June it was the biggest selling point for the house when we were looking."

"I thought it was the two bathrooms off the master bedroom," Kensi said as she made her way to her hoodie.

"A close second," he replied with a wink. "And third when you think about it."

Hoodie on the coat rack, Kensi walked into the kitchen. The counter was cleared, the beer bottles in the recycling bin and even the beer cardboard carrier collapsed, folded and in the paper recycling bin with her yellow Post-It note lying about making dinner

Pulling open Deeks's beloved warming drawer, she took out the taco bowl, grabbed a plate and a fork before walking back to the living room. She put her dinner on the coffee table and walked back to the kitchen. She took the last of Sullivan's beers from the fridge and a bottle of water before returning to the living room

"For you," she said, handing Deeks the beer as she sat next to him on the couch.

Popping open the beer and handing Kensi a couple of extra paper napkins he had leftover, Deeks said, "I'm sorry I missed the early cocktail hour."

"Very early. 1PM. And for the record, I had half a beer and started feeling it immediately so I went for a walk," Kensi admitted as she shoveled her dinner into her mouth. "So on top of everything else, my injury has turned me into a lightweight."

"Nah, just been a long time between beers," Deeks said before he took a long pull on his. Wondering about her drinking buddy, he showed Kensi the brown beer bottle. "Please don't tell me my Mom plowed through this dude's brothers and left them sitting empty on the counter."

Kensi snorted between forkfuls. "No. Actually, I sent your Mom and my Mom on their merry way when I got back from rehab and my run. They were..." Kensi searched for the right word.

"Smothering," Deeks offered. "Overbearing, controlling."

"In the best ways possible. Your Mom is such a good person. So is my Mom. They care so much and they want the best for me..."

"As we all do," Deeks finished his dinner and set it on the coffee table, turning his full attention to Kensi.

"And the best for me is to get back to work. To start taking care of myself. Starting being me."

"And you're working on all that."

"I want to be done with working on all that. I am so done with all that," she shot back with a bit of anger. Sighing, she started again. "I want my life back. I want our life back. I want to go back to work and work with you. I want to be cleared to drive. I want..."

"You want it to be three months from now. Even though the doctor said you're weeks ahead of where you should be with your rehab. You could be cleared to drive in a week. Amazing."

Kensi continued shoveling the food in her mouth. "This is not who I am. I'm not built for this," she mumbled with a mouth full of food.

"Nobody is built for this. You, however, are built to get past this exactly because of who you are. There isn't anyone stronger, anyone more driven, anyone more..."

"Deeks," Kensi lifted her fork to quiet him. "I get more than enough pep talks at PT. And from my Mother. And yours. I don't need to be told how awesome I am when in truth I'm useless."

"Not useless but OK." Deeks wasn't sure where this as going. "I'll keep my complete and absolute faith in you and your awesomeness to myself but please know it is here and I bask in it daily."

Kensi sighed. "I'm bored. I've molded more figures with Play-Doh in the last six weeks than I did when I was six-years old. I am tired spending an hour making a fist and opening my hand up every day. I use to make fists for other reasons."

"And you will again."

"Only if I can requalify as an agent."

"Kensi, you have a job when you..."

"I spoke to Hetty tonight."

"That's who peeled out down the street while you were coming into the house. So we both got rides with Hetty today. And lived to tell. Wow," Deeks said, genuinely amazed.

"You rode with Hetty today?" Kensi was genuinely surprised. Surprised that Deeks would be in the field with Hetty. Surprised Hetty didn't mention it on the ride home.

"I'll tell you later but I swear, you women of NCIS are trying to see if you can break every traffic law possible while I sit in the passenger seat. You drive way too fast but you're the sanest of the three. And that's scary. Nell drives like she's the only person on the road - including me not being there - and is genuinely annoyed by other vehicles being in her way. Hetty just drives like a lunatic. There are no laws, just suggestions to Hetty and bad ones at that. I screamed 'fraggle rock' three times while she was driving on the sidewalk, cutting across four lanes of traffic without looking and driving the wrong way down an on-ramp on the 10 because she missed an exit. She's a menace."

"Why aren't you driving when you're out in the field with Nell?" Kensi asked.

"I'm not going to get use to driving when you'll be back soon," Deeks answered.

Kensi leaned over and kissed him. "You're a good man, Marty Deeks."

"You're a better woman. And you smell like eau de firing range. Is that where you were tonight?"

"After my walk I thought about getting back to work. I mean once I finish PT, Hetty is going to see that I'm ready to get back in the field."

"I like a woman with a plan."

