Title: Dear Lady Celi...
Author: DaystarsMom and Sayoko_Bizen
Rating: PG
Characters: Everybody, sooner or later
Summary: Lady Celi dispenses advice on possessive friends, office politics, and importing inventions. Wait, what was that about a sheep? Collaboration between Sayoko Bizen and DaystarsMom
Disclaimer: Good grief, it's fan fiction. Of course it's Not Ours. Do people really need to be told this?
Dear Lady Celi
Part 2
by
Sayoko Bizen and DaystarsMom
Dear Lady Celi,
I, um, well, I never thought I'd ever be writing an advice columnist, you know? But, well, here goes.
I have this...friend. He's a really good friend, and I'm worried about him. He's always been kind of volatile, yelling and carrying on, but lately he's been kind of...clingy. More than normal, I mean. He never has liked letting me out of his sight, but he used to be okay with things like my baseball practice and my regular studies. Now all of a sudden he wants to join in everything I do! He doesn't even like baseball! It's downright dangerous – he nearly beaned me with the bat yesterday. I'm half afraid that if he gets struck out, he'll lose it and burn down half the bleachers, but he won't take "no" for an answer.
And he wants me to train with his private army! Like I'm not spending half my day studying history or learning swordplay already. And then he wanted me and my daughter to go on a family picnic, which actually sounded like fun, only he got really mad when I told him it was a great idea and we should bring his brothers along, and mine, too, if he's visiting that day. Who gets upset about bringing their family on a family picnic? He's driving me crazy!
He didn't used to be like this. I'm getting really worried that he's possessed or something – it's been known to happen. But how can I tell? And what should I do about it if he is?
Signed,
Really, Really Worried
Dear Worry-kins:
You poor thing! It's so sweet of you to worry about your friend. But I have to say, it sounds as if he could have a serious problem! I don't want to be scary, but a volatile temper, not letting you out of his sight and burning down buildings, and overreacting to a small change in plans...well, it sounds kind of like a stalker, doesn't it? Especially since your friend doesn't seem to want your brother – or his brothers – around!
You need to think about this carefully – even though he's your friend, you have a daughter to protect, and your own children should always come first! I'd be happy to send you a couple of squadrons from my guard; if you think that will help, do write back with an address! And I'm sure my adorable future son-in-law King Yuuri would be willing to help out with a restraining order. He works very hard all day in my old office; it wouldn't take long.
Even if that seems too extreme, I think a little separation might be in order. Not that I'm saying you should run away! But taking a little vacation without your friend would give him time to cool down and perhaps develop some new interests. I hear it's lovely in Caloria and Small Shimaron this time of year, and what with the new alliance, citizens from Shin Makoku are welcome in both countries now. A sea voyage is a wonderful way to meet new people, too, and so broadening for children! And who knows? While you're on your journey, you might meet a gorgeous blonde lady with three grown sons who wouldn't be opposed to remarrying and having a stepdaughter!
Love and Kisses,
Her Royal Foxiness, Lady Celi von Spitzweg
Dear Lady Celi:
First, I'd like to thank you for helping me out with that other matter. Your advice was right on the money, and my wooly friend is a lot less moody now that I've told him he'll be visiting the Shinou Temple soon. I'm very grateful; a depressed sheep is no joke! You're undoubtedly one of the smartest women in the kingdom, as well as one of the sexiest.
I have a new problem, however, so once again I'm writing for your advice. This time, it's about my job.
See, about a year ago there were some changes in top management at my company. My boss Grumpy and his chief colleague -- let's call him Butterfly -- had to take on a lot more work while Wonder Boy, the new top man, got up to speed. Butterfly immediately developed a major crush on Wonder Boy. I'm positive that Grumpy disapproves; he's never said anything directly, but I know what it means when he starts sending me out to buy yarn!
Up until last week, things had settled into a nice, predictable pattern. Butterfly constantly fell all over himself to teach Wonder Boy the ropes; Grumpy complained about the pair of them neglecting the real work; and I got sent abroad a lot to deal directly with…various things. Fortunately, I've always enjoyed traveling.
But suddenly Butterfly has dropped his crush on Wonder Boy like a hot potato, and is prowling around the office studying everyone else with a predatory gleam in his eye. Wonder Boy is oblivious, but Grumpy seems to think Butterfly is intent on pollinating EVERYBODY, and now he's even more, well, Grumpy. He's making my life hell because he can.
No more overseas trips for me; my main assignment now is tailing Butterfly around the office. With the way Butterfly has been acting, I'm afraid that if he notices me following him, he'll fixate on ME. Normally, I'm a pretty (and) easy-going kind of guy, but that would be awkward. Not that Butterfly's bad-looking (on the contrary), but he's not my type and I have other plans. I can't live like this!
HELP!!!
Your repeat customer,
Muscles in Ruffles
P.S.-Mind telling me where you got those red high-heeled lace-up boots I saw you wearing at the last ball? They were really something.
Dear Muscles-Honey:
Oh, you flatterer! I'm so glad my advice helped with your wooly friend. It just goes to show that when it comes to finding one's soul mate, nothing can be a true bar, not race or gender or even species. Just look at that nice Ryan fellow and his sandbear!
But on to your current difficulties. I feel for you, I really do -- office politics can be soooo deadly! Especially when you're not at the top of the tree, or so I've observed. Office romances are ever so much more fun.
Unfortunately, it sounds to me as if your boss Grumpy and his colleague are involved in some kind of internal power struggle, and you definitely don't want to get caught in the middle! You also want to protect yourself so that no matter which of them comes out on top, you'll still have a job.
I'd suggest keeping a close eye on both of them. If you can figure out what they're really up to, you may be able to turn the situation to your advantage. You might also want to cultivate someone at the company who isn't mixed up in this particular power struggle. It never hurts to have allies, and you'd be surprised what a little outside influence can do! And who knows -- you may find an office romance after all!
Good luck and good wishes!
Love and Kisses,
Her Royal Foxiness, Lady Celi von Spitzweg
P.S. The boots were a custom order from a business owned by one of my dearest friends, FanFan. I'm sure they could design something suitable for you; just mention my name.
Dear Lady Celi:
I have been meaning to write for some time, to congratulate you on the success of your column. It is about time the men in this country learned to listen to a woman's words of wisdom! The world where King Yuuri was born is far more sensible in this regard, from what I hear. And so advanced! Flying machines, and carriages that move without horses, and that kind of mail-without-paper that arrives almost as soon as it's been sent in a little box you can carry with you – the inventions he's talked of are a constant inspiration!
In fact, I was hoping you could use your influence with King Yuuri to persuade him to bring a few more of those "electronic gadgets" back with him the next time he makes a trip to Earth, so that I...er, so that the scientists of Shin Makoku can examine them. Think of the advances we could make by combining his Earth technology with our maryoku!
Enthusiastic Scientist
Dear Enthusiastic:
What a wonderful idea! I'll mention it to His Majesty and His Eminence right away! Perhaps they can even bring His Majesty's brother for a visit -- I think he knows a lot about those "computer" things His Majesty talks about so often, and I'm sure he could give our boys and girls in the labs some tips! Besides, he's sooooo handsome…
Love and Kisses,
Her Royal Foxiness, Lady Celi von Spitzweg