83. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.

100. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

HDHDHD

Natalie MacDonald hesitated in the door of the dormitory, watching Harry Potter as he lay on his back on his bed, gazing intently at the canopy above him. Being two years younger than Harry, she really did not get the opportunity to interact with him outside of after Quidditch success parties. That was why she had been even more surprised than usual when Harry had approached her a couple days ago with a pile of money and a wicked smile; asking the young girl to do him a personal favor.

"Don't hover, Natalie." She jumped, not expecting him to be aware of the fact she was standing there at all. Harry patted the mattress beside him. "Come in for a bit."

Natalie walked across the room on shaky legs. True, she knew Harry wasn't asking her to come to bed with him like that, but Natalie was brutally shy and had never been inside any of the boys' bedrooms before. "Hi Harry," she whispered; perching on the very edge of the mattress. She desperately tried to remember the manners her mother had drilled into her as a little girl. "You have a lovely room," she continued primly.

Harry turned his head and stared at her in surprise for a second before reaching for her hand and tugging her down to lay beside him. On the bed. Natalie blushed to the tips of her hair. "Look at the canopy," Harry instructed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

He was just so solid and so completely warm, Natalie thought hazily. Obediently she directed her attention to the canopy above their heads. "Oh!" she exclaimed in startled delight, watching the miniature fireworks exploding one after the other in a riot of colors. She quite forgot to be nervous and shy and settled in to enjoy the sight. "How lovely! Where did you learn this spell?"

"Seamus taught me." Harry frowned briefly. "His idea of a joke at a rather inconvenient time." Natalie turned her head and gazed at him curiously. Harry shrugged. "Silencing charm slipped," he said simply He patted her hand. "So, were you able to get it?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes. My brother sent it just this morning." Natalie gave the canopy one last pleased look before sitting up and shifting around to give Harry the wrapped parcel that had led her to Harry's room in the first place. "Why didn't you just order one yourself if it has always been a dream of yours to own one?"

Harry shrugged dismissively, tearing into the package with a satisfied smile. "Oh, a little joke that was slightly too effective. Even after I drank Veritaserum –laced tea and told them that I was not the one to mail off those letters." He smirked, clearly amused about something. "Let's just say that for the time being I, and any mail I may send or receive, is being watched like a hawk." He smiled at the timid Gryffindor, bopping her on the nose with his index finger. "So, Natters, explain to me how this works."

Ten minutes later an overjoyed Natalie rushed into her own room and yelled for her year mate. "Look what Harry taught me!" She pulled out her wand, clearly stated the incantation Harry had told her, and flicked her wrist to the right. Immediately, the ceiling was covered with brilliantly hued fireworks going off one right after the other. "Quid Pro Quo," she bubbled happily. "I did a favor for Harry, so he did a favor for me!" She climbed onto her bed, watching the fireworks happily and completely ignoring the gob-smacked expressions of her roommates. Harry had warned her they would probably be a bit jealous.

Peeves eyed the student in front of him warily. "Why should I trust you?"

Harry sighed. "Look, you trust Fred and George Weasley right?" Peeves brightened, nodding rather enthusiastically. "Well, I'm their partner. Which means they challenged me with keeping their memory alive until I graduate and pass that challenge onto someone else," Harry explained patiently.

The poltergeist considered this before reaching out and taking the oddly shaped item from Harry. "OK. How do I work this again?"

The Gryffindor grinned. "Basically, it's like a small, portable, water balloon." He moved his hand over the item, pointing as he repeated Natalie's directions. "The gun is cocked in some way so that a paintball can fall out of the hopper and enter the gun's barrel. Then a small burst of compressed gas is released into the barrel, just behind the paintball." Harry grinned. "This one is considered an in-play machine, so the speed has been regulated to only 300 feet per second." He winked at Peeves. "That means you can hit people with it and not leave lasting damage."

"And these?"

"Are the actual paintballs. I got you several different colors, because I recognize the fact you are a creative individual."

Peeves grinned, loading the machine with a variety of the different paintballs. "And I am the only one who has one of these?"

Harry shrugged. "That I know of; although I can't be one hundred percent certain. However," he grinned wickedly, "if all goes well tomorrow, I promise to buy some for my friends and over holiday break we'll all have a paintball war."

Harry was enjoying breakfast with his peers the next morning when Luna Lovegood dropped into the seat next to him. "Hey Luna," he greeted absently, already turning back to finish his conversation with Ron. He stopped dead, eyes widening, and slowly turned his head back to the Ravenclaw.

"Good morning, Harry." Luna seemed largely unperturbed by the stares she was receiving and hummed to herself as she dumped salsa and cheese over a large pile of eggs.

"Luna," Hermione started in an odd tone of voice. "Your hair looks… lovely… this morning. A new style, perhaps?"

Large blue eyes blinked slowly as Luna stole Harry's tea, added a dash of soy sauce, and took a sip. "Target practice," she said simply.

Ginny looked between Luna's vague expression and Harry's shaking shoulders and red face. "Does this also fall under rule number one?"

"Something like that," Harry managed to choke out, stealing Hermione's pumpkin juice rather than fighting Luna for his tea.

"I like it," Lavender decided. "That green is a really good combination with your complexion."