"Yeah, well, tonight didn't quite go as planned," Kensi sounded defeated. She sighed, putting the plate with the remains of her taco bowl on the coffee table. She picked up the bottle of water and struggled to get the cap off

Deeks watched, knowing that Kensi had to do this for herself as much as he wanted to make this easier for her.

With the bottle cap off, she took a long sip of water. "I was good shooting right-handed. Really good."

"Did you do the ampersand center mass? You always like that. And by the way, Nell makes U-turns as ampersands. It is a wonder to behold, though a tad frightening from the passenger seat where you can get sideswiped by so many cars coming from so many different directions. So, how many target sheets did you kill?"

"I hit center mass with my first seven shots. Then Hetty showed up."

"Oh."

"Yeah She, umh, I..." Kensi took a deep breath. "I told her I wanted to take the NCIS Special Agent Physical Fitness Test."

"Kensi, you're not done with rehab yet," Deeks said, regretting it the minute it came out of his mouth

"I'm aware of that," she snapped. "But I wanted to get it scheduled. I'm good with deadlines." Kensi's anger was gone. "But it isn't getting scheduled, Hetty made sure of that."

"How did she make sure of that?" When it had to do with Kensi, Deeks's issues with Hetty were not buried that far under the surface

"She made me shoot left-handed and the claw..." Kensi shook her hand and looked down.

"Could you fire your weapon?"

"With some effort. Missed the target completely the first time. Clipped the side of the target sheet the second time. Plus I could barely get the magazine in."

"But you could shoot," Deeks said with a smile. "Once you got the magazine in."

"If you call it that, yes, I could shoot and shoot badly."

"Two weeks ago, could you fire your weapon with your left-hand at all?"

"Probably not."

"But today you could load your weapon - with or without issues - and fire."

"And miss the target."

Deeks shook his head. She didn't see it "Maybe the Play-Doh is working."

Kensi made a face. "You don't have to cheer..."

"I'm not cheering you up. Kensi, you couldn't do that two weeks ago. This is a win."

"I could have done it six months ago."

"And you couldn't walk six weeks ago. You're burning through your rehab and because you're in the middle of it you're not seeing how well you're doing."

"Not tonight."

"Yes tonight. Make you a deal, for every day you spend serious time pounding the Play-Doh, we'll spend an hour at the LAPD Police Academy firing range. Well, you will, I'll take a swim."

"You can get me into the firing range?"

"Bates can. I'll call in a favor. He asks about you every time we meet. He likes you a lot more than he likes me."

"I'm more likable."

"Yes, yes you are," he said with a smile. Leaning in, he gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You can work on your left-handed shooting without worrying about the specter of Hetty hovering over you like our mothers this morning. We can go biking in Elysian Park when you're done. Maybe go on a hike."

"Maybe."

"Today was progress, Kens. You may not be where you want to be yet but you're getting there. And since you don't like pep talks, just know I could not be more proud of you. You're amazing."

Kensi smiled. This was the best part of her day.

It was the best part of Deeks's too Picking up his beer bottle, Deeks asked, "So if it wasn't my Mom pounding cervezas here, and I can't see your Mom doing that level of day drinking..."

"Mom's more a pinot girl."

"True. Monty is at the groomers and really more a cabernet sauvignon fan anyway. So were you bringing in the mailman for a frosty cold one or four?"

"Sullivan stopped by."

"Sullivan?"

"From rehab," Kensi told him. "The Marine who lost his foot."

"The guy you started the food fight with?"

"Who told you that?"

"Emily."

"I'm getting ratted out by my physical therapist," Kensi feigned outrage.

"She thought it was great. You were laughing, fighting back. She thought it was the first day she saw the real Kensi Blye."

Kensi looked down and then looked up. "Those first few weeks were hard."

"Of course they were. And you did an amazing job." Deeks put his hand up so Kensi wouldn't interrupt. "You were in a harness and now you're running. You couldn't make a fist a while back now you're able to fire your weapon. You're going to be shooting your initials into the target left-handed in no time."

"Yes I will," Kensi said. "He's going back to Pendleton."

"Who?"

"Sullivan. He's going back to his unit."

"That's amazing," Deeks exclaimed. And then he realized why Kensi was in the firing range. "And your partner in food-fighting is back to his career and you're not."

"Something like that," Kensi admitted.

"His injury was completely different than yours. He was in rehab longer. He was likely always going to be finished before you were."

"I know all this Deeks. But you're in the field with Eric or with Nell. Something happened today at the office today that had you working in the field with Hetty. Life is going on without me."

"Life is going on with you. A few weeks in the office is going on without you and you'll be back soon. Six months, Kens. Dr. Tannen said six months. You're barely in your third month and you're home, you're running and you're lying about making me dinner. We're almost back to normal."

