Authors Note: I am pants at accents. No, no, I really am. Therefore, when Hagrid talks, please utilize this lovely thing called your imagination and pretend you really hear a thick Scottish or Welsh or whatever the fuck he is accent. Much obliged ;)

Number 105: I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince them they are real animals.

HDHDHD

"Harry! What's the story with you?"

"Hmm? Oh, hey Hagrid." Harry grinned up at his friend. "Just sitting here plotting up ways to make this year memorable. The whole, 'yearly fight for my life' thing gets a trifle stifling after awhile. You know?"

Hagrid blinked. "Err… right. Listen Harry, you don't have a first period this year, right?"

"Correct."

"Ah, good. See, tomorrow I have a little… investment opportunity… that presented itself over at the Hogs Head. Could you maybe take care of my first period class for me?"

"Um, I totally would, Hagrid, but, um, I'm not sure that's quite legal. You know, with the whole Board of Governors and whatnot."

Hagrid made a dismissive gesture with his hands. "Oh, they'll be fine. It's just first year Slytherin and Gryffindor students. No big deal."

Harry shrugged. "Alright then. What's the lesson plan?"

"The what?"

Harry's smiled turned more than a little wicked. "Never you mind Hagrid." He grinned. "I'll take care of everything for you."

Hagrid beamed, slapping Harry on the back so hard Harry nearly fell off the steps he was sitting on. "You're a good lad, Harry. A right good lad."

The next morning, an unusually bright eyed Harry came to breakfast toting a large bag that clanked cheerfully when he settled it on the floor. Hermione eyed the bag warily. "Do I want to know?"

Harry buttered a piece of toast. "Question for you. Breaking school rules: good or bad?"

"Bad."

"Then no, you don't want to know."

"Harry…"

Breakfast, when one refuses to engage in idle conversation with friends, goes remarkably quickly. In no time at all Harry found himself standing in front of terrified first years. "Morning!" he grinned. "I'm Harry Potter and I will be your teacher this morning."

A wide eyed Gryffindor raised his hand. "Mr. Potter? Sir? Not that I'm complaining… but, um, where's Mr. Hagrid?"

Harry nodded solemnly. "Five points to Gryffindor for such a relevant question." The Slytherins scowled. "I am here today to teach you a very important lesson about magical creatures living right here in our very own Forbidden Forest. Now," he continued briskly, pushing his fringe away from his scar, "who can tell me why this scar looks so familiar?"

The same Gryffindor raised his hand again. "If you please, sir, it's the scar from when you defeated He-Who…"

"Nope," Harry cut him off cheerfully. Several students exchanged wide eyed looks as Harry pulled a card out of his pocket and enlarged it. "Anyone else want to try?"

A young Slytherin tentatively raised his hand. "It looks just like the creatures tail."

"Correct!" Harry beamed. "Ten points to Slytherin!" The students straightened collectively. No teacher had ever given Slytherin so many points in one setting! Well, except for Snape, of course. But Harry Potter was a Gryffindor! "Now," Harry continued, feigning ignorance to the increased level of attention, "can anyone else tell me who this creature is?"

"Picachu!" Several students cried out at once.

"I never knew they were real," a young Gryffindor girl cried out in shock.

Harry nodded solemnly once again. "Oh, they're real all right. And there are several of them living in and around the lake, as well as in the forest." He reached into his bag and began distributing red and white circular balls; two each to all of the students. "Now, your assignment today is to attempt to identify and locate two Pokemon apiece. Don't scare the little blighters, or hurt them overmuch. Use your wand and your head. A few stunning spells should be adequate." The kids nodded, wide eyed and excited. "For today's lesson, I need a Gryffindor to pair up with a Slytherin."

He held up his hand against the predictable litany of groans, complaints, and half hearted death threats. "Now, now. The purebloods haven't been exposed to Pokemon like the Muggle born and Half-bloods have. You have to help them out." The kids sighed, nodding reluctantly, and hastening to match themselves up with their counterparts before Harry assigned them to someone they really hated versus disliked on principle. "If you and your partner cannot locate two Pokemon apiece, then I expect you to get together outside of class and draw two of them, as well as list their preferred habitats. Got it?" He waited for the nods. "Off you go then. Just remember, no deeper than… oh, twenty feet or so into the forest, and no actual submersion in the lake." Harry smirked, settling himself in the steps of Hagrid's cottage as he watched the children scamper off.

"Ponyta is really cool…"

"Ponyta? Screw that. You gotta go for Rapidash!"

