Chapter 11: Coming To Terms

Two days after reclaiming the junkyard, the Jellicles were still busy with the clean up. All of the dogs that had been killed in the last fight, including Magnus, were taken away and buried outside their territory. No one expected to hear from any of the survivors anytime soon either so there was no worry of any counter attacks. Since Munk was injured badly during the Pollicles invasion, Alonzo had taken over his duties as Protector until he recovered. He seemed pretty happy with his role even though most of the tribe jokingly said he had no idea what he was doing. They cleaned up as much of the collapsed junk pile and the other debris as they could and took all their bedding out to get the awful smell of dog out of it. What things they couldn't get the smell out of they discarded and found new ones.

Though he was happy to have his body back, Mistoffelees couldn't help but feel guilty about what he had done. Each time he went into Jenny's den to help her with taking out some of the dog smelling bedding his heart felt like it was tearing in half when he saw the injured cats in there. Even though they understood that Misto hadn't done it of his own will, it was still painful to see. The worst was when he saw Jemima; the image of her being blasted off the junk pile by his lightning and watching her crash to the ground in the clearing was burned into his memory forever. That and the look on Munk's face when he looked up at him. He sometimes had nightmares where he would watch himself nearly kill her; he would want to stop it so badly but he would be frozen in place. He would scream at Jemima to get away but she never heard him. His body would then turn to him laughing and Magnus's voice would taunt him saying he was too weak to stop him. Either that or he would repeat the experience all over again. She was getting better; she and Munk were staying in their own den so Demeter could keep an eye on both of them but the guilt was driving him insane.

His mind was made up; he had to leave. He just couldn't bear staying here any longer. He'd made this vow while he was still under Magnus's control and now it was time to live up to it. He didn't know where he would go or what he would do but anything would be better than staying here. First, he had to say goodbye to Munk; he dreaded even seeing him again but he figured his friend deserved at least that much. Munk, or more likely Demeter, would tell the rest of the tribe later. He crossed the yard to Munk's den, not really looking around that much; he knew the others were watching him but right then he didn't care. All he wanted was to go.

"Hello?" he called softly tapping on the doorway.

"Hi Misto," Demeter said appearing from near the back of the den. She wore her usual warm smile but it faded quickly as she approached him. "What's wrong?"

"Is Munk awake? I need to talk to him," Misto said avoiding the question and her gaze. A soft sigh from inside the den gave him his answer. "Come on in Misto," Munk's slightly gravely voice said.

This is it, the tux thought as he walked past Demeter, don't back out now.

The silver tabby lay on his side looking toward the door. His body was pretty beat up and Misto figured it would be a while before Munk was back in full form. As he approached, Munk slowly and painfully tried pulling himself up into a sitting position; Demeter came over and gently helped him up.

"What's on your mind?" Munk asked a light grin trying to form on his face.

Misto fiddled with his paws and looked at the floor; it was so hard for him to be in here and the sight of his friend only added to his nervousness.

"Misto?"

"I…I can't stay here," Misto said quickly, "Not anymore."

"What do you mean?" Demeter asked. Misto shook his head thinking he should've just left when he had the chance.

"I can't take this," he finally blurted out, "This is all my fault! Everyone got hurt because I was too weak to stop that mutt from hypnotizing me! I nearly killed Jemima and I almost killed you guys too!" He took a deep breath. "Everyone hates me, I know they do; I can see it! They act like they understand but they don't! I just have to go. I can't live like this."

Without another word he turned and ran out of the den, ignoring his friends' calls. He needed to get out of there; leave it all behind, start over again fresh. He briefly wondered where he would go; maybe to the south part of London; there weren't too many cat tribes there so he'd be able to stay hidden. Anywhere but here.

He was nearly to the gate when he was stopped dead in his tracks. He thrashed about for a moment thinking that maybe Tugger or someone had caught him but when he looked behind him, some of the cats were watching him but no one was holding him.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Misto sighed; he should've known. He looked to the right as Wisp materialized next to him.

"I don't know where I'm going," Misto said in a defeated tone, "And I don't care. I just want to be away from here." Wisp slowly began walking around the tux like a shark circling a seal.

"And you think leaving will stop the pain?" the Ghost Cat asked, "You think by leaving all your friends behind all the memories will stop?"

"Just let me go," Misto said. Wisp growled and gave the black tux a hard slap on the back of his head.

"Look at you," he sneered, "The Magical Mister Mistoffelees, the Conjuring Cat running away like a scared kitten."

"Well what the hell am I supposed to do?" Misto demanded glaring up at the silver cat, "I can't stand the sight of this place!"

"Fight through it," Wisp snarled back. He glanced behind the tux to see Jemima coming toward them. She moved a little slower than usual but her injuries had healed enough that she could move. Wisp smirked. "And here's your chance," he said then leaned in close to Misto, "Don't blow it." He walked around Misto and passed Jemima, who glanced at him nervously, releasing his hold on the tux when she got to him.

"Misto are you okay?" she asked, "What were you guys arguing about?"

"N-nothing," Misto said looking away from her.

"What's wrong?" she asked gently taking hold his arm. The softness of her touch almost made the tux break down but he held it together. He was about to pull his arm away from her when he remembered Wisp's words: Fight through it. He slowly turned his head toward her, his heart aching painfully.

"I…I just…can't forgive myself for what I did," he told her, "I was too weak…I never should've let that mutt hypnotize me." He looked at the bandage covering her chest then looked away. "And look what happened."

Jemima gently turned him back around so he was looking her in the eye. "There wasn't anything you could do," she said, "Magnus could've done that to any of us. It wasn't your fault Misto; it was all him. He did this to me not you. I know you; you'd never hurt any of us."

Misto's heart twisted, the pain mixing with what felt like relief . She was right; Magnus was the one responsible for his actions; he had no control over what he was doing; basically he'd been a puppet on a string nothing more. It was still hard for him to look at a few of his friends but he figured that this was his first step in coming to terms with what happened. It would take a while but he knew now he could do it. He would fight through this.