"Well, normal for us."

"I'm all for normal for us."

"So what happened at work."

Deeks was about to tell her when another thought hit him. "Wait, how did Sullivan know where we live?"

"You must have invited him to the welcome home surprise barbeque. Emily and Tyler were both here, Mike and Tom had tickets to the Rams game."

"Yeah, I guess. But do me a favor. Anyone else show up without any notice not named Roberta or Julia, give me a call."

"Why? Jealous?"

"Only that he got to hang around with you today," Deeks told her. "No. Callen had a female unsub show up at his place late last night which turned into dead Sheriff's Department Deputies on Callen's lawn who weren't really Sheriff's Department Deputies. Then there was another Nell visit to Carl Brown."

"Did she get anywhere with him this time?"

"Got a name of who he was working with and she was the female unsub at Callen's."

"That can't be a coincidence."

"No. She got shot and killed for her trouble. Eric found a photo of her with another woman who tried to pick up Granger in a bar when Hetty was fighting off the doofus from the DoD."

"This seems like an organized effort."

"Yeah, that's what we all think. I wound up with Hetty in the field. She drives on the sidewalk."

"I know, she drove me home."

"How did you get to the office?" Deeks wondered.

"Sullivan showed me his truck after our walk."

"Blue pickup?"

"Yep. You saw it?"

"Yeah. Middle of the block."

"I'm not getting in a truck with a guy who had that much beer in a short visit. I was about to call a Lyft for him but he called a friend instead. So I called a Lyft for me. Had them drop me off by the coffee place near the office. After I watched everyone leave, I went to the firing range." Kensi looked at Deeks. "You left first."

"I have a lot to come home to."

"You mean everyone at the office knows you have to leave early to take care of me."

"No, I said what I mean. I love you. I love our house..."

"You love that warming drawer."

"That goes without saying," Deeks said with a smile. "I loved coming home with you when we're working together. I love that it's going to be happening again soon. I've loved coming home to you these last few weeks. Especially since our bed is a lot nicer than the couch or recliner in your rehab room." Deeks repeated his mantra. "Ten weeks ago, you were unconscious. Six weeks ago you couldn't walk without help. Remember how far you've come."

"Callen, Sam and Granger all left together. Drinks out?"

"Drinks in the place where Granger met the other female suspect. Callen and Sam were on overwatch."

"I'd like to be kept up to date on the cases you guys are working on."

"Nell could set something up I'm sure."

"Maybe I'll start working out at the office too," Kensi finished off her water.

"Maybe you can do your left-handed shooting there - show Hetty how far you've come."

"Maybe," Kensi said. She shook her head. "I use to be so decisive."

"Still are. You decided to take on this recovery with all you got. And you've done it."

"I've decided I need you to do something for me."

Deeks smiled. "Anything."

"Call our Moms. I don't need them here every day."

"Done."

Kensi pushed her point. "Once a week, tops. And not together."

"Done."

"And don't leave early if the team is working. Or going out. Or anything. They need you."

"I'd like you to need me."

"I do need you. I need you to complete your Roberta and Julia assignment."

"On it." Deeks looked at Kensi. "You still smell a little fire-rangy."

"Fire-rangy?"

"It always does something to me," Deeks leaned in, took the water bottle from Kensi and gave her a long kiss.

"I miss this." Kensi said. "I miss you. We've been working together for so long..."

"And we'll be working together again before you know it. I need you to save me from 'Hell on Wheels Hetty Lange' and 'Nervy Nell Jones'. Obi Wan Kensi, you're my only hope."

Kensi was laughing and the humor finally made it to her eyes. "You want me to save you from two women who are pretty much a foot shorter than you are."

"Yes. I'm in mortal danger from two women who are maniacs behind the wheel."

"I'll mention driving safety to Nell next time I see her but only if you talk to our mothers. I really need some back up here."

"It's nice to be needed," he said as he stood. "And I believe I need to clean up dinner before we go to bed."

Deeks started to take Kensi's plate and bottle but she kept them, walking to the kitchen, rinsing the plate and actually putting it in the dishwasher before recycling the bottle. She watched him do the same. When he turned to her, Kensi smiled. "Race you to the bedroom," she said, turning tail and running.

Deeks chased. He knew in his heart he'd always be chasing her. In his head, he was thrilled she was running again.

-30-

Annoying author's notes: This has been sitting on my computer since Christmas with the idea that when the moles were found and Kensi returned to work, I'd have a part two. After "Payback" - I got nothing. Well, I had part one. Now so do you.