"Well I like the gentle ones like Butterfree…"

"I didn't think they were real! But if Harry Potter says so…"

"Cor! Wait till I tell my brother about this!"

This teaching stuff was just too easy. He grinned again when a cool voice spoke from over his left shoulder. "Potter. Not that I particularly care, mind you, but why are you allowing the ickle firsties to become food to some dark hideous beasts lurking in the forest?"

"Aww, Draco, you almost sound like you care about them."

"I shall endeavor to alter my tone immediately."

Green eyes opened as Harry burst out laughing. Draco was flipping through the pile of Pokemon cards Harry had brought out with him, wearing an expression of mild disgust. "Potter, I recognize the fact you were raised in a hovel vaguely similar to Weasel's, but even you are not stupid enough to suggest these creatures are real."

"How do you know they're not?" he challenged. Draco merely lifted an eyebrow, giving him a disdainful look. "All right, they aren't. But I thought it would be fun to tell Hagrid they were."

Draco snorted. "And here I thought you liked the inbred oaf."

"Don't call him that," Harry corrected automatically. "I do like him. " He shrugged philosophically. "It's his own fault for not developing a lesson plan."

"Harry!"

He turned at the shout, waving at the approaching figure lumbering closer. "Go along with it, yeah?"

"I suppose it could enliven an otherwise routine afternoon."

Hagrid regarded Draco suspiciously. "What brings you out this way, Malfoy?"

"He's helping me," Harry spoke up earnestly. Hagrid turned to him in surprise. "See, Hagrid…" he heaved another one of his infamously deep and melodramatic sighs. Draco snorted, rolling his eyes behind Hagrid's back. "You see I discovered a whole batch of creatures that made Hogwarts their home. But… I couldn't catch them all… so I sent the first years out with detailed instruction on how to bring them back." Hagrid looked doubtful. Harry shuffled through his stack of cards before finding the one he wanted. "Like this one." A tap of his wand enlarged the picture.

Hagrid gazed at the snarling, vicious looking creature and slowly read off its description. "Gyarados is the second evolutionary stage for Magikarp. These vicious - snake-like Pokemon are rarely seen in the wild and are capable of destroying entire cities in a rage." Hagrid gasped, looking desperately towards the lake where a group of first years had gathered. "Oh the poor lamb! And it's lost here at Hogwarts, Harry?"

Harry nodded sadly. "Yes, a whole batch of them are. Luckily I have copies of their pictures…" he trailed off, gazing morosely into the east. Draco reached over and patted his arm consolingly.

"HARRY!" They all turned to see a breathless Slytherin and Gryffindor duo racing towards them. "Harry! Mr. Potter! We found one!"

"You did?" Harry asked blankly. He shook his head, remembering himself. "You did! That's bril! Let me see, then."

Carefully they set the red and white striped ball on the ground and released their creature. Harry stared. And stared. He flipped through his Pokemon cards, located the correct one, and stared some more. "Well?" The students asked breathlessly. "Did we do good?"

"Err…" Harry stared again.

Draco reached over, plucked the card from Harry's hand and examined it carefully. "Twenty points to Slytherin for cunning and successfully capturing that," he waved his hand vaguely, "thingy."

"And twenty point to Gryffindor," Harry chimed in, finally managing to collect himself. "For successfully identifying a Bulbasaur."

Hagrid burst into tears, clutching the first years to him tightly. "Bless you!" he sobbed; oblivious to the choking sounds the two kids were making. He released them, not caring one whit when they fell to the ground and gasped for breath. "Everybody!" he shouted, turning and lumbering towards the rest of the class. "Everybody look carefully! The poor little dears need our help…"

Harry tuned out the rest of Hagrid's ranting, continuing to gaze in shock at the Pokemon wandering around in front of him. "Well fuck me," he mused, scratching his head.

"We could do that," Draco idly commented, staring at the creature with revulsion and inching just a little further away from it and closer to Harry. "But I really am not up for an audience. Besides which," he turned to look at a gob-smacked Harry with a smirk. "They usually don't discuss the joys of reproduction until third year. We may forever traumatize the next generation."

Harry simply grinned.

HDHDHD

Authors note number two.

So... I wrote this story in response to a challenge that a reviewer gave me. Namely, write a story where I don't kill a character they like, light a five year old on fire, or cause angst like there was no angst before. Therefore, I only have three more ideas for chapters until this story is out of my hands. My question: do I need to hunt down more of these... or after three more should this story did a lovely little death? Let me know :)

Kisses!

Roo