Title: Dear Lady Celi...
Author: DaystarsMom and Sayoko Bizen
Rating: PG
Characters: Nearly everybody, sooner or later
Summary: Ch. 4-Lady C's advice on a secret romance, popping the question, and raising parents. The plot thickens! (Plot? What plot?)

Disclaimer: Good grief, it's fan fiction. Of course it's Not Ours.

Dear Lady Celi

by

Sayoko Bizen and DaystarsMom

Dear Lady Celi:

As a career soldier, the last thing I ever thought I'd be doing is asking for romantic advice, but I am at the end of my rope.

For a long time, I've had an…interest in a colleague of mine. He's a rather flighty sort, very different from me, and I was resigned to the fact that he'd never look twice at a taciturn, down-to-earth man such as myself. Last year, he developed a terrible (and exceedingly vocal) crush on a much younger gentleman, which made me even more sure that I'd been wise not to let my feelings be known.

In the past month, though, his behavior has changed. First he gave up on the younger gentleman he'd been pursuing fruitlessly for the past year. Then he spent a couple of weeks eyeing everyone and everything in pants in Blood Pledge Castle (well, everyone except for a certain red-haired inventor, but if he'd shown any interest in her, I'd have known for certain that he'd flipped). Now he seems to have settled on my younger brother as his new flame!

I wouldn't be terribly worried about this under normal circumstances. The gentleman I'm speaking of isn't really my brother's type. But when my brother is disappointed in love, there's no telling what he'll do (there was a memorable incident about twenty years ago that no one wants to see repeated!), and there are rumors that his current (unacknowledged) object of devotion is involved with not one but two younger men up at the Shinou Temple, one of them another near relative. Under the circumstances, I can see my brother accepting the overtures of my colleague (and I know there's already been one romantic candlelight dinner, so I'm not just imagining this).

I don't begrudge my brother any happiness, but I don't think he and my colleague are well suited. Furthermore, I think it would drive me mad to have to watch my brother with the man I, er, have an interest in, should they form a permanent attachment against all odds. It's already driving me mad.

Fleeing the country is not an option. Neither is knocking my brother on the head and having my men cart him off to a distant border (though I find the idea more and more tempting as the days go by). This is not the sort of battlefield I am accustomed to, so I turn to an expert for advice. Any suggestions?

Sincerely,

Needs a Battle Plan

Dear Needs-Sweetie:

A secret romance! How splendid! And now, at last, after years of worshiping your loved one from afar, it is finally your time to shine!

For of course it's clear that your colleague is looking for a new romance! And it's equally clear that you are the strong, silent type, which makes you the perfect complement for an outgoing, expressive gentleman such as you describe. So now is the time for you to stop hiding your light and your love!

And the best way for a man like you to shine is through action! Words are not your forte, so do something to show your beloved the depths of your devotion—something that shows off your skills and strong points. I don't suppose he has an enemy you could challenge to a duel or defeat in battle, but something along those lines would be perfect.

Oh, this is so exciting! Be sure and let me know how it all comes out!

Love and Kisses,

Her Royal Foxiness, Lady Celi von Spitzweg

Dear Lady Celi:

I can't begin to describe how happy I am that you have this column. Your advice may be just what I need to win the hand of my ladylove.

I'll be up front with you, milady: I'm a self-made man of means. My business interests are international, and I've never had a problem impressing anyone, man or woman. I'm accustomed to getting what I want, but for once, I can't see how to do it.

The love of my life is a woman much like you—beautiful, sexy, passionate about life, love, and family. She's titled as well as rich; she probably has as much money as I do, which makes courting her difficult. What can you give a woman who has everything?

We currently enjoy a long-distance romance, but seeing her now and then is no longer enough for me. The real problem, however, is that she has a lot of other admirers who have just as much money and breeding as she does. It pains me to think that she might one day lose whatever fleeting interest she has taken in me and move on, as she has done with other suitors before.

In so many words, I'd like to ask this woman to be my wife, but I do not know how to get her to say yes. You, like her, are a noble, lovely, and passionate lady. What sort of proposal would persuade you to remarry? Please help me.

Yours,

Jack of All Trades

Dear Jack-Honey:

How splendidly romantic! You sound like quite a catch—I'm tempted to see if I can't give your lady a little competition!

Seriously, all your lady's money and position can't buy her romance, so find the most romantic way of proposing that you possibly can! Don't hesitate. Show up without warning with flowers and a ring; tell her you can't live without her; sweep her off her feet and away before she has time for second thoughts! (Personally, I've always thought a runaway marriage would be the most romantic thing possible, but the woman you love might feel differently.)

Good luck and best wishes!

Love and Kisses,

Her Royal Foxiness, Lady Celi von Spitzweg

Dear Lady Celi:

I have a problem. It's my Daddies. They used to argue all the time, but I could tell they didn't really mean it. Now they're hardly even speaking to each other. I'm afraid it's my fault.

My one Daddy wants to take a trip, just the two of us. I was really excited at first, but it upset my other Daddy. He got really down. Then he went up to the Shinou Temple, and he didn't come back. When I sneak up there to see him, he's always with, um, the spy guy or the smart guy. My first Daddy doesn't like it, but he's too much of a wimp to say anything. He won't go up to the Temple to talk. He just mopes around the castle. He's even given up planning the trip we were going to take.

What can I do to get my Daddies back together?

Um, I'm not supposed to use real names, right? How 'bout—

Chocolate Chip

My dear sweet Choco-chip:

I am so sorry about what is happening to your parents. First, I want to say very clearly that this is not your fault. Your parents are probably trying to protect you by not telling you what is really going on, and don't realize that they're making you worry.

Now, I know you want your fathers to be a happy family again, but you can't make them do it. They will have to do their part. I think they will, because from what you say, they are both very unhappy about the current situation, but you may have to give them a little push! The first thing is to get them in the same place, so that they can talk. I'm sure that a smart young person like you can think of a good reason for your one father to go up to the Shinou Temple with you. Once they see each other, we can hope that they will start talking again and settle their differences.

But remember: all you can reasonably do is to get them in the same place at the same time. The rest is up to them.

Love and Kisses,

Her Royal Foxiness, Lady Celi von Spitzweg