"Target practice?"

Luna turned to Neville in surprise. "Of course target practice." She sounded truly surprised that Neville was questioning the validity of that statement. "One cannot simply pick up a gun and expect to hit the target on the first try."

"But how did you get it?" Colin looked insanely jealous; having recognized the pattern of the paint splotches in Luna's hair.

"I thought guns were bad?" Ron looked confused again.

"Oh they are," Harry agreed quickly enough. "This is a different kind of gun."

Parvati gazed at Hermione suspiciously. "I'm surprised you aren't throwing a hissy fit over this."

Harry beamed, draping his arm around his best friend and kissing her temple. "Oh, it was her idea."

"What?" Parvati gasped. "But, but, she's… she's, she's a Prefect!"

Hermione sniffed. "Dumbledore had absolutely no right to drug Harry without his knowledge or consent."

"Erm, Mione? I kind of suspected he would try."

She ignored him. "Furthermore, after completing his illegal drugging of a student, he has absolutely no jurisdiction to place said student under house arrest for a crime he successfully claimed not to have committed." She frowned at Harry. "Even if he rightfully figured said student did the accused deed."

Seamus blinked. "You're Harry's latest partner in crime?"

Ginny snorted. "She was probably hoping for another kiss for suggesting something so duplicitous."

Ron looked around the table. "Am I the only one who has no idea what is going on?"

Lavender shrugged, looking bored. "How is that different from any other morning?"

McGonagall tapped Harry on the shoulder. "Mr. Potter, the ministry representatives will be arriving within the hour. You are to accompany me to the Hospital Wing, where you will remain in a secluded room until they leave."

"May we all come to?" Hermione quickly asked. "You know, so Harry doesn't get bored or depressed while in forced captivity?"

"Forced captivity?" Seamus snorted. "Good lord girl, do you spend time in advance thinking of different things to say?"

"Why on earth would you want to spend three hours locked up in the Hospital Wing with me?" Harry looked genuinely perplexed.

Taking a sip from her repossessed juice, Hermione simply arched an eyebrow. "Iron clad alibi."

McGonagall's lips twitched, but she voiced no protest as the group of Gryffindor's hastily stood and followed her out of the room.

"Tell me again why you want to terrorize the school?" Ginny asked absently as she played a dirty game of Exploding Snap with Harry and Luna.

Harry shrugged. "Quirrell and Moody tried to kill me, Umbridge wouldn't have cared if she had killed me, and Lockhart tried to obliviate me. We learn History of magic from a ghost who doesn't notice when someone decides to play 'sex slave and master' in class." The deck exploded. He grinned at Luna as he helped put out her hair. "And that's not to mention the fact that Trelawney and Snape tell me they yearn for my death on a near daily basis."

Hermione nodded from across the room. "Clearly some education reform is needed. The future batches of witches and wizards have a right to a quality learning environment, not just an educational standard decided upon by a man who hasn't added any new books to the library in three years. History, if taught properly, would have shown Dumbledore that repressing the masses only leads to discontent and underground reform movements."

Seamus gazed up at the girl in lust. "I like you as a political anarchist, Mione." She smiled primly before going back to her book.

Peeves dashed through the wall, cackling gleefully. "Harry! I'm out of orange and purple!"

"Slytherin common room, on the floor next to the black leather couch," Harry replied without looking up, busy setting up a new game. Peeves saluted him sloppily before soaring back through the wall. Harry looked up at last, slightly startled to see everyone gazing at him. "What?" he asked defensively.

Parvati smiled wickedly. "Slytherin common room? Next to the black leather couch?" She wiggled her eyebrows. "Just how many fetishes do you have, Harry?"

Ron looked in confusion between Harry's blush and the sudden outcrop of leers of the faces around him. "What? Harry's known about the black leather couches in the Slytherin dorm since he was twelve."

Seamus smiled innocently. "Really? I only discover his knowledge when I was fourteen." Dean choked on his juice, spraying it across the table onto Lavender; much to the girl's disgust.

"No," Ron replied slowly. "We were twelve. We went there to spy on Malfoy."

Dean slapped Harry on the back. "You started your illustrious career as a stalker even earlier than I though."

"It's not his fault," Ron defended. "Slytherins fight dirty. Everyone knows that. Harry had to fight dirty with Malfoy to get the information he needed." He frowned as everyone laughed all the harder. "It was Hermione's idea."

Seamus dropped to his knees in front of Hermione. "A budding anarchist and a perv at an early age? Hermione will you marry me?"

Hermione waved dismissively. "Maybe later. I'm busy this weekend."

Ginny wiped away tears as she giggled inanely. "Holy Merlin, Ron. We have got to get you laid."

Lavender snorted. "Maybe just a how to book on puberty and adolescence."

Parvati chortled. "He wouldn't read it."

Dean looked interested. "I could draw some pictures."

Luna smiled vaguely. "I'm sure Harry and Draco would pose for you."

"I know about puberty!" Ron ran his hand through his hair, flustered and defensive. "And how did we get on this topic anyway? We were simply talking about Harry and the leather couches in the Slytherin common room!"

Harry sighed, patting his friend on the arm. "Someday, Ron. Someday."